Okay, okay, so I missed a day. But I had a good reason, I promise! I spent all night last night (literally - I went to bed at almost 5 this morning) working on the new floors with Nick and Morgan. We finished Daisy's room yesterday and finally got the carpet pulled up in Morgan's room early this morning. Today Nick's dad and stepmom came over and helped put down the new flooring. So of course I'm thankful for that!
I'm also thankful that today my parents decided to go ahead and buy us enough flooring to redo the kitchen and living room too, and I couldn't be more excited!
My brother and sister-in-law did something really neat for us today too. When my brother became a pastor, the church decided they wanted to pay for his and his wife's monthly cell phone bill so that he could have an unlimited minutes/text/media package and always be available without having to worry about a huge bill. Anyway, they wanted to switch him from ATT to Verizon. My brother's contract was up, but his wife's was not (they've only been married a little over a year and weren't on the same account).
So anyway, they went in to cancel her account and ATT told them there would be a big cancellation fee. They asked if there was any way they could waive it. ATT said they could not, but that they would be willing to credit $50 of it to another ATT account if they had another account they'd like to put it on. They decided to have it credited to our account. My brother called me to tell me this, and I offered to pay him for it when we can, but he said he wanted us to just consider it part one of Christmas. :)
God has been so very good to us!
Those of you on praying terms, I would really appreciate your prayers for a situation. My friend D is not a Christian and is not entirely sure she believes in God at all. I've been praying for her for a few years, and she's been to church with us a couple of times. She messaged me the other day and asked me to have coffee with her. We met last night and spent some time talking, and she's in a place where she's feeling like her life is really empty and she's just really searching. We talked some about God and what He means to me, and she got pretty teary eyed. I've invited her back to church tomorrow, but she's not sure if she'll be there or not. Please just be in prayer for her, that she'll come to realize what/Who she really needs, and also that I can be the friend I need to be here.
Anyway, I'm BEAT (and not in a good way!), so I'm off to bed. Good night, all!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Thankful Thursday
Today is Veteran's Day here in the states, and I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I'm incredibly thankful for those who do or did serve in the military. From my father to my old boss to former schoolmates all the way down to the kid whose senior picture I shot for the yearbook back in March, they are all brave for making the commitment they made, and we owe them our freedom.
I'm also thankful for the laminate flooring my parents bought for us to put in the girls' rooms. The carpet in both rooms has been pretty much trashed by 9 years of kids, mechanic's boots, and potty training puppies, and it was basically unsalvageable. We've wanted to replace it for a long time (more urgently since Daisy started crawling), but haven't had the money. My mom and dad decided to just go ahead and get it for us, and Nick got most of Daisy's room finished tonight.
Anyway, I'm sooo tired and ready for bed, so it's a short list tonight. 'Night all!
I'm also thankful for the laminate flooring my parents bought for us to put in the girls' rooms. The carpet in both rooms has been pretty much trashed by 9 years of kids, mechanic's boots, and potty training puppies, and it was basically unsalvageable. We've wanted to replace it for a long time (more urgently since Daisy started crawling), but haven't had the money. My mom and dad decided to just go ahead and get it for us, and Nick got most of Daisy's room finished tonight.
Anyway, I'm sooo tired and ready for bed, so it's a short list tonight. 'Night all!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Wonderful Wednesday
It's hump day!
Today I'm thankful for:
The fact that today's photo shoot went well.
Today's visit to the salon to get trimmed, plucked, and colored - hooray for no more gray!
That tomorrow is Nick's day off!
That the photo shoot I had scheduled for tomorrow has been postponed till Tuesday - now Nick and I get to enjoy the day together!
The money I made at the photo shoot today.
Our DVR.
Sweet tea - mmmmm!
Have a great night!
Today I'm thankful for:
The fact that today's photo shoot went well.
Today's visit to the salon to get trimmed, plucked, and colored - hooray for no more gray!
That tomorrow is Nick's day off!
That the photo shoot I had scheduled for tomorrow has been postponed till Tuesday - now Nick and I get to enjoy the day together!
The money I made at the photo shoot today.
Our DVR.
Sweet tea - mmmmm!
Have a great night!
Gratituesday
Gosh, almost a third of the way through the month already! Today I'm thankful for:
The unexpected photo booking I got for tomorrow.
The $20 Target gift card that I forgot I got for my birthday - I was able to go get Daisy a Christmas gift and both girls some stocking stuffers today.
The coupons I found today that are going to get some free stocking stuffers for Nick and Morgan.
The metal shelf that my brother gave us tonight - Nick is going to convert it into a rack to hold my new backdrops.
The fact that www.restaurant.com currently has their $25 gift certificates for $2. Every time this deal comes up I spend $8 and get $100 worth for us. We use them at a couple of different sushi restaurants and have never had a problem. What makes me really happy is that this is going to be a great (but inexpensive) and easy to ship Christmas gift for my (hard to buy for)brother who's currently working/living in Texas. The number of restaurants available for his city was staggering to me, and I know this is something he'll love! (Btw, if you want to take advantage of the deal, it's good through 11/15, and the coupon code is GIVE.)
Tonight Daisy learned to : 1) blows kisses and 2) enthusiastically clap for herself afterwards. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
Morgan has been such an amazing big sister, especially here lately, and Nick and I are both so proud of her!
Morgan's conduct grade has been exceptional so far this school year!
The unexpected photo booking I got for tomorrow.
The $20 Target gift card that I forgot I got for my birthday - I was able to go get Daisy a Christmas gift and both girls some stocking stuffers today.
The coupons I found today that are going to get some free stocking stuffers for Nick and Morgan.
The metal shelf that my brother gave us tonight - Nick is going to convert it into a rack to hold my new backdrops.
The fact that www.restaurant.com currently has their $25 gift certificates for $2. Every time this deal comes up I spend $8 and get $100 worth for us. We use them at a couple of different sushi restaurants and have never had a problem. What makes me really happy is that this is going to be a great (but inexpensive) and easy to ship Christmas gift for my (hard to buy for)brother who's currently working/living in Texas. The number of restaurants available for his city was staggering to me, and I know this is something he'll love! (Btw, if you want to take advantage of the deal, it's good through 11/15, and the coupon code is GIVE.)
Tonight Daisy learned to : 1) blows kisses and 2) enthusiastically clap for herself afterwards. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
Morgan has been such an amazing big sister, especially here lately, and Nick and I are both so proud of her!
Morgan's conduct grade has been exceptional so far this school year!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Crazy Blogger!
Well I just had the weirdest experience with Blogger! I tried to do my post, and the new post box looked REALLY strange. So I tried to do the post by choosing Edit Post on an old draft. When it published, it didn't have any of my current post, just the old partial draft (which, btw if you saw it, it was a survey I had copied and pasted from somewhere, and the answers in it weren't even mine! They belonged to whoever I copied the survey from - guess that's why it was still in draft!). Anyway, here's trying again:
Today I'm thankful for:
The free room spray I got at Bath and Body Works - yay coupons!
The fact that Nick unexpectedly got to go see a college basketball game tonight with some men from our church - great seats too!
Finally having my tags renewed - they expired at the end of September - eek! I'd say that was spankable, but Nick's expired in August!
The discount grocery outlet that just opened near our house. There's another really close to my old job, and I used to shop there all the time. But it's 25 miles away, and that's just too far to drive if I'm not going to be out there anyway!
Nutter Butters - yum!
Good night, everyone!
Today I'm thankful for:
The free room spray I got at Bath and Body Works - yay coupons!
The fact that Nick unexpectedly got to go see a college basketball game tonight with some men from our church - great seats too!
Finally having my tags renewed - they expired at the end of September - eek! I'd say that was spankable, but Nick's expired in August!
The discount grocery outlet that just opened near our house. There's another really close to my old job, and I used to shop there all the time. But it's 25 miles away, and that's just too far to drive if I'm not going to be out there anyway!
Nutter Butters - yum!
Good night, everyone!
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Sunday Sweetness
Hello, everybody!
Today I'm thankful for:
The extra hour of sleep I got due to the time change.
The great church service.
The great deal I got on diapers.
That I was able to knock out several Christmas gifts today for a good price.
That one of those was for our nephew, for whom I had NO IDEA what to buy!
The nice lunch we had today.
That I got to go to Wal-Mart All By Myself without one single kid tonight.
The sweet, sweet giggles I got to hear out of Daisy tonight. Admittedly, I get to hear those every day, but they never get old!
Have a great week, everyone!
Today I'm thankful for:
The extra hour of sleep I got due to the time change.
The great church service.
The great deal I got on diapers.
That I was able to knock out several Christmas gifts today for a good price.
That one of those was for our nephew, for whom I had NO IDEA what to buy!
The nice lunch we had today.
That I got to go to Wal-Mart All By Myself without one single kid tonight.
The sweet, sweet giggles I got to hear out of Daisy tonight. Admittedly, I get to hear those every day, but they never get old!
Have a great week, everyone!
Fantastic freebies!
Hello, everyone!
Today I'm thankful for:
The spanking I got last night (now that it's over).
The fact that I got to see my friend Elizabeth this evening.
The fact that I got most of Daisy's room clean today.
All the great photography backdrops I got FOR FREE from Elizabeth's dad tonight!
My dad for letting me borrow his truck so I could go pick up the backdrops.
The extra hour of sleep I'll be getting when we set the clocks back tonight!
Happy Saturday!
Today I'm thankful for:
The spanking I got last night (now that it's over).
The fact that I got to see my friend Elizabeth this evening.
The fact that I got most of Daisy's room clean today.
All the great photography backdrops I got FOR FREE from Elizabeth's dad tonight!
My dad for letting me borrow his truck so I could go pick up the backdrops.
The extra hour of sleep I'll be getting when we set the clocks back tonight!
Happy Saturday!
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Betrayed by Facebook!
I got a spanking last night. It was promised to me the night before, but I didn't mention it here because I never know when (or even if, in some cases) we'll be able to get to it.
Recently I've found myself staying up much later than I need to. Part of it has been me trying to find time to edit pictures, but part of it has been spent just playing online and catching up on our DVR listings. Of course Daisy wants to get up about 8:30, whether I've been up till 4:00 or 5:00 or not. Naturally this has left me pretty tired and unproductive.
So on Tuesday night I mentioned that I really need to be going to bed earlier. Nick immediately agreed, and I suggested that maybe I needed a curfew. He thought that was an excellent idea, and even though he didn't set an exact time, he made it clear that he expected me to be more responsible about it.
I had good intentions - really I did! Unfortunately it got late pretty fast on Wednesday night. But it wasn't nearly as late as I had been getting in bed recently, so I thought I was still okay. In fact, I even read for a while after I went up to bed.
Thursday when Nick got home from work he asked me what time I'd gone to bed.
"Ummmm...I don't remember exactly."
"It was late. Do you know how I know? Looking at your facebook."
Well crap. He let it drop, but I knew it was going to come up again. That night when we went to bed (you can bet I went up when he did!) I snuggled up against him and apologized for not being more obedient about it. He answered with the sort of "Mmm-hmmm" that generally means the apology is a good idea.
"Are you going to paddle me?" I asked softly.
"Yep." That was all the conversation about it that night, and I figured it would be several days before he could take care of it. Morgan's best friend Sarah was due to sleep over the next night (last night), and Saturday nights are rarely good for any kind of alone time because Morgan's bedtime is later on Fridays and Saturdays.
Originally Morgan was supposed to spend the night with my parents, but then Sarah's mom asked if Sarah could sleep over. We'd been trying to make that happen for several months now and never could get our schedules to coincide, so I hated to tell her no, even though it wasn't really the ideal time for us.
I kept meaning to call my mom to tell her Morgan wouldn't be coming over, but every time I thought of it, it was at a time when I couldn't call her. I was on my way to pick Morgan and Sarah up at school yesterday when I realized I still hadn't let her know. I called her and told her what was going on and apologized for not telling her sooner, and she said, "Well, I've already got dinner made - why don't you bring them out and let them spend the night here?"
Sarah has spent the night with Morgan at my parents' house before, and they've even taken both girls on an overnight trip out of town, so I knew Sarah's mom probably wouldn't care. But I was hesitant myself because I knew this would give Nick the opportunity to paddle me once Daisy was in bed. Still, I knew I couldn't let that dictate the girls' night, so I agreed to ask Sarah's mom and run it by the girls.
Of course Nanny and Papaw's house is always way more fun than home, so both girls were on board with it, and Sarah's mom said yes without hesitation. So when Nick got home from work yesterday it was just me and Daisy.
Last night we went up to bed at a reasonable hour. Although he hadn't mentioned the spanking again, I knew it was hanging over my head, and I kept stalling to keep from actually undressing and getting in bed. Finally I had to take my pants off and crawl under the covers, and as soon as I did he said that we had something to take care of. He got up and pulled out the Spencer paddle.
Now I have mixed emotions about the Spencer paddle. Fantasy-wise, it really appeals to me, just because of the shape and size and the extra shivery detail of the holes. But in reality, this is a Very Serious Paddle. And when it's a serious spanking, as this one definitely was, there is no layer of arousal to cushion the burn. Spankings hurt, especially the way my husband gives them, and I knew that this one would be no exception. I actually even asked if I could put my pants back on first, even though I knew the chances of that were less than slim.
"Nope," he answered.
"Please?"
"What did I just say?"
I didn't ask again, because I knew that if I kept pushing I was likely to lose my panties too. He lectured me for a bit about the staying up late, but also about the fact that he'd asked me to focus on getting the laundry done and Daisy's room cleaned out (there are lots of things in there she's outgrown) and neither chore was as far along as he felt they should be.
Then he picked up the paddle and proceeded to blister my bottom with it. It wasn't nearly as long a spanking as some that I've had, only about 100 swats, but the paddle really made an impression, and the last 10 swats especially left me marked. This morning when I turned over in bed I could really feel it. When he was finished paddling me he held me close and asked me if I thought I has learned my lesson. I assured him that, yes sir, I certainly had.
It helps me so much when he steps in to help me focus, and I really do appreciate it.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Happy Friday!
It's Friday! It's Friday!
Today I'm thankful for:
Morgan's overnight play date which unexpectedly went from her best friend spending the night here to both of them spending the night with my parents.
Today's piece of cheesecake, which was Godiva chocolate!
That today is payday!
Fruit Roll-ups (honestly, I'm going to get away from the food).
Daisy, who is 13 months old today.
The Picaboo photobook I got in the mail today. I had a coupon to get it for just the shipping, and it's going to make a great Christmas gift for my parents.
Hair dye. I truly do not cherish my gray, and I can't wait to get it colored next Wednesday.
Happy Friday!
Today I'm thankful for:
Morgan's overnight play date which unexpectedly went from her best friend spending the night here to both of them spending the night with my parents.
Today's piece of cheesecake, which was Godiva chocolate!
That today is payday!
Fruit Roll-ups (honestly, I'm going to get away from the food).
Daisy, who is 13 months old today.
The Picaboo photobook I got in the mail today. I had a coupon to get it for just the shipping, and it's going to make a great Christmas gift for my parents.
Hair dye. I truly do not cherish my gray, and I can't wait to get it colored next Wednesday.
Happy Friday!
Thursday, November 04, 2010
A yummy day of thanks...
Today I'm thankful for:
The yummy lunch I got to have today with an old friend from high school.
The bag of GINORMOUS marshmallows I found at Wal-Mart tonight.
The frozen Coke I'm drinking right now. Mmmmmm!
The adorable outfit Daisy was wearing today. Nick's sister sent it for her birthday.
The Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake I got at Sam's today.
Hmmmm...most of these seem to have to do with food. I'd better have a piece of cheesecake and give this some thought...
The yummy lunch I got to have today with an old friend from high school.
The bag of GINORMOUS marshmallows I found at Wal-Mart tonight.
The frozen Coke I'm drinking right now. Mmmmmm!
The adorable outfit Daisy was wearing today. Nick's sister sent it for her birthday.
The Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake I got at Sam's today.
Hmmmm...most of these seem to have to do with food. I'd better have a piece of cheesecake and give this some thought...
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Old friends
Hope you guys have had a great Wednesday!
Today I'm thankful for:
The old classmate who contacted me late last night to set up a photo session for next week.
The friend whose dad used to do photography work on the side. She told me tonight that she has some of his old lighting and background equipment for me for the fabulous price of free!
The great church service we had tonight.
The sweet time Nick spent with Morgan this evening building a model log cabin for her extra credit project at school.
Happy Hump Day!
Today I'm thankful for:
The old classmate who contacted me late last night to set up a photo session for next week.
The friend whose dad used to do photography work on the side. She told me tonight that she has some of his old lighting and background equipment for me for the fabulous price of free!
The great church service we had tonight.
The sweet time Nick spent with Morgan this evening building a model log cabin for her extra credit project at school.
Happy Hump Day!
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Mixing bowls and ballots
Today I'm thankful for number of different things.
I'm thankful for my mom giving me a couple of mixing bowls. In the past week both of my most used bowls have gotten broken. When I mentioned to her that I would love to get a couple of cheap ones for Christmas she said that she actually had two extras that she needed to get rid of because she didn't use them and needed the space. They were exactly the size of the two I lost.
I'm thankful that I was able to exercise my right to vote, and that my mom watched the kids for us so Nick and I could go together to do that.
I'm thankful for that my brother James made it to Texas okay. He's a surgical tech and he's just taken a 13 week traveling post. Ironically his apartment for the duration is only about a half hour from Nick's sister's house, something else I'm thankful for. It's nice that he knows someone locally who can help him navigate things like toll roads and other new-to-him phenomena.
I'm thankful that Daisy seems to be very much on the mend from her cold.
Good night, all!
I'm thankful for my mom giving me a couple of mixing bowls. In the past week both of my most used bowls have gotten broken. When I mentioned to her that I would love to get a couple of cheap ones for Christmas she said that she actually had two extras that she needed to get rid of because she didn't use them and needed the space. They were exactly the size of the two I lost.
I'm thankful that I was able to exercise my right to vote, and that my mom watched the kids for us so Nick and I could go together to do that.
I'm thankful for that my brother James made it to Texas okay. He's a surgical tech and he's just taken a 13 week traveling post. Ironically his apartment for the duration is only about a half hour from Nick's sister's house, something else I'm thankful for. It's nice that he knows someone locally who can help him navigate things like toll roads and other new-to-him phenomena.
I'm thankful that Daisy seems to be very much on the mend from her cold.
Good night, all!
Monday, November 01, 2010
Plenty to be thankful for!
I've found myself wanting to complain a lot the last few days - I'm tired, we don't have enough money to pay the bills, my laundry is overwhelming, the baby and I have both been sick, I still haven't gotten that birthday spanking (which is turning into a desperate need by this time!), blah, blah, blah...
BUT, here's the thing. Despite all of that, my life is incredibly blessed. I have innumerable blessings, showered on me by a God full of grace. And so this month, I'm going to stop giving voice to my ingratitude and start concentrating on what I'm thankful for! To start with:
I'm thankful that the cold Daisy and I have shared seems to have both skipped Nick and Morgan and be on it's way out the door for both of us.
I'm thankful that my photography business has brought in $380 in the last month.
I'm thankful that Morgan made the AB Honor Roll this quarter.
I'm thankful that I've found enough coupons and good deals that I've been able to buy 3 nice Christmas gifts and 4 nice birthday gifts for less than $34 total.
I'm thankful that in this time with no health insurance I can still take Daisy to the Health Department to get her immunizations at no charge.
I'm thankful that I finally get to be a stay at home mom.
I'm thankful that our new church home is such a fantastic place and is so very full of the Spirit.
And right now I'm thankful that I get to go crawl in bed and snuggle my sleeping husband!
BUT, here's the thing. Despite all of that, my life is incredibly blessed. I have innumerable blessings, showered on me by a God full of grace. And so this month, I'm going to stop giving voice to my ingratitude and start concentrating on what I'm thankful for! To start with:
I'm thankful that the cold Daisy and I have shared seems to have both skipped Nick and Morgan and be on it's way out the door for both of us.
I'm thankful that my photography business has brought in $380 in the last month.
I'm thankful that Morgan made the AB Honor Roll this quarter.
I'm thankful that I've found enough coupons and good deals that I've been able to buy 3 nice Christmas gifts and 4 nice birthday gifts for less than $34 total.
I'm thankful that in this time with no health insurance I can still take Daisy to the Health Department to get her immunizations at no charge.
I'm thankful that I finally get to be a stay at home mom.
I'm thankful that our new church home is such a fantastic place and is so very full of the Spirit.
And right now I'm thankful that I get to go crawl in bed and snuggle my sleeping husband!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Welcome, Everyone!
It was so good to hear from everyone for Love Our Lurkers Day! Old friends and new, I welcome you all! I apologize for not being able to answer individual comments - this has been a crazy weekend! Yesterday I had to take Morgan to school (Nick usually does, but he got up late), take Daisy for her 1 year check-up (she had to have SEVEN immunizations, poor baby!), pick Morgan back up at 12:40 (it was a half day of school for some unexplained reason), go pay some bills, head to the grocery store, pick up some lunch for me and the kids, then head to church for a wedding I was shooting! Today I had another shoot, and the baby has felt bad all day because of the shots yesterday, so I'm just now getting a chance to breathe. But anyway, I did want to say thank you all for popping in - I'm so glad to know you!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Love Our Lurkers Day!
Hello! Hello! I'm just popping in between editing photos, so I can't stay, but I will be back to read comments, and I want to meet YOU! Yes, you - the one over there reading but never commenting. That was me once upon a time (heck, if I'm honest, I rarely comment now, but that's due to a serious lack of time rather than shyness). But I did finally take the step one day of stepping (anonymously) into the bloglight, and I made SO many awesome friends, some of whom I now know in real life (at least facebook real life). It makes my day when I get a comment or an email from one of you letting me know you're reading, and it really, really makes it when I find out that something I posted helped someone! So if you want to share your story or just say hi, comment away!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Another year gone by
Hi, all. I know I've not posted for a bit, but I've been BUSY! We had Daisy's birthday party on her birthday (the 5th), and it was a great success. She got lots of pretty clothes and plenty of toys that have kept her absolutely fascinated ever since. She's growing so fast - I can't believe it's been a year since I had her! She took about 6 steps last night which is the most she's ever walked at once. To be honest I had expected her to walk sooner since Morgan walked at 10 months, but she's likely my last baby, so I'm happy to keep her small as long as I can!
We have a favorite spot we like to go to in the state park around the lake. It's this big stone gazebo with picnic tables, grills, restrooms, and a huge outdoor fireplace. We decided to get there early because it's first come, first serve, and this spot is hugely popular. Nick bought everything we needed for breakfast and lunch, and we got there at 9 AM. Nick makes this amazing breakfast scramble with hash browns, eggs, cheddar cheese, onions, peppers, bacon, and sausage. You slather a tortilla with sour cream then spread the filling on top, roll it up into a burrito and have the best breakfast ever! He usually only makes it when we go camping, but I really love it, and it was soooo good on a crisp fall morning!
I got to take some really neat pictures of a very brave deer that wandered through and let Morgan and me follow it for a rather long time. I also got some neat shots of some fishermen on the weir dam and a kayaker on the lake. Around noon family and friends started showing up, and we had hot dogs, chips, chili, potato salad, etc for lunch, followed by birthday cake and ice cream. My in-laws bought me a microwave (ours went completely dead a couple of days earlier), my mom and dad gave me a journal and some money (actually the money was a couple of weeks ago, but it ended up going for bills - boo!), Robert and Faith got me a Target gift card (yay!), and Kelly and Grant got me some Thanksgiving dishes. I also got a card in the mail from Kate today with a $25 Visa gift card that I took to Bath and Body Works and went crazy with. Funny thing about that - it was a Vanilla Visa card. I'd never heard of them before, but it made me smile. Oh, and the photo shoot that day wasn't until the late afternoon, so it didn't get in the way after all!
My photography business has picked up some. I had a newborn shoot last Tuesday and a couple's one year anniversary shoot on Saturday, and I have my first paid wedding this Friday. I'll also be doing a friend's family pictures on Saturday, but I don't expect to get paid for that one.
Sunday was my birthday. Much to my surprise, Nick arranged a birthday party for me! This was a pretty big deal for me, because I haven't had a birthday party since I was seven. My younger brother James' birthday is the day before mine, so it was a struggle for my parents just to pay for gifts for two, let alone throw a double party! Anyway, let me backtrack just a minute:
My photo shoot for Saturday was originally scheduled for last Monday, the 11th. I called the girl a few days beforehand to confirm and she said that she needed to postpone it 5 days. Okay, no big deal, we had no plans as far as I knew, and Nick was off and could watch the kids. Fast forward a few days and I'm telling Nick all this for the second time and it suddenly sinks in for him what I'm saying.
"THIS Saturday? You have a photo shoot THIS Saturday?" It turned out that he had been on the phone all day with family and friends and our local fruit and berry farm making arrangements for us to have a picnic/party there on Saturday. My actual birthday was Sunday, but they were having some kind of festival that day. I had mentioned wanting to go apple picking sometime a few days earlier, so he was trying to factor that in. Once I knew what was happening, we talked it over and decided to just do a cookout at the lake instead.
We have a favorite spot we like to go to in the state park around the lake. It's this big stone gazebo with picnic tables, grills, restrooms, and a huge outdoor fireplace. We decided to get there early because it's first come, first serve, and this spot is hugely popular. Nick bought everything we needed for breakfast and lunch, and we got there at 9 AM. Nick makes this amazing breakfast scramble with hash browns, eggs, cheddar cheese, onions, peppers, bacon, and sausage. You slather a tortilla with sour cream then spread the filling on top, roll it up into a burrito and have the best breakfast ever! He usually only makes it when we go camping, but I really love it, and it was soooo good on a crisp fall morning!
I got to take some really neat pictures of a very brave deer that wandered through and let Morgan and me follow it for a rather long time. I also got some neat shots of some fishermen on the weir dam and a kayaker on the lake. Around noon family and friends started showing up, and we had hot dogs, chips, chili, potato salad, etc for lunch, followed by birthday cake and ice cream. My in-laws bought me a microwave (ours went completely dead a couple of days earlier), my mom and dad gave me a journal and some money (actually the money was a couple of weeks ago, but it ended up going for bills - boo!), Robert and Faith got me a Target gift card (yay!), and Kelly and Grant got me some Thanksgiving dishes. I also got a card in the mail from Kate today with a $25 Visa gift card that I took to Bath and Body Works and went crazy with. Funny thing about that - it was a Vanilla Visa card. I'd never heard of them before, but it made me smile. Oh, and the photo shoot that day wasn't until the late afternoon, so it didn't get in the way after all!
Anyway, there was no birthday spanking, although it was discussed and put on the schedule for sometime this week. I may be jinxing myself by posting that, but here's hoping. Anyway, that's what I've been up to - how about you guys?
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Well that's one way to start a conversation...
Oh my. Last night Nick and I had some semi-alone time (Morgan spent the night with my mom, and the baby was asleep for the night), and it definitely didn't go how I expected. I was expecting some playful intimacy, and there was most certainly some of that. But before we got to that, Nick told me that I'd had a pretty poor attitude lately and it was time for him to "get out a big stick" and devote some attention to my butt. I was caught off guard to say the least since I had pretty much decided that DD and all that goes with it was a fond memory. He opened the toy chest and pulled out the Naughty Stick we got a few months ago from Cane-IAC. Now by this time I had already lost my panties in anticipation of gentler pursuits, so I was completely without protection, and Nick was intent on making up for lost time.
I'd like to say I took it with dignity and grace, but in truth I flopped around like a fish and yelled like someone was stabbing me. It went on for what seemed like forever, but what was probably somewhere around 400-500 swats. And despite knowing how much I needed (and in the overall picture wanted) it I wasn't exactly obedient about staying still. What I very much appreciated once it was over was the fact that he didn't let me dictate when it was over. After it was done we connected in sweeter ways, and when we were ready for sleep it was with me curled up in his arms.
The really amazing thing was that he had not read my blog, so he really did initiate this on his own. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - I feel so very loved all around.
I'd like to say I took it with dignity and grace, but in truth I flopped around like a fish and yelled like someone was stabbing me. It went on for what seemed like forever, but what was probably somewhere around 400-500 swats. And despite knowing how much I needed (and in the overall picture wanted) it I wasn't exactly obedient about staying still. What I very much appreciated once it was over was the fact that he didn't let me dictate when it was over. After it was done we connected in sweeter ways, and when we were ready for sleep it was with me curled up in his arms.
The really amazing thing was that he had not read my blog, so he really did initiate this on his own. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - I feel so very loved all around.
Friday, October 01, 2010
Thank you
I just want to say thank you to the wonderful people who have commented here or emailed me directly in the last few days. It touches my heart deeply to have such amazing readers who care so much about me and are so quick to offer sympathy, advice, and prayers. You guys are awesome!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Rambling
Hi, guys. Not too much to post about, just felt like rambling. The other day I had myself almost convinced that it was a good time to have a talk with Nick about spanking and DD and what his leadership means to me. I figured that with him dealing with an injured back right now, it would automatically take the onus off of him to actually act on such a conversation with any kind of immediacy, and it would keep the whole thing pretty low pressure. Then I realized that all it would do would be to add stress to his whole recovery, and that's the last thing I want.
I've really been praying about it, because this is a serious thing for me. These are real needs, and if Nick won't or can't meet them, then they'll just go unmet, because I'm certainly not taking them to someone else. But that of course is not ideal. It's not a good marriage for either of us if one of us is constantly hungering. And that leads me as always to wonder if I just shouldn't "be this way." Not that it's wrong in itself to be someone who wants to have a DD marriage - just that maybe it's wrong for me. But if that's the case, I don't know how to fix me. And please understand that I'm only talking about me and my situation. The last thing I want anyone to take from this blog is the idea that spankos need to be "fixed." I just think that for me - well, shouldn't I fit with the person God chose for me to marry?
The thing is, I'm no good at knowing just exactly what I'm supposed to do. I'm always afraid that I'm going to mistake my own desires for God's leading. So I'm leaving things just as they are. The ball is in God's court now, and if this is truly supposed to be a part of our marriage, then the next conversation we have about it will be initiated by Nick. And if that never comes, then I have to trust God to mold my needs and desires to what they need to be. Now if I can just keep my mouth shut...
I've really been praying about it, because this is a serious thing for me. These are real needs, and if Nick won't or can't meet them, then they'll just go unmet, because I'm certainly not taking them to someone else. But that of course is not ideal. It's not a good marriage for either of us if one of us is constantly hungering. And that leads me as always to wonder if I just shouldn't "be this way." Not that it's wrong in itself to be someone who wants to have a DD marriage - just that maybe it's wrong for me. But if that's the case, I don't know how to fix me. And please understand that I'm only talking about me and my situation. The last thing I want anyone to take from this blog is the idea that spankos need to be "fixed." I just think that for me - well, shouldn't I fit with the person God chose for me to marry?
The thing is, I'm no good at knowing just exactly what I'm supposed to do. I'm always afraid that I'm going to mistake my own desires for God's leading. So I'm leaving things just as they are. The ball is in God's court now, and if this is truly supposed to be a part of our marriage, then the next conversation we have about it will be initiated by Nick. And if that never comes, then I have to trust God to mold my needs and desires to what they need to be. Now if I can just keep my mouth shut...
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Just life.
Gosh, I feel like I don't have much to post about here these days. Life has been pretty good. God has really been amazing providing for us financially the last couple of weeks.
This past Monday Nick randomly twisted his back when he leaned over to tie his shoe, and it just sent him to his knees in pain. There was no way he could even drive, let alone go to work that day, and I was freaking out worried about how we were going to pay for treatment. I called my mom and asked if she would care to come take Morgan to school while I stayed with him, and she agreed. When she got back home, she called and suggested a chiropractor she knew of who had been known to work out payment plans for patients who needed it. We don't have insurance and are still trying to pay off the bills from where I had Daisy, so I told her she could go ahead call the guy and see what he could do.
Much to my surprise she called back 10 minutes later with great news. Not only did the doctor agree to a payment plan, he also agreed to a ridiculously low fee for the treatment ($50 for x-rays, $40 for the visit, and $20 for adjustments), and she had scheduled Nick an appointment for that afternoon. We took him in and the doctor was just awesome. Unfortunately it turns out that Nick has a disc injury, and he's had to have several adjustments this week. The good news is that it seems to have helped him tremendously, and the price is right.
One thing we were really worried about was making up for the missed day of work on his paycheck. Thursday night my brother (our pastor) unexpectedly called and asked if he could stop by. He came over and dropped off an envelope with enough cash in it to more than make up for the shortage. The church benevolence committee had, without us asking or even mentioning the need, decided to gift us with the money. My brother let them know that he did not want to influence the vote since he's family, so this was done completely without his input, something I was very glad of so that there's no question of impropriety. Anyway, we were just overwhelmed with the gesture, and the money definitely came in handy!
Daisy will be a year old on October 5, and we'll be having a small birthday party for her in the church's fellowship hall. My mom and mother-in-law have taken care of almost all the arrangements for it, and I'm so excited that we get to do it!
That's all the happy news I have. In other news, I'm feeling pretty discouraged about the possibility of DD being resumed. It just doesn't seem to be on the table. And I can feel myself drawing inward. I can recognize the struggle for what it is, but I don't know what to do about it. Communication is just not an option here. It's been communicated into the ground, and there's just no benefit to it. The irony here is that every time over the years the I've told him I was willing to let it go, he's assured me he was still on board with continuing. This time I had managed to tell him that I wanted to start the weekly spankings and things were going well with it (I thought). Then he just...stopped. No fight, no warning, no indication that he was done with it, but it does seem to be the case. And I feel abandoned, and hurt, and at the same time unsurprised and like this is only what I had coming. Perhaps this is finally it.
This past Monday Nick randomly twisted his back when he leaned over to tie his shoe, and it just sent him to his knees in pain. There was no way he could even drive, let alone go to work that day, and I was freaking out worried about how we were going to pay for treatment. I called my mom and asked if she would care to come take Morgan to school while I stayed with him, and she agreed. When she got back home, she called and suggested a chiropractor she knew of who had been known to work out payment plans for patients who needed it. We don't have insurance and are still trying to pay off the bills from where I had Daisy, so I told her she could go ahead call the guy and see what he could do.
Much to my surprise she called back 10 minutes later with great news. Not only did the doctor agree to a payment plan, he also agreed to a ridiculously low fee for the treatment ($50 for x-rays, $40 for the visit, and $20 for adjustments), and she had scheduled Nick an appointment for that afternoon. We took him in and the doctor was just awesome. Unfortunately it turns out that Nick has a disc injury, and he's had to have several adjustments this week. The good news is that it seems to have helped him tremendously, and the price is right.
One thing we were really worried about was making up for the missed day of work on his paycheck. Thursday night my brother (our pastor) unexpectedly called and asked if he could stop by. He came over and dropped off an envelope with enough cash in it to more than make up for the shortage. The church benevolence committee had, without us asking or even mentioning the need, decided to gift us with the money. My brother let them know that he did not want to influence the vote since he's family, so this was done completely without his input, something I was very glad of so that there's no question of impropriety. Anyway, we were just overwhelmed with the gesture, and the money definitely came in handy!
Daisy will be a year old on October 5, and we'll be having a small birthday party for her in the church's fellowship hall. My mom and mother-in-law have taken care of almost all the arrangements for it, and I'm so excited that we get to do it!
That's all the happy news I have. In other news, I'm feeling pretty discouraged about the possibility of DD being resumed. It just doesn't seem to be on the table. And I can feel myself drawing inward. I can recognize the struggle for what it is, but I don't know what to do about it. Communication is just not an option here. It's been communicated into the ground, and there's just no benefit to it. The irony here is that every time over the years the I've told him I was willing to let it go, he's assured me he was still on board with continuing. This time I had managed to tell him that I wanted to start the weekly spankings and things were going well with it (I thought). Then he just...stopped. No fight, no warning, no indication that he was done with it, but it does seem to be the case. And I feel abandoned, and hurt, and at the same time unsurprised and like this is only what I had coming. Perhaps this is finally it.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Marriage Bed
In my last post I mentioned a website called The Marriage Bed. The name references Hebrews 13:4:
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
To me the meaning of this verse is pretty clear-cut: God gave us sex, to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage, and there is no sex act we can do within the bounds of marriage that He considers sin. A lot of Christians will tell you that they feel that anything other than plain vanilla vaginal intercourse is wrong, even if it's with your spouse. I just can't buy that. God does not make it hard for us to tell whether or not something is a sin. I feel that if it's wrong for a husband and wife to engage in oral sex, anal sex, kinky sex, whatever, then He would have said so. Now a lot of people take the verses in the Bible that speak of homosexuality and say that it defines anal sex as an unnatural act. I can see where they get that, but I don't agree. I think that the "unnatural act" part of it applies specifically to homosexual relations. I don't think that God dictates what sexual positions are okay between a husband and wife. I think that "the marriage bed is undefiled" pretty much says it all.
Let me say here that I am not interested in having a debate with anyone on homosexuality. There are plenty of places you can go to discuss that, and you're welcome to visit those sites, but we're not going to do it here. My whole reason for this post is to discuss The Marriage Bed's stance on DD.
If you will read the page there, you will see that the authors have spent some time "studying" DD, and they feel that they have a good understanding of it. Unfortunately they are handicapped by a few assumptions that they can't seem to get past. I'd like to list and address them individually.
1. They believe that all DDers see DD as the right path for everyone and condemn those who disagree.
I have yet to meet the DD couple that states that DD is right for everyone. I'm sure they're out there, because there's always someone who thinks their way for doing everything is best, but the attitude is far from pervasive.
2. They believe that most or all Christians who practice DD believe that it's mandated by God's Word.
Okay, I obviously can't speak for all Christians, but I can certainly speak for myself. I believe very strongly in Ephesians 5:22-24 which states:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
BUT, in no way do I believe that this is God telling husbands and wives that a domestic discipline relationship is required. I do not see anywhere in the Bible where a DD relationship is prohibited, but I also do not believe that it is required.
3. They believe that it treats women as dumber or less capable than men.
Okay, have you met most of the female DD bloggers out here? These are some of the smartest, most capable, most well-rounded, most cherished women I know! And it's because they are smart and capable that they have a full grasp of what it means to trust their husbands with their needs, and what it means to give their submission as a gift.
4. They believe that DDers categorically deny that the lifestyle has anything to do with their sexuality and that if it did have anything to do with sex it would just be plain old BDSM.
In my experience, most DD couples consist of at least one person who has a sexual desire for spanking. That does not mean that there's no other facet of DD. There are lots of things that can speak to your sexuality without being primarily about sex. For instance, a lot of women are very turned on when they see their husbands being good fathers. It turns me on to see Nick working outdoors. Most women find a sense of humor very sexy. Basically, I guess I'm saying that it's not necessarily all or nothing, and I don't know of too many DD couples who follow that line of thought.
5. They believe that DD cannot be legitimate if the wife was the one who requested it. In other words, if she wanted it, it must just be a game to her.
Okay, sure, there are plenty of women out there topping from the bottom. I'm not going to deny that happens, because it does. I've been guilty of it myself, although it's not an effective way to make DD happen for you. But I notice they don't claim that a husband can't be a real leader as God intends if his wife encourages him in that. In fact, there are plenty of Christian websites out there telling you how to foster your husband's leadership skills. It's not a sin to desire a husband who will lead, and initiating that change in your marriage does not mean that he can't be a valid leader, even if that leadership manifests itself in DD.
6. They also express concern with the fact that spanking seems to be the discipline of choice in most circumstances, and they seem to feel that this makes the whole thing too sexual.
My response to this is...WHO CARES? Who cares if the dynamic in the relationship you have with your spouse involves sex? If it works for you and your spouse and it doesn't go against God's word, then why is it anybody's business just how sexual it is? If you're both okay with spanking being involved, why the heck should it make a difference to anyone else in the world?
Anyway, a reader emailed me the other day for my thoughts on that particular page of The Marriage Bed, and I wanted to address it in a bit more depth than I had time to do in my email response. I do want to say that I find most of the other aspects on the site to be well thought out and Biblically founded. It's only their take on DD that I take exception to.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
To me the meaning of this verse is pretty clear-cut: God gave us sex, to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage, and there is no sex act we can do within the bounds of marriage that He considers sin. A lot of Christians will tell you that they feel that anything other than plain vanilla vaginal intercourse is wrong, even if it's with your spouse. I just can't buy that. God does not make it hard for us to tell whether or not something is a sin. I feel that if it's wrong for a husband and wife to engage in oral sex, anal sex, kinky sex, whatever, then He would have said so. Now a lot of people take the verses in the Bible that speak of homosexuality and say that it defines anal sex as an unnatural act. I can see where they get that, but I don't agree. I think that the "unnatural act" part of it applies specifically to homosexual relations. I don't think that God dictates what sexual positions are okay between a husband and wife. I think that "the marriage bed is undefiled" pretty much says it all.
Let me say here that I am not interested in having a debate with anyone on homosexuality. There are plenty of places you can go to discuss that, and you're welcome to visit those sites, but we're not going to do it here. My whole reason for this post is to discuss The Marriage Bed's stance on DD.
If you will read the page there, you will see that the authors have spent some time "studying" DD, and they feel that they have a good understanding of it. Unfortunately they are handicapped by a few assumptions that they can't seem to get past. I'd like to list and address them individually.
1. They believe that all DDers see DD as the right path for everyone and condemn those who disagree.
I have yet to meet the DD couple that states that DD is right for everyone. I'm sure they're out there, because there's always someone who thinks their way for doing everything is best, but the attitude is far from pervasive.
2. They believe that most or all Christians who practice DD believe that it's mandated by God's Word.
Okay, I obviously can't speak for all Christians, but I can certainly speak for myself. I believe very strongly in Ephesians 5:22-24 which states:
"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
BUT, in no way do I believe that this is God telling husbands and wives that a domestic discipline relationship is required. I do not see anywhere in the Bible where a DD relationship is prohibited, but I also do not believe that it is required.
3. They believe that it treats women as dumber or less capable than men.
Okay, have you met most of the female DD bloggers out here? These are some of the smartest, most capable, most well-rounded, most cherished women I know! And it's because they are smart and capable that they have a full grasp of what it means to trust their husbands with their needs, and what it means to give their submission as a gift.
4. They believe that DDers categorically deny that the lifestyle has anything to do with their sexuality and that if it did have anything to do with sex it would just be plain old BDSM.
In my experience, most DD couples consist of at least one person who has a sexual desire for spanking. That does not mean that there's no other facet of DD. There are lots of things that can speak to your sexuality without being primarily about sex. For instance, a lot of women are very turned on when they see their husbands being good fathers. It turns me on to see Nick working outdoors. Most women find a sense of humor very sexy. Basically, I guess I'm saying that it's not necessarily all or nothing, and I don't know of too many DD couples who follow that line of thought.
5. They believe that DD cannot be legitimate if the wife was the one who requested it. In other words, if she wanted it, it must just be a game to her.
Okay, sure, there are plenty of women out there topping from the bottom. I'm not going to deny that happens, because it does. I've been guilty of it myself, although it's not an effective way to make DD happen for you. But I notice they don't claim that a husband can't be a real leader as God intends if his wife encourages him in that. In fact, there are plenty of Christian websites out there telling you how to foster your husband's leadership skills. It's not a sin to desire a husband who will lead, and initiating that change in your marriage does not mean that he can't be a valid leader, even if that leadership manifests itself in DD.
6. They also express concern with the fact that spanking seems to be the discipline of choice in most circumstances, and they seem to feel that this makes the whole thing too sexual.
My response to this is...WHO CARES? Who cares if the dynamic in the relationship you have with your spouse involves sex? If it works for you and your spouse and it doesn't go against God's word, then why is it anybody's business just how sexual it is? If you're both okay with spanking being involved, why the heck should it make a difference to anyone else in the world?
Anyway, a reader emailed me the other day for my thoughts on that particular page of The Marriage Bed, and I wanted to address it in a bit more depth than I had time to do in my email response. I do want to say that I find most of the other aspects on the site to be well thought out and Biblically founded. It's only their take on DD that I take exception to.
Secret Sunburns
I subscribe to an email list called The Generous Wife, and I get a daily email on how to be, well, a generous wife. Now I want to put a disclaimer out there - the author of this list is also one of the authors of The Marriage Bed. I think The Marriage Bed has a lot of great advice, but one thing I strongly disagree with is their stance on DD. This post is not about my views on that, so I will go into it on another post. Anyway, the husband of the lady who writes the Generous Wife posts has a companion list entitled The Generous Husband. Occasionally she will share one of his posts, as she did today, and I found it particularly relevant to my relationship with Nick:
Calamine Anyone?
Filed under: dealing with self — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am
My husband did a lovely post yesterday that I want to pass on to y'all. It's a very helpful concept when you find yourself clueless over your husband's (or your own) behavior.
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Imagine I had a bad sunburn, but wore a shirt so you could not see it. If you came up and hugged me (I’m from Texas, everyone hugs) it would hurt – probably a lot. Now imagine if rather than hugging me, you slapped me on the back – very hard. That would hurt even more.
In the first instance, you have no intention to hurt me – in fact, you intended to bless me. In the second instance what you did was not nice, and would have hurt had I not been sunburned, but my pain would be far greater than what you intended.
What if I reacted in each situation without telling you I was sunburned? In the first case you would think I was crazy, in the second you would think I was a big baby making way too much out of something minor.
The same kind of things happens in marriages all the time, except that the sunburn is wounds of the heart and mind, wounds that can never be seen. What’s more, we tend to either not know or not care that our wounds are not the norm – we expect the world to see the wounds and treat us accordingly, or we think the entire world is similarly wounded and thus similarly sensitive.
So, your wife has one of these hidden sunburns, and you do something you think is nice, like a hug. She reacts with hurt or anger, and you have no idea why. She can’t or won’t explain. Or, you slap her on the back and she goes off on you, telling you how mean and horrible you are. You can see that it might have been a bit much, but her reaction is so over-the-top that you feel wronged by her. It’s clear to you she is unreasonable and can’t be talked to, and you pull back.
You can avoid a lot of trouble by learning see the wounds in yourself that your bride is hitting. Help her to understand, or at least be aware of, your injuries so that she can try to avoid them while you work to get them healed. Additionally, when your bride over reacts, don’t chalk it up to her hormones or just being irrational – try to figure out if you are hitting an internal sunburn.
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Be generous! Lori
Nick and I have been arguing a lot lately. And when we've not been arguing, we've been closed off from each other, wary of getting too close. And this email made me realize that we've both had some "hidden sunburns" that have been affecting the way we've been reacting to each other.
Nick has recently started rebuilding a 1958 Ford Fairlane. Now we don't have the extra money in our budget right now for such a project, so he took out a small, low interest loan through his job to pay for the car and part of the remodel. The guy who's selling it to him is not in a hurry for the money, but still, he needs to be paid. The problem was that the Friday the loan check came in, his paycheck was very, very short due to his manager forgetting to credit him with a week's vacation pay from when we were in Texas. So the extra money had to go for bills. Then last week when the correction from the last pay period came in, the whole check was less than we had expected due to some short days and a missing day for the Labor Day holiday. (At his job, they get a flat $40 for holidays as opposed to the $200+ they would usually earn that day). So basically, the loan for his car got eaten up by life's circumstances. And this is where the fighting came in.
I saw him as being completely unreasonable because he was blaming me for the shortage, even though I didn't run out and blow the money - I just paid the bills that had to be paid (you know, utilities, mortgage, phone bill, etc).What I wasn't really looking at was how very disappointed he was over the fact that after working as hard as he could and making every effort to make arrangements to cover the price of the car, it just wasn't happening right now.
Added to that, he and several of his friends (including the guy selling him the car) had plans to take the Fairlane and another guy's old Buick to a car show a few hours away this weekend. Unfortunately the Fairlane needs more work than there's time or money for to get it drivable by then, and that was a bitter pill for him to swallow. Plus we had made sitting arrangements for Morgan, and Daisy and I were going to make the trip with him. Now it will be just him going and sharing a ride and a hotel room with the other guys because we don't have the gas money to drive my car down or the money to pay for a separate room.
All of this has been filtered through some struggles he's having because money has been understandably tight since we went to one income. My personal belief is that I'm doing what God wants me to do in staying home with the kids. What he's thinking is "We don't have money to pay the bills because she's not working." Meanwhile I'm thinking "Hey, if you're so stressed about money, maybe you should not do things like take on a project car."
That said, I am willing to go back to work if that's what Nick wants, but it's not as simple as just going back to my old job. If I go back to the bank right now, it puts Morgan without a ride home from school, and Daisy in full time day care. In the summer it will get even more expensive because we'll have to pay for care for Morgan full time as well. Unfortunately my mom's health has declined to the point that it's just not an option for her to babysit like she did while I was working.
If I get a part time job somewhere at nights so that we don't have to have child care, it will not only have Nick and I never seeing each other, but all of his free time is going to go away completely as he'll be watching the kids while I work, so he wouldn't be rebuilding a car anyway. And that's not an ideal situation for him either. He knows in his heart that at this point in our lives we're just going to have to live a scaled back lifestyle for the good of our family, but I do understand that it's difficult to have to work so very hard and never see a dime of it, and that's been coloring his reactions and level of disappointment and blame.
As for my sunburn - well, I confess to fostering some hurt over the complete disappearance of DD over the last few months. I've tried to be reasonable and understand that he's probably not consciously neglecting it. But when we argued the other day about my decision to pay the bills without running it by him first and he started with "You say you want me to be in charge, but..." I wanted to scream. I've been so angry lately, finding myself wanting to purposely not do the things I know need to be done around the house (indeed, the things I intentionally signed up for when I became a stay at home mom) just because it seems obvious that he's not interested in showing any form of appreciation or leadership no matter what I do.
Adding to my frustration was the fact that he decided to buy this car without ever discussing it with me. His viewpoint? "You're not working, so it's none of your business what I do with MY money." Okay, I can even see where that's coming from, but I still expect us to be a team. And if he's not going to get my input, then at the least I expect to not be blamed when the plans he made without me don't come to fruition. And if he insists on taking all the freedom of decision that comes with being head of the household, then he also needs to take on the responsibility of meeting the needs of the household (and wife!) he is the head of.
And I might be right in all of that. But none of this is productive. I have to do what I need to do regardless of whether or not I feel like he's doing his part. My obligation is to be the wife God leads me to be, and I can't base that on what Nick's doing. His job as my husband is between him and God, and I have to stop worrying about it. I can't say "Well I'm not going be the wife he needs until he's the husband I need." That doesn't help anyone. And we did get some hurts resolved a few days ago after we took the time to step back from our anger. I don't want to portray Nick as a jerk here, because he's not, and we've both been at fault. I do realize that he's taken on a lot in becoming the sole breadwinner (other than my still very small photography business), and that comes with a lot of stress.
Anyway, the email really gave me a different perspective on things, and I wanted to share. Sorry this has not been much of a fun blog lately, and I hope you are all doing well.
Calamine Anyone?
Filed under: dealing with self — The Generous Wife @ 1:30 am
My husband did a lovely post yesterday that I want to pass on to y'all. It's a very helpful concept when you find yourself clueless over your husband's (or your own) behavior.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Imagine I had a bad sunburn, but wore a shirt so you could not see it. If you came up and hugged me (I’m from Texas, everyone hugs) it would hurt – probably a lot. Now imagine if rather than hugging me, you slapped me on the back – very hard. That would hurt even more.
In the first instance, you have no intention to hurt me – in fact, you intended to bless me. In the second instance what you did was not nice, and would have hurt had I not been sunburned, but my pain would be far greater than what you intended.
What if I reacted in each situation without telling you I was sunburned? In the first case you would think I was crazy, in the second you would think I was a big baby making way too much out of something minor.
The same kind of things happens in marriages all the time, except that the sunburn is wounds of the heart and mind, wounds that can never be seen. What’s more, we tend to either not know or not care that our wounds are not the norm – we expect the world to see the wounds and treat us accordingly, or we think the entire world is similarly wounded and thus similarly sensitive.
So, your wife has one of these hidden sunburns, and you do something you think is nice, like a hug. She reacts with hurt or anger, and you have no idea why. She can’t or won’t explain. Or, you slap her on the back and she goes off on you, telling you how mean and horrible you are. You can see that it might have been a bit much, but her reaction is so over-the-top that you feel wronged by her. It’s clear to you she is unreasonable and can’t be talked to, and you pull back.
You can avoid a lot of trouble by learning see the wounds in yourself that your bride is hitting. Help her to understand, or at least be aware of, your injuries so that she can try to avoid them while you work to get them healed. Additionally, when your bride over reacts, don’t chalk it up to her hormones or just being irrational – try to figure out if you are hitting an internal sunburn.
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Be generous! Lori
Nick and I have been arguing a lot lately. And when we've not been arguing, we've been closed off from each other, wary of getting too close. And this email made me realize that we've both had some "hidden sunburns" that have been affecting the way we've been reacting to each other.
Nick has recently started rebuilding a 1958 Ford Fairlane. Now we don't have the extra money in our budget right now for such a project, so he took out a small, low interest loan through his job to pay for the car and part of the remodel. The guy who's selling it to him is not in a hurry for the money, but still, he needs to be paid. The problem was that the Friday the loan check came in, his paycheck was very, very short due to his manager forgetting to credit him with a week's vacation pay from when we were in Texas. So the extra money had to go for bills. Then last week when the correction from the last pay period came in, the whole check was less than we had expected due to some short days and a missing day for the Labor Day holiday. (At his job, they get a flat $40 for holidays as opposed to the $200+ they would usually earn that day). So basically, the loan for his car got eaten up by life's circumstances. And this is where the fighting came in.
I saw him as being completely unreasonable because he was blaming me for the shortage, even though I didn't run out and blow the money - I just paid the bills that had to be paid (you know, utilities, mortgage, phone bill, etc).What I wasn't really looking at was how very disappointed he was over the fact that after working as hard as he could and making every effort to make arrangements to cover the price of the car, it just wasn't happening right now.
Added to that, he and several of his friends (including the guy selling him the car) had plans to take the Fairlane and another guy's old Buick to a car show a few hours away this weekend. Unfortunately the Fairlane needs more work than there's time or money for to get it drivable by then, and that was a bitter pill for him to swallow. Plus we had made sitting arrangements for Morgan, and Daisy and I were going to make the trip with him. Now it will be just him going and sharing a ride and a hotel room with the other guys because we don't have the gas money to drive my car down or the money to pay for a separate room.
All of this has been filtered through some struggles he's having because money has been understandably tight since we went to one income. My personal belief is that I'm doing what God wants me to do in staying home with the kids. What he's thinking is "We don't have money to pay the bills because she's not working." Meanwhile I'm thinking "Hey, if you're so stressed about money, maybe you should not do things like take on a project car."
That said, I am willing to go back to work if that's what Nick wants, but it's not as simple as just going back to my old job. If I go back to the bank right now, it puts Morgan without a ride home from school, and Daisy in full time day care. In the summer it will get even more expensive because we'll have to pay for care for Morgan full time as well. Unfortunately my mom's health has declined to the point that it's just not an option for her to babysit like she did while I was working.
If I get a part time job somewhere at nights so that we don't have to have child care, it will not only have Nick and I never seeing each other, but all of his free time is going to go away completely as he'll be watching the kids while I work, so he wouldn't be rebuilding a car anyway. And that's not an ideal situation for him either. He knows in his heart that at this point in our lives we're just going to have to live a scaled back lifestyle for the good of our family, but I do understand that it's difficult to have to work so very hard and never see a dime of it, and that's been coloring his reactions and level of disappointment and blame.
As for my sunburn - well, I confess to fostering some hurt over the complete disappearance of DD over the last few months. I've tried to be reasonable and understand that he's probably not consciously neglecting it. But when we argued the other day about my decision to pay the bills without running it by him first and he started with "You say you want me to be in charge, but..." I wanted to scream. I've been so angry lately, finding myself wanting to purposely not do the things I know need to be done around the house (indeed, the things I intentionally signed up for when I became a stay at home mom) just because it seems obvious that he's not interested in showing any form of appreciation or leadership no matter what I do.
Adding to my frustration was the fact that he decided to buy this car without ever discussing it with me. His viewpoint? "You're not working, so it's none of your business what I do with MY money." Okay, I can even see where that's coming from, but I still expect us to be a team. And if he's not going to get my input, then at the least I expect to not be blamed when the plans he made without me don't come to fruition. And if he insists on taking all the freedom of decision that comes with being head of the household, then he also needs to take on the responsibility of meeting the needs of the household (and wife!) he is the head of.
And I might be right in all of that. But none of this is productive. I have to do what I need to do regardless of whether or not I feel like he's doing his part. My obligation is to be the wife God leads me to be, and I can't base that on what Nick's doing. His job as my husband is between him and God, and I have to stop worrying about it. I can't say "Well I'm not going be the wife he needs until he's the husband I need." That doesn't help anyone. And we did get some hurts resolved a few days ago after we took the time to step back from our anger. I don't want to portray Nick as a jerk here, because he's not, and we've both been at fault. I do realize that he's taken on a lot in becoming the sole breadwinner (other than my still very small photography business), and that comes with a lot of stress.
Anyway, the email really gave me a different perspective on things, and I wanted to share. Sorry this has not been much of a fun blog lately, and I hope you are all doing well.
Friday, September 03, 2010
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Thursday, September 02, 2010
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Spanky-Dinks
A couple of days ago I introduced Morgan to the wonder of Shrinky-Dinks. If you're not familiar with the product (Nick wasn't), it's a special kind of plastic that comes in sheets which can be decorated, then placed in the oven to shrink into a permanent design that is 1/3 of it's original size and 9 times thicker. We made a few keychains and other random things, one of which was a name tag for Morgan's backpack. Today she came home from school with a page of orders from her classmates. :)
Now you know that anything I can put my own spin on, I will, so of course I had to make a few personal ones for me. These are not my own designs, just images I found online and traced onto the plastic. The celtic heart is actually a tracing of my tattoo, and I also made Nick a keychain with the same verse on it. The Ephesians verse one is now adorning my own keys. :) As for the others, they're just for fun. I plan on eventually doing a set with a different implement on each so that they can be used as some sort of game tokens. Anyway, that's been my preoccupation for the last couple of days. :)
Now you know that anything I can put my own spin on, I will, so of course I had to make a few personal ones for me. These are not my own designs, just images I found online and traced onto the plastic. The celtic heart is actually a tracing of my tattoo, and I also made Nick a keychain with the same verse on it. The Ephesians verse one is now adorning my own keys. :) As for the others, they're just for fun. I plan on eventually doing a set with a different implement on each so that they can be used as some sort of game tokens. Anyway, that's been my preoccupation for the last couple of days. :)
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