A Year

We are still working on selling the house. It's an exhausting and frustrating process, and I'm tired. Today was our 60th showing. 60th. And we have another tomorrow, and one on Sunday, another on Monday. We lowered our price by $10,000, something we didn't want to do, but we felt that so many showings with no offers was telling us it was the right move. We also found another house that we would like to buy, but if course ours has to sell first, and we have to figure out the financing based on our new lower selling price. This is the fourth house in a year that we've tried to buy. I know God has a plan and a time. I'm just getting worn out.

So the title of this post doesn't refer to the year we've spent house hunting. What it refers to is the longest DD drought we've ever had. Sunday will be one full year since my last punishment. And I'm frustrated. And sad, and hurt, and weary, and angry. I have asked him multiple times if he's just done with it, and he always says no, it's just something we haven't done "lately". But "lately" seems like a flimsy term for this situation. This feels like he just doesn't want to bother with it, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy who admits he just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want to have that conversation or shoulder the guilt for bowing out of a responsibility I've shouldered him with. Or maybe he thinks that if he "officially" stops spanking, I'll stop deferring to him and treating him as the Head of the Household. The thing is, I don't treat him that way because of any DD dynamic. I treat him that way because I believe that is the plan for marriage God has laid out, and our whole family is happier for it. 

Being honest, I don't do a whole lot to piss him off these days. The house has been clean for four months. The laundry is always done. I have dinner waiting almost every night. But I'm functioning with a high level of stress. I have no outlets left. Most of my craft things are in storage, and what is still here has to be pulled out of closets and set up on the kitchen table to be used. And the entire time I'm having a mini panic attack because it's causing a temporary mess that needs to be put away. My laptop is excruciatingly slow, which makes my photography unenjoyable. I have a craft blog that I was very active on for a while, but once we went to market with the house, the combination of the slow laptop and the inconvenience of doing projects in a space that needs to be always neat has kept me scarce over there. I've tried having some craft days with girlfriends, but with kids on hand and no good place to spread out, it's always been more trouble than enjoyment. Money has been tight, so we've not had any sort of date night in months, and we didn't get to take our annual trip to Texas for the same reason. 

Nick has plenty of stress to deal with too of course, but he has a few outlets. He goes fishing just about every chance he gets. And this past Sunday he went and played Foot Golf (like golf, on a course, but with a soccer ball and really big cups) with some of his friends. He sometimes goes to the gun range, and he has a gym membership. 

Daisy has also started kindergarten, and while she loves it and is doing great, any change of routine is stressful for a while. I'm up before Nick every day now, and with Jack home with just me all day, he's right on top of me all the time. Not that I don't love having one on one time with him, but he can be a little intense. On top of that I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. And yes, he's three. 

I admit, it all gets to me, and it's less rare than it should be that I lose it and just have a really bad attitude. I fight much more than I should with Morgan, who started high school this year, and I'm frequently impatient with all three kids. These are the times I need him to discipline me. There was a time in our lives when he would see me spiraling and would make a time and a place to get my attention in a big way and help me reprioritize. I'm not going to lie, the actual physical experience of a spanking is one that I both dread and fear, but not so much that I don't also crave the peace it inevitably brings. 

And I feel abandoned. I feel so very hurt that he basically said "This thing is not my thing, but it's your thing, and because you are mine and need this, I will do this for you." And then he just...quit. And not just that he's quit, but that he's done it without allowing me the certainty needed to really mourn its loss and move on. This last year has felt to me like he just really doesn't care at all that this is a genuine need that I have that can only be met by him and is therefore going unmet. Perhaps he's trying to starve it to death. If only it were that easy. I've prayed so many times that God would take this part of me away if but isn't something that can be a valid, functioning part of our marriage. I would love to not need this, but I do. It makes me bloom. It leaves me thriving and capable. Or it withers and wearies me when it's absent. 

Please understand that I'm venting here, the only place I can do it. Nick is truly a wonderful husband. He's faithful and loving, and he works hard every day so that I can stay at home with our kids. And if he wants to dispense with domestic discipline, I can live with that, I really can. But I need to know, so that I can lay it to rest and learn to let go. 

Cocooned

It never really goes away, you know. That insatiable need, that mild to raging obsession that is always lurking there at the corner of whatever you're doing. I wish that it did. I wish that I could flip a switch and fade it from my psyche, but the very fact that my mind has already haplessly seized on the word "switch" and imbued it with a startlingly fleshed out story line gives lie to the notion. And it's nothing new, this discipline-obsessed incubus that chatters in my ear at every turn. It's been over 6 months since the concept of discipline remotely related to anyone past middle school in this house, and the buzzing in my head has reached a bleak and mournful pitch. 

I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't master this need for mastery, that it pulls at me at every turn in a room where there is no place for it. It's ridiculous, this deep seated longing for boundaries and a regular occasion to smash up against them. And it seems patently unfair, when the man I love with all my heart can't hear the bellowing whispers of this need. And why on earth should he have to? I am not a child. I don't need someone to remind me to go to bed at a reasonable hour, to tell me to remember to eat before I feel shaky with the lack of it, to manage my time so that I'm not constantly running out the door 10 minutes late. So why oh why are these things that I struggle with, and struggle more with in feeling obscurely hurt that no one is stepping in to make me get out of my own way? I'm neither incapable nor a fool, so what exactly is the problem?

And if I am neither incapable nor a fool, neither am I petty enough to act out in a way that is harmful to my marriage. Certainly there are small rebellions, sneaking a lidded drink up to bed when we agreed to keep food off the new carpet, a quick trip to the thrift store while I'm meant to be running out for ground beef, maybe one more round of Trivia Crack when I should really turn out the lights and go to sleep. And each harmless act carries with it a delicious thrill of what if... But I'm not spending the house payment on a new craft cutter, flirting with other men, taking up smoking again. I'm far too in love and filled with a genuine, bone-deep gratitude for what I have already to fire randomly at our marriage in hopes of drawing a response. I love this man, and he is good to me.

What frightens me the most about this need is its insistence in the face of starvation. Go without sex for long enough, and you will, eventually, all but stop needing it. The lack may tell in parts of your life, but it won't haunt and mock you after a while. There is no such relief for me and this commonly bizarre cry for discipline. The clanging bell in my head rings loudest for punishment, not play. While I certainly enjoy an occasional sexy spanking, I can generally take them or leave them. It's genuine chastisement that makes my gears turn, although that arousal comes well after the event, and stoutly depends on the punishment being both real and effective. It seems there's a sixth love language that fits me like a glove. 

I have made it a point to be purposeful in my sexual thoughts, to cast only my husband in my fantasies, and for the most part this is easy. I have no desire for other men, and the best sexual scenario for me in any situation involves only him naturally. But when I feel untended and burdensome, it's because the real life experiences are long MIA, and it becomes hard to get the highlight reel to load. I have to fight the urge to go skipping through the offerings of the internet, a trap I have cause to know too well. Those pictures and stories are usually sordid, and even if they're not, even if they are sweet and modest and heartwarmingly genuine, they aren't mine and his, and they don't have a place in a heart and mind that is desperately grasping to fill a need that is meant only for him. 

I don't have any answers here. I know the instinctual advice is to push communication. Surely just talking things through will solve the issue. Except it won't. It has not and it will not. That's not pessimism, it's realism. He was not made for this, even if he was somehow made for me. And that he was made for me is something about which I have no doubt. But it rarely occurs to him that I might need discipline unless I have done something to make him really angry, and I'm am unwilling to pay the greater, long-term price that comes with being intentional about such a thing. The quandary therefore is this: why would he want to punish me for being a loving, capable, generally well behaved adult? And why would I choose to be anything else when I am, after all, neither incapable nor a fool? When the stress builds and I find myself lashing out, I'm brought to heel with little more than a quiet word. The automatic urge to push, to provoke, crumbles in the face of the realization that he's right of course, and why am I being so unreasonable anyway? It's not fear that backs me down, but inconvenient maturity.

I have no time for games. I don't want a pretend punishment with a wink and a leer. And for many people that is just what they need. But it feels false and pointless to me, a waste of time. I need to feel genuine love and purposeful caring as an impetus to the act, a pointed desire and intention to steer me right. But I've been a good girl all my life, and most days I feel too guilty to fall apart and make all the poor decisions, simply because I know better. How could I dare to be so thoughtless when he has given me all the other desires of my heart? And so I feel the inevitable curling inward, the quiet cocooning against a prodding quest that has no easy grace.

Staying Afloat

Guys, this month, and thus this year - it's been HARD. I mean crazy stressful! Let me see, a few of the high(low)lights:

A couple of weeks ago, when pretty much the whole country was frozen, our pipes burst and pretty much flooded the garage. Our washer and dryer are out there, and we have an old playpen out there where I try to keep all the laundry waiting to be washed. Unfortunately, the day before, Morgan and Daisy decided to "clean" Jack's room, and I don't even want to talk about why there were so many clothes on the floor in there, but they took every single piece of clothing, including some of Jack's new stuff from Christmas that had been knocked down from where I had it stacked until I could clear drawer space, and threw it all out into the garage on the floor in front of the washer and dryer. (I know my sentences are too long. I'm seeking help for it.)

So all of that stuff was soaked in extremely frigid water, and I had no idea how to stop the leak. Morgan and I started hauling all the wet laundry into the bathtub downstairs, and since Nick was at work an hour away, I called my dad. He came immediately and went into the scary crawl space under the house and turned the water off. By this time Nick was on his way to Wednesday night church, so my dad had me call him to come home instead. He came on home, and between the four of us (me, Nick, Dad, and Morgan) we got the pipes repaired (Nick and Dad) and all the laundry up and the water shop-vacced out of the garage (me and Morgan). That was the 8th. 

The 11th Daisy's best friend was having a birthday party, so I whipped up a few hair bows for a birthday gift, and we headed out the door to Chuck E. Cheese. It had warmed up drastically by then, so I was wearing flip flops (which I kind of live in) when I stepped out onto our wet front porch. My feet shot out from under me, and the right one jammed up under the bottom of the porch railing. I nearly passed out, but I kept it together, and once I could breathe and manage to stand, I went inside to change so that we could leave.

My foot was actively throbbing all day, and by the end of the night I was concerned that I might have broken the...top...of it (whatever that's called). I don't have health insurance, but I do have several nurse friends who convinced me via Facebook that I really needed to get it x-rayed. The kids were all in bed by then, so someone needed to stay with them. I called my mom to see if she would come sit with them so Nick could drive me in case they gave me something that would prevent me from driving myself home. Instead my dad came down and drove me across town to the hospital. James works there as a surgical tech, and he smoothed the process for me a bit, getting me fast tracked, bringing me a pillow and something to drink, etc. X-rays revealed that it was just badly bruised and swollen, which was good news except for the fact that I could have just stayed home and avoided the ER bill. Better safe than sorry, I suppose.

Both the little kids had been sick all weekend, so my dad and I took them both to the pediatrician on the following Monday (the 13th). Can you tell my dad is my hero? He went to 3 different doctor's visits with me this month. This was a horrible visit, both kids feeling terribly bad and violently opposed to any sort of examination. It turned out that they both had double ear infections.

Daisy had gotten her referral to a GI doctor the previous week and seen her on Friday, the day before the birthday party. It was really more of a consult, and the doctor set up an appointment for a lower intestine barium scan the following Friday. She also sent me home with a little plastic vial and instructions to collect a stool sample. This was not something I was looking forward to, but we do what we have to for our kids, right? Unfortunately she was not producing anything to uh, sample. I stalked this kid for 5 days. Finally, this past Wednesday, she yelled at me to let me know she was ready. While I was "collecting" and pretending I was in a happier place, Jack managed to get hold of not just my Macbook, but a cup of tea that I didn't even know was in the room (it was Daisy's).

Morgan came home from school just then to find him sitting on a soaked couch, splashing away in the puddle that surrounded my laptop. The lid on it was closed, so she grabbed it and yelled to me to tell me what happened. I was a little tied up, so I made sure she had gotten it away from him and finished what I was doing. When I got in there it really didn't look like anything had gotten inside it, so I set it aside while I cleaned up the tea. It was a couple of hours before I had a chance to mess with it, and when I tried to turn it on, nothing happened. Opening up the case revealed that tea had definitely gotten inside. That was really just the end of my rope. That day I had dealt with sick kids (Jack had thrown up - on me - more than once), collecting poop, piles of laundry, and fighting siblings. Plus I was supposed to meet a photography client in two days with a CD of her pictures (which I needed my Mac for), and an Etsy client wanted a custom pillow cover (which I also needed my Mac for). To make things worse Nick and I were snapping at each other, because he'd had a crappy day too (not as crappy as mine I daresay). I took it to the computer repair place I use and it's the logic board - $900 to repair.

This past Friday I took Daisy in for her barium test. She had to drink this awful chalky liquid, but she did pretty well. When I woke up that morning my right eye was kind of red and crusty. This is what it looked like then:

Two days later I was in all kinds of agony, and it looked like this:

Sorry the second one looks kind of insane. I was trying to get it as open as I could because I was texting it to my cousin, who is a nurse practitioner and was kind enough to call me in a prescription for some antibiotics. I was finally able to put my contacts back in today.

Today I got thrown up on twice (once yesterday and several times earlier in the week). Yeah, it's been a little rough.

BUT, there have been good things too. Some of them really good. I got a call one day last week from our water company telling me someone had paid our bill for us anonymously. It didn't take too much investigating to figure out it was my parents. :)

James showed up Tuesday and handed me $50 to help offset the cost off all the co-pays and prescriptions.

I called my mom Thursday morning to ask if she could stay with the kids so I could take my computer to the repair shop to see if it could be saved. She showed up a couple of hours later with a relatively inexpensive but brand new and fully functional HP laptop, all for me, courtesy of her and my dad. I was able to use it to fill my Etsy order and get it to the customer on time. They've also bought both food and medicine several times for my little family this week.

The computer repair place said my hard drive is still good, and they can move all my data over for $89. I'll pick it up this Friday and most of that cost will be covered by the CD order.

My photography client was incredibly cool about the whole situation and didn't mind waiting another week for her CD. I still had all of her raw files on my camera as a backup, so I hadn't lost them either way, but I would have had to re-edit all of them, and with the pinkeye I couldn't stand to look at a computer screen for more than a few minutes.

We were able to fix the pipes for less than $1 since my dad had a couple of pipe pieces that fit, and all we had to buy were a couple of copper joints. And we got all the wet laundry washed before it mildewed.

Daisy's lower intestine scan came back clear, and her stomachaches have become fewer and farther apart, so now we're just waiting on her next doctor visit.

So there have definitely been blessings too.

That said, I'm wound a little tight these days, and I'm feeling a little unmoored relationship-wise. We've been a bit in survival mode around here, and my very contagious pinkeye has just been the latest thing to keep us from getting close. The truth is, I miss my husband, and I miss very much feeling the comforting bounds of his authority. The day after my last post he apologized and told me that he'd known what I needed but hadn't felt like dealing with it. I can't say that that didn't hurt a little, but he was trying to stay afloat himself. I guess I've just been doing and taking care of so much at home myself lately that I'm missing a reminder that he's in charge and I actually don't have all the responsibility myself.

He's going to be staying home from work tomorrow because he's gotten sick himself in the last few days, so I don't think there will be any sort of discipline forthcoming, but I will be glad for the time with him, even though I hate that he's not feeling well.

Anyway, I'm off to bed. Thank you all for all your thoughts and prayers!

5479 days ago...

5479 days ago I married my best friend. When I finally stopped trying to run my own life and find the right guy on my own, God allowed me to see what was right in front of me. When I look at him I can see just how very much God must love me to have blessed me with someone so very amazing. He works so hard to provide for our family, and to allow me to be a stay at home mom to the crazy awesome kids he gave me. He is a strong leader, a faithful husband, and a caring father. All those little girl dreams of a someday husband never came close to imagining the man who would wait for me at the end of the aisle in that little country church 15 years ago. I love you, Nick, forever and ever. 

Catching up

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day! We didn't really do anything on the day of because Nick had to work (boo!), but on Saturday we joined a good friend of his for a family cookout/camp out by the river. The kids had a blast, and we all really enjoyed ourselves. 

Daisy rocked her new hot pink tankini from Aunt Kate, Morgan made a few new friends, and this guy ran and ran and ran and picked up and threw every ball he came across. We usually get his hair cut every couple of weeks but Nana (Nick's stepmom, who cuts our hair) was on vacation last week, so he missed a cut. I think I'm going to have her start leaving it a little longer on top, because this fuzzy baby head charmed people for miles around, his mama included!

My parents unexpectedly took the girls overnight tonight, so after Nick got off work we went and had dinner using a gift card he got as a tenure gift from work. Money is crazy tight right now, so this was a really neat blessing, and I loved the time with just my guys.

Nick's hands are still not healed, but I got that spanking tonight. It turns out that his left (dominant) hand is not nearly as bad, and his problem is more with his pinch grip than his ability to hold onto something (like a paddle) with his whole hand. Either way, he was plenty able to get his point across.

When he was ready for bed he asked me if I was ready for the spanking, and after minimal hemming and hawing I obeyed and followed him upstairs. He pulled out one of the paddles he made - this one:

He had me bend over the bed, and he gave me 51 over my jeans (because he seems to think "one to grow on" is not just for birthday spankings). He spanked hard, as always, but I managed to stay in place through the whole thing. Then as he was putting the paddle back in the chest he spotted a riding crop and gave me one quick hard lick with it, just because he "hadn't used it in a while."

Afterwards, he apologized for making me wait so long, and I apologized for making him need to do it at all, and we snuggled up till he fell asleep, which is where I'm headed now, because it's bedtime!

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's 3 in the morning here. Jack finally succumbed to the soporific effect of Play With Me Sesame a couple of hours ago. The chocolate chip banana bread is in the oven, and the cranberry oat bread is rising in my bread machine. The lemon blossoms are baked and will be glazed while the cranberry sauce cooks and the corn casserole bakes, things I will do after I get a few hours of sleep. There's an episode of Friends on TV, one that originally aired 14 years ago, the week we spent our first Thanksgiving as a married couple. 

It's been a busy couple of weeks. Money has been tighter than ever, something that inevitably happens this time of year due to the nature of Nick's work. As the holidays draw closer people tend to put off having their car worked on because they are saving for Christmas/Hanukkah, etc. He also missed a day of work on the this check because he was just too sick to make it in. I can't tell you how many times my sweet husband has gone into work sick,  but by the time he was halfway there he could tell he wasn't going to make it and turned around and came home. Fortunately it only lasted a couple of days, and he just missed the one day, but it hit his paycheck pretty hard. 

Even so, God has provided as always. There are things we've not gotten to pay that we needed to, but we've had food and fuel, and the basics have been provided. I'm really praying hard for next couple of weeks. His check will likely be about $500 short of what we need just to pay the bare minimum of what has to be paid no matter what, not to mention money for gas and groceries. And when I say the bare minimum, that's exactly what I mean - there's nothing I can postpone. Everything is as late as it can be without effecting our credit rating. I don't have anywhere I can go to borrow that money, not do I have a way to earn that much. I don't foresee my Etsy shop producing 25+ orders in the next week, and as far as I know there's no one intending to hire Nick for side work. 

But my Father owns the cattle on 1000 hills, and He has promised to provide for us. The same God who fed the 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fish is the same God who loves and cares for me and my family, and His promises are sure. My job is to pay attention to following His will - my part of the promise. I crave your prayers these next few weeks - for me and for Nick. I know how frustrating it is for him to every week see his hard earned paycheck gone before it hits the bank. But God is teaching us about faith during these hard days, and I'm so grateful that Nick is willing to walk this road with me. My life is filled with so many blessings, and my husband is far from the least of them.

We're having Thanksgiving dinner at Grant and Kelly's house. Last year I was pregnant, and Kelly had not yet conceived. What a precious thing to have these two new baby boys at the table this year! It's so awesome that all three of my kids have 1st cousins close to their age. Morgan and Kit are 16 months apart, Maddox and Daisy 4 months apart, and Jack and Logan 9 months apart. All of my many 1st cousins on both sides (13 in all) were several years older or younger than me, so I was an adult before any of us really became good friends, and I'm so tickled my three will get to grow up with theirs.

I have sold a couple of pillow covers in the last couple of weeks, which was nice. I also made Jack the cutest little turkey onesie to wear tomorrow. It seems like I'm always too busy to sit down and craft unless I'm filling an order for the shop, and it just lifted my spirits so much to get to make that last night! I just used a onesie he already had and appliqued the turkey parts onto it in felt. I got the idea here, and I think it turned out so cute! (Excuse the crappy cell phone photos).

If you look close you might notice that the onesie is a size 3 months. Yep, my handsome boy is still such a little guy to be less than 6 weeks from his first birthday! My girls were always a size or so above their age, so I'm really cherishing this extra tiny time with Jack. He's perfectly healthy and doing everything he should be doing by this age, so I'm just enjoying it. 

It's really funny to see his tiny little body crawling around at top speed. He's learned to climb stairs too. Fortunately he's not discovered the stairs in our house, but he loves to climb the 3 steps up to the stage at church, and he's learned to climb onto the hearth, then up onto the ottoman, then onto the couch to me at home, which scared the crap out of me the first time he did it. He was down playing in the floor and next thing I knew he was climbing up onto my lap! He's also almost mastered the art of blowing kisses, although sometimes he smacks himself in the forehead instead of the mouth, so it looks like he just realized he forgot something important lol.

Anyway, it's time to take the cranberry loaf out now, so I'll say goodnight. Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving!

Bruises and blessings

Ah, well, I'm sitting on a very tender bottom right now. The kids all went down at a reasonable hour, so at one point Nick gave me a look and pointed upstairs. I considered playing dumb, but that seemed to be a pretty futile path, so I trudged upstairs to await my fate.

When he came upstairs he looked sternly at the 2 baskets of unfolded clothes sitting on top of our toy chest. I was hoping this might inspire him to reach for his belt instead, but he just moved the baskets and opened the lid to choose a paddle. I'd not been paddled in months, so I couldn't think of any of them that wouldn't be awful. I was surprised though when he pulled out the novelty paddle I bought in Jekyll Island. It looked sturdier to me than I remembered. He told me to turn over, so I got up and bent over the side of the bed.

He took hold of the waistband of my jeans and started spanking me. It hurt - a lot! But I managed to stay still, and after 30 swats he stopped. I thought he was done, but he pulled down my jeans and panties. "Please don't, please don't, please don't," I whispered. "You're getting 10 of these - if you hold still. If you move you'll get more." Now, it'd been a while since I'd been spanked at all, months since I'd been paddled, and oh, a year and a half since I'd last gotten spanked on my bare bottom. Can I just say that I can't remember anything hurting worse than those 10 swats? I did managed to hold still though.

I don't have to worry about that paddle anymore though. It turns out that last swat cracked it.

After the spanking was over he lectured me a bit, then took my pants and panties the rest of the way off and proceeded to have his way with me, as he put it. :) Afterwards I rolled over onto my stomach. He smacked my bottom with his hand and said, "It's been a while since I've seen that." "What?" "You've got a blister." Sure enough, I'm bruised and blistered, all thanks, I'm sure, to those last few with my pants down. Anyway, I'm glad that it's done, and even more glad that he followed through with it, as awful as it was to get. I know I needed something to get me in gear, and I want to to better with things.

In keeping with the somewhat theme of the month, I do have some blessings to report:

Morgan has been part of a months-long feud between herself and one of the neighbor girls (ironically enough the one Nick and I like the best). Anyway, for whatever fickle pre-teen reason, the feud ended today, and they're best friends again.

Nick got into some poison ivy the other day, and it's driving him nuts. Today he called me from work ready to claw his face off and asked me to see what we could do to get him some prescription strength medicine for it. He does have insurance, but all doctor's visits are paid out of pocket until the (very high) deductible is met. Fortunately my cousin is a nurse practitioner, and she was able to call in a prescription for him without him needing a doctor's visit, and it cost us all of $3.28

James' birthday is tomorrow, and I never know what to buy him. Nick watched the kids for me though so that I could go to our local used book store and trade in some old books for store credit. Fortunately I was able to not only find a couple of books that I know he'll enjoy, but I also found several for my dad for his birthday in December and Christmas.

Have a great night!

Day 8

Today's blessings include:

A wonderful revival service at church tonight.

Being able to get the kitchen and living room swept and mopped and the couches vacuumed out. (That might not sound like much, but try it with a three year old and a very mobile baby sometime.)

Morgan did NOT miss the school bus this morning, something that happened a couple of time last week.

Caramel Apple Sugar Babies. These are seasonal, only available around Halloween, and I wait for them all year!

A trip to Wal-Mart by myself. All I bought was deodorant for me and Nick, 2 pieces of poster board for Morgan, and rice crackers for Jack, but it was nice to get out of the house alone for a little bit.

A couple of lovely um, encounters with my sexy husband yesterday morning and last night.

On the generally silent DD front, I think I'm going to get spanked. Nick told me a couple of days ago that we were going to have a talk about the house and the car (which I keep cleaning out, I swear! I have no idea where all the stuff in it keeps coming from!) I asked him last night if he meant we were actually going to talk about it, and I got a very emphatic NO. That said, we do have revival at church all week, which means by the time we get home we're scrambling to get dinner made and eaten/homework done/clothes laid out, and it's later than usual by the time the kids are in bed. I won't say I'm expecting him to forget, but I will say that I won't be completely surprised if he does. Either way, I'm trying to get the housework done, and I do appreciate him calling me on it.

5,114 Days Ago...

...I married my best friend. I love you, Nick. Thank you so much for sharing the last 14 years with me. Here's to many, many more. ♥

Catching up a bit...

Hello, everyone. Hope you're all enjoying spring! It's been gorgeous here, although we did have a nasty storm yesterday. Nick has been enjoying some golf lately. He started to really get interested in it last year when he played in a charity tournament for Morgan's old school. He played again this year with Robert, Grant, and a guy from our church, and they had a ton of fun. He and Robert have been hitting the driving range every chance they get.

Looking back, I realize I've left out all kinds of blessings and family events over the last few months. Let's see, back on this post I mentioned that we needed a new roof. With everything that happened with me going in the hospital and then Jack's NICU stay, it kind of got put on the back burner. Finally, toward the end of January when things kind of started to get settled down, we looked into what we needed to do. The main issue was that we really didn't have anything to spend out of pocket, so we were hoping that the roofing company would be willing to do the work for what the insurance paid after our co-pay. Also, we were dealing with the issue of trying to get the payment from an insurance company we no longer used.

God's hand was truly on the process from start to finish. Not only did the insurance company not balk at paying, but the roofing company was happy with the amount, and they put on much nicer shingles than we had before, exactly, in fact, what we would have chosen if money was no object. They had the old roof off and the new one on in about 4 hours on February 20, which just blew our minds.

THEN, about a month after all that awesomeness, we got an unexpected extra check from the insurance company. It turns out that they had decided to send a little extra (like almost $1100.00 extra). We were very surprised, and it came at a very good time, but we didn't want to cheat the roofing company out of anything (or have them come after us if we didn't turn it in to them!). So we prayed about it, and I called them and told them I needed to see if we were paid in full with them because we had gotten another check from the insurance. Now when the adjuster had come out, they had included in the estimate some damage that we didn't have the roofers repair (a small water stain on the living room ceiling as well as repainting in there). The roofing company assured me that we were paid in full, and even sent me a paid in full letter for our files.

Nick's sister Kate and her family came in from Texas the weekend we got the new roof and stayed for 5 days. We had so much fun with them, and we were able to take the kids to the aquarium, as well as to play putt-putt and a very nice dinner (all of which they paid for). That weekend Nick's other sister and her husband also made an announcement - they're expecting their first baby! We're super excited for them, and they're due the day before Daisy's birthday. We found out a couple of weeks ago that they're having a boy, and I can't wait to throw her a baby shower.

We did have some sad news a few months ago. Robert and his wife Faith, who announced their first pregnancy in December, lost the baby just a few weeks after Jack was born. She was just about 8 weeks along, but it was truly heartbreaking. What made it even harder was that the miscarriage happened the weekend she helped throw my baby shower for Jack. She didn't feel well during the shower, so we sent her to go lie down. The day after the next (Monday), she went to the doctor and they were unable to find a heartbeat. This is the brother who is our pastor, and I can truly say that they have shown such an amazing testimony during an incredibly difficult time. I pray that God blesses them with a baby sometime very soon.

Speaking of brothers, my other brother James (the one who's been living in L.A.) moved back in February, and he now lives about 3 minutes away from me! He was living out of state for about a year and 1/2 for his work, and I've missed him so much! It's so good to have him home!

Oh! Another cool thing - for the last 3 months I've been taking part in a monthly girls night out. The first Thursday of the month I go out to eat with a group of other women, most of them also married with children, and I can't even tell you how incredibly much fun this has been. One of the women is a girl I went to school with, ironically enough one that I had a VERY volatile friendship with during high school, with much more fighting that friendliness. All these years later we're great friends, and Nick and the kids and I actually went to a family game night at her and her husband's house last month. We don't have all that many friends who are in the exact stage of life with are in (married with 3 kids, all younger than teenagers), so it was a lot of fun to spend some time with them, and Nick got to meet some of the wives I've been spending girl's night out with.

Easter was lovely as always. I kind of went nuts with matching our clothes, but we all wore black/gray, white, and yellow, and I have to say, we looked pretty great together. We had dinner at Nick's grandparents' house, and Jack was the star of the show. :)

The 21st I had a photo shoot. It was my first since the baby was born, and it was pretty intense. It was at a special care facilty for some pretty severely disabled patients, and they were very challenging to work with. That said, it was a blessing to be chosen for such an opportunity, and I have such respect for the workers who spend their days caring for these very special patients.

The 24th was Nick and Morgan's birthday. My baby girl is eleven years old! We had a small family get together, and it was a lot of fun. I can't believe another year has passed!

And speaking of Nick, I'm so very proud of him! He decided at the new year that he was going to make some healthy lifestyle changes, and he used part of our income tax return to buy bicycles for me and him. I've sadly not had much opportunity to ride mine (um, new baby!), but he's been taking his to work with him and faithfully riding on his lunch breaks. He's also gone on a few ride events, and he's been eating a lot healthier too. He's dropped some noticeable weight, and I'm so impressed with him for sticking with it!

What else? In March Nick and I got to have a real live date night! My in-laws kept Morgan overnight, and my parents kept Jack and Daisy for the evening so that we could have dinner and go see opening night of The Hunger Games. Nick and I absolutely loved the books, and I have to say that they did an awesome job with the movie. We can't wait till the next one comes out, and we already have it planned as a date.

Anything else? Oh yeah - our old, faithful, much used gas grill finally bit the dust earlier this month, right at the beginning of grilling season. I mentioned it on Facebook and my friend Denise commented and said that we could just have hers. I couldn't believe it, because hers was in great shape, but she's single and lives alone and just never uses it, so she passed it along to us! Our dishwasher also had to be replaced. Fortunately we were able to get one reasonably priced, and it should be here on May 1st. Unfortunately I'm revisiting my dishwasherless newlywed days until then, but I think I'll live. :)

Nick has picked up a bit on the discipline side of things, although there's not been any actual spanking. He has, however cracked down on my tendency to stay up all hours of the night, and it just feels really good to feel him there setting some boundaries.

Anyway, I know this has been a long, rambling post. But I kind of had my head stuck in the sand there for a while, and I wanted to get all this down. :)

Crazy, busy, blessed life

Gosh, I can’t believe it’s been 11 days since I posted! Ah well, it’s been a busy couple of weeks. The last time I posted was right after Nick’s car accident. Let’s see…

The next day (Wednesday) we had an appointment to have an inspector come look at our roof. There was no real reason for this other than that the company called offering free inspections and there have been some pretty bad storms in the area in the last year. We really weren’t expecting any sort of bad news, but it turns out that we had an actual hole in the roof about 6 inches in diameter, along with various other damaged spots. The roofing guy made it sound like it was the worst roof he’s ever seen, which naturally worried me a bit. I called my father-in-law (who is head of construction at a large hospital in our area), and he came over to check it out after the guy left.

The hole in the roof does indeed exist, but it’s on the edge of the eave. While it does need to be fixed, it’s not as urgent as the roofer made it sound. My FIL did a temporary repair with sheet metal, and we’ll have to see if we can get the insurance to pay for a new roof. The issue there is that we had to get a new insurance company a couple of months ago. The damage on the roof seems to be clearly from prior to that time, so we’re going to have to try to get the old company to pay for the repairs/replacement. Just another thing we’ve got to leave in God’s capable hands.

Thanksgiving was that Thursday. Ours was nice. We spent it at my parents’ house, as we do most years. Afterwards Nick and my brothers went hunting while Morgan, Daisy, Kelly, Faith, and I went to a local Christmas tree festival. This is something I’ve attended a number of times over the years, and my mother-in-law’s co-worker got us free tickets, which was very nice. It did turn out to be pretty exhausting (the perils of hauling a two year old around while 7 months pregnant), but it was a good way to get into the Christmas spirit.

Thursday was also the day I was supposed to get the final payment for the wedding Nick and I shot in October. We were actually supposed to be paid the previous week, but the bride asked if we could wait till she got paid again on Thanksgiving, and I agreed. This was the money I was counting on to pay our electric bill. Because it was Thanksgiving day I texted the bride and told her I’d be happy to wait till the next day if she needed me to. She texted me back saying that she would be out of town till Friday night and asking if she could pay me the following Thursday when they got paid yet again. Unfortunately I had extended our electric bill final notice as far as possible after the bride couldn’t pay me the first time, and the coming Monday was the last day we had to pay before disconnection. I explained this to her and she said she would try to come up with the money by Saturday.

Saturday she texted me and asked me to meet her to get the money at 2PM the next day. But the next day she called me and told me that she wasn’t going to be able to pay me that weekend after all. At that point I told her that I understood and that I would just be praying about it, and I asked her to please call me if she was able to come up with the money. A few hours later she called and said she had $200 (of the $300 due) and asked me to meet her. While it wasn’t quite enough to pay the electric bill, it was certainly better than nothing, so I headed out to meet her. When I got there she had the whole $300. I don’t know how or where they came up with it, but it was certainly a relief to be able to put it in the bank and pay the electric bill the next day!

The next hurdle on the horizon was the house payment. The very last day it could be paid without being late enough to go on our credit report was this past Wednesday. You know, there have been many times in the last couple of years especially that we’ve been in a relatively desperate situation financially, and God has come through for us. Every. Single. Time.

But this time, although I knew He would provide, I was completely stymied as to how He was going to do it. There just seemed to be nothing at all on the horizon, especially considering Nick’s car wreck, the whole roof issue, and the fact that his next paycheck looked to be shaping up to be pretty short due to the holiday (and resulting lack of customers at his job).

On Tuesday the car insurance guy came out to do the adjustment on Nick’s car. He not only totaled it out (the best possible outcome for us), but he gave us about $2000 more for it than we expected. This allowed us to pay the house payment as well as supplement Nick’s paycheck as we needed to for the rest of the bills. We still have some money left to put down on another vehicle for Nick. My dad recently bought a used truck at auction for a good price, and he’s told us that he’s willing to sell it to Nick for what he has in it. We’re still praying about whether or not this is the direction God wants us to go, but He has been so amazingly good to us, and I know He will lead us the right way!
On Wednesday my friend Elizabeth had her baby – a beautiful, perfect 5 lb 12 oz girl! She’s tiny, but oh so beautiful with tons of gorgeous dark hair. Elizabeth was just 8 weeks ahead of me, and I can’t believe my own pregnancy is getting so far along!

Thursday I went in for my 30 week appointment, and I’ll go back on the 14th for another ultrasound. Friday I went in to see Elizabeth and the baby and took her hospital pictures for her. It was so awesome to get to snuggle that precious baby girl, and it just made me ache to have little Jack in my arms!

Tonight was Nick’s company Christmas party. This was the first year he didn’t win any prizes, but it was so much fun to get to dress up and have a date night with my hubby! We also got to go see a movie this past Sunday. We hadn’t been to see a movie in a theater since May of last year, so when my mom offered to watch the kids, we jumped on the chance. We still had the movie gift card Nick got for his birthday in 2010, so it was completely free except for $4.00 toward the drink we shared (seriously – $5.75 for a drink! You’d better bet we got a refill!). We saw Hugo in 3D, and it was a really neat movie.

Anyway, this has been a crazy long post, so I’ll save the ABC’s of Gratitude and the pregnancy update for the next one.

November already!

Gosh, I can’t believe it’s already November! This whole year has honestly just flown by! So, a few gratitude items:
ABCs of Gratitude:
L,M, & N since I missed a few weeks…
Love – it almost seems to trite and obvious, but how could I leave it out?
Lemons – I love just about anything lemon flavored (Nick made me a lemon cake with cream cheese icing for my birthday), and I love how fresh and clean they make things smell!
Lips – Nick has the most amazing lips, and I love everything they do!
Laptops – Right now we’re having some problems with both of ours. Mine has something wrong with it that no virus scan seems to be able to find, and Nick’s is currently in pieces waiting on us to be able to order a part it needs. But even if I can only use mine in safe mode right now, I’m so glad I have it!
Making things – this year is going to be by and far a handmade Christmas, but I’m pretty confident that the projects I have in the works are suitable and gift-worthy, and I’m grateful to have the skill to make them!
Marriage – I’m so very blessed in the marriage God has given me. Like any couple, we have our disagreements, but I truly believe that ours is a great love story.
Nick – Of course this is the guy that makes that last one so great.
Naps – I don’t get to take them all that often just because life is so busy these days, but I sure do enjoy the luxury when I get the opportunity! In fact, I came home today from a super stressful trip to Wal-Mart and Target with both kids, just ready to pull my hair out, and Nick sent me upstairs to take one and just decompress. It was wonderful!
Nikon – I love my camera, and I’m so glad I went with the one I chose!

Recent blessings- The wedding Nick and I shot the day after my last post went very well. It was Nick’s first time shooting, and he was really nervous, but he did great, and we had a lot of fun working together! Also, when Nick’s sister came to pick her camera back up, she refused to take the $50 payment for letting us use it!
I passed my glucose test! I was VERY excited about this. Diabetes runs heavily in my family, and every time you have gestational diabetes it increases your likelihood of developing the disease later on down the road. Since I had it with Daisy despite keeping my weight gain strictly under control, I was pretty resigned to finding out I had it with this baby too. And beyond dreading all the extra precautions and sugar testing and special diet, I was really dreading having to shell out an extra $40 a month or so for blood sugar test strips, so it was a big relief to find out I passed!
Nick was on vacation last week, and I loved having him home! We did the wedding on Monday, then just kind of had a relaxing week together. He got to go spend one day playing golf with one of his friends and one of my brothers, and on Thursday he was able to go haul off some more scrap metal, which gave us some much needed extra money to make a couple of payments (including the house payment!)
The kids had a good time last night trick or treating. Morgan had just kind of a random costume going on with heavy zombie looking eyes and fake blood all over her face. Daisy had the CUTEST lady bug costume, but she HATED it! I ended up just sticking her in her warm fuzzy footsie pajamas and wheeling her around the neighborhood in her stroller with Morgan. She was amazed at the whole thing though - she couldn't believe all the candy she got (and neither could I!).
I’ve gotten a few Christmas gifts knocked out already. I’m making some zipper pouches for some of the women in the family. I have one of those done, as well as a couple of bird feeders made from thrifted tea cups and saucers and copper pipe. They’re really pretty! I’m also giving out 7 sets of these nativity sets, and I’ve got all of them done, along with a set for us.

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I’ve also made a set of coasters for James, and I’ve got the painting done on 4 of the 6 recipe card holders I’m making. I also made a heat bag/neck warmer for my parents. And I got a free bottle of nail polish with a coupon at Target today – stocking stuffer! But I still have a ton to do, so I’ve got to get going on it! Less than 8 weeks till Christmas!

Baby Update:
Week 26 of Pregnancy: Baby's Eyes Open

Your baby's eyes — which have been closed for the past few months — are now beginning to open. Your baby's brain-wave activity is also kicking in at this stage in fetal development, which means your little one can not only hear noises but can now also respond to them.

Look who's looking. Your baby's eyes — which have been closed for the past few months (so that the retina, the part of the eye that allows images to come into focus, could develop) — are beginning to open at 26 weeks pregnant. What this means is that your baby is able to see what's going on now (unfortunately the view in your uterus isn't all that exciting). But do try this at home for kicks (baby's that is): Shine a flashlight at your stomach. Your baby might kick in response (as in: "Get that light out of my eyes!").
The iris, the colored part of the eye, still doesn't have much pigmentation (that'll fill in over the next month or two), so it's too early to start guessing your baby's eye color. Even the color your baby will be born with might not be the permanent shade; so you may be kept guessing until your baby is close to six months old.
Look what else is going on this week: Your baby's brain-wave activity is kicking in at this stage in fetal development, which means your little one can not only hear noises but can now also respond to them. Not in so many words, of course, but with an increase in pulse rate or activity.
And talking about activity, at your baby's current height and weight (about nine inches tall and two pounds), and at the rate he or she is growing, your baby will soon be feeling a little cramped in your uterus. Not to worry, there's still plenty of room for your baby to grow. It just means your gymnast will have less room for those somersaults, cartwheels, and other Olympic feats.

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Thankful Thursday

Hello, everyone. I really should be in bed, but right now I just really need to focus on the things I have to be grateful for. About 14 years ago, not long before Nick and I got married, my dad had a serious heart attack. He actually had two, but the second one came on the heels of the first and was much less serious. It turned out that he had major blockage in the big vein they call the widow-maker. At the time he was just 52, and he made a full recovery, although he was out of work for almost six months.

Sunday before last my mom called me before church and told me that he’d had a nosebleed they couldn’t get stopped and had been in the ER all night. His blood pressure has spiked, and caused a ruptured vein, which was thankfully in his upper nasal cavity and not his brain where it would have caused a stroke. They packed his nose and gave him some medicine, and on the following Monday he was able to get the packing removed, and everything seemed fine.

This Tuesday morning he called me and told me that his blood pressure had spiked dangerously high again and that they were on their way back to the hospital. I called Nick and my brothers and let them all know, and after a while my mom called and let me know that his bp had stabilized, but that they were going to run some blood work. A bit later she called back to tell me that his blood work looked fine, but they wanted to keep him overnight and run some heart tests. I wanted to go see him, but she said that he was resting and would be checking out early the next morning, so rather than injecting my toddler into the situation, I just waited. I talked to him that night, and he seemed to be feeling well.

Yesterday morning (Wednesday as I’m writing this very early Thursday morning) my mom called again and they had run some stress tests on him, and they had come back with some abnormalities, but they were waiting on the cardiologist to come and tell him was that meant. It turns out that it meant that there was serious blockage again and that his heart was only functioning at 45%. Nick was home by then, so we all loaded up and went to see him.

There’s just something indescribably frightening about seeing the man who raised you, the very epitome of strength, lying tethered by tubes and wires to a hospital bed. In a few hours they’ll do a heart cath to see if they can put in a stent or if they’ll have to do open heart surgery. I covet your prayers.

Focusing on good things: The ABCs of Gratitude:

• Hospitals – they aren’t very fun places to be, but oh how grateful I am that we have access to them, and that the one currently caring for my dad is such a fine one.
• Husband – I am far beyond blessed to be married to such a wonderful man, one who didn’t hesitate to, without having dinner, pack up me and both kids and drive across town to take me to see my dad.
• Hugs – right now Daisy is a world-class hugger. I’m talking about those priceless little toddler hugs where she throws both arms around my neck and squeezes as tight as she can while saying “Mmmmm-mmmmm!”
• Halfway – as of today, I’m half-way through my pregnancy. Yay!
• Heaven – the place that I know I have waiting for me, and if you don’t know it too, you can!
• Heat – it’s starting to finally cool down around here, and there’s nothing cozier than the first time you turn the heater on in the fall!
• Home – these days our house is feeling a bit crowded, and it’s only going to get more so, but crowded or not, it’s our home, and I’m grateful for it.

Recent blessings:

First of all I’m grateful that my dad was sensible enough to go to the hospital when he needed to. He very nearly died with his first heart attack because he was too stubborn to go on his own. My mom found him in bed and made him go, and the doctor said that if she’d gotten home 15 minutes later we would have lost him.

I have a client who I’ve done a couple of photo shoots for. She always wants to buy the CD, but she has a hard time holding onto money, so she mails it to me a little at a time. A couple of days ago she sent me the last $20 on this order, and that paid for our hospital parking as well as our dinner tonight (since I didn’t have time to cook).

Daisy and I got to have lunch with Nick today. It was just sandwiches and chips from home, but we really enjoyed the time together.

I went to the used book store today and traded in a bunch of children’s books that the kids didn’t care for. I didn’t get much for them, but it was almost enough to pay for two books that I know my dad will love for Christmas.

Saturday I got to go to a car show with Nick. He finally got to drive his Fairlane, and we really enjoyed the kid-free time.

Night before last Nick’s parents had us over for dinner. Hooray for food someone else cooked!

I’m super excited that we’re having a little boy! Of course we would have loved  another little girl just the same, but we’ve both always wanted a little boy.

Speaking of, when I went to the doctor last Wednesday to find out what we’re having, the ultrasound tech came out just before I went back and announced that the ultrasound machine was broken. I was terribly afraid that we’d have to wait another month to find out, and Nick had even taken the morning off to come to the appointment with me! Fortunately the doctor across the hall was out that day, so we were able to use his machine. The baby looks great, everything’s normal, and he’s growing right on schedule!

Saturday I have an engagement shoot. It’s a bit of a drive away, but I should get the down payment on the whole wedding package, which Nick and I will be shooting together next month. Yay, teamwork!

Baby Update:

Week 20 of Pregnancy: Boy or Girl?

You've got a heavyweight in your belly now (well, in baby terms, anyway). Your little champ weighs about ten ounces and has a height, crown to rump, of about six and a half inches. Think of your developing baby as the size of a small cantaloupe (and probably as sweet too). Boy or Girl? You'll also be able to see your baby's gender in the ultrasound by now!

You've got a heavyweight in your belly at 20 weeks pregnant (well, in baby terms, anyway).  Your little champ weighs about ten ounces and has a height, crown to rump, of about six and a half inches. Think small cantaloupe (and probably as sweet too).

Is it a boy cantaloupe or a girl cantaloupe? You'll be able to find out your baby's gender via the ultrasound by this point. If you're carrying a girl fetus, her uterus is fully formed this week and her vaginal canal is starting its development (which means that in about twenty-five or thirty-some-odd years, she could be just where you're at, Grandma!). She also has primitive eggs in her tiny little ovaries now, seven million of them — though by the time she's born, that number will be down to two million (still more than she could ever hope to use). And interestingly, your baby girl will be born with all the eggs she'll ever have. 

Have you got male? If your fetus is a boy, his testicles have begun their descent this week, though they're still located in the abdomen, waiting for the scrotum to finish growing so they'll have a place to drop into in a few weeks.

Though the external genitals in both male and female fetuses still have a way to grow, you should be able to find out the sex of your baby (if you want to) during an ultrasound exam. 

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Thankful Thursday

Er, Friday. Okay, fine, SATURDAY. So yeah, I’m late again. But I’m here now!
ABC’s of Gratitude:

• Family – you can’t choose the one you get, but Nick and I are both incredibly blessed with the ones we have. My parents have been married for 43 years; Nick’s mom and dad were married for just over 20 years when Nick’s mom passed away, and Nick’s dad has been married to Nick’s amazing stepmom for almost 12 years now. We are so thankful for the wonderful examples we’ve had of married couples in our family!
• Fathers – First of all, my own father is just an incredible dad. He’s taught me so much, and I’ve never for one day doubted his love for me. Secondly (but just as importantly), Nick is a wonderful father to our two girls – and I know he’ll be just as fabulous with our new little one. And the most important Father of course is my Heavenly Father. I cannot even begin to express how much I love God and how very much He loves me!
• Fathers-in-law – Nick and I both got lucky here. My dad considers Nick a son, and he truly treats him as such. Nick’s dad is forever coming over to help out with something we need fixing around the house, and my very first Mother’s Day he was the only person who thought to buy me a gift.
• Fixing stuff – Today I had something scary happen: the charger cord on my laptop died. It had been fraying right at the base of the end you plug into the computer, and it finally completely broke tonight. Right now we do NOT have $80 to go buy a new one, and I depend on my laptop for SO much. We do have a desktop upstairs, but all of my clients’ photos, as well has all my editing software is on this laptop, and frankly I would be lost without it. Fortunately, after a lot of prayer, soldering, and electrical tape, Nick got it fixed good as new! Now we’re dealing with a broken DC jack on his laptop, also a serious issue because he uses it daily for work. The part that will fix it (we hope) is really cheap on ebay, but it’s still not quite cheap enough for us to buy it this week. Anyway, we would really appreciate your prayers that we can get the part soon and that he will be able to fix it completely!
• Faith – these last two years our faith has really had to stretch with the switch from two incomes to one. But I am so glad to be able to say that not once has God failed us. Right now we’re definitely running on faith: It’s 6 days till payday, and I only have enough food for about 3 more days, plus Nick is completely out of gas, and I have just enough to get us to church on Sunday. But I’m not panicking. Matthew 6:25-34 tells me all that I need to know, and I can know it with such certainty because He has proven it over and over again:

   Matthew 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

²⁶Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
²⁷Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?
²⁸And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
²⁹And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
³⁰Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
³¹Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
³²(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
³³But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
³⁴Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.


• Freebies – It’s getting to be the time of year again when I start thinking about Christmas gifts. Last year almost every gift that went out of our house was something I got for free or almost free with various online deals and/or coupons. It was actually a lot of fun to be able to get Christmas gifts for everyone for so little, and it really helped us focus on the true meaning. I’m looking forward to a now holiday season full of great deals and freebies, not to mention lots of crafting and handmade gifts!
• Fabric – I’ve mentioned that I’ve really gotten into sewing and crafting over the last year, and I’ve found myself developing a real love of fabric. There’s just so much you can do with it, and I love how unique a project can be depending on the type and print you use.
• Fun – well who doesn’t like to have fun?

Recent Blessings:

• At my last doctor’s visit I had my quad screen. This is the blood test that checks for, among other things, indicators for chromosome abnormalities (such as Down Syndrome) and neural tube defects (like spina bifida). This is a common test, and one I’ve had with all three pregnancies, but it’s still nerve-wracking, especially since the results take a few days to come back. Toward the end of last week my test results came in, and they were all normal.
• Nick will be going to school for work next week. This is a mixed blessing for me, because I always hate being without him. But they feed him (quite well, actually), as well as pay for travel and lodging, so that means we wont have to pay for gas for him to go to work and back for most of the week, and we also won’t have to worry about lunches for him. This is also a necessary step for him in getting his ASE certification, an accomplishment that will mean more money for him. He also gets to go with one of his closest friends at work, which is nice.
• God has already stretched our food this week. More than once I’ve found things in the cabinet that I didn’t know we had, and our bread machine has really been a lifesaver, giving me the ability to put together things I would not have otherwise been able to. I also really appreciate my meat and potatoes husband sweetly eating whatever I put in front of him (and even taking it for lunch the next day!), even if it wasn’t exactly what he would have chosen.
• My parents are currently in L.A. visiting my brother, who’s there on assignment. They visited him in Houston last year and hated almost everything about the trip, but this year they’re having the time of their lives, and I’m so happy for them!

Baby Update:

Week 18 of Pregnancy: Fetal Nervous System

This week your baby is about five and a half inches long, crown to rump, and weighs about five ounces. And fetal development has reached the stage for you to start feeling those movements some time in the next few weeks — so get ready!

At 18 weeks pregnant, your baby is hitting the height chart at five and a half inches long (remember, that's crown to rump) and weighs about five ounces (the weight of that boneless chicken breast you're making for dinner).
And now for the skill of the week (drum roll please…): The art of the yawn has been mastered by your baby (someone's sleepy!).  In fact, you might catch a glimpse of that adorable yawn if you're getting an ultrasound this month. You'll also catch a glimpse of all the fetal movement your baby's doing — twists, rolls, kicks, and punches. And would you believe your baby is finally big enough for you to start feeling those movements now (or anytime in the next few weeks). So get ready!
Something you won't see on the ultrasound, but you'll know is in working order, is your baby's nervous system, which is maturing rapidly at this time.  Nerves, now covered with a substance called myelin (which speeds messages from nerve cell to nerve cell), are forming more complex connections. And those in the brain are further specializing into the ones that serve the senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. Talking about hearing, your baby's is growing more acute, making your little one more conscious of sounds that come from inside your body (which means you could both be listening to each other hiccup  — a skill that your baby has by now).

Source

Grabbing a minute…

Ok, I’m making myself sit down and post. I’ve been meaning to get an update out here for a couple of weeks, but life has been CA-RAZY!

Everything seems to be going well with the baby. I did have a scare a couple of weeks ago. Thursday before last (the 16th) my mom was at our house helping Morgan go through her room and pare down on some clothes and toys (my job, I know, but I’m working on Daisy’s room so we can hopefully squeeze a toddler bed in there too by the time the baby comes). Anyway, I went to the bathroom and had just a huge gush of bright red blood (sorry if that’s TMI, but for the time being this is more of a pregnancy blog, so don’t be surprised to see more of such down the road).

I hadn’t yet had an ultrasound, so I didn’t know how far along I was, but I knew I was less than 2 months, and bright red heavy bleeding in early pregnancy is always alarming. I called my doctor’s office and let them know what was happening, and they told me to go ahead and come in for an ultrasound. I told them that my insurance was still in the process of being approved, but they said not to worry about it and to just get there ASAP. Fortunately everything turned out to be just fine. I got to see the heartbeat, and they gave me a due date of February 9, 2012. Yay!

My insurance got approved about a week and a half ago, and I got to have my official first visit today (er, yesterday). Everything still seems to be fine, but I’ll find out for sure tomorrow (today?) how my progesterone level is doing.

The day after the bleeding scare Nick and I got to have a date night of sorts (better do it now while there’s still just two to find sitters for lol). Robert and Faith had gotten us a Red Lobster gift card for Christmas, and Nick’s sister Kate had given him a movie gift card for his birthday in April 2010 (shows you how often we get a chance to go out!). Anyway, we had a lovely dinner at Red Lobster, but unfortunately the movie we had planned to see was sold out when we got there, and there wasn’t another one we could fit into our allotted baby-sitting time. It was still a lovely night, and this way we can enjoy the movie as a separate date. My in-laws kept the kids for this one, so my mom said she’d be happy to keep them while we go to the movie one night.

Speaking of keeping the kids – I’m a little concerned about Daisy having to be away from me overnight a couple of nights when I go to the hospital to have the baby. I’m probably being overprotective – after all, Morgan will most likely be with her, and she/they will be with either my parents or my in-laws. But Morgan didn’t spend the night away from us until she was four, and even then she got really homesick for us. Daisy will just be 2 (gaaahhhh – is she really almost 2!?!?!?), and she’s used to sleeping in a crib, although we hope to change that before the new arrival.

I’m actually thinking about letting Morgan be in the delivery room this time. The hospital is pretty open about who you have in there, so I think it would be okay with them. She wanted to be in there when Daisy was born, but I felt she was too young then. I guess I’ll wait to see how the pregnancy goes. Daisy was an amazingly easy delivery, and they tend to get easier with each one, but we’ll definitely have to do some praying about it.

What else? Father’s Day was a week ago Sunday. I got my dad a book about the history of our town, which he LOVED. That made me really happy, because he’s really hard to buy for. I got Nick a pair of shoes he wanted. For Nick’s dad we got a book about roadside attractions across America – really cheesy stuff, but exactly the sort of thing he and his wife are into, so it was a big hit too. And for Nick’s papaw we got a book like my dad’s only it was about the town where their lake cabin is, also a winner.

And speaking of the lake cabin, Sunday was mine and Nick’s 13th anniversary, so we spent the weekend there with the kids. It was a short trip, but a lot of fun, and both girls had a blast in the lake.
Geez this is a long post! Well, I’m off to bed – night all!

It’s Spriiiiiing!!!

Hello, everyone! How are you all? I’m doing great! Our beautiful pink azaleas have bloomed, and the peonies are hot on their heels! (No pictures – what was I thinking?)

I finally (on the third rescheduling) got to take Morgan’s team pictures on Monday, and I think they turned out great. Hopefully the parents will think so too and will buy lots!

My awesome chair and 1/2 came in last Wednesday, and I LOVE it! I’ve been doing some more crafting, and I’ve come up with some more pillow covers that I’m really pleased with. I plan on eventually stocking them in my etsy shop. (June 26 is our anniversary).

Oh, and I got spanked last night. Here’s the thing – weekend before last, I told Nick I would really appreciate some attention in that area, and he said he would try to get to it that weekend. It never happened, and I think that may have factored into last night’s spanking just a bit. I’ve been working really hard on getting the laundry done, and I’m most of the way there. Nick was out in the garage working on his Fairlane, and I went out to put in another load. I teasingly said something about how I had the pile just about gone “despite the lack of promised motivation.” He said that I had been doing really well, but that he wasn’t afraid to step up if I started screwing up, and without really thinking about it, I said that I’d rather not have to do that. It was an offhand remark, not one that I really meant to make, but I think he heard it.

Sunday night after church I fell asleep on the couch and didn’t wake up till about 11:30. Nick went to bed shortly after I got up, but I was wide awake. I knew I had the soccer photo shoot the next day, so I started working up an order form (the coach’s fiance had made me one, but it was crooked, misspelled, and just generally not very professional looking, so I wanted to make my own). While I was waiting on our excruciatingly slow printer to churn out 10 copies of the 5 page order form (1 page of package details, 3 pages of team photo template choices, and 1 page for the actual order form), I started working on the Mr. and Mrs. pillows pictured above. By the time I got in bed, it was after 5:00 in the morning, and Nick woke up and caught me, although he didn’t say much about it at the time other than to let me know that he noticed.

Now a few weeks ago we had made an agreement (at my request) that I would be up by 9:00 every day and text him by 9:15 to let him know. I’d been trying to keep to it, but I’d missed a few times without him saying anything, and I’d kind of fallen off doing it just because I felt like he didn’t really care either way. Monday I slept (way) in until 11:00, and obviously didn’t text him. When he got to Morgan’s soccer game he said something about it and let me know that we’d be discussing it later.

Monday night he fell asleep on the couch, and I kind of didn’t wake him up until I was pretty sure he would just go straight to bed. Not very mature I admit, but I was feeling pretty nervous. Nervous enough, in fact, that I couldn’t fall asleep until late. Despite my alarm and my best intentions, I didn’t wake up until 10:15. I immediately texted him and told him that I’d overslept. The text I got back? “Wow, sucks for you.” Yikes!

By the time he got home my stomach was doing pretty much constant flips.

I had rented Due Date for us to watch, a movie he’d been wanting to see. Soon after he got home I quietly apologized for staying up late and oversleeping. He told me that he was going to take care of it, and I asked if we could do it before we watched the movie. I really didn’t want to sit through it while trying not to think about what was coming.

I put the kids to bed at nine, and we watched TV for a little while to give them time to fall asleep. Before I knew it though, he was ushering me upstairs. I immediately ran to the bathroom to pee, and when I came out he had the AngelBrat Paddle in hand. He made me bend over the side of the bed, then he took down my jeans and panties. He honestly probably only gave me 25 or 30 swats, but I had an awful time staying still for it. My bottom was on fire by the time it was over, and I don’t think I could have handled much more. Fortunately he had a good handle on what I needed, and he ended it much, much sooner than most spankings he’s ever given me.

After he spanked me, he held me and rubbed my bottom for a bit, then left me to compose myself and come down when I was ready. I put away the paddle, pulled my jeans and panties back up, and joined him downstairs. The movie was very funny, and I enjoyed it so much more than I would have if I’d had the paddling hanging over my head.

Anyway, that’s been what’s going on in our house. How have your lives been?

Catching up

Hello, everyone! It’s been a busy few weeks for me, but I’m finally getting the chance to pop in for a minute. We got our new furniture last Tuesday! Yay! Well, except for my awesome chair and a half. That’s coming in on another truck. Boo! But seriously, we love, love, love the furniture we do have. We also sold our old couch on Craigslist along with a couple of other items, so that was a nice to have a little money to help out.

We painted our living room, which has made a huge difference, since we went from this:
to this:

Also, I made a pillow for the new couch using my Silhouette SD to cut a stencil for it, and I’m soooo in love with the way it turned out. Pancho, it seems, is too:
Let’s see, what else?

Oh! I can’t believe I forgot to mention this earlier, but on Feb 27, a little girl Morgan’s age at our church asked Morgan if she could help her get saved. Morgan asked me if I would talk to her, so I grabbed my brother Robert (the pastor), and together we led her to the Lord! But the evening got even better – Morgan made a profession of faith and was baptized several years ago, but we’d always had our doubts that she really understood it at the time, and we just weren’t seeing the attitude and actions of a Christian in her. I talked to her about the little girl who’d just gotten saved, and she told me that she didn’t feel like she was really saved herself. So this time I grabbed my brother’s wife Faith and my mom, and we went and talked to Morgan about it some more, and she prayed and asked Jesus into her heart! Then a couple of weeks later the first little girl’s twin sister asked to talk to me, and she also became a Christian! Nick called me the kid whisperer, but I can assure you it was all God and had nothing at all to do with me. Yesterday all three girls were baptized!
Let’s see, in other news, Morgan is playing soccer this year, so that’s an adventure. She’s still learning, but we think she really has the potential to be a great player.

My photography is really picking up with the warmer weather. I had a shoot with a great family a couple of weeks ago, and I have a few more on the books for this month. I’m actually supposed to do the team pictures for Morgan’s soccer team this evening (if we don’t get rained out again grrr!). I’ll be offering several packages, so hopefully that will bring in a little money.

I love that spring is starting to bloom around here. Nick brought me some gorgeous flowers out of the blue a few days ago , and the trees in our yard are starting to blossom. I’ll leave you with a few local shots from the last few weeks.