What happened then...

So my last post went up just after midnight on a Friday. Friday morning when Nick got up for work, he read it. My posts get auto emailed to him when they go live. And he was maybe a little extra affectionate, a few pats on the butt and a bit more attention as I got Daisy up and ready for school. But he didn't mention it. And honestly, I didn't expect him to, not then anyway. But I thought we might talk about it that night. We didn't. Nor the next night. Finally on Sunday night, he said, "I read your post." "Yeah?" "I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, and I haven't been very good about dealing with it." And that was it. That night we went up to bed and he got on his iPad and played a bit, knowing he and the kids were off for Labor Day the next day and we could sleep in.

I thought maybe he would bring it up, or even act on it, but he didn't, so I tried talking to him about it. I tried explaining some of the feelings I was trying to work through in the post, and what I needed from him (basically piss or get off the pot). And he acted as though I literally wasn't there. Not so much as an acknowledgement I was speaking. So I turned over and went to sleep. At that point, yes, I was hurt, but in a dull kind of way that just felt like something I had known for a long time was being confirmed. I wasn't pouting or working myself into a crying rage. I was just tired, in more ways than one, so I went to sleep.

The next day we were supposed to spend the day at Kelly and Grant's house. I was quiet and a little subdued, but I wasn't sulking or trying to have a bad attitude, and I was friendly and sociable throughout the day. What thought I gave to the whole DD situation was brief and not too deep and mostly centered on whether I should write him an email or just put it in a blog post that this part of our relationship didn't seem to be worth pursuing any longer. I wasn't exactly angry, just resigned a and a little sad. It was a long day with a lot of little kids running around, and by the time we got home, I was worn out. Jack and Daisy were both asleep, so we put them and Morgan straight to bed, and we both just kind of vegged out on the couch for a bit. Finally I headed up to bed to read for just a few minutes, already dreading getting up early the next day to get Daisy off to school. A few minutes later Nick came up and I heard him rummaging around in his closet, but I didn't think anything about it. When he walked around to my side of the bed and I looked up to see him standing there holding his belt, I was genuinely startled. And I got really angry. He started telling me that I'd had a terrible attitude all day, and that he was going to deal with it. Frankly I just wasn't having it. I had spent basically weeks by this time accustoming myself to the idea that he had moved on from this, and his complete lack of response the night before had more or less confirmed it for me, and here he was turning everything upside down.

He pulled the blanket and sheet off of me and told me to turn over, and I flat out refused. Several times. He warned me that he could make me, and I more or less invited him to do so. Within the next couple of seconds I was face down in my pillow, and he was basically wearing me out. It wasn't a particularly long event, but it did break through my anger, and I was hardcore ugly crying before it was over. And the crying went on for a very long time, far longer than the spanking itself would account for. I was just working through a ton of built up stress and fear and sadness. I would like to say that the evening ended with him holding me and letting me cry it out on his shoulder and then maybe some sweet time reconnecting. Unfortunately we both had to be up the next day, and he was maybe less inclined to be patient with me than he might have been if we'd had more time and had I not fought him so much on the whole thing. He basically told me to turn out the light and go to sleep, and I was left feeling more or less exactly like the hassle and irritant I'd felt like for so long.

Now, before anyone, Nick included, thinks I have nothing but complaints about him and what happened that night, I don't. Whatever the execution, it was something I badly needed, and by the next morning I was feeling much better and more evened out. It helped, it really did. And I know that I really, really needed it to be something I submitted to whether I thought I wanted it or not. I think maybe we were both so out of practice with it that we were clumsy with each other's feelings. But he did the hard thing, and that was what I needed him to do, and I'm grateful.

I don't know if this means that this is something we're doing again now or if it was an anomaly. He hasn't wanted to talk about it, and I'm reluctant to push a conversation to ask for fear of making him think that I didn't appreciate it or that I'm too needy.

Something he did mention the other night was that he felt like I maybe portrayed him a little unfairly in the last post when I mentioned the various ways he has of blowing off some steam. He thought it sounded like he's off playing all the time and just leaving me with the kids and never coming home. That's not how it is at all. He does something maybe once or twice a week. He's done the soccer golf thing on a couple of Sundays recently. He went on an overnight hunting and fishing trip Friday night, and he's at the gun range with my brother right now. But he also came home last night to keep an eye on the kids while I had a Norwex demonstration at the house. And there are certainly weeks when he doesn't do anything relaxing at all. He has a three day weekend every other week, which means that the weeks in between he works 6 days of 7, and the 7th day is spent mostly at church. And this past Sunday he cooked both lunch and dinner without even being asked.

He hasn't been doing the DD side of things, but he has tried to relieve stress for me where he could. It's just that there's not always a good way to do that other than spanking it out of me. This is just an especially stressful time in our lives between tight finances, having our house on the market, and trying to find another house. For instance, in the 11 days since my last post, our number of showings has risen from 60 to 72, and we have another one tomorrow. And that's not even counting the three that got cancelled in the last week. So we don't really get much of a break. And as we talked about, the things he does for stress relief are mostly very inexpensive or free (with the exception of the hunting trip, which he took on a side job specifically to finance), and there's just not a lot of things like that that would be relaxing for me. I really enjoy crafting, but that's not really an option right now with most of my stuff in storage and no good place to use what I still have here. I would absolutely LOVE to spend a day thrift store hopping, but we don't have any room in the budget right now. The same thing with just a girls night out. None of this is his fault in any way shape or form, and I don't want to imply that it is.

I don't really have any answers here, but I know this season will pass. Eventually the house will sell (or it won't, and we'll eventually take it off the market and stop having strangers parade through it every day). Eventually Jack will potty train, and finances will get a little better and the lawnmower will get fixed (did I mention it threw a rod through the block? It did.) Eventually I will have some sort of a place to craft and we will get to take a vacation and life will stop putting us through the wringer. Eventually. And even if that takes forever, we have God and each other, and we will make it.

A Year

We are still working on selling the house. It's an exhausting and frustrating process, and I'm tired. Today was our 60th showing. 60th. And we have another tomorrow, and one on Sunday, another on Monday. We lowered our price by $10,000, something we didn't want to do, but we felt that so many showings with no offers was telling us it was the right move. We also found another house that we would like to buy, but if course ours has to sell first, and we have to figure out the financing based on our new lower selling price. This is the fourth house in a year that we've tried to buy. I know God has a plan and a time. I'm just getting worn out.

So the title of this post doesn't refer to the year we've spent house hunting. What it refers to is the longest DD drought we've ever had. Sunday will be one full year since my last punishment. And I'm frustrated. And sad, and hurt, and weary, and angry. I have asked him multiple times if he's just done with it, and he always says no, it's just something we haven't done "lately". But "lately" seems like a flimsy term for this situation. This feels like he just doesn't want to bother with it, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy who admits he just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want to have that conversation or shoulder the guilt for bowing out of a responsibility I've shouldered him with. Or maybe he thinks that if he "officially" stops spanking, I'll stop deferring to him and treating him as the Head of the Household. The thing is, I don't treat him that way because of any DD dynamic. I treat him that way because I believe that is the plan for marriage God has laid out, and our whole family is happier for it. 

Being honest, I don't do a whole lot to piss him off these days. The house has been clean for four months. The laundry is always done. I have dinner waiting almost every night. But I'm functioning with a high level of stress. I have no outlets left. Most of my craft things are in storage, and what is still here has to be pulled out of closets and set up on the kitchen table to be used. And the entire time I'm having a mini panic attack because it's causing a temporary mess that needs to be put away. My laptop is excruciatingly slow, which makes my photography unenjoyable. I have a craft blog that I was very active on for a while, but once we went to market with the house, the combination of the slow laptop and the inconvenience of doing projects in a space that needs to be always neat has kept me scarce over there. I've tried having some craft days with girlfriends, but with kids on hand and no good place to spread out, it's always been more trouble than enjoyment. Money has been tight, so we've not had any sort of date night in months, and we didn't get to take our annual trip to Texas for the same reason. 

Nick has plenty of stress to deal with too of course, but he has a few outlets. He goes fishing just about every chance he gets. And this past Sunday he went and played Foot Golf (like golf, on a course, but with a soccer ball and really big cups) with some of his friends. He sometimes goes to the gun range, and he has a gym membership. 

Daisy has also started kindergarten, and while she loves it and is doing great, any change of routine is stressful for a while. I'm up before Nick every day now, and with Jack home with just me all day, he's right on top of me all the time. Not that I don't love having one on one time with him, but he can be a little intense. On top of that I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. And yes, he's three. 

I admit, it all gets to me, and it's less rare than it should be that I lose it and just have a really bad attitude. I fight much more than I should with Morgan, who started high school this year, and I'm frequently impatient with all three kids. These are the times I need him to discipline me. There was a time in our lives when he would see me spiraling and would make a time and a place to get my attention in a big way and help me reprioritize. I'm not going to lie, the actual physical experience of a spanking is one that I both dread and fear, but not so much that I don't also crave the peace it inevitably brings. 

And I feel abandoned. I feel so very hurt that he basically said "This thing is not my thing, but it's your thing, and because you are mine and need this, I will do this for you." And then he just...quit. And not just that he's quit, but that he's done it without allowing me the certainty needed to really mourn its loss and move on. This last year has felt to me like he just really doesn't care at all that this is a genuine need that I have that can only be met by him and is therefore going unmet. Perhaps he's trying to starve it to death. If only it were that easy. I've prayed so many times that God would take this part of me away if but isn't something that can be a valid, functioning part of our marriage. I would love to not need this, but I do. It makes me bloom. It leaves me thriving and capable. Or it withers and wearies me when it's absent. 

Please understand that I'm venting here, the only place I can do it. Nick is truly a wonderful husband. He's faithful and loving, and he works hard every day so that I can stay at home with our kids. And if he wants to dispense with domestic discipline, I can live with that, I really can. But I need to know, so that I can lay it to rest and learn to let go. 

Just dying over here a little...

Oh my gosh, guys - this is killing me! Sorry for the lack of update, but I don't really have one yet. We met with the seller Monday evening, and it seemed to go well. We told him what our payment had to be and what our house should bring him in rent. He was cautiously optimistic that he could get the numbers within our budget, and he made plans to come see our house yesterday. Monday night we went home and cleaned like mad, and all day yesterday I polished and dusted and hung curtains and did everything I could think of to make the house as appealing as possible. And he never showed up. Finally around 6:30 I called him. He apologized and said he had been covered up all day and had meant to call me but hadn't had the chance, and promised to come by today. A little while ago my mom called to tell me he had called her for my phone number (which we gave him, but I guess he didn't have it on him), and that he had to run an errand first but plans to come by afterwards. So right now I'm just trying to contain the kids and keep the house clean till he gets here, and please pray, pray, pray that he likes our house and can make the numbers work for us if this is what God intends. Hopefully I'll have an answer soon.

Staying Afloat

Guys, this month, and thus this year - it's been HARD. I mean crazy stressful! Let me see, a few of the high(low)lights:

A couple of weeks ago, when pretty much the whole country was frozen, our pipes burst and pretty much flooded the garage. Our washer and dryer are out there, and we have an old playpen out there where I try to keep all the laundry waiting to be washed. Unfortunately, the day before, Morgan and Daisy decided to "clean" Jack's room, and I don't even want to talk about why there were so many clothes on the floor in there, but they took every single piece of clothing, including some of Jack's new stuff from Christmas that had been knocked down from where I had it stacked until I could clear drawer space, and threw it all out into the garage on the floor in front of the washer and dryer. (I know my sentences are too long. I'm seeking help for it.)

So all of that stuff was soaked in extremely frigid water, and I had no idea how to stop the leak. Morgan and I started hauling all the wet laundry into the bathtub downstairs, and since Nick was at work an hour away, I called my dad. He came immediately and went into the scary crawl space under the house and turned the water off. By this time Nick was on his way to Wednesday night church, so my dad had me call him to come home instead. He came on home, and between the four of us (me, Nick, Dad, and Morgan) we got the pipes repaired (Nick and Dad) and all the laundry up and the water shop-vacced out of the garage (me and Morgan). That was the 8th. 

The 11th Daisy's best friend was having a birthday party, so I whipped up a few hair bows for a birthday gift, and we headed out the door to Chuck E. Cheese. It had warmed up drastically by then, so I was wearing flip flops (which I kind of live in) when I stepped out onto our wet front porch. My feet shot out from under me, and the right one jammed up under the bottom of the porch railing. I nearly passed out, but I kept it together, and once I could breathe and manage to stand, I went inside to change so that we could leave.

My foot was actively throbbing all day, and by the end of the night I was concerned that I might have broken the...top...of it (whatever that's called). I don't have health insurance, but I do have several nurse friends who convinced me via Facebook that I really needed to get it x-rayed. The kids were all in bed by then, so someone needed to stay with them. I called my mom to see if she would come sit with them so Nick could drive me in case they gave me something that would prevent me from driving myself home. Instead my dad came down and drove me across town to the hospital. James works there as a surgical tech, and he smoothed the process for me a bit, getting me fast tracked, bringing me a pillow and something to drink, etc. X-rays revealed that it was just badly bruised and swollen, which was good news except for the fact that I could have just stayed home and avoided the ER bill. Better safe than sorry, I suppose.

Both the little kids had been sick all weekend, so my dad and I took them both to the pediatrician on the following Monday (the 13th). Can you tell my dad is my hero? He went to 3 different doctor's visits with me this month. This was a horrible visit, both kids feeling terribly bad and violently opposed to any sort of examination. It turned out that they both had double ear infections.

Daisy had gotten her referral to a GI doctor the previous week and seen her on Friday, the day before the birthday party. It was really more of a consult, and the doctor set up an appointment for a lower intestine barium scan the following Friday. She also sent me home with a little plastic vial and instructions to collect a stool sample. This was not something I was looking forward to, but we do what we have to for our kids, right? Unfortunately she was not producing anything to uh, sample. I stalked this kid for 5 days. Finally, this past Wednesday, she yelled at me to let me know she was ready. While I was "collecting" and pretending I was in a happier place, Jack managed to get hold of not just my Macbook, but a cup of tea that I didn't even know was in the room (it was Daisy's).

Morgan came home from school just then to find him sitting on a soaked couch, splashing away in the puddle that surrounded my laptop. The lid on it was closed, so she grabbed it and yelled to me to tell me what happened. I was a little tied up, so I made sure she had gotten it away from him and finished what I was doing. When I got in there it really didn't look like anything had gotten inside it, so I set it aside while I cleaned up the tea. It was a couple of hours before I had a chance to mess with it, and when I tried to turn it on, nothing happened. Opening up the case revealed that tea had definitely gotten inside. That was really just the end of my rope. That day I had dealt with sick kids (Jack had thrown up - on me - more than once), collecting poop, piles of laundry, and fighting siblings. Plus I was supposed to meet a photography client in two days with a CD of her pictures (which I needed my Mac for), and an Etsy client wanted a custom pillow cover (which I also needed my Mac for). To make things worse Nick and I were snapping at each other, because he'd had a crappy day too (not as crappy as mine I daresay). I took it to the computer repair place I use and it's the logic board - $900 to repair.

This past Friday I took Daisy in for her barium test. She had to drink this awful chalky liquid, but she did pretty well. When I woke up that morning my right eye was kind of red and crusty. This is what it looked like then:

Two days later I was in all kinds of agony, and it looked like this:

Sorry the second one looks kind of insane. I was trying to get it as open as I could because I was texting it to my cousin, who is a nurse practitioner and was kind enough to call me in a prescription for some antibiotics. I was finally able to put my contacts back in today.

Today I got thrown up on twice (once yesterday and several times earlier in the week). Yeah, it's been a little rough.

BUT, there have been good things too. Some of them really good. I got a call one day last week from our water company telling me someone had paid our bill for us anonymously. It didn't take too much investigating to figure out it was my parents. :)

James showed up Tuesday and handed me $50 to help offset the cost off all the co-pays and prescriptions.

I called my mom Thursday morning to ask if she could stay with the kids so I could take my computer to the repair shop to see if it could be saved. She showed up a couple of hours later with a relatively inexpensive but brand new and fully functional HP laptop, all for me, courtesy of her and my dad. I was able to use it to fill my Etsy order and get it to the customer on time. They've also bought both food and medicine several times for my little family this week.

The computer repair place said my hard drive is still good, and they can move all my data over for $89. I'll pick it up this Friday and most of that cost will be covered by the CD order.

My photography client was incredibly cool about the whole situation and didn't mind waiting another week for her CD. I still had all of her raw files on my camera as a backup, so I hadn't lost them either way, but I would have had to re-edit all of them, and with the pinkeye I couldn't stand to look at a computer screen for more than a few minutes.

We were able to fix the pipes for less than $1 since my dad had a couple of pipe pieces that fit, and all we had to buy were a couple of copper joints. And we got all the wet laundry washed before it mildewed.

Daisy's lower intestine scan came back clear, and her stomachaches have become fewer and farther apart, so now we're just waiting on her next doctor visit.

So there have definitely been blessings too.

That said, I'm wound a little tight these days, and I'm feeling a little unmoored relationship-wise. We've been a bit in survival mode around here, and my very contagious pinkeye has just been the latest thing to keep us from getting close. The truth is, I miss my husband, and I miss very much feeling the comforting bounds of his authority. The day after my last post he apologized and told me that he'd known what I needed but hadn't felt like dealing with it. I can't say that that didn't hurt a little, but he was trying to stay afloat himself. I guess I've just been doing and taking care of so much at home myself lately that I'm missing a reminder that he's in charge and I actually don't have all the responsibility myself.

He's going to be staying home from work tomorrow because he's gotten sick himself in the last few days, so I don't think there will be any sort of discipline forthcoming, but I will be glad for the time with him, even though I hate that he's not feeling well.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Thank you all for all your thoughts and prayers!

Excuse me while I scream.

Today was a really hard day. This whole last week was bad, but today was especially awful. There was poop and vomit and fighting children and endless messes and a possibly fried Macbook, whch I can't even think about without needing to cry. I could use a stress relief spanking in the worst way, but it's been 18 months since I've gotton one of those, despite hints and outright saying I needed it, so apparently that's not going to be an option. So what I'm saying is, if you could send up a prayer for my heart, my sanity, and my Macbook, I would really appreciate it. I sure do need it.

Floods (of blessing and otherwise)

***Fair warning, this post is a bit long, but I need to have my eyes on my blessings right now, and I've been awfully blessed!***

I've got to be honest, I'm kind of stressed right now. Within the last few hours: Jack threw up everywhere as soon as we put him to bed. Pretty sure the fact that Morgan was dipping him upside down a few minutes earlier had something to do with that. But anyway, pretty much any vomit in the house is dealt with by me, not because I have such a strong stomach (I don't), but because everyone else is worse, and I don't want to have to clean up even more. So I sent Daisy for a towel and Morgan for the baby wash, and I got him hosed down and smelling fresh, a plan he tried to derail by crying and trying to get out of the tub the whole time and finally just peeing in the tub. Once I had him clean I took him to Nick to diaper and put in fresh pajamas while I changed his bed clothes and took everything to the garage to wash.

Finally we got all three kids settled in bed and I went upstairs to change my own clothes. As soon as I got to the bedroom I could hear the water in the bathroom sink on full blast. As no one had been upstairs for about 15-20 minutes, this was alarming. Sure enough, the sink was overflowing and there was about half an inch of water covering the floor, and it was running down into the floor vent. 

That of course had to be dealt with quickly, and while I cleaned up Nick went to the girls' room to investigate. I assumed Daisy would have been the culprit, but no, when I sent Morgan upstairs to get a new sheet for Jack's bed she decided to wash her hands and somehow neglected to turn the water off at all. So now the ceiling in the downstairs bathroom is nice and soft. 

I actually did almost the exact same thing when I was 10, so I can't be too mad, but it was still frustrating. After all that we sat down and watched a movie, Parental Guidance, which was really cute, then Nick went to bed.

Then I sat down and went through the bills and realized that taking every humanly available option into account, we're going to be a couple of hundred dollars short this pay period (which just began two days ago and won't end till Friday after next). I knew we were going to be really tight because of a few different things, but it's frustrating that it's short, and that much. Of course God can provide, and He always does, but I would really appreciate your prayers that He will send the money we need. 

I also just started my period, and when I came upstairs a little while ago to take my shower I found that the water had dripped down into the cabinet under the sink and soaked most of my pads and three precious rolls of toilet paper. Fortunately it didn't get them all, but I was hoping we'd have enough to get us through this pay period, and now I'm fairly sure we won't, at least not with what we have right now. It also soaked my almost completely full box of tampons, but it just got the box itself, and the tampons all stayed dry inside their wrappers.

The great news is that I caught it when I did (before it soaked the bedroom carpet and completely destroyed the downstairs bathroom ceiling), and we didn't have any phones, Ipads, or my Kindle plugged up charging on the sink. That's where we charge them every night, usually when we go to bed, but sometimes I'll leave my Kindle there all day, or we might plug our phones up early if they're dying. Thank God they were all elsewhere. 

BUT, after all that drama, I got into a shower with running hot water and washed and conditioned my hair and dried off with a fluffy towel and generally enjoyed a standard of living 90% of the world doesn't have. First world problems indeed. So I wanted to sit down and post about all the blessings God has showered on us lately, because that's where I need to focus!

First of all, my mom showed up with a HUGE load of groceries last week, so we're in much better shape than we could be. I actually didn't have to buy very much household staple stuff at Walmart, which is always a relief. 

She also really blessed us with something else. Several weeks ago her kitchen stove stopped working. It's a really nice double oven model, but they'd had it for 12 years, so they figured maybe it had just worn out. They remodeled their kitchen last year and got mostly new appliances, so they decided to just bite the bullet and replace it as well. So they purchased the newer model of the one they had, and because my mom is a great shopper they got it for a very good deal.

The other day they delivered the new stove, and when my dad went to move out the old one, they noticed that one of the connector wires was loose. They tightened it back up and it worked perfectly! My mom called me to tell me about it, and she said that she was planning to put the old stove on Craigslist, but that if they couldn't sell it for a decent price, she was going to give it to me. I was excited about the possibility, but I also felt bad that they'd bought a new stove unnecessarily, and I assured her that I wanted her to get some money out of it and that I would pray that it would sell. 

She called me back later and told me that she and my dad had just decided that it would be a hassle to list it and that they would be unlikely to get what they wanted out of it and they would rather just give it to us! So Nick went out to get it that night, and it's sitting in our garage waiting on us to get the time to install it. :)

The funny thing is that not long before all that happened I was randomly telling Nick that if and when we move I'd love to have a house with a double oven. Isn't it awesome how God sometimes blesses us with things we haven't even asked for?

Friday we went to our local trampoline park with our church's youth group. This was a huge treat. We've been once before (actually Nick and the girls went for the first time when Kate was in town this summer, and we went once as a family after that). This is a fairly new facility in our city, and it is SO MUCH FUN, but it's kind of expensive, so it not something that's really on our regular rotation. It was a lot of fun to get to go and take not only ourselves and the kids, but also a couple of Morgan's friends, and the church paid for it all! They even bought pizza for everyone afterwards.

I also had an order for a scarf for a girl at church. I had made one for Kelly for her birthday, and the girl saw it and asked me to make her one too. I had about $4 in the material, and that was enough to make 2 scarves and a matching hair clip. She paid me $8, and I was able to use the extra scarf and the hair clip as a gift for one of Morgan's friends whose birthday party she had to go to today. 

Another neat thing was something Kelly told me today. One of the things I sent Will for his birthday was a paracord survival bracelet I made in the school colors and with the logo for his alma mater, of which he is a huge supporter. The strap on my camera is one I made from paracord, and he was admiring it when we were in Texas. 

I ordered the logo charm months ago off Etsy for a couple of dollars, I was kind of excited about it. He's so hard to buy or make stuff for, just because I don't really feel like I know him all that well, plus he has the money to buy really whatever he wants, but I was pretty sure this was a winner. But as I sent it off I started to doubt myself and worry that maybe he wouldn't like it after all. 

Today Kelly told me that she was talking to Kate, and that she said he was really excited about it, but when he tried to wear it, it was a little too small and that he was really disappointed that it didn't fit. Of course I hate that it was too small, but I love that he really was excited about it, and I'm having Kate mail it back to me so I can remake it to fit him. It always makes me feel so great when someone really loves a gift I make them!

And one of the biggest blessings lately was Daisy's birthday. She's such a sweet little girl, and I really wanted to make the day special for her. I stayed up late the night before (with permission) sewing up her birthday skirts. That was all she had asked me for other than  a Baby Alive doll, so a few weeks ago I let her pick out some fabric, and I think she did great! I had her 5 skirts from the material she chose, plus a birthday outfit I made with a skirt, headband, and matching birthday cake shirt, and the doll she wanted. I also found a nice stuffed bear and elephant at a thrift store. I made the bear a bow and blanket, and I made the elephant a skirt to match her birthday outfit. 

Kate had sent her $50 to The Children's Place, so a few days ago I took her shopping. The gift cards were literally all the money I had, so I had to make sure we kept it within that amount. I found a 20% off coupon in a coupon book my mother-in-law gave me a few weeks ago, and we took our time and looked for bargains. She chose three shirts, two pairs of jeans, and a pair of shoes. When the girl rang us up it came to $52 and some change. Later on I realized that one of the shirts rang up $5 too much, but at the time I thought I had just miscalculated, so I gently told her we would have to put something back. The cashier told me to hang on, and she found a 30% off coupon for us to use instead! Not only did we have enough for everything she wanted, but she also had enough then to get a necklace and two bracelets! That sweet cashier sure made my day!

The morning of her birthday (Saturday) I asked her if she wanted to wear her new jeans with the birthday shirt that was one of the three she bought that day, but she declared that she wanted to wear the shirt with a skirt. One of the skirts I had made her just happened to match it perfectly, so I stuck it in a gift bag and let her go ahead and open it. She loved it, and so out the door we went with a new outfit, complete with the sparkly new shoes that also matched perfectly.

First of all I took all three kids to McDonald's for a cheap lunch. Then we went to this tiny little cash only thrift store. I had $1.50 in cash, so I let her go through the toys and see what she wanted. She had seven things in her shopping basket, and I told her that we might have to choose her favorites depending on the price. When I put them up on the counter I told the cashier that we might have to put a few back as she was doing her birthday shopping herself and only had $1.50. The lady promptly declared that the total was $1, and Daisy very importantly handed it over.

Next we went to the Goodwill, where we had a little more leeway since they take the debit card. There she scored this awesome baby changing/feeding/bathing station for $3. 

The picture is just one I found online, but it's the same one, and it had all the parts except the mobile and the plastic bottles. The other side has more shelves behind doors that close as well as a sink and a changing area. She also found a few dolls, and we even got a few dolls for the nursery at church. 

After that we went to Froyoz, which is a frozen yogurt place that she asks to go to literally almost every time we pass it, which is about 3 times a week. We hadn't been able to take her, so I really wanted to do it as a special birthday treat. I had a buy one get one free coupon for there, so it was also really cheap. 

She wanted to go home and play with her thrift store purchases, so I dropped her, Morgan, and Jack at home while I ran to take some library books back. While I was out I stopped at the Dollar Tree and picked up some little plastic bins and mini packs of diaper wipes for her changing station, as well as a couple of birthday balloons. 

By the time I got home Nick was home from work, and we all loaded up to go out to my parents' house. My mom had balloons on the porch and a birthday banner on the front door, and she had the dining room in full on princess party decor. There was a birthday tiara and more gifts than we could have imagined. Nick's parents came, as well as Kelly, Grant, Logan, James, Robert, Faith, my aunt and my two first cousins as well as their daughters and son. She got SUCH cute clothes, as well as four pairs of shoes for winter (much needed), and several toys as well.

This morning she insisted on wearing her birthday outfit to church, complete with tiara, and I figured why not? At least she got another use from the birthday shirt. :)

Busy days

Coming back from vacation I always feel like there's so much catching up to do. That's not actually the truth in this case, even if it feels that way. Almost all of our vacation laundry was done before we left Texas, and we unloaded the car as soon as we got home, so it was just a matter of putting it all away. The dishes were done and the trash taken off before we left, and even most of the laundry that didn't go with us was clean (although maybe not folded).

But here it is less than 2 weeks later and the laundry is piled up (despite the fact that I do it constantly), the sink is full (also doing the dishes all the time), and the bedrooms are in chaos (despite the fact that I've worked on ours all week).

Part of it has to do with the fact that Jack has been crazy clingy since we got back, and Daisy has been an unusual handful. I think she picked up some attitude from Maddox, because she has definitely not been her usual sweet and compliant self since we got back. The other night she pitched an honest to goodness temper tantrum, something that has only happened once before in her life, and that was when she was about 20 months old.

The last couple of weeks have been full of errands, between back to school shopping, dentist appointments, a birthday party, a wedding, an order for a skirt for a lady at church, signing Morgan up for soccer, paying bills, taking the dog for a rabies vaccine, mailing back Morgan's old ipad, and getting the new one to log onto our wifi, a process that turned out to be a ridiculous hassle.

My mom called me yesterday to tell me kind of a crazy story. All my life my parents have loved to sit on the front porch during a thunderstorm. (No lectures please). They have two porch swings and several rockers, and my mom has a big fluffy recliner out there. So when a storm blew up that afternoon they sat out on the porch to enjoy the show. Then it started to get pretty bad, so they decided to go inside.

About two minutes later my mom was looking out the window at the deluge when suddenly lightning struck one of the trees in the front yard their hammock hangs from. The hammock is secured with a thick chain, and the lightning jumped from the chain to a shrub at the corner of the porch. The whole house shook, and the blast hurt their ears even with them inside. My mom had a ceramic frog shaped planter at the base of the tree that was struck, and it was blown apart. The surge fried their whole phone system, one of their TVs, the wiring to their cable and internet, and their well pump.

Once they got their nerves settled and the storm died down, they went out to check the damage. All of the bark on the tree had been blown off in long thick strips, and the recliner where my mom was sitting just a couple of minutes before the strike was filled with bark and sharp shards of shrapnel from the broken planter. If they had still been on the porch when it happened they would have doubtless been injured, quite probably seriously so. Thank God they had gone in!

They were without water until today when they were able to get the well pump replaced, but it will be another week or so before they get their phone and internet back.

We also got some family news last night - Grant and Kelly are (quite unexpectedly) expecting again! They're happy, but also more than a little scared, because Logan is only 10 1/2 months old. When the new baby comes he'll be just a little younger than Jack is now. All day today I tried to imagine bringing a newborn home right now and trying to juggle him/her and Jack. Honestly, Kelly struggled quite a bit with postpartum depression, so we're praying that she handles it well.

We are looking a bit forward to watching the new parent smugness fall away, lol. It's just within the last week that Logan has started to even army crawl, so they've not had to do any baby proofing as of yet, and they always seemed a bit exasperated with us and with Kate when Daisy, Jack, or Maddox got into something at their house. We knew that as soon as Logan started getting into everything they would understand, but now it looks like they're going to really be baptized into it with fire.

They've also had plenty of date nights, something that comes very rarely for me and Nick, simply because they have one (immobile) grandchild to watch, where we have 3 very active ones. Nick said several weeks ago that he had the feeling that once Logan was up and into everything that the baby sitting offers would dry up pretty quickly.

Kelly called me today to talk to me about getting the same maternity coverage I had with Jack since their policy doesn't have maternity benefits. I think they should qualify, which would be great, so she can keep her same doctor. Dr. E delivered all three of mine, as well as Logan, and she will deliver Faith's baby in November, our friend Melanie's in December, and Kate used to see her when she lived here. She also was Faith's doctor during her pregnancy last year that ended in miscarriage. She's really an awesome OBGYN, and I was a little sad when I went back for my six week visit after Jack was born because I knew she'd seen me through my last pregnancy.

I've been doing a bit of crafting lately, which is always good for me. I made Daisy nine little skirts to take to Texas with us, and a 10th one a couple of days ago. Then yesterday I made the one for the lady at church. It's actually for her granddaughter who lives out  of state. Her family will be coming in for a visit this weekend, and she'll try it on her then to see if the fit needs to be adjusted, and then she wants four more. My mother-in-law's birthday was last week, and I made her a necklace, bracelet, and earring set, as well as a couple of leather brooches. I also made a taggie blanket for my friend Elizabeth's neighbor, and I had a pillow cover order last week. My friend Denise just started an Etsy shop selling handmade earrings, and her birthday is coming up, so I've made her a bunch of earring cards in zebra print (her shop theme) to mail off to her. And Elizabeth's birthday was this week, and she's requested a couple of hair accessories, so that's next.

I'm missing Nick a lot. It seems like it's been ages since we've had any alone time, and if I'm honest I'm feeling the need to feel some boundaries. I'm at that too familiar place where I think the best thing for me would be a hard spanking, but I don't really have a way to make that happen short of purposefully doing something to make him mad, and I'm not willing to do that. There are surely things he could pick to deal with me about, but he's been really busy himself, and I'm trying to stay aware of that.

Anyway, it's time for me to head to bed, so I'll say goodnight.

The Party

So we had The Slumber Party. And for the most part it went very well. There ended up being 9 girls in all counting Morgan and Daisy, which ended up being the perfect number. 

The girls flipped over the zipper pouches and hair bows, and they had a blast making the bottle cap pins, glass stone magnets, tie dye shirts, and canvas bags. My mom had balloons and streamers, and a gorgeous food table set up. She got some great gifts (almost all of them One Direction themed, which was just fine with her!), and they had fun playing her One Direction trivia game.

The crafts stretched out until almost 2 AM, at which point we left the life center and went over to one of the Sunday School rooms for a photo shoot. Two of the guests were the granddaughters of a very sweet old man in our church who runs the video camera recording all the services. He also takes the pictures for our church directory, and he's had his backdrop and lights set up there at church for months. He very nicely gave me permission to use them to do a shoot with the girls, and they ate it up!

After the photo shoot I set them up with the first movie (I rented Parental Guidance and Diary of a Wimpy Kid). There was a small amount of drama surrounding one particular girl (we'll call her Allison). She had caused a little bit of an argument earlier in the evening too. Allison is a mostly latchkey kid. She's an only child, her mom and stepdad both work jobs that have frequent overnight shifts, and she spends a lot of nights alone in her house - not exactly an ideal situation for a 12 year old girl. 

She can be really abrasive and overbearing, but to me at least it seems fairly obvious that it comes from constantly searching for attention, and she really is a sweet kid underneath. A couple of months ago on the bus she tripped and landed on a boy sitting down. He shoved her, she shoved him back, and he punched her in the face and bloodied her nose! A boy did this! But the real outrage was that the bus driver didn't do anything at all other than to call the boy an idiot! For the next few weeks, every time she got on the bus, most of the kids would pull their shirts up over their faces, hiding their eyes from her "ugliness" until she would sit down and one of the little monsters would give the all clear. (This story honestly makes me angrier and angrier every time I think about it. It makes me think I could put a few of those paddles upstairs to some very good use!). Anyway, she finally reported it to the principal (since the bus driver wasn't doing anything about it), and Morgan went with her to sign a incident witness report. The school sent it to the police department as a bullying incident, and I don't think there's been a problem since. 

Anyway, Morgan is a friend to her, but she can be pretty hard to deal with sometimes, and Morgan didn't want to invite her to the party. I made it a very strong suggestion that she include her on the guest list, and despite the few random moments of friction, I'm glad we included her.

Saturday morning my mom let me sleep for a few hours while she made breakfast - chicken and biscuits and pancakes. When I got up we made the hair clips along with some door hangers my mom had come up with, and by then the parents had started to show up. That's when I started looking for my keys...

And looking, and looking, and looking! I couldn't find my keys anywhere! I finally had to call Nick to come and bring me a spare, and when he came we kept looking. We tore the place apart, even rooms we hadn't been in. We called the two girls who had already left and had them check their bags in case they had gotten scooped up by mistake, and we had all the girls still there go through their things. After 3 and 1/2 hours (!) of searching we gave up and finally had to admit that it looked like someone had taken them. 

I'll be perfectly honest, we all thought Allison had taken them. She didn't want to go home (she rode with me), and she was really the only one there who would have done such a thing. Also, in the course of looking for them, one of the other girls checked Allison's purse and found the phone charger that another girl was missing. (Of course it's entirely possible Allison thought it was hers and put it in there). On the way home I assured all the girls in the car (3 plus Daisy and Morgan) that if someone had taken them as a joke they wouldn't get in trouble, but I really needed them back. Just before I dropped them off I told them that if they came across them it would be great if they would just drop them in our mailbox.

Sunday at church we all looked again, but no luck. It was seriously stressing me out! There were keys to both of our vehicles, and the house, not to mention that $24 key chain I got spanked over!

Allison usually comes over in the mornings to wait for the bus with  Morgan, so I was hoping she would drop the keys in the mailbox when she came. But when I went to get the mail there was nothing there but bills. Then this afternoon my mom called. She was putting up some of the craft supplies she brought, and there in the bottom of the bag were my keys! 

Talk about relieved! And very glad that none of us had actually come out and accused Allison! Still, I called her and told her that we'd found them and thanked her for helping us all look on Saturday. :)

Anyway, that was our weekend. I hope yours was great!

So it was a long day...

Today was a long day. It started out with Morgan missing the bus. This is far from the first time this has happened, but I can't blame it entirely on her. Apparently she asked me multiple times if I would drive her in, and in my fairly unconscious state I agreed. Of course I have no recollection at all of this. What I do recall is her waking me again at 7:42 asking if I was ready to take her. The bus leaves at about 7:45. I was still trying to fight my way out of sleep, and had no idea what she was talking about. And of course Jack (whom she had brought up a little while earlier) was sound asleep on my arm. Poor little guy has been feeling puny the last few days, and I had no intention of dragging him out for no good reason.

Anyway, I sent her out the door, but the bus was pulling away without her as she walked out. Honestly I didn't feel awake enough to safely drive her, and like I said, I didn't want to get Jack out, so I had her ask her best friend Lola's grandmother across the street (Lola lives with her) to take her in. That sounds really presumptuous when I write it, but she leaves about that time of morning anyway, and we help each other out frequently when one or the other of us needs help with the kids. Anyway, she was kind enough to help me out, which I made sure to call and thank her for later in the day.

Daisy spent the night with my parents last night (it was her first sleepover without her sister I think). She's still battling her virus, but I think my mom wanted to give me a break since Jack is not feeling well either. He's been dealing with digestive issues since he's recently switched over to whole milk (as opposed to formula), plus he's had a fever off and on and seems like he might have picked up what Daisy has.

Daisy has also been dealing with problems with her teeth. This is something that runs in my family. My dad told me that his dentist told him that he has calcium deposits in his teeth that make them weaker and more prone to cavities. I've had to have extensive work myself. 

When Morgan was five she had enough problems that they wanted to send her to the local children's hospital so she could be put to sleep and have all the work done at once. We were ready to do it, but the balance not covered by insurance was due up front. It was $1800, and they wouldn't take payments. Unfortunately we just didn't have it, so we had to pass on the procedures. We're paying for it now as she's had about 5 appointments for fillings so far this year.

Anyway, Daisy has multiple problem teeth (we brush, I swear!), and when we took her to the dentist she was too scared to even let him properly examine her. Even with that he could see several things that need to be addressed. The only real option is to go the children's hospital route again, so at that visit plans were made to submit the request to her insurance. They told me it would take about 30 days to hear back. At the time she wasn't having any pain, so we waited. And waited. And waited. And a couple of weeks ago she started occasionally complaining that something sweet would make her tooth hurt. Then this week it suddenly got much worse. To the point that she's having problems eating much of anything that isn't super soft and lukewarm.

I called the dentist's office yesterday. It's been a couple of months since that first visit, but it turns out that their initial request for pre-approval was inexplicably rejected. They resubmitted it (which is what took so long), and had coincidentally just gotten back an approval that day. It's the same situation this time around, only this time the balance due is $1200. Fortunately my parents are able to let us borrow the money, and the office is going to call the hospital in the morning to schedule a date. The worrisome part is that they told us the average wait time is two weeks to a month. Please be in prayer that they can get her in much sooner, because I can't imagine her having to suffer through this for very long.

My dad brought her home about 12:30 today, and she napped a lot of the afternoon. Then about 3:40 I got a call. It was Morgan (who should have been on the bus by this time). She was calling to tell me the strap on her sandal had broken and asking if I would come pick her up since she had missed the bus (because she didn't want to ride it with a broken shoe and went to call me instead of getting on the bus like she should have). Okay, this really pissed me off, because, good grief, why would she think me coming to get her would be any better than just riding the freaking bus home?! Anyway, I had to load both sick littles up and drive to school to get her. 

We've dealt with the bus issue multiple times. She hates riding the bus because she doesn't like some of the kids on there. And we've checked and double checked that it's not a situation where anyone is hurting her or threatening her. That we would definitely be on top of. It's really just random kids being obnoxious (and not just to her), and like it or not, there are jerks everywhere, and she just has to learn to deal with them. Profanity and typical junior high boys humor bothers her, but she's going to face that one way or another. Nick and I have talked about it, and we both feel that just so long as it's not directed at her or manifesting itself in bullying, it's best for her to learn to handle herself, knowing that if she faces anything that needs adult attention she can most certainly come to us for support. 

I opted not to go to church tonight with two sick babies, and instead spent the time trying to unbury my kitchen table from underneath my crafting supplies, but it was a swim upstream between Jack and Daisy. Nick goes straight to church from work on Wednesdays, and today was Faith's birthday, which meant cake and ice cream after the service. All of this put him coming home around 9:00, and man was I glad to see him!

Anyway, at then end of the day, I'm awfully glad I got to be here for my kiddos (even the one that can't seem to catch a bus!), and I'm happy to haven gotten to put a hot meal in front of my amazing, hardworking husband. And now I'm happy everyone is asleep. :)

She's crafty...

The house is a mess, the kitchen table looks like a bomb went off on it, the children have eaten way too many Uncrustables in the last few days, and I've been threatened with a spanking more than once (which frankly would probably do me and Nick both good). It's officially craft show week around here. I've got tons of stuff left to make, and to top it off the head of the organization running the event decided just a few days ago that she won't allow me to sell my wire wrapped rings there because "there are already enough jewelry vendors". Nevermind that none of them are selling anything like these, or that I've got a pretty decent investment in time, materials, and displays for the several dozen I already had made before she made this sudden decision, or that they are a part of my shop, which is what I paid to have a booth for.

Anyway, at this point I'm working hard to fill out my inventory with other items, but I wanted to take a moment to post and share a few pictures of some of the things I am taking.

In other news, Jack is doing just fabulously well in his own bed! The first night he cried for about 15-20 minutes before he went to sleep, the next night it was about 10, then the next night 5. The next couple of nights he cried when I laid him down, but he was quiet by the time I got back to the living room. Now when I put him in his bed he turns right over on his side and snuggles down without a peep!

He's also pushing through his first molar (upper left), and he's started trying to walk. We've seen him toddle between the couch and the love seat at home (about 3 1/2 feet). My mom watched him in the nursery at church tonight, and when I went to get him after the service, she said "Why didn't you tell me he could walk?!"

"Well, he hasn't really been, just a couple of steps," I told her. "Well he walked all the way across the room a few minutes ago!" she said.

Last week Kate and Will randomly sent us a card in the mail. It said that they were at the mall and wondered if we needed anything for the kids, so they just got us a gift card so we could get whatever we needed. Inside was a $150 gift card to The Children's Place! Morgan and Daisy spent the night with my parents that night, so Nick and I took Jack and had dinner then hit the mall!

This is what I got:

It got us Easter outfits for both Jack and Daisy (and Daisy's goes perfect with lace Easter dress my mom already got for Morgan), as well as some much needed church clothes, shoes, and pajamas for Jack. Plus, because we spent $150, we got two free stuffed bunnies, which will go in their Easter baskets. Jack wore the straw fedora to church Sunday and some of the older ladies actually screamed when they saw him lol. 

Oh yeah, and it's my 8 year blogaversary today (er, yesterday technically)! It's also still Ask Me Anything March, so keep those questions coming!

Loss

It's been a rough week. That's probably a bit of an understatement.

The day after my last post, things were going okay. I was just taking a minute to breathe after the chaos of getting ready for the craft sale. A girl who was at the sale messaged me on Facebook and asked if we could meet so she could buy $30 worth of merchandise. And Nick was coming home that night. 

Then about 2:30 the phone rang. It was Nick, and the sound of his voice made my heart jump with fear. 

"What's wrong?"

He couldn't find the words for a second, then, "Papaw just died."

"What? How? Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry! What happened?"

His precious grandfather, the absolute rock of the family, the man who spent last summer mowing yards for 5 different people on his street, the man who should have lived to be 100, was gone of a heart attack. He was on the phone with Sears, trying to find someone who stocked the fish finder he wanted for Christmas when he fell out of his chair and hit his head. Nick's grandmother called the paramedics, and when they came he was both responsive and lucid, clear on the day, the year, the president, all those questions they ask. He didn't, in fact, want to go to the hospital, but they insisted, and thank God they did. He coded in the ambulance and passed away at the hospital, stunning everyone.

Nick's dad and stepmom were at the hospital when he died, but neither they, nor Nick's grandmother got to see him before he passed. Nick's aunt arrived knowing only that he had been up and talking to the paramedics before they took him to the hospital, so it was especially devastating for her to get there to find him gone.

Nick headed home as soon as he got off the phone with me, and I got on the phone with Robert so that he could go be with the family (as Nick's dad's pastor), and my parents to tell them the news. My dad has always been especially fond of Nick's grandfather, and he took the news hard.

When Morgan got home from school I had to break the news to her, and she was heartbroken. There wasn't a whole lot we could do until Nick got back to town, so we went to meet the girl who wanted to buy some of my merchandise. By the time we finished with her, Nick was back, so we met at his grandparents' house to be with the rest of the family.

Kate, Will, and the kids flew in Thursday morning, the one bright spot in the week. We were not going to be able to see them for Christmas, and I feel like this was one last gift his grandfather gave us. 

That afternoon my dad called with the news that my uncle had just passed away. This was not unexpected as he had been hospitalized for most of the last six months, but it was still very sad news, and my heart hurts for my aunt and cousins

Friday we were at Grant and Kelly's house. Nick was checking his Facebook, and he said, "Did you know there was another school shooting?" We'd been so busy with family that we hadn't had any opportunity to get online or turn on the news and had no idea of the tragedy that had befallen Sandy Hook Elementary. Honestly, I tried to go online later on to find out more about the story, but I just couldn't. My heart is already too full of heartbreak, and there's just no room right now for dead children and Christmas gifts that will never be given. That probably makes me sound awful, but I just can't.

Saturday we attended Nick's grandfather's funeral. He was an avid fisherman, and in his honor we each wore on our coats a fishing fly that he hand tied last year. It was a beautiful service, and a comfort to see how many lives he had touched. That night we had a Christmas gathering to attend at my cousin's house. I missed this one last year because I was in the hospital, so it was good to get to be able to be there, but there was a somberness to it for some of us.

Sunday after church we went back to Nick's grandparents' house to spend the afternoon with his grandmother and with Kate, Will, and the kids. I had managed to finish up all of their Christmas gifts, so I sent them home with them, and they seemed to like them all. After they left we stayed with his grandmother for a while and read her the entries people had left in the online guest book for his obituary. 

Monday night we attended my uncle's funeral. Afterwards my dad took us out to dinner, a very rare treat for us these days.

Since then I've been trying to finish up the rest of the Christmas gifts. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. 

Anyway, that was our week. I'm off to bed now.

So much to be thankful for...

Okay, I need to do a gratitude post. A little while ago I checked the bank account and realized that we're going to be about $65 short covering what we already have out there. And Nick just got paid, so I'm struggling a little. This time of year is always rough, but this was the worst check of 2012 so far (and hopefully at all!) due to a number of factors that don't really matter. So we were already putting some things ahead that we really needed to pay this week, and we still came up short. But I do know that God is looking out for us, and He has done so many good things for us this week. I need to focus on that and get my attitude in gear. 

I can be thankful for:

One biggie is that I discovered the shortage before it actually overdrew us and caused overdraft fees. I will probably have to borrow the money from my mom for a few days (which I HATE to do), but one great thing is that I booked a couple of photography sessions for this coming weekend, which should give me at least $90 in sitting fees that day. So at least I should be able to give the money back to her within 4 days.

Another awesome thing to be thankful for - today we got a new dog. It's become pretty evident that Pancho is gone for good (sob!). Last week a girl that I went to school with mentioned that a mutual friend (another former classmate) was looking for a home for her dog Lucy. Normally in that situation I think, okay, what's wrong with the dog? But in this case she loved the dog, but their family situation was less than ideal for it. She actually belonged to my friend's 12 year old son, who just refused to do all the doggy related chores (walking, feeding, bathing, etc.) My friend ended up doing all the caring for the dog herself, and she'd been threatening to give her away for a year if her son didn't start taking responsibility. They also live in a condo, so there's no real room for the dog to run around outside. Anyway, today we went to pick Lucy up. She's a mutt, but a fairly small one, although she's bigger than Pancho. She's very well housebroken, great around kids, and loves to cuddle. We brought her home and she's settled right in. And she was free! And if God should see fit to bring Pancho home after all, we'll happily have two dogs.

A few days ago I discovered via Pinterest that you can bake cinnamon rolls using a waffle iron. They bake up really fast, and the best part is that the waffle grid means that when you pour the icing on it doesn't go sliding off the side! I had a can of orange sweet rolls in the fridge (my favorite), and I was starving, so I'm eating some as I write. Yum!

A few days ago we got a card from Kate with Kit's newest volleyball picture and a nice note in it. I gave her a call just to catch up, and we had a wonderful long conversation that I really enjoyed. 

Morgan got to go to a Fall Festival with her friend across the street tonight. She came home with a cake, a box of cupcakes, and this big vase full of Skittles that she won by guessing closest to the right number inside. Not that we need more sweets in the house (hello, Halloween!), but it makes me happy that she won something, just because I know that was fun for her.

I was running low on diapers for Jack, but yesterday we stopped at the Goodwill (although I wouldn't have if I'd known how short we were!) to replace my ironing board that broke recently (I know, who breaks an ironing board?) Not only did I get an even better ironing board (with a place to hold my iron!) for $3.00, but I also picked up a pack of diapers for Jack for the same price. Now before anybody fusses at me for buying thrift store diapers, the pack was brand new. It's my guess somebody got them in their shower and their baby outgrew them before they could use them. They're a size 1, which will juuuuuust fit him. We actually buy size 2's now, but these will do in a pinch, and they'll certainly get us through the week.

We were also out of formula, but fortunately I had a backup. When Daisy was a baby, just as she outgrew formula, I made a great find at a local discount grocery store. They were selling 3 1/2 pound cans of Nestle Nido Kinder, which is basically formula for the 1 year + crowd, for $9.99, half of what we were paying for a 3 pound can of formula at Sam's. I was able to find it there for just long enough to carry her through the stage of needing stuff with more nutrients than cow's milk, and I hadn't seen it since. A few weeks ago I found it again, only this time the cans were 4.85 pounds for $9.99! One of the cans was pretty badly damaged, so I left it, but I bought the other three, bringing home over 14 1/2 pounds of it for less than $30. Jack won't be a year old for another 8 weeks (EIGHT WEEKS?!?! How did that happen?), but I'm just making sure he gets plenty of solid food, and the Nido is working great for satisfying his bottle needs. 

We have plenty of food in the house to see us through.

Yesterday I was able to pick up a couple of free 8x10 photo collages from Walgreens. I had a code that worked on both my account and Nick's, so I got to surprise my mom and Nick's stepmom with collages of all their respective grandkids.

I got a Redbox code via text that let me rent What to Expect When You're Expecting tonight for free, and we really enjoyed it - very funny!

Morgan missed the bus this morning, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She was actually out there 10 minutes before it was due to run, but for some strange reason they had already come and gone a few minutes earlier, this according to the girl at the bus stop waiting for a different bus. Jack's been up really, really late the last couple of weeks, and when she came up to tell me she'd missed it, I wasn't fit to drive. I told her I was going to need a few more minutes sleep before I would feel safe getting behind the wheel, so she went back down to let me sleep. When she woke me up it was after 10:30. She'd only missed one day this year, so I decided to just let her stay home. She helped watch Jack and Daisy all day, and I got a TON of work done on our bedroom, something Nick was very happy about...

...as evidenced by the mostly lovely encounter we had just before he went to bed (only mostly, because Jack wouldn't go to sleep, so we put him down in the (newly clean) floor to play where he couldn't see us. We were almost done when he managed to pull himself up to my night table, knock my clock off in the floor, and turn on the very loud radio function, scaring himself into a wailing fit). But interrupted or not, it was very nice to just connect that way, something we really need to make it a point to just make happen more often, kids, work, and chores or not!

I'm going to be part of a sort of craft/home business fair on Black Friday. There will be 10 of us with home businesses (ie. Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Arbonne, my Etsy shop, etc). I plan to sell some leather and vinyl bow cuffs, which I'm also making for Christmas, as well as some hair accessories and felt Christmas trees. Those last are just big felt Christmas tree shapes with various ornament shapes cut out of different colored felt. You hang the tree on the wall and let your resident toddler decorate and redecorate to his or her heart's content (and hopefully leave YOUR tree alone!). I made one for Daisy, and she loves it. I also plan on sending one to Maddox as well as my cousin's little boy a few weeks before Christmas. If I can come up with the $10 to buy more seed corn, I'm also going to make some hot/cold packs. I'm going to try to get Nick to paint some ornaments too, something he did last year for gifts. 

Anyway, hopefully I can earn a little money and get a little local exposure for my shop in the process.

It's been well over a year since I last got new contacts. In fact, I'm thinking it might be more like three years, because I've not had vision insurance since I quit my job. Anyway, we're those terrible people who wear our disposable 30 day contacts way longer than we're supposed to. No lectures please, needs must and all. But I was down to my last pair, and I was really milking them. I'd had them in for probably 6 months or more, just trying to make it through till we can afford the copay to get new ones. I have glasses, but I got them when I was pregnant with Morgan, and the prescription isn't quite right anymore, so I only wear them when I have to. When I was cleaning out our bathroom the other day I found a brand new pair of contacts! So you can bet I put those suckers in!

I have just about everything on hand that I need to make Christmas gifts. I do need to buy some candy to send to Will (last year's was a huge hit), and I need to order some photo prints and get a few picture frames. I also need some plastic canvas to make a fabric barn for Maddox, and some dollar store farm animals to go in it. But I think I've got everything else.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Good night all!

Ranting

I know I've missed a couple of days this month. It's just been a busy few days. Nick was off today, and he got to go play golf for the first time in a few months, which he enjoyed SO MUCH! It always makes me happy when he gets to go play because he just has so few things he gets to do just for himself, and I know it really boosts his morale.

Speaking of morale, I've been struggling a little bit lately. It's kind of silly, and I'm really trying to get over it. It has to do with Grant and Kelly. There are a group of four couples at church that are really close: Robert and Faith, Kelly and Grant, Nick and me, and another couple I'll call Brandon and Melanie. Several weeks ago Kelly and Grant had a bonfire at their house and invited everyone but me and Nick. We only found out because Brandon, assuming we'd been invited, asked us if we were going to be there. When we said, "What bonfire?" he got really embarrassed and started backpedaling. It wasn't a huge big deal, but we did kind of wonder about it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago at the hospital. They had decided not to have anyone in the delivery room but Grant, which was fine of course (and it turned out she had a c-section anyway). I had offered to take some pictures of the labor and after delivery though, because Kelly (who was present for both Daisy's and Jack's births) had taken wonderful pictures for me that I really cherish. Grant said that would be great, but every time I offered to go in and take some while she was in labor and after the baby was born, he put me off. 

He did ask me to come back the next day though and take some newborn hospital shots. So back we went the next day, at their request. But when we got there they kind of acted like they were doing me a favor letting me take a few shots, and they were kind of rude and uncooperative about the whole thing. Usually Kelly is a wonderful model, because she does some photography herself and knows how to work with the camera. I did her maternity session a few weeks ago and they turned out pretty fabulous if I do say so myself. Anyway, I managed to get a few good shots, but it became obvious pretty quickly that they didn't want me to do any more.

When they came home from the hospital we texted and called at various times, checking up on them and asking if there was anything we could do for them, but giving them their space. We really wanted to visit and see our new nephew, but Kelly was really tired and stressed, so we told them to please let us know when they were ready to have visitors and we would wait till then. 

Anyway, I got her pictures edited and posted them to Facebook for her to see, and texted her to let her know they were there. She didn't respond, even to say thank you. 

Last Saturday, when Logan was 10 days old, we had our church picnic. Grant made a brief appearance, but left after less than an hour to go home and be with Kelly and Logan. Nick's parents had been spending a lot of time at their house (in fact, they stayed there overnight Logan's first 4 days home at Kelly's request), so I asked my mother-in-law how Logan was doing. She said he was fine and asked me if I was going to go to my parents' house to see him (the baby) later. "I didn't know they were going to be over there," I said, and once again, the response was backpedaling. I asked my mom if she would rather us not be there, and she basically said that Grant and Kelly didn't want anyone around the baby. Okay, that hurt a little, but this is their first baby, so they can be forgiven some new parent paranoia.

The next day I texted Kelly and asked if she needed anything. She said she would need to go shopping soon, so maybe I could come help her with that soon. The next day I checked in again and asked if she needed anything, and she said they had visitors planned for that day and the next, so maybe I could come help her out on Wednesday or Thursday. Well, Wednesday she had three different sets of people visit (apparently it was only very specific people they didn't want around the baby ie. US).

So anyway, I made arrangements with my mom to babysit my kids so I could go help her Thursday without her worrying about them being with me, and Nick made plans to join me there after he got off work. Wednesday was the first day Kelly had gotten on Facebook and seen the hospital pictures, and she barely acknowledged them, commenting on ONE out of 46 that she liked that particular shot. On one other shot where the baby was yawning she said that yawning was Grant's favorite thing that baby does, but she didn't say anything else. To be honest, they weren't my favorite newborn shoot I've ever done, but I think I did pretty darn good to pull 46 good shots out of the brief, uncooperative opportunity they gave me, and many, many other people who saw them commented and liked most of them. That night Grant was at church, and as we were leaving Nick said, "Hey, we'll see you tomorrow." Grant didn't know what he was talking about, so Nick said, "Tracy made arrangements with Kelly to come help her." Then Grant let it slip that Kelly had HIRED a photographer to come out and take family pictures Thursday. 

Okay. That hurt a lot. The fact is, it's totally their prerogative to have anyone they want to take family pictures. But coming on the heels of her non-reaction to the shots I took for free and at her request, it really felt like a criticism of something that was very much done out of love. And we had talked several times before he was born about me coming out and doing an at home family shoot for her. If she or Grant had just mentioned beforehand that they were going to have someone else come out to do them, it wouldn't have hit such a nerve, but as it happened it felt like she was trying to hide it. 

The next day, I talked to my mom to nail down the details of how long and starting at what time she would watch the kids for me, then texted Kelly to let her know I could come out and help her kid-free. She said that it probably would be better if I came next Tuesday instead because she didn't have anyone planning to visit that day and she was sure she would need some help. I told her that I had arranged babysitting for the day (yesterday, which was the day she picked) and didn't know if my mom could watch the kids next Tuesday. Then I told her that Grant had mentioned that the photographer would be coming out, so if she'd rather Nick and I just not visit that would be fine. 

I spent a lot of time carefully wording my next text, because I didn't want to sound petty, but I really felt like the photographer was the elephant in the room, and if I didn't say something, I was going to have a hard time getting past it. So I told her that I'm always looking for feedback and advice on my work, and would really appreciate her input on what motivated them to go with a different family photographer. She didn't answer for a while (because the photographer was there by then), but when she did she said she really hoped it hadn't hurt my feelings (ha!) and that they just wanted to see what it was like to have someone (a professional, in other words, which clearly, she does not consider me to be) come out and do a shoot. She said I could still come and take some pictures too. I'm afraid this didn't do much to help me get past it, although I'm trying.

Today when Nick came home from golf (with Robert), he said that Robert had talked to Grant about the situation last night and fussed at him a little bit. He basically told him that it was basic courtesy and decency to let me know beforehand that they were going to pay someone to do what I had offered (and they had asked me) to do for free, and that he didn't blame me for having hurt feelings about it. The fact is, Grant is big on considering himself another one of my parents' kids and a brother to me, Robert, and James, which we are pleased for him to do and consider him to be ourselves, but he tends to be kind of selfish and thoughtless when it comes to the type of consideration you extend to family. I should say that I never mentioned any of this to Robert, but Nick said the hurt on my face when Grant let it slip at church about the photographer was pretty plain to see. 

Anyway, Grant apparently felt pretty guilty, because he called Nick twice to invite us out tomorrow to watch the football game and visit. He first left a voice mail, then called Nick to make sure he got it. I guess now that the rest of the country has visited they feel like Logan has built up enough of an immune system to handle our germs. We will probably go, although not as early as they want us to come. We had already made plans to go to a combination craft fair/car show (could there be a more perfect event!?!) tomorrow, so we'll stop by after that. I don't want to be mad at them, but I also don't feel inclined to drop everything to run see them at this point. And I certainly don't plan on bringing my camera. 

Anyway, this wasn't a very good gratitude post, and very boring I'm sure to most of you, but I needed to vent, and this is my blog, so ppphhhhhllllllbbbt! :P