An Anniversary...

Today marks the nine year anniversary of the day Nick agreed to try domestic discipline in our marriage. It was 15 years ago that he first spanked me for fun. I know it's not always been a smooth ride, but I really appreciate you sticking with me, Babe. Love you!

New Year's Meme 4

I've done this meme 3 years previously, and I always enjoy it, so here it is for this year:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?  I gave birth to a baby boy, I took part in a craft show, and I vacationed at a 5 star resort to name a few!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? We wanted to get a bit more organized, and we had some small success at that, although we could have done better. I have to give a shout out to Nick who resolved to lose weight and get healthier, and he's done phenomenally well at that. I know that his resolution is to continue with that, and it's my plan to work toward the same thing myself. I do also want to get the house in really good organizational shape, and just do better at housekeeping in general.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Me! Me! And my sister-in-law Kelly.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nick's grandfather and my uncle passed away a day apart this month.

5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? A bigger house! And if we're dreaming, a new HE washer and dryer, as well as a new laptop, Photoshop, Lightroom, and a decent lighting setup. Oh, and a new camera bag! :)

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 2, the day Jack was born, January 13, the day we brought him home, and October 10, the day Logan was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Bringing a healthy baby into the world, although really that was God's accomplishment, not mine. Also, moderate success at my first craft show, and getting all the Christmas gifts done and delivered on time!

9. What was your biggest failure? Oh, this is terribly embarrassing, but Jack's room is still kind of a storage area.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major. I did get a little sick in August. And with running back and forth to the hospital and playing catch up with Morgan and Daisy I didn't really give myself time to recover from Jack's birth, and I got pretty run down in January.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well, we love our Samsung Infuse phones we got back in January, but since they were free with our contract renewal, I don't know if that counts. I bought a Lightscoop, for my camera, which I really love. I also got a dual temp glue gun and a wood burning tool to cut ribbon, and both of those have really revolutionized my crafting.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Nick has worked so hard at exercising and losing weight, and I'm so proud of him! Morgan and Daisy have also done wonderfully with their new baby brother. :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My friend Elizabeth's ex-husband, along with his girlfriend (also an old friend of ours) pulled some pretty dirty tricks to try to get full custody of his and Elizabeth's kids, although he later had a change of heart. I also recently found out that Morgan's old soccer coach cheated on his wife of 12 years. Less personally, the story of Sandy Hook Elementary was heartbreaking, and I can't even begin to understand the young man responsible.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, diapers, formula.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The birth of our son, and our trip to Sea Island, Ga.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. Morgan wore us out on anything One Direction, but Daisy sings this particular song all the time, and it is So. Stinking. Cute.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier - money is tighter, but I'm not in the hospital. :) b) thinner or fatter? I'm going to have to say thinner since I had a baby inside me this time last year! c) richer or poorer? Definitely poorer, since we had just gotten a nice big Christmas check from Kate and Will this time last year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Creating

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? aimless online surfing.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? Yes, with my husband, my daughters, and my son!

22. What was your favorite TV program? Sons of Anarchy, Criminal Minds, Glee, Haven

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah

24. What was the best book you read? I've actually not gotten to read very much this year, which is a lifetime first for me.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I'm afraid I don't have an answer to this one. 

26. What did you want and get? A healthy baby boy!

27. What did you want and not get? A bigger house, a new laptop.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Hunger Games (which was awesome, but come to think of it, I think was the only movie we saw in the theater all year).

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 35, and I stayed home and watched Jack and Daisy. That evening we went to church, and Nick took us all out to eat afterwards.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money? More money certainly would have made it easier, but we were inordinately blessed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.

32. What kept you sane? trusting God to take care of us. Also, Nick has shown tremendous spiritual growth over the last year, which has been wonderful for our marriage. He's also made a genuine commitment to leadership in our marriage and disciplining me when I need it in the last few months, and it has helped me tremendously.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ok, for the last month or so I've been watching The Young Riders on Hulu. When I was 12 and watching this I was all about The Kid, played by Ty Miller. This time around though I'm finding myself much more drawn to James Hickok, played by a 21 year old Josh Brolin. Does it count if it was 23 years in the past?

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I'm more than a little irritated with the continuing health care fiasco.

35. Who did you miss? My friend Ann

36. Who was the best new person you met? Jack!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. If I focus on doing what God wants me to do, He will take care of everything else.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one. 

It's hard for me to believe the year is almost over. Jack will be one in 4 days. FOUR DAYS! Monday will be our 9 year anniversary with DD, which is a little surreal to me. 6 years ago Nick commemorated the day with a long hard spanking and a firm lecture, not as a punishment, but rather to wipe the slate clean on the year, give me a fresh start, and discuss the things he wanted me to concentrate on and expected me to do. It meant a lot to me, and part of me would really like for him to do it again, although I'm also very aware that you should be careful what you wish for!

'Tis the season to...breathe

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. 

Morgan's school didn't let out till Friday, and Nick had to work a half day on Christmas Eve, so it was a little hectic. It's been really, really tight money-wise, which has added to the stress. Saturday Nick did some work on my brother's car and made $60, which literally kept our lights on for a few more days. We're praying it will hold them off till Friday at least. For the last 3 years Kate and Will have written us a very nice check for Christmas, and it's allowed us to catch up on the bills that are inevitably running us down by the end of the year. This year they did not do that, which is of course absolutely their prerogative and totally fine, but I do admit that we were hoping they would. But that just means that God has another plan for provision.

Not that Kate and Will didn't absolutely spoil everyone for Christmas. Morgan got a bunch of clothes, a One Direction poster, a Smash Book, and a $150 Itunes gift card from them. Jack got a bunch of clothes and a couple of pairs of shoes. Daisy got a bunch of clothes, a couple of pairs of shoes, and an iPad mini. (You might remember they got Morgan an iPad 2 for Christmas last year). Nick got a VERY nice road bicycle, custom fit for him, all the necessary accessories like helmet, shoes, riding shorts, etc., along with some workout clothes, Titleist golf balls, water bottles, socks, and pajama pants. They didn't actually get me anything yet, although they said that they did order something, but there was a problem with the order, and they'll send something after Christmas. 

Nick's dad and stepmom got clothes for all the kids and Nick and shoes for Jack and Daisy. They also bought Jack a couple of toys, Morgan a magazine about One Direction, and Daisy a toy horse. They got me a storage box and a storage bag for some of my craft supplies. Kelly and Grant got Morgan a purse with some stuff in it, Jack and Daisy both some clothes, Jack a little soft taggie baby toy that Kelly made, Nick some dress clothes, and me a measuring cup, some cookies, a calligraphy set, and a bleach pen (to craft with).

My parents got Daisy a VTech Innotab tablet, a Vtech kids laptop, a doll, some sort of mini doll set, and a bean bag toss toy. Morgan got a One Direction video, a One Direction calendar (are you sensing a them with her gifts this year?), a Wii game, and a Crayola airbrush toy. Jack got clothes and a couple of baby toys. Nick got some work out clothes, a shirt, some pajamas, and a shop vac. I got a couple of purses, a little tool kit, a single serve brownie pan with a brownie mix, and a little clock made like a sewing machine. 

James got Nick a leg lamp, me a $30 McKay's gift card (score!), Morgan some glitter tattoos and a light up pillow, Daisy some kid craft stamps and a flower alarm clock, and Jack a little ATV style riding toy. Robert and Faith got clothes for Jack and Daisy, a leather journal that Faith handmade for Nick, some coffee and a bottle of olive oil for me, and something, although I can't remember what, for Morgan.

I got Nick some pants, a shirt, a belt, a card game, a watch, some fire starter wafers, and some framed black and white shots I had taken. He got me a very nice pair of sunglasses, although I've had them for a couple of weeks.

Our stuff for the girls was mostly handmade. I made Morgan a hat, a I (heart) 1D pillow (as well as one each for her two best friends), 4 shirts done with freezer paper stenciling, a woven headband in her school colors, a corn bag (like a bean bag, but filled with corn, for heating in the microwave to make a hot pack), several pairs of Shrinky Dink earrings, a leather rose pin, and a Christmas tree pin. I did buy her a One Direction doll and board game, a stuffed animal, and a couple of pairs of pants. I made Daisy a hat, a corn bag, two bracelets and a rose pin, several hair bows, and a matching game. I bought her a doll, a set of LaLaLoopsy mini dolls (her only request), and a stuffed animal. For Jack we had a couple of new stuffed animals and several toys passed on to us by my cousin. Also a little Christmas blankie. 

So as you can see, we had a wonderful Christmas and got way more than we deserve. On Christmas Eve, when I was still neck deep in crafting, I got up to find that Morgan had decided to surprise me by cleaning off the kitchen table. Say, today, that would have been the awesomest thing ever. That day, however, said table was loaded with half finished gifts, and it stopped me in my tracks to see everything loaded off into several different laundry baskets. I did my best to not show it though, and I thanked her profusely for all her help. By the time we had less than an hour to go before we had to be at my parents' house though I was really feeling the added stress of nothing being where I left it, and I found myself getting short with everyone. Nick got my attention and very quietly threatened to take me upstairs and spank me if I didn't get it together. I have to admit, it had the intended result of straightening me right up. 

Anyway, now that it's all over, I intend to take a day or two and just...breathe.   And then I've got to get this house back in shape.

Loss

It's been a rough week. That's probably a bit of an understatement.

The day after my last post, things were going okay. I was just taking a minute to breathe after the chaos of getting ready for the craft sale. A girl who was at the sale messaged me on Facebook and asked if we could meet so she could buy $30 worth of merchandise. And Nick was coming home that night. 

Then about 2:30 the phone rang. It was Nick, and the sound of his voice made my heart jump with fear. 

"What's wrong?"

He couldn't find the words for a second, then, "Papaw just died."

"What? How? Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry! What happened?"

His precious grandfather, the absolute rock of the family, the man who spent last summer mowing yards for 5 different people on his street, the man who should have lived to be 100, was gone of a heart attack. He was on the phone with Sears, trying to find someone who stocked the fish finder he wanted for Christmas when he fell out of his chair and hit his head. Nick's grandmother called the paramedics, and when they came he was both responsive and lucid, clear on the day, the year, the president, all those questions they ask. He didn't, in fact, want to go to the hospital, but they insisted, and thank God they did. He coded in the ambulance and passed away at the hospital, stunning everyone.

Nick's dad and stepmom were at the hospital when he died, but neither they, nor Nick's grandmother got to see him before he passed. Nick's aunt arrived knowing only that he had been up and talking to the paramedics before they took him to the hospital, so it was especially devastating for her to get there to find him gone.

Nick headed home as soon as he got off the phone with me, and I got on the phone with Robert so that he could go be with the family (as Nick's dad's pastor), and my parents to tell them the news. My dad has always been especially fond of Nick's grandfather, and he took the news hard.

When Morgan got home from school I had to break the news to her, and she was heartbroken. There wasn't a whole lot we could do until Nick got back to town, so we went to meet the girl who wanted to buy some of my merchandise. By the time we finished with her, Nick was back, so we met at his grandparents' house to be with the rest of the family.

Kate, Will, and the kids flew in Thursday morning, the one bright spot in the week. We were not going to be able to see them for Christmas, and I feel like this was one last gift his grandfather gave us. 

That afternoon my dad called with the news that my uncle had just passed away. This was not unexpected as he had been hospitalized for most of the last six months, but it was still very sad news, and my heart hurts for my aunt and cousins

Friday we were at Grant and Kelly's house. Nick was checking his Facebook, and he said, "Did you know there was another school shooting?" We'd been so busy with family that we hadn't had any opportunity to get online or turn on the news and had no idea of the tragedy that had befallen Sandy Hook Elementary. Honestly, I tried to go online later on to find out more about the story, but I just couldn't. My heart is already too full of heartbreak, and there's just no room right now for dead children and Christmas gifts that will never be given. That probably makes me sound awful, but I just can't.

Saturday we attended Nick's grandfather's funeral. He was an avid fisherman, and in his honor we each wore on our coats a fishing fly that he hand tied last year. It was a beautiful service, and a comfort to see how many lives he had touched. That night we had a Christmas gathering to attend at my cousin's house. I missed this one last year because I was in the hospital, so it was good to get to be able to be there, but there was a somberness to it for some of us.

Sunday after church we went back to Nick's grandparents' house to spend the afternoon with his grandmother and with Kate, Will, and the kids. I had managed to finish up all of their Christmas gifts, so I sent them home with them, and they seemed to like them all. After they left we stayed with his grandmother for a while and read her the entries people had left in the online guest book for his obituary. 

Monday night we attended my uncle's funeral. Afterwards my dad took us out to dinner, a very rare treat for us these days.

Since then I've been trying to finish up the rest of the Christmas gifts. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. 

Anyway, that was our week. I'm off to bed now.

Priorities

Sorry for the radio silence the last couple of weeks. I've been busy crafting for a trade show I was in tonight. I'd say it was a decent success, even though I only made $68.00. Not that $68.00 is anything to sneeze at - it put gas in my car and will pay for diapers and lunch money, our main concerns this week! I had a number of sales, but mostly of hair accessories and pins, which were pretty small ticket items. Still, I sold about 20 things, which I'm proud of, and I learned a lot for the next show, which will be in the spring.

About a month ago, right after the last time I got spanked in fact, Nick warned me that he didn't want me letting the house go in order to work on Christmas gifts and crafts this year, something that definitely happened before I went into the hospital last year. I did pretty well for a while, but in the last couple of weeks, as the show got closer and closer, I started letting things go. A few days ago he brought it to my attention and told me he was going to spank me for it. It's a rare occasion that a spanking happens on the same night, so I wasn't surprised or offended when it didn't happen right away. Yesterday morning however, I got a text from Nick:

"You're going to get it when I get home...be prepared."

Now that's the first time that's ever happened, and I have to say, it had me nervous and thinking about it all day. If that's what he meant by "be prepared", mission accomplished. What I was not prepared for, however, was the fact that he walked in the door nearly an hour early, right at the time he normally leaves work. There was a church youth group function that he was helping with, and I had kind of assumed that "when I get home" meant when he got home from that. Morgan was across the street at the neighbor's as she usually is around that time, so I said I would call over to let her and her friend know they needed to get ready for the youth event. I reached for the phone, but he stopped me and said, "First we need to go upstairs." Oh. "I thought you meant when you got home after the youth thing tonight..."

"What did I say?" he answered in that no nonsense tone of voice I know better than to argue with. "Yes, sir. May I go get Daisy settled in?" He nodded permission, and I got her occupied in her room with SpongeBob. I trudged upstairs to meet my fate, which came swiftly. He made me bend over the bed and pulled down my jeans and panties. "Please don't," I whimpered, but down they stayed. He opened the lid to the chest and pulled out the Cane-IAC Jr paddle. 

I don't know what my problem was, because I could tell he wasn't actually swinging that hard, but my bottom was instantly on fire. I honestly do try to stay still when I'm getting spanked, but I was dancing and howling from the first swat. So much so that he stopped after the first 11 and pulled out the doggin bat instead, but that lit me up almost as bad. After a few with that he got out a crop, which I was sure was cutting me in two. Next up was the AngelBrat paddle, which I think is what he finished with. I think I got 60 licks in all. 

After he finished he lay back on the bed and let me show him just how sorry I was and what a good girl I could be.

Tonight he's out of town for work, so it's just me and the kids. He'll only be gone until tomorrow night, but I miss him already.

In His timing...

So I have to brag on God a little bit. When I last posted, I mentioned that we were facing some pretty serious financial issues. As of Sunday night, we were both out of gas and money, and Nick had no way to get to work the next day. 

In the past, my parents have lent us small amounts of money on occasion, but I just felt like God was telling me he didn't want me to ask them. My mom has a tendency to want to step in every chance she gets to help, which is very sweet, but we've both talked about how sometimes that may be stepping in God's way when He wants to provide in a different way. 

That night my dad had brought us a gallon of milk, something he does probably once a week because that is a special way my dad loves on us, making sure the kids always have milk, even if he doesn't know that we need it. I called my mom to thank them for it, and asked her to just please be in prayer for our finances in the coming weeks. I stressed that we knew God had a plan, and that we weren't asking for anything but her prayers. That was probably about 9:00. She later told me that she wanted to help financially, but that she knew she just needed to leave it in God's hands. Just after midnight our phone rang.

I was a bit alarmed when I picked it up, afraid something had happened to one of them. It was my mom calling to tell me that without any input from her, my dad had told her that God was telling him that He wanted them to offer us a loan for a couple of months until we get our income tax return. Nick and I prayed about it, and we felt a peace about accepting their offer. I drove out to my parents house on the little gas I had left and picked up $50 cash and a check for $950. Literally a few hours before Nick had to leave for work God provided gas money, plus enough to buy some groceries and help make up what his next paycheck is probably going to be short.

I also was contacted by a girl interested in doing a photo shoot in the next few weeks, and I'm meeting a client on Friday to give her the CD she ordered and pick up the $50 balance on her account.

But what really has me grinning and shaking my head is my Etsy shop. In the last 2 days I've sold 4 pillow covers and put up a custom listing for two more. I know that's small potatoes compared to the loan from my parents, but this is the first time I've ever had multiple orders on one day, and here it's happened two days in a row! I love it when I get to tell people how God has shown up for us in a big way! Fortunately it happens quite a bit. :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's 3 in the morning here. Jack finally succumbed to the soporific effect of Play With Me Sesame a couple of hours ago. The chocolate chip banana bread is in the oven, and the cranberry oat bread is rising in my bread machine. The lemon blossoms are baked and will be glazed while the cranberry sauce cooks and the corn casserole bakes, things I will do after I get a few hours of sleep. There's an episode of Friends on TV, one that originally aired 14 years ago, the week we spent our first Thanksgiving as a married couple. 

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Money has been tighter than ever, something that inevitably happens this time of year due to the nature of Nick's work. As the holidays draw closer people tend to put off having their car worked on because they are saving for Christmas/Hanukkah, etc. He also missed a day of work on the this check because he was just too sick to make it in. I can't tell you how many times my sweet husband has gone into work sick,  but by the time he was halfway there he could tell he wasn't going to make it and turned around and came home. Fortunately it only lasted a couple of days, and he just missed the one day, but it hit his paycheck pretty hard. 

Even so, God has provided as always. There are things we've not gotten to pay that we needed to, but we've had food and fuel, and the basics have been provided. I'm really praying hard for next couple of weeks. His check will likely be about $500 short of what we need just to pay the bare minimum of what has to be paid no matter what, not to mention money for gas and groceries. And when I say the bare minimum, that's exactly what I mean - there's nothing I can postpone. Everything is as late as it can be without effecting our credit rating. I don't have anywhere I can go to borrow that money, not do I have a way to earn that much. I don't foresee my Etsy shop producing 25+ orders in the next week, and as far as I know there's no one intending to hire Nick for side work. 

But my Father owns the cattle on 1000 hills, and He has promised to provide for us. The same God who fed the 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish is the same God who loves and cares for me and my family, and His promises are sure. My job is to pay attention to following His will - my part of the promise. I crave your prayers these next few weeks - for me and for Nick. I know how frustrating it is for him to every week see his hard earned paycheck gone before it hits the bank. But God is teaching us about faith during these hard days, and I'm so grateful that Nick is willing to walk this road with me. My life is filled with so many blessings, and my husband is far from the least of them.

We're having Thanksgiving dinner at Grant and Kelly's house. Last year I was pregnant, and Kelly had not yet conceived. What a precious thing to have these two new baby boys at the table this year! It's so awesome that all three of my kids have 1st cousins close to their age. Morgan and Kit are 16 months apart, Maddox and Daisy 4 months apart, and Jack and Logan 9 months apart. All of my many 1st cousins on both sides (13 in all) were several years older or younger than me, so I was an adult before any of us really became good friends, and I'm so tickled my three will get to grow up with theirs.

I have sold a couple of pillow covers in the last couple of weeks, which was nice. I also made Jack the cutest little turkey onesie to wear tomorrow. It seems like I'm always too busy to sit down and craft unless I'm filling an order for the shop, and it just lifted my spirits so much to get to make that last night! I just used a onesie he already had and appliqued the turkey parts onto it in felt. I got the idea here, and I think it turned out so cute! (Excuse the crappy cell phone photos).

If you look close you might notice that the onesie is a size 3 months. Yep, my handsome boy is still such a little guy to be less than 6 weeks from his first birthday! My girls were always a size or so above their age, so I'm really cherishing this extra tiny time with Jack. He's perfectly healthy and doing everything he should be doing by this age, so I'm just enjoying it. 

It's really funny to see his tiny little body crawling around at top speed. He's learned to climb stairs too. Fortunately he's not discovered the stairs in our house, but he loves to climb the 3 steps up to the stage at church, and he's learned to climb onto the hearth, then up onto the ottoman, then onto the couch to me at home, which scared the crap out of me the first time he did it. He was down playing in the floor and next thing I knew he was climbing up onto my lap! He's also almost mastered the art of blowing kisses, although sometimes he smacks himself in the forehead instead of the mouth, so it looks like he just realized he forgot something important lol.

Anyway, it's time to take the cranberry loaf out now, so I'll say goodnight. Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving!

First of all, let me issue a warm if slightly late welcome to all the wonderful people who commented on LOL Day. I do apologize for not having a chance to respond sooner, but I appreciate each and every comment, from old friends and new. And I'm sorry about the CAPTCHA. I went without it for a long time, but the flood of spam comments in my email box was getting to be ridiculous.

It's been a busy and blessed weekend. Nick was off on Friday. He went to the doctor that morning, which went well. After he got home he took our trash off and picked up a free Papa John's pizza I won in their recent sweepstakes. He also picked Morgan up from school because she had a stomachache. Of course it got better suspiciously fast once she got home lol. While he was gone my parents stopped by to bring us some food from church. Every Friday our senior ministry has a service and a big meal, and a lot of times there's food left to share with those who couldn't make it. They take a lot of meals to shut ins, and sometimes they bring us some too. That evening my dad and James came over to drop off James' car so that Nick could do some work on it.

I mentioned a few days ago that I got our bedroom mostly clean. Unfortunately I got distracted before I got it finished, and Nick had a thing or two to say about that. We were getting ready for bed, and he was pretty worn out, so he told me he was going to spank me, but he would wake me up early the next day to deal with it. I did, however, manage to keep him awake long enough to have some um, face time with a certain part of his anatomy. He returned the favor, and we both slept very well. 

So well in fact that we didn't get up till the kids were awake, so that kind of put the kibosh on any morning discipline. We both had a busy day ahead. He had not only James' car to work on, but also my aunt's as well as another lady's. This was SUCH a blessing from God, because this week has been especially tight. I had TWO photo shoots scheduled, which was awesome, because I've not done a whole lot of work since Jack was born, and one shoot that I've had scheduled for months was canceled because the event I was supposed to shoot was canceled. My mom called early in the day and offered to watch the kids if we needed her to, which turned out to be a good thing. Nick had to leave to do some of the work he needed to do on the equipment at his job, so I took the kids out to my parents' house. 

Both shoots went well, although my first client was very late, which could have caused a real problem. Fortunately my second client was very cool about giving them a few extra minutes. I did, however, still have to cut it a little short with the first client, but they were willing to hang around and let me shoot a bit more after I finished with client number two. After I finished, I called Nick and let him know I was on my way home. He was at the parts store when I got there, but he got home after a few minutes and directed me upstairs. In the bedroom he pulled out the Leather Thorn AngelBrat paddle and had me bend over the bed.

Conventional wisdom would say that leather is a lot more forgiving, and I suppose it is in a way. It certainly doesn't bruise as easily as wood, and any redness it leaves fades a lot faster. But Nick tends to spank a lot harder with leather, I guess for those very reasons. Leather Thorn pieces are very nice, and this one is quite heavy. It's about 16 inches long, and on impact it wraps across my bottom and kind of sears everything it hits. I've actually not had all that many punishments with this particular paddle, but every one has been memorable. I have no idea how many swats I got, but if I had to guess I would say it was probably somewhere around 40-50.

By the way, those are not affiliate links - I just really like their products. Er, most of the time...

After he finished spanking me he hugged me a bit, then went back down to work on my brother's car some more. I got myself together and went to pick up the kids. By the time I got home he was done with his work and starving. He sent me to Taco Bell with some of his earnings. When I got to the drive through I found that I was $3 short. It wasn't a big deal - I had ordered a few extra things, and I was just going to tell the girl to take them off, but instead she gave me a senior discount, which put the total down below what I had. :) I spent most of the evening filling an order for my Etsy shop, another blessing.

Today we went to church. There was appropriate recognition of the veterans in the congregation, and I want to say thank you to all of you out there who have served, in whatever country you may be! 

After church we met a girl I went to school with who gave me TWELVE cans of baby formula, plus a bunch of jars of baby food! She has a baby boy a month younger than Jack. He was also born at the same point in the pregnancy as Jack (38 days early), but unfortunately, unlike Jack, he has had a number of health problems as a result. His mom also has a huge number of food allergies that she has passed on to him. Because of this their insurance provides them with about 3 cans a week of a formula that is made to  give the needed nutrients without triggering his many allergies. However, he strongly prefers breastfeeding, so she had a huge stockpile of extra formula that needed to be used up, so she passed part of it on to me. I'm going to double check with his doctor tomorrow to make sure that it will be okay for him, but from everything I've researched on this particular brand, it looks like it will be fine.

Kelly also brought me a couple of cans she got in the hospital since she's solely breastfeeding. After we picked up the formula we had a quick lunch at a pizza buffet with Kelly, Grant, Logan, Robert, Faith, Brandon, and Melanie. The plan was to then take advantage of free day at the zoo. We went last year and it was crowded, but not crazy so. This year traffic was crazy, and when we turned onto the road into the zoo, a girl on her way out rolled down her window and told us not to bother, that it was so crowded you couldn't even get close enough to the animals to see. We decided to take her advice since by this time it was only about an hour and a half before closing time anyway. 

The girls were disappointed, but I remembered something that happened when I was a kid. A trip to the circus unexpectedly fell through, so my parents gave James and me (this was before Robert was born) each $5 and took us to a department store to spend it on whatever we wanted. I still remember picking out a soft purple stuffed rabbit in a white basket. So we took the girls to Target and gave them $10 each ($5 doesn't buy what it did almost 30 years ago). Morgan picked out a pair of One Direction headphones, and Daisy chose a toy hairdresser set, which I thought was adorable since her Nana (my MIL) is a hairdresser. They recently opened a craft store right next to our Target, so after we left, Nick stayed in the car with the kids and let me just explore the new store a bit.

When we got back to church Melanie, who is amazing with crochet hooks, had brought Jack the most adorable gift. It was a hat/beard combo, a lot like this:

Source Obviously this one isn't his. His is green, and of course didn't come from this shop. Anyway, she made Logan one too, so I'm hoping we can take their pictures in them together.

Anyway, that's been our weekend - how was yours?

Love Our Lurkers Day!

I think it's fair to say that many, many, many of us were lurkers to start with. I know I was! I was just sure that if I left a comment on a *gasp* spanking blog it would immediately send out a notification to my mom, my boss, my pastor, and those mean kids in high school. But one day I took the plunge. I left a comment, and not only did the world keep turning, but I found that I'd taken a first step - one that led me to eventually start my own blog. And I met a lot of great people, some of whom are now my friends outside of the blogosphere too! So if you're out there being shy, stop it! No, don't go away - pop in and say hi! This is the 7th annual Love Our Lurkers Day, and I'd love to meet you!

Randomness

I'm sitting here with my fresh clean baby boy. :) Jack really enjoys baths in his little baby sized tub, but he always makes a huge mess splashing. I'm always soaked by the end. The couple of times I've tried bathing him in our tub, he freaked out. So I thought it might be a good idea to get in with him. Not so much. He still freaked out the whole time. But he got clean and tired out, because now my fresh smelling little man is curled up asleep in his car seat on the floor beside me.

Tonight Kelly and Grant came to church and brought Logan. I think Kelly has turned a corner with her postpartum issues. She actually let a couple of the girls in the youth group hold him. :) She also handed me a bag of Milano cookies (my favorite!) and a card with $25 and a $50 Walmart gift card for my birthday. Then she leaned in and whispered that the gift card was a thank you for doing the pictures, that she didn't want me to think I wasn't appreciated. I get the impression someone said something to her about it. I told her she didn't have to do that (she didn't! It really wasn't about money!), but I did really appreciate her doing it. And I have to say, it definitely helped out this week. I wasn't sure where I was going to get the money for gas to drive to my photo shoots on Saturday, and we're almost out of toilet paper. 

I did connect with a friend of an old classmate today who met me and gave me some unopened cans of baby formula. My mom also brought us a container of formula yesterday. And she let me borrow the money to cover what we needed to go in the bank.:) Jack liked the Nido stuff, but it did seem to be constipating him, so I'm thankful to have some formula (which definitely fixed the constipation issue lol).

The new dog is still doing great, which is a relief.

And I made another sale in my Etsy shop! :)

Also, I found Nick a doctor and the kids a dentist. Both kids have needed to go, but with their insurance I was having a hard time finding the right person to take them to. Daisy has never been, and I know she has a couple of cavities, so I knew I needed someone really good with kids. Last week I happened to have a conversation with an acquaintance who mentioned that her son is on the same insurance and loves his dentist. I got his name and number and got them both set up with an appointment for next week. 

And I found Nick a doctor who will take payments. His insurance has a huge deductible, so the whole visit will come out of his pocket, so this was important. He's had some congestion in his ear for several months now that he just can't shake. Plus since he's been losing weight (30 pounds now!) and exercising, he felt like a check up was a good idea. 

Our old doctor was kind of a nut. I guess he was okay as a doctor, but he was obsessed with weight. Neither of us is exactly thin, but we've also never had any health problems related to it. Every time Nick went to him for anything at all, he insisted on checking his blood pressure and cholesterol, then would get really irritated when both came back great. One time he took my blood pressure and told me it was terrible and that if I didn't get it under control I would be on medication for it for the rest of my life. Later on I had pregnancy related hypertension, but when I'm not pregnant I've never had a problem, so I was understandably shaken up. When he stepped out and the nurse came in I asked her what the reading was. She looked at the chart, and it was something like 120/72. "Is that bad?" I asked. She looked surprised. "No! That's actually really good!" It was kind of crazy, so we haven't been back to him in years.

Anyway, that's what's going on around here. How are you guys? 

So much to be thankful for...

Okay, I need to do a gratitude post. A little while ago I checked the bank account and realized that we're going to be about $65 short covering what we already have out there. And Nick just got paid, so I'm struggling a little. This time of year is always rough, but this was the worst check of 2012 so far (and hopefully at all!) due to a number of factors that don't really matter. So we were already putting some things ahead that we really needed to pay this week, and we still came up short. But I do know that God is looking out for us, and He has done so many good things for us this week. I need to focus on that and get my attitude in gear. 

I can be thankful for:

One biggie is that I discovered the shortage before it actually overdrew us and caused overdraft fees. I will probably have to borrow the money from my mom for a few days (which I HATE to do), but one great thing is that I booked a couple of photography sessions for this coming weekend, which should give me at least $90 in sitting fees that day. So at least I should be able to give the money back to her within 4 days.

Another awesome thing to be thankful for - today we got a new dog. It's become pretty evident that Pancho is gone for good (sob!). Last week a girl that I went to school with mentioned that a mutual friend (another former classmate) was looking for a home for her dog Lucy. Normally in that situation I think, okay, what's wrong with the dog? But in this case she loved the dog, but their family situation was less than ideal for it. She actually belonged to my friend's 12 year old son, who just refused to do all the doggy related chores (walking, feeding, bathing, etc.) My friend ended up doing all the caring for the dog herself, and she'd been threatening to give her away for a year if her son didn't start taking responsibility. They also live in a condo, so there's no real room for the dog to run around outside. Anyway, today we went to pick Lucy up. She's a mutt, but a fairly small one, although she's bigger than Pancho. She's very well housebroken, great around kids, and loves to cuddle. We brought her home and she's settled right in. And she was free! And if God should see fit to bring Pancho home after all, we'll happily have two dogs.

A few days ago I discovered via Pinterest that you can bake cinnamon rolls using a waffle iron. They bake up really fast, and the best part is that the waffle grid means that when you pour the icing on it doesn't go sliding off the side! I had a can of orange sweet rolls in the fridge (my favorite), and I was starving, so I'm eating some as I write. Yum!

A few days ago we got a card from Kate with Kit's newest volleyball picture and a nice note in it. I gave her a call just to catch up, and we had a wonderful long conversation that I really enjoyed. 

Morgan got to go to a Fall Festival with her friend across the street tonight. She came home with a cake, a box of cupcakes, and this big vase full of Skittles that she won by guessing closest to the right number inside. Not that we need more sweets in the house (hello, Halloween!), but it makes me happy that she won something, just because I know that was fun for her.

I was running low on diapers for Jack, but yesterday we stopped at the Goodwill (although I wouldn't have if I'd known how short we were!) to replace my ironing board that broke recently (I know, who breaks an ironing board?) Not only did I get an even better ironing board (with a place to hold my iron!) for $3.00, but I also picked up a pack of diapers for Jack for the same price. Now before anybody fusses at me for buying thrift store diapers, the pack was brand new. It's my guess somebody got them in their shower and their baby outgrew them before they could use them. They're a size 1, which will juuuuuust fit him. We actually buy size 2's now, but these will do in a pinch, and they'll certainly get us through the week.

We were also out of formula, but fortunately I had a backup. When Daisy was a baby, just as she outgrew formula, I made a great find at a local discount grocery store. They were selling 3 1/2 pound cans of Nestle Nido Kinder, which is basically formula for the 1 year + crowd, for $9.99, half of what we were paying for a 3 pound can of formula at Sam's. I was able to find it there for just long enough to carry her through the stage of needing stuff with more nutrients than cow's milk, and I hadn't seen it since. A few weeks ago I found it again, only this time the cans were 4.85 pounds for $9.99! One of the cans was pretty badly damaged, so I left it, but I bought the other three, bringing home over 14 1/2 pounds of it for less than $30. Jack won't be a year old for another 8 weeks (EIGHT WEEKS?!?! How did that happen?), but I'm just making sure he gets plenty of solid food, and the Nido is working great for satisfying his bottle needs. 

We have plenty of food in the house to see us through.

Yesterday I was able to pick up a couple of free 8x10 photo collages from Walgreens. I had a code that worked on both my account and Nick's, so I got to surprise my mom and Nick's stepmom with collages of all their respective grandkids.

I got a Redbox code via text that let me rent What to Expect When You're Expecting tonight for free, and we really enjoyed it - very funny!

Morgan missed the bus this morning, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She was actually out there 10 minutes before it was due to run, but for some strange reason they had already come and gone a few minutes earlier, this according to the girl at the bus stop waiting for a different bus. Jack's been up really, really late the last couple of weeks, and when she came up to tell me she'd missed it, I wasn't fit to drive. I told her I was going to need a few more minutes sleep before I would feel safe getting behind the wheel, so she went back down to let me sleep. When she woke me up it was after 10:30. She'd only missed one day this year, so I decided to just let her stay home. She helped watch Jack and Daisy all day, and I got a TON of work done on our bedroom, something Nick was very happy about...

...as evidenced by the mostly lovely encounter we had just before he went to bed (only mostly, because Jack wouldn't go to sleep, so we put him down in the (newly clean) floor to play where he couldn't see us. We were almost done when he managed to pull himself up to my night table, knock my clock off in the floor, and turn on the very loud radio function, scaring himself into a wailing fit). But interrupted or not, it was very nice to just connect that way, something we really need to make it a point to just make happen more often, kids, work, and chores or not!

I'm going to be part of a sort of craft/home business fair on Black Friday. There will be 10 of us with home businesses (ie. Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Arbonne, my Etsy shop, etc). I plan to sell some leather and vinyl bow cuffs, which I'm also making for Christmas, as well as some hair accessories and felt Christmas trees. Those last are just big felt Christmas tree shapes with various ornament shapes cut out of different colored felt. You hang the tree on the wall and let your resident toddler decorate and redecorate to his or her heart's content (and hopefully leave YOUR tree alone!). I made one for Daisy, and she loves it. I also plan on sending one to Maddox as well as my cousin's little boy a few weeks before Christmas. If I can come up with the $10 to buy more seed corn, I'm also going to make some hot/cold packs. I'm going to try to get Nick to paint some ornaments too, something he did last year for gifts. 

Anyway, hopefully I can earn a little money and get a little local exposure for my shop in the process.

It's been well over a year since I last got new contacts. In fact, I'm thinking it might be more like three years, because I've not had vision insurance since I quit my job. Anyway, we're those terrible people who wear our disposable 30 day contacts way longer than we're supposed to. No lectures please, needs must and all. But I was down to my last pair, and I was really milking them. I'd had them in for probably 6 months or more, just trying to make it through till we can afford the copay to get new ones. I have glasses, but I got them when I was pregnant with Morgan, and the prescription isn't quite right anymore, so I only wear them when I have to. When I was cleaning out our bathroom the other day I found a brand new pair of contacts! So you can bet I put those suckers in!

I have just about everything on hand that I need to make Christmas gifts. I do need to buy some candy to send to Will (last year's was a huge hit), and I need to order some photo prints and get a few picture frames. I also need some plastic canvas to make a fabric barn for Maddox, and some dollar store farm animals to go in it. But I think I've got everything else.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Good night all!

Okay, I know I said I was letting this go...

...and I am, I swear! But I need to vent one last time about this whole Kelly/Grant/photographer thing. And then I'm putting it to bed, I promise!

Tonight I saw the pictures on Facebook. And they were okay. Decent. Some of them were quite good even. But not one of them was exceptional. There wasn't a single shot that showed great imagination or perspective, and a few of them were even pretty close versions of some I shot in the hospital. My point is, without implying that I'm anywhere close to the best there is (because that's certainly not true), I know I could have done just as good a job if not better. 

And that makes me feel a little bit better. But here's what makes me a little more irritated and hurt: I took a peek at the photographer's prices. Her fee for  what they had done is $200.00. Now that's not outrageous by any means. That included an hour of shooting and a CD of all the edited shots. That's actually a very reasonable price for on location photography. But this:

Let me say first that I firmly believe that in a family, you help people out just because you love them. Nick does mechanic work for both my family and his frequently at no charge (although my dad generally insists on giving him something). My mother-in-law cuts our hair and does my coloring and waxing at no charge. I act as tech support for her for all things computer. Nick's dad mows our yard when we're on vacation, and he stops by all the time to cut down a tree or fix a fence, or whatever needs fixing. I can't begin to list all the things my mom does for us. All of us have at one time or another hopped in the car late at night to jump start a stranded family member's car or bring them a gallon of gas. And I do photography for any of them, as often as they ask, and certainly at no charge. When I did Kelly's maternity session I drove a considerable distance, during a week when we really didn't have the extra gas money (which is kind of every week lately). I spent a lot of time taking pictures and several hours in editing, at the end of which I handed over my images to her free and clear. They never offered to pay me for any of this, nor did I expect them to. That's just what family does. 

But it hurts me a little that they happily handed $200 over to a complete stranger to do the same thing. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it just seems like at a time when they know funds are pretty continually tight for us, they might consider choosing me to hire if they wanted to pay someone. Nick's dad is kind of bad about doing the same thing. He's had his truck towed to a shop and spent $600 to have them fix it when Nick was offering to not only drive 45 minutes to where he was stranded, but pick up the necessary part and fix it on the spot for just enough to cover the price of the part. It just feels like they would rather spend extra money than see us benefit from it, and I don't understand it. Nick works on $80,000 cars daily, and he's been in the business since he was 18, so it's not like he doesn't have the skill and knowledge to do it. I think it boils down to feeling like we're taken for granted and not respected.

Anyway, all done venting. I promise, no more about it.

Today of course was Halloween. Normally we go to church on Wednesdays, but I stayed home with the kids to take them trick or treating. Morgan went as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, and she looked great! When I got to go to the craft store for my birthday I picked up some blue gingham, and my mom whipped up a quick Dorothy dress. I found some red dress shoes at the thrift store yesterday for $2.99, and a bottle of glitter and some spray adhesive later, we had ruby slippers. :)

Daisy was supposed to be an "angel princess". I had a pair of angel wings I found at a yard sale last summer, and she had a fancy pink dress we got in a bag of clothes from Elizabeth, and a princess crown my mom got for her to wear at her birthday party. I got a 3 pack of princess wands at the Dollar Tree today, and we were all set. But when it came down to it, she insisted on wearing an Old Navy shirt with a pumpkin on it, jeans, and the crown, and going as "a pumpkin princess." Oh well.

Jack was a baby ninja, and I have to say he was the cutest ninja I've ever seen! The ninja costume was another thrift store find back in the summer, and I have to say I was pretty happy with our frugal Halloween! The kids had a blast trick or treating, got tons of candy, and wore themselves out. 

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Happy Halloween!

Resolutions

Yesterday was nice. Jack ended up pushing through tooth number five in the wee hours of the morning, so I was up pretty late, but I got to sleep in to a decent hour. We went to the craft fair/car show like we had planned. It was pretty small, but neat nonetheless, and it was good to just get out and do something. Afterwards we had lunch, then we did end up going to Grant and Kelly's house. 

It was okay. Nothing was said about the photographer or anything else, so I'm just going to put it behind me. It was sweet to hold little Logan though. :)

Ever since we had Jack (or really since we had Daisy) we've been really pressed for space. When we bought our house Morgan was 6 months old, and three bedrooms was more than enough. When Daisy came along we had to give up our den/family room and move everything in there into the living room. With Jack on board, Daisy had to move in with Morgan, so Jack could have her room, although, to be cringing-ly honest, it's still not been properly set up and is currently still home to a lot of Daisy's stuff, as well as some of my crafting and photography things.

Speaking of crafting and photography, since I became a stay at home mom and started doing both of those things to supplement our income, we've had to find room to store all of the things that go with all of that, which hasn't helped our space issue at all.

We've been praying for some time for a bigger home, but several months ago God really spoke to me about it. I realized that we can't really expect to be blessed with a bigger home if we aren't showing appreciation and taking care of the one He's already blessed us with. I really have been making an effort to get things in order, but honestly it's been hard to do by myself. Not that Nick doesn't sometimes help, but we just have too much of everything for the space that we have. And with 3 kids who all make messes and only one really big enough to help without making a bigger mess out of it, things get crazy pretty quickly.

This morning while we were getting ready for church, out of the blue Nick told me that God had spoken to him about it too, and that he really wanted to get things pared down and organized. When we got home Morgan helped some with the kitchen while I made lunch, and Nick cleaned the living room. After lunch we took a quick nap (a cherished Sunday tradition). Unfortunately we overslept, and it was time to leave for church by the time we woke up. Nick had just lay down on the couch to sleep, so he was already ready, but the rest of us were not, so he went ahead and went without us.

While he was gone I went through our bathroom upstairs. I spent probably a couple of hours on it. It's about as small a room as you can get and still have a full bath, but I threw away a full garbage bag full of stuff (expired makeup, old skin care products, a broken wire shelf, etc.) and passed a few things on to Morgan. 

Anyway, it was good to get something done on the house, and I really do want to stay focused on it. We're hoping Kate, Will, Kit, and Maddox will get to come  in sometime around Thanksgiving, and I would love to be able to have them over.

Ranting

I know I've missed a couple of days this month. It's just been a busy few days. Nick was off today, and he got to go play golf for the first time in a few months, which he enjoyed SO MUCH! It always makes me happy when he gets to go play because he just has so few things he gets to do just for himself, and I know it really boosts his morale.

Speaking of morale, I've been struggling a little bit lately. It's kind of silly, and I'm really trying to get over it. It has to do with Grant and Kelly. There are a group of four couples at church that are really close: Robert and Faith, Kelly and Grant, Nick and me, and another couple I'll call Brandon and Melanie. Several weeks ago Kelly and Grant had a bonfire at their house and invited everyone but me and Nick. We only found out because Brandon, assuming we'd been invited, asked us if we were going to be there. When we said, "What bonfire?" he got really embarrassed and started backpedaling. It wasn't a huge big deal, but we did kind of wonder about it.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago at the hospital. They had decided not to have anyone in the delivery room but Grant, which was fine of course (and it turned out she had a c-section anyway). I had offered to take some pictures of the labor and after delivery though, because Kelly (who was present for both Daisy's and Jack's births) had taken wonderful pictures for me that I really cherish. Grant said that would be great, but every time I offered to go in and take some while she was in labor and after the baby was born, he put me off. 

He did ask me to come back the next day though and take some newborn hospital shots. So back we went the next day, at their request. But when we got there they kind of acted like they were doing me a favor letting me take a few shots, and they were kind of rude and uncooperative about the whole thing. Usually Kelly is a wonderful model, because she does some photography herself and knows how to work with the camera. I did her maternity session a few weeks ago and they turned out pretty fabulous if I do say so myself. Anyway, I managed to get a few good shots, but it became obvious pretty quickly that they didn't want me to do any more.

When they came home from the hospital we texted and called at various times, checking up on them and asking if there was anything we could do for them, but giving them their space. We really wanted to visit and see our new nephew, but Kelly was really tired and stressed, so we told them to please let us know when they were ready to have visitors and we would wait till then. 

Anyway, I got her pictures edited and posted them to Facebook for her to see, and texted her to let her know they were there. She didn't respond, even to say thank you. 

Last Saturday, when Logan was 10 days old, we had our church picnic. Grant made a brief appearance, but left after less than an hour to go home and be with Kelly and Logan. Nick's parents had been spending a lot of time at their house (in fact, they stayed there overnight Logan's first 4 days home at Kelly's request), so I asked my mother-in-law how Logan was doing. She said he was fine and asked me if I was going to go to my parents' house to see him (the baby) later. "I didn't know they were going to be over there," I said, and once again, the response was backpedaling. I asked my mom if she would rather us not be there, and she basically said that Grant and Kelly didn't want anyone around the baby. Okay, that hurt a little, but this is their first baby, so they can be forgiven some new parent paranoia.

The next day I texted Kelly and asked if she needed anything. She said she would need to go shopping soon, so maybe I could come help her with that soon. The next day I checked in again and asked if she needed anything, and she said they had visitors planned for that day and the next, so maybe I could come help her out on Wednesday or Thursday. Well, Wednesday she had three different sets of people visit (apparently it was only very specific people they didn't want around the baby ie. US).

So anyway, I made arrangements with my mom to babysit my kids so I could go help her Thursday without her worrying about them being with me, and Nick made plans to join me there after he got off work. Wednesday was the first day Kelly had gotten on Facebook and seen the hospital pictures, and she barely acknowledged them, commenting on ONE out of 46 that she liked that particular shot. On one other shot where the baby was yawning she said that yawning was Grant's favorite thing that baby does, but she didn't say anything else. To be honest, they weren't my favorite newborn shoot I've ever done, but I think I did pretty darn good to pull 46 good shots out of the brief, uncooperative opportunity they gave me, and many, many other people who saw them commented and liked most of them. That night Grant was at church, and as we were leaving Nick said, "Hey, we'll see you tomorrow." Grant didn't know what he was talking about, so Nick said, "Tracy made arrangements with Kelly to come help her." Then Grant let it slip that Kelly had HIRED a photographer to come out and take family pictures Thursday. 

Okay. That hurt a lot. The fact is, it's totally their prerogative to have anyone they want to take family pictures. But coming on the heels of her non-reaction to the shots I took for free and at her request, it really felt like a criticism of something that was very much done out of love. And we had talked several times before he was born about me coming out and doing an at home family shoot for her. If she or Grant had just mentioned beforehand that they were going to have someone else come out to do them, it wouldn't have hit such a nerve, but as it happened it felt like she was trying to hide it. 

The next day, I talked to my mom to nail down the details of how long and starting at what time she would watch the kids for me, then texted Kelly to let her know I could come out and help her kid-free. She said that it probably would be better if I came next Tuesday instead because she didn't have anyone planning to visit that day and she was sure she would need some help. I told her that I had arranged babysitting for the day (yesterday, which was the day she picked) and didn't know if my mom could watch the kids next Tuesday. Then I told her that Grant had mentioned that the photographer would be coming out, so if she'd rather Nick and I just not visit that would be fine. 

I spent a lot of time carefully wording my next text, because I didn't want to sound petty, but I really felt like the photographer was the elephant in the room, and if I didn't say something, I was going to have a hard time getting past it. So I told her that I'm always looking for feedback and advice on my work, and would really appreciate her input on what motivated them to go with a different family photographer. She didn't answer for a while (because the photographer was there by then), but when she did she said she really hoped it hadn't hurt my feelings (ha!) and that they just wanted to see what it was like to have someone (a professional, in other words, which clearly, she does not consider me to be) come out and do a shoot. She said I could still come and take some pictures too. I'm afraid this didn't do much to help me get past it, although I'm trying.

Today when Nick came home from golf (with Robert), he said that Robert had talked to Grant about the situation last night and fussed at him a little bit. He basically told him that it was basic courtesy and decency to let me know beforehand that they were going to pay someone to do what I had offered (and they had asked me) to do for free, and that he didn't blame me for having hurt feelings about it. The fact is, Grant is big on considering himself another one of my parents' kids and a brother to me, Robert, and James, which we are pleased for him to do and consider him to be ourselves, but he tends to be kind of selfish and thoughtless when it comes to the type of consideration you extend to family. I should say that I never mentioned any of this to Robert, but Nick said the hurt on my face when Grant let it slip at church about the photographer was pretty plain to see. 

Anyway, Grant apparently felt pretty guilty, because he called Nick twice to invite us out tomorrow to watch the football game and visit. He first left a voice mail, then called Nick to make sure he got it. I guess now that the rest of the country has visited they feel like Logan has built up enough of an immune system to handle our germs. We will probably go, although not as early as they want us to come. We had already made plans to go to a combination craft fair/car show (could there be a more perfect event!?!) tomorrow, so we'll stop by after that. I don't want to be mad at them, but I also don't feel inclined to drop everything to run see them at this point. And I certainly don't plan on bringing my camera. 

Anyway, this wasn't a very good gratitude post, and very boring I'm sure to most of you, but I needed to vent, and this is my blog, so ppphhhhhllllllbbbt! :P