Happy Thanksgiving!

I really should be cooking, but instead I'm sitting here posting with my precious little baby girl sleeping on my shoulder. It amazes me that she's already 7 weeks old. She's a bit clingier than Morgan was, which can be very sweet, but also tends to throw a wrench in the housework. Tomorrow's a big day, not just because it's Thanksgiving, but because it's her FIRST Thanksgiving! Morgan was 7 months old for her first Thanksgiving, so she was able to feast on pureed corn, turkey, and peas. This one will just have to get her tryptophan through my milk. :)

My sister-in-law and I will be doing most of the cooking. She's actually got the heavier load: casseroles - broccoli, corn, and sweet potato; twice baked potatoes, 7 layer salad, pumpkin pie, rolls. I'll be bringing cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, pumpkin trifle, and my infamous macaroni and cheese from last year (done the right way!) I hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving!

Turns out it's still a spanking blog...

Hi, guys. Is everyone having a nice autumn? I can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving here in the States, and before we know it, Christmas will be here! As I've mentioned, I collect "Naughty" Christmas ornaments, and I found one this year at Cracker Barrel:

Of course they had a "Nice" version too, but I just bought the Naughty one.

In other spanko news, I got spanked pretty hard last night with the new Spencer paddle. It was kind of a realignment spanking, to get me focused on my new responsibilities as a stay at home wife and mother, as well as to head off some hormonal craziness. Let me just say that it's a VERY effective implement. I'm very sore this morning, not to mention pretty bruised.

I knew it was coming, but the timing of it took me a little off guard. Morgan spent the night with my in-laws last night, so we just had the baby, but it was so late when we went up to bed that I just assumed it would happen today before Morgan got home. Nope, 2:30 in the morning and he was ready to do it. All my reasoning with him about not wanting to wake the baby got me nowhere, so before I knew it he had me on my stomach and my panties down. I have no idea how many swats I got, just that it was probably somewhere over 100. It hurt way to much for me to keep any sort of count, but I did my yelling and crying into my pillow and the baby slept right through it.

There was some very nice time spent reconnecting afterwards, and today I feel much more on track.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

Just rambling...

Hi, all. I don't really have anything to post about - in fact I should take advantage of the baby sleeping and go hop in the shower, but I feel like posting, so here I am. The baby will be a month old Thursday- impossible for me to believe. It seems like I just came home with her. In less than two weeks I will have to quit my job. This is scary for me. I absolutely do not want to go back, but it's also a pretty big leap of faith to give up my income. That said, we do believe that this is God's plan for us, so unless Nick tells me differently in the next couple of weeks, that's what will happen.

There's been no spanking happening, although there has been sex. With Morgan I was about 9 weeks post-partum before I was ready. With this one I was 20 days, and it was lovely at that. I've lost all my baby weight, and even a bit more. I'm a size down from what I was before I got pregnant, which is very nice. It's great to get back into jeans I had just about given up on pre-baby.

So far being a stay-at-home-mom has been tiring, but that's mostly due to the fact that she's nursing so frequently. I've done pretty well at having dinner ready or almost ready by the time Nick gets home, and I usually have the dishes and some laundry done as well. I think it will get easier as she gets a bit older. Right now if she's awake she wants to eat, and if she's asleep, I try to sleep too.

Anyway, like I said, not much to post about, just rambling. I'm going to go try to get that shower in. Have a great day!

Borrowed Meme

A quick meme while the baby's sleeping - borrowed from PK.

1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. PK's daughter and the son of another online friend (but she doesn't blog, so I won't say who in case she'd rather that not be known).

2. Where was your first kiss? It was behind the counter in the deli department of the grocery store where I worked, and it could not have been a worse experience. Now my first kiss with Nick was over a rather stacked game of spin the bottle, and it was very nice indeed!

3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? Nope.

4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes, but not seriously.

5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? I was in several choral groups in high school (not that I can sing, but at least in a group I got drowned out!).

6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Lips and hands.

7. What really turns you on? Well, this IS a spanking blog (or so the rumor goes). But beyond just spanking, it really turns me on when Nick just gets stern with me.

8. What do you order at Starbucks? It's been ages, but usually a Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino or Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino.

9. What is your biggest mistake? Letting my insecurities take over.

10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Nope.

11. Say something totally random about yourself. I used to be a smoker.

12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? When I was younger I used to get Brooke Shields a lot, but I think it was just because we both have dark eyebrows.

13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I have an eight year old! The day is not complete without some Disney or Nickelodeon!

14. Did you have braces? No

15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yeah, I'm 5'10", so I'm pretty happy with that, although there have been times I wished I was a petite little thing Nick could pick up throw around. :)

16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Sometimes Nick will send me a sweet text or bring me flowers for no reason.

17. When do you know its love? When you try your best to ignore it but the feeling just will not leave you alone. (This was PK's answer, but it was so well put and descriptive of how I first felt when I fell in love with Nick that I left it).

18. Do you speak any other languages? Not with any fluency. I know a few words and phrases in Spanish.

19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? Nope! I would just burn and peel at one of those, so the only tanning I get is at home on my butt!

20. What magazines do you read? I try not to buy them because they're so expensive, but I love People Magazine, and I used to have subscriptions to Glamour, Cosmo, Reader's Digest, Redbook, and Southern Living. Nick and I once took $100 and bought two or three year subscriptions to several magazines each. I'd actually really love to do that again!

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Just once. Nick's sister had us picked up in one at the airport when we arrived for her wedding.

22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes. I've lost all four grandparents and a very dear uncle, as well as Nick's mom and grandmother.

23. Do you watch MTV? Very, very rarely.

24. What's something that really annoys you? Interrupted video feed online.

25. What's something you really like? Snuggling.

26. Do you like Michael Jackson? I wasn't really a huge fan.

27. Can you dance? Yes. Oh, did you mean can I dance well? Hahahahahaha!

28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? All night.

29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Once when I was 17. I was in a serious car wreck, although my brother was hurt much worse than I was.

30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Of course!

Popping in...

Hello, all. First of all I would like to say a big hello and thank you to those of you who poked your head in to say hello on LOL day. It was great to hear from some old friends, and great to get to meet some new ones too! And congrats to Heather and Vickie on the new little one and the one on the way! Things have been hectic here, which hopefully explains in part my absence on here. The baby has her days and nights mixed up, which is leaving me pretty exhausted. Nick has been a huge help, but breastfeeding is something he can't do. I have a breast pump, and I've pumped milk a few times, but right now she's eating often enough that it's rare for there to be enough time for my milk to come back in enough to pump before she's ready to nurse again. Even so, this is a precious, precious time, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Yesterday was my birthday. My in-laws took us out for lunch and got me a couple of things for the baby. Nick, Morgan, the baby and I did some running around and were going to go see a movie, but unfortunately I ended up feeling pretty rough before we could get that far. This morning I woke up definitely sick, dealing with a hacking cough and a runny nose. The good news is that my stitches seem to have healed enough that I'm not ripping them loose with every cough. Hopefully once I recover a bit we can celebrate a little better.

Anyway, that's what's going on here these days. Once things get settled a little I'll be able to spend more time posting (and hopefully will have something to post about!).

It's Love Our Lurkers Day!

And I am sooo late posting this! I'm afraid I've been too busy this last week to do much of anything online, but better late than never, right? We've had 5 doctor's visits in 5 days, but we seem to be all finished for now. Morgan has walking pneumonia, and the baby has been dealing with an elevated bilirubin level. Fortunately it never got to a dangerous level, and it's well on it's way back down to where it should be. Morgan is a few days into her run of antibiotics and feeling much better. Anyway, today is the day we let our silent readers know how much we appreciate them, and I want you all to know that I very much do! So please say hi if you have a chance (if you're not too worn out from commenting on all the blogs that got their LOL posts up in a timely manner)! I'd love to meet you and to know that you're out there!

Hooray!

We have a baby! Our little angel was born at 9:06 on Monday night and it could not have gone more easily! I had a doctor's appointment at 1:00 that day, and I was 5 cm dilated. I let her know that I was ready to have the baby if she thought we would do it that day, and she decided that it would be wiser to go ahead and induce than to take a chance on having my water break when I was away from the hospital. I called Nick and everyone else and went over and got checked in. They started an IV and took some blood, then Nick got there and they gave me my epidural. My doctor came and broke my water around 5:00. The baby was born 4 hours later after 8 whole pushes. I only had to have about 4 stitches and thanks to the epidural I didn't feel a thing!

She is just beautiful, 21 inches long, 7 lbs even, with APGAR scores of 9 and 10! With Morgan my water broke at home, and by the time I got my epidural I was having hard contractions about a minute apart. I pushed for 3 hours and then they had to use forceps. It took about 45 minutes to sew up the tears, which went through 3 levels of tissue, so this whole delivery was a piece of cake! Thank you so much everyone for all the prayers and well wishes!

Still holding...

Well, I'm still pregnant. As of Tuesday I was dilated "3-4 cm". I'm now 5 days more pregnant than I've ever been in my life. And I know, I know - I'm not actually due for another 15 days, but I'm READY! Nick's ready, Morgan's ready, and I can tell you that my mom is most certainly ready!

I go back to the doctor on Monday. She told me on Tuesday that I will very likely not make it to 39 weeks, but that was before she actually did a pelvic exam. Once she did that and found out how far I was dilated, she said she wasn't sure that I would make it through the night. But of course I did. And the next night, and the next. With Morgan I didn't get to 3-4 cm until I was in active labor, 10 hours or so before I had her. And I know that lots of people lay around for a couple of weeks at 3 cm, but c'mon already! There were 3 of my friends with due dates around mine, and they've ALL had their babies. Anyway, that's the news, or the lack thereof.

Another Update

Okay, I've not totally dropped off the face of the earth, I promise! I just haven't had much to post about the last week or so. I started having some more powerful contractions yesterday, but they seem to have stopped entirely, so I guess they're still just the Braxton Hicks variety. Today marks the point in pregnancy at which Morgan was born, which means that I have 20 days left till my due date. My blood pressure and glucose are holding pretty steady, which is good, although I did overdo it a bit on Friday.

Nick absolutely hates to grocery shop, so I made up a menu and a grocery list and headed out to do it myself once he got home to watch Morgan (I definitely know better than to attempt shopping with an 8 year old in my condition!). It was a pretty big shopping trip, meant to cover enough meals till next payday (14 days), plus I had to pick up a few small things at Wal-Mart. Toward the end of the grocery store I got really shaky and nauseated, so I think my pressure probably got pretty high. I made it through the line and home, and Nick and Morgan did the unloading and putting away for me while I lay down. But other than that I've done pretty well.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow, so we'll see if I've dilated any farther. We've pretty much got everything ready for the baby to come, although there are still some hand-me-down clothes I've got to wash (or rather have washed for me). I do have a baby shower coming next weekend (Oct 10th), and I hope to get either a crib and mattress or enough gift cards to go get one. She will probably be here by then, but she'll be sleeping in a bassinet for the first few weeks anyway, so we can do without one for a little while.

One thing I would really appreciate is your prayers on is my job situation. We still feel strongly that God's plan for us is for me to be a stay at home mom, and right now we both love the way that's working, even with me being on bed rest. I'm able to pick Morgan up right after school, be here to help her with her homework without being worn out from work, take care of all the bill paying online (which I've always done, but it was always a struggle to get it done during business hours while working), and plan menus for the week and make out the grocery lists (which saves us money, even if I don't need to do the actual shopping right now). It's also been wonderful as far as Morgan's school schedule - for instance there's a teacher's inservice this Thursday and Friday, and now we don't have to worry about finding a sitter while we both work. A side benefit is that Nick has been taking her in the mornings, which gives them some quality time together, and also gets him out the door in time to miss all the school traffic on the way to work, actually making his commute easier! And once I'm off bed rest I'll be able to actually spend time doing housework and have dinner ready for Nick when he gets home!

All of this is working wonderfully, but right now I still have a pay check coming in. When that stops and Nick's job goes into the inevitable winter slump, things will get more difficult unless God really steps in and provides. Now He has promised to do just that, so long as we are doing His will - I just need your prayers that we will have clarity and peace as to whether or not His will is for me to leave my job! I truly believe that it is, but I also badly want it to be, and I don't want my desires to drown out His voice. I guess one big sign will be whether or not He provides the money we needed from the refinance that didn't happen due to the flood insurance issue. Anyway, your prayers will be very much appreciated. Hope you guys have a great week!

Yikes!

So my other paddles came yesterday, and all I can say is yikes! Even Nick thought they were a little heavy! Not that we've tried them out yet - right now we're being super careful because of the whole bed rest thing. But I'm sure that once the baby comes and I've had some time to recover we'll give them a test run.

Speaking of paddles...

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but Nick does pin striping as a hobby. He's actually quite good, and has done a number of pieces for people, both simple art pieces and even a few vehicles. Anyway, lexan makes an excellent surface for doing signs on, or even just for practicing on; one of his friends was given basically a pallet full of lexan sheets, and he have 30 or so of them to Nick, between 1/4 and 1/2 inch thick. Sooooo...he's going to try his hand at making lexan paddles. There's probably enough there to turn out between 60 and 80 paddles, depending on size and shape. He's going to make one or two for us to see how they turn out, and if it goes well we may offer them for sale. I've never had a burning (heh) desire to be spanked with lexan, but I suppose I could offer my butt up in the name of industry.

Things are going well baby-wise. I was supposed to have an appointment today, but I ended up going in yesterday instead. I hadn't felt any real movement from her all day, so they told me to come in for an ultrasound. She was just fine, apparently just having a lazy day. We had an ultrasound last Monday and she was weighing in at six pounds and three ounces. As of today I'm six days away from the point at which I had Morgan, so I don't think it will be too much longer. Hope you guys have a great week!

You'd think I'd know better...

Last week when I bought the Spencer paddle on eBay, I also bid on another set of paddles (with Nick's permission). I really didn't give it much thought because the bid for both paddles was only $9.99, and there were about 5 days left on it. Well, you guessed it...I won the auction. Sigh...so these should be arriving sometime next week.

Look what came today...

Eeep! I may have to put this away until I'm feeling braver...



(Sorry for the blurry pic - I took it with my phone).

Why bed rest and ebay shouldn't mix...

Should be here later this week...but I did ask before buying!

By the way, it was only $12.95 plus very reasonable shipping...and they have 5 more!

Yuck!

I HATE this! Bed rest sucks! My brother is getting married next weekend, so Nick spent the night at my brother-in-law's house with the guys for bachelor party weekend. Morgan spent last night with a friend, so it was just me and the dog all night and most of the day. He's a good dog, but not much of a conversationalist. I know in my head that it's important to actually follow doctor's orders here, but it's driving me crazy on more than one level. Beyond just being bored and lonely, I'm also feeling pretty guilty about being unable to help anyone with anything. Nick has tried hard to be understanding about it, but I think maybe he can't help feeling a little put out at having everything left to do dumped on him. Not that he's said anything along those lines - maybe I'm just projecting. Being home alone wouldn't be so bad if I could get up and do something, but right now I feel pretty useless. Blah! Okay, hopefully my next post will be a little more upbeat - sorry for the rant...

Grounded!

And not by Nick! As of this afternoon, I'm officially on bed rest. Tuesday my blood pressure was kind of high, so I called my doctor and she doubled my daily dosage of bp meds. Yesterday it was much better, and at my visit she said everything looked good. Today it was even higher than on was on Tuesday, so I gave them a call. I expected to be told to take it easy tonight, or to take an extra dose of my medicine, or maybe even to come in and see them. What I was told was to tell my boss I was officially on bed rest and unable to work for the rest of the pregnancy. This was a little unnerving for me, because it means that I may have just clocked out for the last time ever today. We're still praying heavily about it, but our plans since we found out I was pregnant have been for me to not go back. I've not made that announcement officially because A) I'd like to get paid for my maternity leave, and B) we're still waiting for God to make provisions for it to happen financially. It was strange though to say goodbye to people I've worked with for almost 10 years, knowing that it may very well be a more permanent goodbye than they realize.

I would very much appreciate all your prayers, not just for me and the baby, but for Nick as well as he picks up the slack around here. I was scheduled to take vacation next week with plans to get the house completely cleaned and in order in preparation for the baby, but the doctor has told me that's just not an option now. In fact, if things don't look relatively good when I go in for my next visit on Monday, I won't even be able to go to my brother's wedding next weekend.

I guess the good news is, I'll get to really catch up on my blog reading!

Ouch

Well I got spanked last night, and it friggin' hurt! Okay, I know it's supposed to hurt, but this hurt way more than I expected for this implement. Nick decided to try out our never before used silicone scraper from Art & Cook.

This thing is VERY HEAVY DUTY. As in it feels like getting hit with a one inch dowel. Compared to other spankings I've had, this one was relatively short and not even all that hard, but I'm bruised today, and very sore. I think it might work better when I'm able to actually bend over and he has a better shot at my sit spots rather than me having to just stand, grab onto something and brace myself. We might give it a try again sometime, but for now we're not a huge fan of it as an implement. I think it's too heavy, and Nick thinks it's not long enough. Anyway, I'm glad the spanking's over with, and that it happened. It feels good to be back in it.

We got our shower present from Nick's sister in Texas yesterday. She sent us a Graco Pack N Play, which is something we really wanted. She had one for her baby when we visited her in June, and I absolutely fell in love with it. We looked around and found one like it at a discount store, although it wasn't in the colors we were using. Still, it was cheaper than we found it anywhere else, and we were really hoping to be able to save up for it, or maybe even get enough in gift cards as baby gifts to get it. The one his sister sent actually matches the nursery, and I'm thrilled with it! Now that the carpet is clean and the walls are painted we're starting to really put the nursery together, and I'm so excited!

The latest...

I went to the doctor today for another ultrasound - the baby's 4 lb, 13 oz! She'd doing great, everything looks good. Yesterday my sister-in-law and mother-in-law threw me a baby shower, which was tons of fun! We got enough diapers and wipes to get us through the first 3 or 4 weeks, as well as some blankets and clothes. The best gift we got was a Boppy pillow. A Boppy is a must have for nursing mothers especially, and I used Morgan's so much that it split in the middle! It was a very sweet shower, and it made me feel very special. Nick took the day off work today to get some stuff done on the house. He rented a carpet cleaner and cleaned the floor in both girls' rooms, and also started putting the crib together. It turned out that we were missing a couple of pieces to it (it was originally Morgan's). So he went online to order replacement parts and found that the crib had been recalled - due to the very pieces we were missing! Fortunately the company was providing repair parts at no charge, so they should be here in a few weeks, hopefully before the baby arrives!

It made me realize though how lucky we were that Morgan didn't use her crib very much at all. She slept with us, for a number of reasons, but the biggest was logistics. When she was born we lived in a little single-wide mobile home we rented from my Papaw. The bedrooms were at opposite ends, and we were terrified that we wouldn't hear her if she needed us. We bought our house when she was 6 months old, but here our bedroom is upstairs and hers (now the baby's) is downstairs, with all of the outside doors in between us. I wasn't comfortable leaving her all alone downstairs, so she continued to sleep with us. However, this one will definitely not be in our bed on a regular basis. She'll be in a bassinet in the room with us for the first few weeks, but after that she will go downstairs to her crib. With Morgan in the next room and a house alarm (which we didn't have 8 years ago), she'll be just fine.

I'm currently still unspanked for my mess in the car, although that may change tonight. Nick actually wanted to deal with it Friday as Morgan spent the night with my parents, but we spent the evening in more intimate pursuits, and he agreed to postpone it until the next night. Unfortunately that didn't happen either. I lay down with Morgan to tell her bedtime stories and fell asleep. Nick fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up till 5 AM, at which time he woke me and gently steered me up to bed. Last night we just couldn't get Morgan to bed at a decent hour for some reason. Well, we got her to bed, she was just wide awake till after midnight. Anyway, she's asleep now (in our bed incidentally since the carpet in her room is freshly shampooed and drying right now), so it may happen tonight. I'm feeling nervous about it, but it feels good that he's willing to go there again.

Hope you all have a great week!

A Cute Find

I found this cute magnet set at Michael's for $1.00 the other day. I'm having warm fuzzy images of Nick leaving commands on the refrigerator for me.

In other news, Nick has promised to spank me sometime this week for a little situation where my car got to the point that it might have been difficult to get into the back seat. And the shirts I bought without asking probably didn't help any. But the shirts were on sale, and the car is all cleaned out now, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I've also got another doctor's visit coming up on Monday, so it would be better if I didn't have any marks by then. Anyway, it feels really good to have him taking charge and holding me accountable again.

In baby news, here's this week's email:

Week 33 of Pregnancy
Your baby's immune system gets a boost, while her sleepless mommy could use a boost of energy. With midnight bathroom runs, leg cramps, heartburn, and your basketball-sized belly, it's no wonder sleep is elusive. Third-trimester insomnia strikes about three-quarters of pregnant women (who may also be coping with a mind that races all night long). But your body needs rest, so do your best to get comfy. Grab a pile of pillows, wedge them where you need to, and look on the bright side: Pregnancy insomnia is great training for those sleepless nights to come! Your baby is still gaining weight (about half a pound a week), and she could grow up to another full inch this week. With that much baby inside your uterus, your amniotic fluid level has maxed out, which explains why some of her pokes and kicks feel pretty sharp these days. (There's less fluid to cushion the blows.) Antibodies are being passed from you to your little one as she continues to develop her own fetal immune system, which will come in handy once she's outside the womb and fending off all sorts of germs.

Also, here's what he walls look like in the baby's room. Nick made the stencils himself and did almost all the dots himself. Didn't he do a great job?!

A Thank You and a Meme

I want to say thank you to Paul for his sweet baby gift, and to Pretty Girl for dropping in to comment at the baby shower. And of course thank you to Bethie for hosting.

I found this meme over at Bonnie's:


Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire? The idea of a woodshed is very erotic to me, but I hate to be spanked on a cold bottom!

Would you rather be spanked in public or in private? Public is a nice fantasy, but in reality I'd much rather be in private where he can really do a good job.

Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? I don't much like it when it's happening, but when I fantasize it's usually just reliving real spankings that actually happened.

Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker's pleasure? I'd rather that be up to him.

Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Hmmm...that's a tough one.

Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? Definitely the belt.

Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? Paddle

Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during your spanking? I'd rather he hold me down.

Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused? For me it's more effective to be spanked until I cry, although it's very arousing to know that he's willing to take me there.

Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises? It depends on the situation.

Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience? It's important to me that it be for a reason.

Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down? That depends on whether you ask me when I'm actually getting spanked. ;)

Would you rather be spanked somewhat clothed or entirely naked? Somewhat clothed.

Would you rather your spanking be strictly disciplinarian or sexually attractive in nature? Disciplinarian meets a much deeper need in me.

Would you rather be spanked by a male or by a female? Male, and one particular male at that.

Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after your spanking? Scolded, then cuddled.

Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair? A table or chair is easier for me to hold still on.

Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you? Yes, absolutely!

Would you prefer to be spanked in the woods with a tree branch, bent over the hood of a car, or in a school with a ruler bent over the desk of your teacher/principal? The hood of a car was a pretty common position for us for a while, but the teacher/principal is a long time fantasy for me.

Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it? I don't brat, but I usually have to ask.

Have you received a spanking in the past week? No

Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? Emotional release.

Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? Secret.

Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? I'd rather it be a lifestyle choice.

Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? I'm grateful for the vanilla I've got who's willing to indulge me.

Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? One particular someone who knows me really, really well.

Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? Probably the latter with a healthy dose of the former.

Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? I'd rather be talked to.

Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? One at a time, please.

Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? I'd rather willingly submit.

Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? I have a safeword, but we've never used it.

Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss? Nick IS my spanking history.

Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at one time? Just one.

Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months? Once a day.

Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experience as a spankee? Deeply in tune, of course.

Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker? I need both.

Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment? Send me to the corner, although this is something we've never done.

Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles? My husband, of course.

Would you rather spanking be a part of love making or not a part of love making? Mostly not.

Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked? I'd much rather him be in control.

Would you rather be humiliated or respected during your spanking? Respected.

Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake? We don't really experiment with the BDSM side of things.

Would you rather be filmed during a spanking to share your exhibitionist naughtiness or are you too modest to show your bum to the world? Nope, I'm pretty private.

Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt? It depends upon the spanking.

Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking? I've been both, and I don't know that either is preferable over the other.

Would you rather be spanked exclusively in your own bedroom or anyplace else other than your own bedroom? Mostly the bedroom.

Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or other places could be interesting too? I would prefer that he stick to spanking my bottom.

Would you rather a spanking be a surprise or be something you have to look forward to? Something I have to look forward to.

Would you rather spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? A response to real events.

A Huge Thank You to Bethie!

"Message from Bethie: Welcome, everyone to Angelbrat/Tracy's shower! Come on in, join in the fun, and say "Hi" to the mom-to-be. She's glowing isn't she?
And don't eat the cake; it's made of diapers!"

My dear friend Bethie contacted me a few weeks ago and asked if she could throw me an online baby shower - what a sweet idea! I can't thank her enough for her thoughtfulness, and I really appreciate all the warm love and support so many in the blogging community have shown me over the last few months! If you would like to donate something small to help Nick and I out with the expenses we're facing, Bethie has designed a gift button which is at the at the top of the sidebar to the right. But even if you just want to pop in to say hi, I'm thrilled to have you help me celebrate! Thank you so much for stopping by, and be sure to tell Bethie what a wonderful friend she is! Thank you, sweetie!

Guess what...

Big drum roll..........................I got a spanking! Yep, it's true. Obviously we've both been dealing with some stress, and I've not been handling it very well. If you read my rant a couple of posts ago (and the understandably hurt comment Nick left), you know that I've been seriously feeling the lack of discipline lately. Unfortunately I couldn't seem to find a way to resolve that constructively. Yesterday I sent Nick a rather long text apologizing not just for the post, but for failing to recognize his attempts to take care of me. I asked him to please push the reset button for me and deal with both my stress level and the bitchy attitude I've had the last few weeks. Much to my chagrin and relief, he did just that last night. When we went to bed he pulled out the Hawaii paddle.

Even though I asked for it and knew how much I needed it, it was still hard for me to get into position. But Nick was having none of my hesitation, so I carefully bent over a stack of pillows. It was weird having to maneuver around my seven months pregnant belly, but the pillows did the trick. I have to say, absence makes the bottom grow tender. After seven months, this spanking HURT. ALOT. And I know that it wasn't even close to the hardest I've ever had, but it had me in tears pretty quickly. I think I got somewhere around 200, enough to leave me quite pink and a little bruised today. I don't think there's any chance that I'll still be marked by my next doctor's visit (next Wednesday), but even if I am I don't expect her to do anything I have to take my pants off for. And heck, even if she does, I'm a consenting adult!

I've felt so much more at peace today. I owe my husband a huge thank you - and maybe a nice blow job.

It could definitely be worse...

Well, I know I've not sounded very grateful today. The truth is that I have much to be thankful for, including my husband. I'm dealing with some tremendous stresses these days, and I'm not always handling it well. Beyond the physical drain of pregnancy, there's also the stresses of the gestational diabetes, the hypertension, the doctor's bills, money issues, work issues (found out yesterday that a much loved co-worker with 38 years with the company was unceremoniously downsized. Due to this, her team went to my supervisor and some of my team, me included, are getting parceled out to other teams - NOT happy about this!). We're also having to get flood insurance to go through with our mortgage modification, and to do that we have to get a $400 elevation certificate done. My doctor's appointments are getting more frequent, and my available sick time is almost gone with 9 1/2 weeks left till my due date. Added to all that, there was a SNAKE in our kitchen Sunday! I do NOT like snakes.

BUT, despite all that, my life is very blessed. The diabetes seems to be doing well with diet control, and the hypertension is mild. God is providing as we have to have it on the money issues. While I'm not happy to be moved away from my current supervisor, the one I'm getting is not the worst one I could have. It looks like they may let me use some holiday time when my sick time is depleted. And the snake is now quite gone. Nick was very much my hero in that situation. He likes snakes just about as much as I do, but he didn't even hesitate - with a pair of grill tongs and a steak knife he very bravely dispatched our uninvited house guest, and he didn't even laugh at me for running screaming from the house.

My husband has worked very hard lately, not just at his job, but here at home too, painting the baby's room, picking up side work to help pay the bills, and generally making sure I have help with the house. I very much appreciate him, and I try hard not to make too many other demands. Most of the time he's been very sweet to me, and I'm very blessed to have him. Sometimes, I guess, I just need to bitch a little.

Curiously...

...I feel better. Just needed to get it out, I guess.

Another week down

Hey, everyone. I went to the doctor yesterday and the baby's 3 pounds and 10 ounces. Everything looks good, although she wants me to come back weekly until she's satisfied with my blood sugar readings. They've been decent for the most part so far, so I would appreciate your prayers that that continues.

I've been really struggling lately, although it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what the issue is. I just feel really faded, completely wrung out physically and emotionally. I tried to talk to Nick yesterday about our relationship and the things I need from it, but he shut the conversation down pretty quickly. This is frustrating for me, because I know that he's not a person who enjoys talking about "his feelings", but it makes me feel like I also can't talk about mine. And that just leaves me really tired, like it's not worth the effort to try to express my needs because they just don't matter.

All of that probably sounds really awful about him, and I don't mean to be unfair, because he's going through a lot of adjustments too. It just seems like once upon a time I could talk to him about this stuff, and now he just doesn't have the time or the energy to devote to it. The impression I get is that he's only got so much patience and commitment to give, and right now it's all being used up by the baby situation and all the changes that is bringing. It feels like that wall of security I used to feel from him is  giving way, and I'm terrified that if I keep pushing I'll push right through it.

Once upon a time I could count on him to do what I needed him to do when I felt stressed like this. Is it unfair of me to still want that? The fact that we're having this baby is not any more my doing than it is his, but I feel like the fact that I'm glad she's coming means that he blames me for everything that's changing and I have to give up everything he was doing before. And I know what everybody says: "COMMUNICATE! TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!" Simple, right? Except that's clearly not a viable option here. I've tried to talk to him. It always ends up with me talking to myself, sounding more and more desperate and clingy, which of course makes him less and less able to hear what I'm saying, and the whole thing becomes just a waste of energy and emotions.

Every time I open my mouth to have a discussion about anything more serious than dinner it's a toss up as to whether I'm actually going to jump in and try to have the talk about money or our relationship or our plans for my job or whatever. Half the time I see the whole coming conversation unfolding in my head and I just opt out of it. The whole DD thing, for instance - on almost every occasion in the last 6 months when I've tried to tell him I'm feeling the need he's shot back "Look, you want me to do this, then you need to accept that it's going to happen when I think it needs to happen, not when you think it does. You say you want me to be in charge, but you really want to run this your way!" Okay, sure, valid point, right? Except that the whole reason for doing it at all is because it's something I need. He doesn't (didn't) do it because it was something that helped him. If he doesn't to want to do it in any way that is nurturing to me, then why bother at all?

It's not like I'm just unhappy with an occasional decision of his; it's that it never, ever comes up at all unless I try to bring it up. And I'm not talking about just him coming down on me - there's very little need for that. I'm talking about him just being there when I'm not handling my time very well, or more frequently, when I'm becoming overstressed. Anyway, that was exactly what I was saying to him yesterday when he said "How did we get started talking about this again," making it abundantly clear of course that he was not going to have the conversation. Anyway, I'm just venting here. He rarely reads the blog anymore, so I'd be a little shocked if he even started the post, let alone made it this far. I know that we will eventually get past this. Once the baby comes and I can get past the pregnancy complications and we get into a routine and get settled financially then this will all resolve itself one way or another. I just need a place to yell right now.

Quick baby update

Hey, guys. I'm pretty exhausted today, so this is just going to be a quick baby update post. Tomorow I go to our local diabetes center for classes on my gestational diabetes. Please say a prayer that things go well. Thank you for all of your comments on the last few posts.

Week 30 of Pregnancy
Your baby's brain is getting smarter by the minute, but for Mom, the only thing that smarts right now may be heartburn pain. These days you may feel as if you've got a flamethrower in your chest. Heartburn is one of the most common (and annoying) pregnancy ailments and here's why: The same pregnancy hormones that cause your body's pelvic muscles to relax so you can deliver your baby also relax the ring of muscle that separates the esophagus from the stomach. The upshot? Food and digestive juices can head upstream from your tummy into your chest and throat — hence, the infernal inferno. Your expanding uterus, now exerting pressure on your stomach, only fuels the fire. And speaking of your belly, its increasing size is a definite clue that your baby is getting bigger every day, weighing in at over three pounds now. Also growing daily is his brain, which is actually starting to look like the real thing with those characteristic grooves and wrinkles. And now that your little genius can regulate his own body temperature and turn up the heat, he'll start shedding lanugo, the downy body hair that's been keeping him warm up until now.