Hello?

Hello? Anyone still reading?

Gosh, where to start? Well, I'm posting this from our new living room! Okay, so we finally sold the house. Like for real sold it and closed on it and bought another one. It took 136 showings, 3 contracts, and 5 extensions on the closing date, but it got done! It was a serious roller coaster. We got the contract in February and were supposed to close March 24. We actually ended up closing April 22. There were so many crazy things to happen. All of the delays were the fault of either our buyer or his loan company. It actually caused us 3 days delay on the scheduled closing of our new house. 

Speaking of the new house, we love it. We really, really, really love it. Before we found it, during the mad rush to find a home once our old one sold (which turned out to be not such a mad rush after all), we found another home that we fell head over heels in love with. It was crazy how perfect it was for us. It's like it was actually custom built for us. But we lost the bid on it, and we were devastated. After that it seemed like nothing we saw was appealing at all, and we looked at A LOT of houses. In fact, we actually signed a contract on one at one point that we didn't just love, simply because it would technically work for us, and we were running out of time. Fortunately the inspection on it came back with some minor issues that allowed us to back out of the contract. I'm so very glad now that we didn't buy that house, but at the time it seemed like we were out of options. 

Then when our realtor showed me this one (I went without Nick the first time), I said to him, "This is the first one I've liked since we lost (the other house we wanted)." Nick liked it too, although it took him a little bit more time to get fully on board with it. But once we got our hearts wrapped around the fact that we really were not going to be able to buy our first pick, this one was the obvious choice.

Let me be clear, I know that God had a reason for us to not get that other home. Yes, it certainly was everything we wanted, but it was also a very long commute to Nick's job, and the neighborhood was not as nice as the one we now live in. And I just have to trust that there may have been other issues that would have come up down the line.

But anyway, here we are. The kids all have their own room, Nick and I have a massive bedroom and a ridiculously large closet, his commute to work had been cut in half, and.....there's a craft room! Actually it's technically a den, but for me it's an awesome craft room, and it's all mine! I'm still working on getting it all put together, but I'll get there. I'm mostly done. And the back yard is big and flat and fenced in for the kids and the dogs, and a walking trail runs right behind it. Earlier I made blackberry cobbler from the blackberries we picked along the path back there.

We celebrated our 18th anniversary last Sunday. Actually we celebrated it the Friday before with an awesome kid-free trip to an amusement park, but Sunday was the actual day. The whole weekend was wonderful, but we especially had fun on our date Friday.

I finally got Jack potty trained. And yes, he's four, but between all the chaos of having the house on the market for almost a year with nearly daily showings and the four weeks we lived with my parents it was just an impossible task until we got settled. 

Oh, I didn't mention we lived with my parents for a while? We moved out of the old house March 26. At that point there had been one extension and we were due to close on the 29th, so we cleared out so the buyer could do his final walk through. Then of course we ended up not closing for almost another month. My parents were really awesome, but it was an extremely stressful month with all five of us sharing two bedrooms and one bathroom, on top of the daily roller coaster of trying to get the sale of the house to closing. 

Morgan and Daisy will be going to new schools. Morgan really wants to go to her old high school, which could technically happen because she has an approved transfer, but she ended up failing two classes last year for a myriad of reasons, and Nick is understandably unwilling to have me drive 20 minutes to the old school and back twice a day when she's not been doing the things she's supposed to. She lost her phone privileges months ago for doing some inappropriate things with it, and she's still not managed to earn it back. I don't want to give the impression that she's turned into some kind of teenage reprobate - a lot of her issues stem from some struggles with anxiety and depression that she really battles, but some of it is just her being an irresponsible kid. We're hopeful that a new school will be a fresh start for her, and we really love the school district we've moved to.

Domestic discipline has been very much on the back burner, which I hate, but I don't know how to fix it. I've tried bringing it up a couple of times, and Nick seems more or less willing to keep it on the table. Unfortunately that's easy to say without really doing anything to make that a reality. And I'm working hard to try to keep the house much cleaner than it was when we lived in the old house (before we were showing it 42 times a day), so maybe there's just nothing for him to come down on, but that doesn't mean the need for boundaries and discipline isn't still very much there for me. It's been seven months, and the lack of it is making itself felt. Meh. Same old story.

Let's see, what else? Right before we moved, a lady at our church gave us a brand new condition couch, chair, and recliner. She had bought them for her living room about a year ago and decided they were too big for her space, so she just gave them to us. She is an older widowed lady who lives alone in a pet free home, so they were immaculate, and it was just a crazy out of the blue blessing.

Last month we HAD to put tires on my car. It had gotten to the point that Nick wasn't comfortable with me even driving it, and something had to be done. So my dear sweet unselfish husband sold his custom bicycle that Will and Kate got him for Christmas a few years ago. It hurt my heart for him to give it up, but it was sold and gone before he ever told me about it.

Nick's great aunt passed away earlier this week, and we will be going to her funeral this evening. She was a lovely lady, and we hated to lose her. Unfortunately she had been struggling with dementia for the last few months, so it was a relief too in a way. 

Morgan turned 15 in April, so sometime in the next few weeks we plan to let her go get her learners permit, and just when exactly did I give permission for my children to grow up?

We went to church camp at the beginning of June, and it was a blessing as always. We had 16 kids get saved, including Daisy, who had made a profession when she was 4, but realized she hadn't really had a clear understanding of what it meant at the time. She wants to get baptized in the next few weeks.

God has really been so very good to us, showering us with all kind of blessings!

A Year

We are still working on selling the house. It's an exhausting and frustrating process, and I'm tired. Today was our 60th showing. 60th. And we have another tomorrow, and one on Sunday, another on Monday. We lowered our price by $10,000, something we didn't want to do, but we felt that so many showings with no offers was telling us it was the right move. We also found another house that we would like to buy, but if course ours has to sell first, and we have to figure out the financing based on our new lower selling price. This is the fourth house in a year that we've tried to buy. I know God has a plan and a time. I'm just getting worn out.

So the title of this post doesn't refer to the year we've spent house hunting. What it refers to is the longest DD drought we've ever had. Sunday will be one full year since my last punishment. And I'm frustrated. And sad, and hurt, and weary, and angry. I have asked him multiple times if he's just done with it, and he always says no, it's just something we haven't done "lately". But "lately" seems like a flimsy term for this situation. This feels like he just doesn't want to bother with it, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy who admits he just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want to have that conversation or shoulder the guilt for bowing out of a responsibility I've shouldered him with. Or maybe he thinks that if he "officially" stops spanking, I'll stop deferring to him and treating him as the Head of the Household. The thing is, I don't treat him that way because of any DD dynamic. I treat him that way because I believe that is the plan for marriage God has laid out, and our whole family is happier for it. 

Being honest, I don't do a whole lot to piss him off these days. The house has been clean for four months. The laundry is always done. I have dinner waiting almost every night. But I'm functioning with a high level of stress. I have no outlets left. Most of my craft things are in storage, and what is still here has to be pulled out of closets and set up on the kitchen table to be used. And the entire time I'm having a mini panic attack because it's causing a temporary mess that needs to be put away. My laptop is excruciatingly slow, which makes my photography unenjoyable. I have a craft blog that I was very active on for a while, but once we went to market with the house, the combination of the slow laptop and the inconvenience of doing projects in a space that needs to be always neat has kept me scarce over there. I've tried having some craft days with girlfriends, but with kids on hand and no good place to spread out, it's always been more trouble than enjoyment. Money has been tight, so we've not had any sort of date night in months, and we didn't get to take our annual trip to Texas for the same reason. 

Nick has plenty of stress to deal with too of course, but he has a few outlets. He goes fishing just about every chance he gets. And this past Sunday he went and played Foot Golf (like golf, on a course, but with a soccer ball and really big cups) with some of his friends. He sometimes goes to the gun range, and he has a gym membership. 

Daisy has also started kindergarten, and while she loves it and is doing great, any change of routine is stressful for a while. I'm up before Nick every day now, and with Jack home with just me all day, he's right on top of me all the time. Not that I don't love having one on one time with him, but he can be a little intense. On top of that I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. And yes, he's three. 

I admit, it all gets to me, and it's less rare than it should be that I lose it and just have a really bad attitude. I fight much more than I should with Morgan, who started high school this year, and I'm frequently impatient with all three kids. These are the times I need him to discipline me. There was a time in our lives when he would see me spiraling and would make a time and a place to get my attention in a big way and help me reprioritize. I'm not going to lie, the actual physical experience of a spanking is one that I both dread and fear, but not so much that I don't also crave the peace it inevitably brings. 

And I feel abandoned. I feel so very hurt that he basically said "This thing is not my thing, but it's your thing, and because you are mine and need this, I will do this for you." And then he just...quit. And not just that he's quit, but that he's done it without allowing me the certainty needed to really mourn its loss and move on. This last year has felt to me like he just really doesn't care at all that this is a genuine need that I have that can only be met by him and is therefore going unmet. Perhaps he's trying to starve it to death. If only it were that easy. I've prayed so many times that God would take this part of me away if but isn't something that can be a valid, functioning part of our marriage. I would love to not need this, but I do. It makes me bloom. It leaves me thriving and capable. Or it withers and wearies me when it's absent. 

Please understand that I'm venting here, the only place I can do it. Nick is truly a wonderful husband. He's faithful and loving, and he works hard every day so that I can stay at home with our kids. And if he wants to dispense with domestic discipline, I can live with that, I really can. But I need to know, so that I can lay it to rest and learn to let go. 

Busy life

So four months have gone by. I'm sorry I've not been updating. I just haven't been able to find the wherewithal to sit down and post. But a lot of things have been happening. 

First of all, the house I mentioned back in February. We didn't get it. We kept working toward getting ours ready to market, and the Realtor called us periodically to find out how close to listing we were. Finally he called in April to tell us the homeowners expected an offer from a particular buyer any day. This would be their very first offer after over a year on the market, so we expected them to take it, which we hated, but we just weren't ready. Then the other offer got delayed. 

Finally the Realtor called and asked me what it was that was keeping us from submitting a contingency offer. I explained that we still had a few things left to do, which we were working to come up with the money for, and we knew a contingency offer would be time sensitive. We didn't want to waste part of that time with our house not yet for sale. He said he felt like they would be open to a lengthier contingency time frame than normal since no other offer had come in, so I told him we would talk about it and pray about it. We finally decided to go for it, and we submitted an offer several thousand dollars below the asking price, with the expectation that they would counter. 

And of course the other offer came in the same day. But they asked the Realtor to come back to both us and the other buyers and ask us to submit our very best offers. So we gave them an offer for the very most we were willing to spend. The next day the Realtor told us he was very sorry, but they had chosen the other buyers. So I was very sad and upset for about an hour.

Then Nick found a very new listing online for a house in close to the same price range with even more room than the one we had just lost. It was For Sale By Owner, so we called the number listed and asked for a showing. We went to see it the next day, and we fell completely in love. Like head over heels. 

It was definitely a project home, as the owners had purchased it to completely renovate and then run out of money after running into some nasty surprises. But they had fixed most of the big things, like a new roof, a new ($20,000) HVAC system with all new trunk lines, new plumbing, a completely renovated kitchen with granite counter tops, all new cabinets, and all new higher end appliances, tile flooring in the kitchen and living room, and new carpeting upstairs.  The husband is in the military, and they bought the home based on the information that he was going to be deployed to Afghanistan. They were going to used his deployment salary to pay for the renovations. They went ahead and started the major renovations using credit with plans to pay it off when his salary came in. Then his deployment got cancelled. By this time they were tens of thousands of dollars in debt with the renovations, so they decided to cut their losses and sell. 

It had everything we wanted and even things we hadn't  been looking for, like a pool and a tennis court (yes, a tennis court). And there was a ginormous craft space with a kitchenette attached to it. Okay, it was a mother-in-law suite, but it would make a dream craft room. And there was a huge detached garage tall enough for Nick to install a car lift in, which has long been on his list of someday dreams. The bedrooms were massive, and there was tons of natural light throughout the whole house.

We loved it so much that, after praying about it, we made an offer that same day. At first they didn't accept it because we weren't on the market yet with our home, but our Realtor talked them into a 90 day contingency contract, and the race was on! Our families came together to help, and we were market ready in 2 weeks. It actually took a few days for the listing to go live because we were waiting on the photographer to come take listing photos, but once it did, we blew up with showings. Like 5 in the first few days. And they just kept coming. We've had 45 showings at this point. But no offers. And our contract ran out last Monday. 

We talked to the homeowners, and they were willing to renew on basically the same terms for another 6 weeks or so. But we wanted to go by and see the home again before we signed a new contract, especially since they did not want to work with our Realtor since they didn't want to have to pay him a seller's commission. As we've only contracted with him to sell our house, not find us another, that was fine with us. But we wanted to take my parents with us to see the house, especially since my mom would be handling all the paperwork on our end if we weren't going to use our Realtor. They really didn't like the house at all, which was disappointing to us, but all they could see was the work left to do. 

It's mostly just finishing work at this point, like laying tile that has already been purchased and would come with the house, putting up trim and hanging doors that are also already there, and installing toilets that are sitting there in the boxes. But there are a couple of major projects too, the most urgent of which would be putting together the completely gutted master bathroom (no small expense). The in ground pool needs a bit of cosmetic work, and we don't know if all the pipes are sound. The upstairs hallway and the stairs need  carpet, and there are several places in the home that need drywall or ceilings installed. We were actually pretty disappointed that they hadn't finished anything since we had first seen it three months prior, but the  wife is very pregnant and the husband is frequently gone with his job, and I guess they figured they had a buyer and didn't need to do anything else.

We could do all the work ourselves with the exception of the pool, but after more prayer and talking, we opted not to renew the contract. We haven't completely ruled the house out by any means, but we feel like God was telling us not to sign anything else until our house sells. Maybe since they have to start marketing it again they will finish up a few projects, and if it doesn't sell soon, maybe they will come down on the price. Or maybe it's not the house for us after all and it will sell to someone else before ours sells. We're still just waiting and praying.

So that's what's happening on the real estate front. The good news is that my house has been pretty much spotless for 3 months straight. The laundry is always all done and the sink is always clean. I've never been such an awesome housekeeper in my life. Wherever we end up, I definitely want to continue the habit, even if I have to be the meanest mom in the world to make it happen. Jack and Daisy are both actually great at keeping things neat now. It's Morgan I have to stay on top of.

Of course now that the house is all clean I am literally perfect (ha!), so there's no reason at all for Nick to bring up anything discipline related. Except of course for the fact that I still desperately need it in my life, but whatevs. I've asked him several times if he's decided not to do it any more, and he always says no, it's just not something we've done "lately". We're coming up on 11 months now since the last punishment spanking, and 9 months since the last spanking at all, which was my wonderful birthday spanking last year. I'm halfway convinced that he really is done with it but just doesn't want to have the conversation so he keeps putting me off. That's probably not a fair assessment, but I'm on my period and not inclined to be reasonable.

We did finally get that night alone on our 17th anniversary last month. It was kind of a mixed bag. The time we had together was wonderful, but the timing was bad. Nick had to work that day, then get up early and go back to work the next day. Plus I was on my period then too, which kind of put a damper on things. We went downtown and had a fabulous sushi dinner, but our plans to explore the downtown area on foot together afterwards got rained out with a vengeance. 

Nick took this last week off, and my mom tried to give us another go at a romantic night alone. That went swimmingly until about 2:30 in the morning when she finally gave up trying to pacify a little boy who badly missed his mom and I had to go get him. But we had been about to go to bed anyway, to sleep since we'd had some crazy good sex on the back deck earlier, rather daring for us these days. :) 

So what else? Nick ended up not getting to join us at church camp this year because they wouldn't give him the time off. which was a huge disappointment. He did drive up every night for the evening meal and service, but it wasn't the same without him. Since he wasn't going to be there all week, I had just planned to drive up daily myself. This was the first year we incorporated a craft time into every day, and I was in charge of it, so I did have to be there for that, but I was afraid it might be hard to manage both little kids in that environment by myself all week. But Nick didn't want me to make the drive every day, both because of the gas expense and because it's kind of a long and sketchy drive road-wise, so he had me stay. Kelly and her two little ones, Logan and Adison ended up staying with me most of the week though, so we traded off sitting so the other could get a shower when we needed to. At 9 months apart, Jack and Logan are best buddies as well as first cousins, so it was good for them to have each other to play with, and Daisy couldn't get enough of 13 month old Adison.

Nick missing camp did mean that he still had that week of vacation, which is why he was able to take it off last week. Vacation Bible School was going on at our church all week, and I wish it had been some other week. It went great and the kids loved all the crafts, but Nick wasn't thinking about it being that week when he requested off, so it wasn't quite the break he was hoping for. But he still got some fishing time in, and it was nice for him to at least not have to show up at work. And we did have that one very nice partial night alone. :)

We're most likely not going to get to go to Texas this year, which makes me very sad. We've been every year since Kate and Will got married with the exception of the year we all went to Sea Island to vacation together. It would have to be in the next 3 weeks or so if we were able to go, and the money is just not there this year. We did get to see Kate and the kids for a week though a few weeks ago when she came in to stay, so it's not like we're going a couple of years between visits. Maybe if the house sells by then we can try to go when the kids are out of school for fall break.

Speaking of school, in 20 days I'll have both a high schooler and a kindergartner, (Sob!) We had Daisy in a one on one preschool program one day a week last school year with Morgan's retired preschool teacher who now teaches like this in her home. Daisy missed the age cutoff for kindergarten by 5 days last year, so she'll be one of the oldest in her class, and we didn't want her to fall behind. She did really great with the in home teaching, and she's reading pretty well and a whiz at math. She'll do great in school, but I'm sad to see her growing up so fast! So far it's looking like she'll be in the elementary school near our current house, which I don't love. Morgan attended there in 5th grade, and the teachers were all very nice, but the school is only rated a 3 out of 10. We didn't put in for any sort of transfer request for her, because we thought we'd be moved by now, and the house we were trying to buy is zoned for the top rated elementary school in our county. 

Morgan on the other hand will be going to the school we want her to attend. We did request a transfer for her, because the other house (well, both other houses actually) were zoned for a school we didn't want her to attend. We were actually surprised to be approved for the transfer, because we were told they're notoriously hard to get, but we sure prayed hard about it, and God answered. I have to trust that He has a plan for Daisy being where she is. When they had kindergarten round up a few months ago we went ahead and pre-registered her at the nearby school because we didn't have permission to go anywhere else, and she really liked what she saw, so I'm sure it will be fine. She'll be close to home, and it will probably just be for one year anyway.

So I think that's all the news that's news. Hope you guys are all doing well!

Preparing

I know it's been too long since I've posted here. But I'm still kicking. Life has been busy but wonderful. Christmas was a precious time as always. I got some fun things, but the biggest was a Dyson DC59 Animal with a Home and Car Cordless Tool Kit from Will and Kate. I know it's not exactly a wild and crazy gift, but I was super excited - it's the first decent vacuum cleaner I've ever owned! And it was completely unexpected. Kate has one that she loves and uses constantly, and I've used it at her house. I was thinking it was a Shark and that it also was a steam cleaner, and a few months ago when we were looking for something to buy to use on our laminate flooring I called and asked her what kind she had. She told me it was a Dyson and that it was just for vacuuming, so I pretty much forgot about it since A) Dyson's are crazy expensive and B) we were looking for a steam mop. Anyway, we found a Shark steam mop at Lowe's that we've loved, and we put an actual vacuum on the back burner since our only carpet was in our bedroom and on the stairs. The carpet in both places was pretty sad, and we had a little Shark hand vac, so we decided to just stick with that for now.

BUT, now we have new carpet!! We're smack in the middle of (well hopefully not the middle of, hopefully more toward the end of) getting our house on the market. Last month we found a house that we really, really love. It's already on the market, but it's been sitting there for 11 months now with no offers. In fact, we looked at the listing last year, but at the time they wanted $30,000 more than their current asking price, and it was beyond what we could even consider. But they've come down to within our price range, and their realtor (who will also be our realtor when we list) told us when he toured the house with us that they are not firm even on the lower price, so they may be willing to come down some more. 

One point against it for some buyers is that it is located directly across from the entrance to a rifle range, which scares a lot of people who don't know much about it. But the shooting area for the range is far, far away on the property on the other side of the street and facing away from the house. And it's also 3 driveways down from our community soccer and football fields, which should tell you something about the safety of it. I think the biggest reason they've not had any offers is because of their more or less horrific decorating style. The big dark poofy drapes, excessive floral and gilt, and terrifying 80's furniture is pretty off-putting, but that's their stuff - we're only worried about the house beneath it. And the house itself is awesome. The only cosmetic stuff we would have to change would be switching out a few chandeliers for ceiling fans, replacing the blood red shower surround and matching vanity, and adding a dishwasher. Everything else is perfect, including the fact that it has a ginormous garage for Nick, a huge playroom for Jack and Daisy, a separate room for each kid, 3 bathrooms, generous closet spaces, a massive master bedroom, a laundry room, tons of play area outside, nice landscaping, and........a craft room!!! Can you hear the angels singing? 

It's about 2 1/2 times the size of our current home, but it's well insulated and also has a wood stove to help with heating, and the utility bills are actually pretty comparable to ours here. Property taxes are also about the same. The owners built the house 43 years ago and raised their family there, and you can tell that it's been lovingly maintained. They're retired now and are building themselves a little cabin in the country, so they're anxious to sell. And I LOVE the fact that the soccer fields are just a few yards down the road. Morgan played soccer for a couple of years, and Jack and Daisy will likely do the same. And there's a greenway for walking with a playground at the end of it, as well as a dog park along the way. When Morgan had practices Nick and I would walk with the littles and sometimes the dog, and I really enjoyed it.

Now I know, this house is far from being ours. Especially since we're not even to market yet with our house. But we're close to listing, and as soon as we do we plan to put down a contingency offer. We've already gotten pre-approved for the loan, and our realtor seems to think our house will be pretty desirable in our area. And when it comes down to it, if it's not the house God has for us, it just means He has something better.

But, we do feel led to go ahead and get ours listed, so toward that, we've: put down new linoleum in both bathrooms, given almost everything a fresh coat of paint, had new carpet put down in all three bedrooms, the hallway, and on the stairs, done lots of patching and sanding and painting on random wall dings, put up a nice new light fixture in the bathroom downstairs, begun painting our kitchen cabinets white (oh my gosh I love them, why didn't we do this years ago?), and rented a storage unit, which currently holds about 50% of our belongings. We've still got to finish the cabinets, paint the ceilings, paint the kitchen, lay the linoleum in the kitchen (which is in our garage waiting on us to finish the ceiling paint), clean out the garage, clear out some brush and stuff at the side of the house, and hire someone to paint the back of the house. Right now we're in the middle of an ice storm, so the outside stuff is off limits for the moment, but we're working hard to get the rest done.

And guys, I've been doing so much better with keeping stuff clean! Granted the kitchen is in chaos right now, but that's because it's under construction. But the bedrooms and bathrooms always look nice. And the living room is more or less always within 15 minutes of being clean, now that all the furniture from the rest of the house that was moved there during carpet installation has been moved back.

So what else has been happening other than house stuff? Well, Nick and I had an unexpected and totally awesome date night Dec 30. We took the kids up to visit with my parents one afternoon, and they offered to keep all three and sent us out the door! We had gift cards for The Chop House  as well as for a movie, so we enjoyed an amazing dinner and went to see The Mockingjay Part One, and even squeezed in a quick trip to Tuesday Morning in between! 

We got our income tax return, which is mostly gone now, but we were able to use it to pay some bills, pay my parents back for some money they had let us borrow last year, rent the storage unit for a few months, and do some repairs on Nick's truck. The bills we paid will especially be helpful as they would have all been due on his next check this Friday. Please be in prayer for us, because he used a couple of sick days to deal with removing our old carpet and flooring and then being here while the new carpet went in, which would have been fine, but then his place of business has been closed for the last two days because of the ice storm, so his paycheck will be taking a huge hit, and we still have a number of other bills to pay. But we are just trusting God and praying - He always shows up!

Oh, something kind of funny (in retrospect) happened last month. Nick and I had made arrangements for someone to watch all three of our kids overnight. His dad and stepmom were taking Morgan and Jack, and my parents were taking Daisy. This is not common. In fact, other than that night, it has never happened. That was Jack's first (and so far only) sleepover. And prior to his birth, the only time Daisy had been away from us overnight was when I was in the hospital during my pregnancy with Jack. That means that Nick and I had not had a whole night alone in over 5 years.

Now we didn't have any big romantic plans. We just needed the kids out from under foot while we (he) installed the linoleum in the bathrooms and painted. But still, we were looking forward to the night, blasting our music from the 90's and painting in our underwear if we wanted, and who knew where the night might lead?

That night our church youth group went ice skating, and Morgan, her bestie Allie, and Allie's boyfriend were all going. I was to pick them up afterwards, then drop them all off where they were supposed to be. Now normally, Allie rides the bus home with Morgan on Friday and we drop her off at home Sunday night after church. I joke that we have custody of her on weekends, although really her parents are a bit presumptive about leaving her with us. It kind of gives us an extra mouth to feed almost half the week since they never send her any money to eat on, and I never get a call from her mom asking if it's okay for her to stay.  But normally it's fine. Truly. She's not a problem, and we're her only access to church since her parents don't attend anywhere. If it was a major issue, I would have a talk with her parents, but generally it's not a problem and she's welcome in our home.

But a few days before, Morgan had gotten grounded, and she had told Allie that she wouldn't be able to stay over that weekend, although she was still welcome to attend the youth event and church services with us. Allie was fine with this and understood, but apparently her mom assumed she would still be staying with us for the weekend. So after the ice skating, I picked the 3 kids up and dropped off first Allie's boyfriend, then Morgan, saving Allie for last because she lives just down the road from our neighborhood. 

On the way home, she had tried to call her mom multiple times to tell her she was on her way, but couldn't get an answer. I had mentioned several times while the kids were in the car that Nick and I were going to be alone overnight for the first time in over 5 years, and there was never any question that she would be going home. But when we got to her house, it was locked up tight as a drum, all the lights out. Allie doesn't have a key to the house, nor does she know the alarm code, and her parents turn off their phones when they go to bed (which it turns out is before 10:30 PM). After dozens of call and texts to both parents and 20 minutes or so of standing in the freezing cold while multiple doorbell rings as well as increasingly aggressive knocks on the door went completely unanswered, Allie even tried knocking on her brother's window to no avail. It was 24°F out there, people. Even had I been willing to leave her there to fend for herself if it had been warm (I wasn't), there was no way I could even think about driving off in any circumstances with it so cold. So I sent her to the car to warm up while I tried one more time to wake someone inside. I called Nick and told him what was going on so that he would be prepared (ie. not painting in his underwear when we got there), and drove her home with me.

Bless her heart, she stayed up most of the night cleaning and organizing Morgan's room while we worked (her idea, not ours!). I think she felt pretty bad about the whole thing, although of course I couldn't be mad at her. Her mom on the other hand, I was pretty put out with. Even if she had been supposed to spend the night with us (which she hadn't), what if there had been an emergency? What if she'd been in a car wreck or been injured ice skating? In my book it's pretty inexcusable to make it so that your kid can't reach you in an emergency, especially when you've not verified where they're going to be overnight! We got a text from her mom about 5:30 the next morning full of apologies, but of course by then it was too late.

It would be just our luck though that we worked so hard to get overnight care for all three of our kids and ended up having someone else's lol. The good news is that Jack did well overnight at his grandparents' house, and they expressed a willingness to keep him again sometime. So maybe we'll eventually get that night alone after all.

DD has been more or less MIA around here. In the last 2 years there have been 10 serious spankings. The last discipline of any sort was over 5 months ago. Not that I'm keeping some kind of tally, but I do post about it here every time it happens, and it's a little sad for me to look back and realize just how sparse it's been. I think it just leaves me feeling a little...untended. I know that right now we are extremely busy, and the DD dynamic is always the first thing to go. Or maybe not the dynamic, per se, because he's still the guy in charge, but it feels more like it's staying that way because I want it to rather than because he's enforcing it. And I guess that's really the way it should be. And it's not that I actually want a spanking. As long as it's been, I do still remember just how much they hurt. I think I just miss knowing that the boundaries are real and that they are solid and hurt to run into. Bah, this is stupid. I know it's a pot best left unstirred, and besides, all our "stirrers" are in storage. I think it's just the fact that I'm generally pretty well behaved and it's not something that's ever really discussed, or at least if I bring it up he just kind of nods in acknowledgement and basically refuses to contribute anything else to the conversation. It kind of makes the whole thing feel like a figment of my imagination. But I suppose 10 years into it there's not a whole lot about it we need to discuss. Meh. I won't be bringing it up.

What else? Daisy's stomach has been bothering her again, so I guess we will try seeing her doctor again. Tons of tests and visits last go round didn't turn anything up, but she's with a new pediatrician now, so maybe they can get to the bottom of it. Jack took a flying leap off Daisy's bed and smashed his poor little nose into Morgan's bed last week. It bled forEVER, and he had a bit of a bruise, but he doesn't seem to have broken it, and the bruise has more or less disappeared. 

Jack turned three last month (me sobbing quietly into a pile of tiny little baby clothes). We didn't have resources to do a party this year, but my parents gave us the money to take the 5 of us to Chuck E Cheese's, and it was the greatest experience of his young life. :)

Hmm, I think those are the highlights. Anyway, I'm off to do more housework!

Just dying over here a little...

Oh my gosh, guys - this is killing me! Sorry for the lack of update, but I don't really have one yet. We met with the seller Monday evening, and it seemed to go well. We told him what our payment had to be and what our house should bring him in rent. He was cautiously optimistic that he could get the numbers within our budget, and he made plans to come see our house yesterday. Monday night we went home and cleaned like mad, and all day yesterday I polished and dusted and hung curtains and did everything I could think of to make the house as appealing as possible. And he never showed up. Finally around 6:30 I called him. He apologized and said he had been covered up all day and had meant to call me but hadn't had the chance, and promised to come by today. A little while ago my mom called to tell me he had called her for my phone number (which we gave him, but I guess he didn't have it on him), and that he had to run an errand first but plans to come by afterwards. So right now I'm just trying to contain the kids and keep the house clean till he gets here, and please pray, pray, pray that he likes our house and can make the numbers work for us if this is what God intends. Hopefully I'll have an answer soon.

Life Changing

Gosh, it has been BUSY around here! Morgan has started soccer, which is taking up some of our time. She has practice on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and games on Saturdays. This past Saturday was her first game, and she did great! They won 4-1, which is a nice change from the last season she played. This time around her team is older and more experienced, and it shows.

I've also had some sewing to do. Daisy's birthday is coming up on October 5th, and she has requested a special birthday skirt. I finished it today, and I'm kind of in love with it. The main part of the skirt is made from this sweet pink nursery rhyme toile, and the bottom band is a coordinating solid pink. I plan on getting her a plain white t-shirt and embellishing it with some of the toile, maybe a rosette or two.

Here in a few minutes I need to sew up a skirt for an Etsy order. And guys, Christmas is only 15 weeks away! I should have started on Christmas gifts last month! I've already been forewarned that I'm not to turn our house into Santa's workshop again this year, and  I've promised to try not to.

But the biggest thing that has been taking up my time is my (early) birthday gift from my mom. This is seriously the best thing she's ever given me (besides you know, life). She's paying for me and the kids to have a membership to our local YMCA for a few months! We're waiting on the Y to review our application for scholarship to see if maybe we can get the membership at a discount (I'd really appreciate you're prayers on this!), so that maybe they can pay for it long enough for us to get our income tax back and pay for a year up front. 

This has been life changing for me, just in the week since I've been going. I'll be really honest here, I've known for a while now that I really needed to do something to get in shape and lose weight. Diabetes runs in my family, and it hit my mom when she was just a little older than I am now. I think that's the main reason she's doing this for me. Nick has been working out and losing weight for the last year and 1/2, and it's made a huge difference in his life. 

My biggest problem was just not having an opportunity to work out on a consistent basis, which made it seem like it wasn't worth doing really at all. There for a while I tried walking around our neighborhood with Daisy and Jack in the stroller, but then it was too hot, then it was too rainy, then it was too cold, then they got to where they just fussed and tried to climb out the whole time, and it just wasn't worth it. But the Y has child care, and they will watch the kids for up to two hours a day, included with my membership. 

The kids LOVE it there. They have this big plastic playhouse shaped randomly enough like a tomato. Daisy calls it "the bamato house" and I just want to freeze time every time she says it. She's getting old enough now that she doesn't have very many childish mispronunciations anymore, and I cherish them all. 

Right now we're going on a free pass because they're still reviewing my application. The free pass counts for everyone in our household, so that means Nick has gotten to join us a few times. He has his own gym membership at a gym close to where he works, but it was really great having him come show me how all the machines work. Once the membership is active Morgan and I will get to meet with a personal trainer to do a fitness test and get set up on a routine. Then every time we come in we'll log into a computer system that will give us a tailored workout plan for the day. For now I've just been doing the treadmill and some weight room routines Nick showed me. 

It's been hard, but so very good to have the chance to push myself, and I've lost 7 pounds so far. :) Anyway, that's what I've been up to, how about you guys?

New Year’s Meme (Part Three)

This is a New Year’s Meme I originally did in 2009, then again at the end of 2010. The answers in black are my original answers, the ones in red are last year’s, and the ones in blue are this year’s.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Went to Houston, won a trip to Hawaii (although we've not gone yet).
In 2010 I became a stay at home mom for the first time and also launched a photography business. In 2011 I started an etsy shop (and made a few sales!). I also shot a wedding with Nick. And I was hospitalized for pregnancy complications.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I honestly can't remember last year's resolutions, but we've decided to make some financial changes this year.
This year's resolution was just to trust God more, and we've definitely had to do that. Next year I'd like to expand my photography business. We had the same resolution this year as last, and God has definitely carried us through! I also wanted to make enough with my photography business to cover our initial investment, and I did that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. Unfortunately she also got divorced. We also found out that Nick's sister is pregnant. Sadly, still not me, although at this point that would be something of a financial disaster.
Two girls I graduated high school with gave birth. But considering my 2009 answer, I want to point out that I got pregnant about three weeks after I posted that answer and I entered 2010 with a 13 week old baby of my own! Um, me! Me! And my friend A (ironically enough the same girl from my first answer to this question).

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather
No. I'm blessed to have attended no funerals in 2010, although I did learn that a former co-worker passed away a week ago. No one close to me died, but one of my close friends lost her dad just before the end of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
Same answer. Still same old boring answer.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A SLR digital camera
This coming year I'd like to have the full Photoshop Suite/Lightroom and a better lighting equipment package. And since I've been reading all these craft blogs, I've fallen in love with the idea of having a Cricut machine. We’d love to be able to move to a bigger house.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 3, the day my papaw passed away, and June 26, our 10th anniversary.
January 7, 2010 was the day I went in and quit my job. June 6, the day I found out I was pregnant, and December 14, the day I was admitted to the hospital.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't know how much of an achievement you'd consider it, but I did win that trip to Hawaii.
Actually getting a few photography clients. Also, moderate overall success as a coupon ninja, and serious coupon ninja success when it came to Christmas this year. Hanging onto my pregnancy as long as I did. Also, managing to get most of the Christmas gifts finished and out the door (although I actually still have a few to do).

9. What was your biggest failure? Probably that we could have handled our money better.
Not keeping more on top of the laundry. Not being able to control my blood pressure during my pregnancy (although I did try!).

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not unless you count strep throat
Nope! Unless you count the time I slipped in our backyard and ended up with a very sore spine and tailbone for a few days. Well there was that little blood pressure thing…

11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably my car - it's been a great investment so far.
My camera! Probably the Sequoia.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Morgan has really gotten it together with school. She had some issues in October with not really wanting to get her work done, but she's improved 110%.
Morgan has been an ah-may-zing big sister! Nick was an AWESOME husband and father during the chaos of the last few weeks of my pregnancy!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple we've known for years and years and actually introduced. They both just gave up on their marriage and decided to get divorced rather than putting any effort into fixing things.
Barack Obama. The plethora of men behaving badly in the media this year!

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, food.
Bills, diapers, formula. Bills, diapers.

 
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Houston.
My camera and our trip back to Texas. The birth of our son.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything Hannah Montana. If I never hear Hannah Montana again it will be too soon, but since Morgan sings the stuff in her sleep, I'm probably not that lucky.
Anything by the Avett Brothers. Nick has been playing the crap out of them! Billionaire as performed by the cast of Glee. Odd choice I know, but I think they just blew the original out of the water!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier, Probably about the same, Happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same, maybe a little heavier, but not much, probably about the same, which I’m pretty proud of since I just had a baby! c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, although we really should be richer, Poorer, Money-wise, about the same, but infinitely richer in our family.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Photography
Day to day photography just for myself. Cleaning – we have way too much stuff in this house!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating out.
Staying up way too late. Eating lots of Ramen noodles during the first few months of my pregnancy. I ate them because they were cheap, but I know they must have added to the later problems with my blood pressure.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.
This year will be the same. Out of the hospital – yay! And frantically trying to finish making gifts!

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my husband and daughter, every day.
Yes, with my husband and both of my daughters, every day. Yes, with my husband, my daughters, and my son!

22. What was your favorite TV program? Lost
Lost, until it went off, then Sons of Anarchy and Terriers. Glee. I know – it’s a guilty pleasure.'

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah
Nope. Still nope.

24. What was the best book you read? I couldn't even begin to narrow that down.
Same answer, although there have been some great ones! Probably The Hunger Games Trilogy.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Itunes will let you redownload your purchases if your hard drive crashes!
The Avett Brothers. Adele. And Glee.

26. What did you want and get? A better car.
A Nikon D90. A son (although technically he didn’t arrive till 2012).

27. What did you want and not get? A Nikon D90
Photoshop/Lightroom. Photoshop/Lightroom.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fireproof
Sherlock Holmes. Well, the only one we got to go see was Hugo, but it was pretty good.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31, and I hung out with Nick, went shopping, went to see the movie Fireproof, and stopped to visit with some friends.
I turned 33, and to celebrate we had a cookout with family and friends the day before, then I had a photo shoot. The day of we went to church then went and had lunch with Nick's sister and her husband. I turned 34, and I got to do a little bit of shopping and have lunch with Nick.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More money? Definitely more money, and a baby, or at least having one on the way.
Having made enough off my photography to have paid for my camera in full. Right now I'm a little over 50% of the way there. I can’t think of one blessed thing!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.
Not much has changed here. Lol, it was maternity wear for most of it!

32. What kept you sane? Nick beating my butt when I got too stressed, although I probably could have used more of that.
Concentrating on letting God take care of us and our finances. Still trusting in God, although I wouldn’t have turned down a few more spankings!

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Mmmmm....Josh Holloway, although Harrison Ford wasn't bad either.
Still Josh Holloway - Oh, Sawyer, I miss you! Is it weird that I’m still crushing on Josh Holloway even though Lost has been off the air for almost a year?

34. What political issue stirred you the most? No politics here, please.
The health care fiasco! Honestly I’ve been a little too occupied to pay much attention.

35. Who did you miss? My friend L
Still my friend L, although I got to see her a bit more this year. Same answer, although I got to see her even less this past year.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I can't really think of anyone new I met in real life that made a big impression, but I met lots of great people on here!
Same answer. Same answer.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is not fair - sometimes the people who make the worst decisions can still end up swimming in money.
God is always there for us - His mercies are new every morning! Sometimes you just have to take off the Super Mom costume and take care of your own health (and life will continue when you do).

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one.
Still can't come up with one! Sigh, still nothing.

A blessed New Year

Well, I’m finally getting a moment to post after a whirlwind couple of days. Monday (the day after my last post), my doctor had someone bring me over for my ultrasound about 10:30.

My amniotic fluid looked great, but Jack was not as active as he had been up until that point, and it was harder to see his breathing movements. My doctor decided we needed to go ahead and induce, so they took me back to my room, and I called Nick, then my parents and in-laws.

I already had an IV in, so they just needed to get the epidural and pitocin drip started. The nurse wanted to start the pitocin drip first (which would have started the contractions), but I insisted on the epidural first, lol. The epidural actually went very smoothly, very little pain from the injection or the insertion of the IV line. My doctor came in once the epidural was in effect and broke my water, around 1:30 I think. Family was in and out, but Nick stayed with me the whole time unless he was walking Morgan out when they needed to check dilation, etc.

Shortly after 5:30 I was 7 cm, which was about as far as the doctor planned to take me before delivery since he was so small. There was just a bit of my cervix that still needed widening, so she had me push gently a couple of times. That did the trick and got me to 8 cm, but it made Jack’s heart rate (which had been great until then) drop down, so we knew we had to go fast. We got everyone’s attention, she had me push one whole time and he was out. There was a scary moment because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice (thus the heart rate drop), but the doctor had him untangled within a couple of seconds, and we heard beautiful, loud, pissed off crying!

The doctor was so pleased with how gorgeously pink he was, and his Apgar scores were 8 and 8. She laid him up on my chest, and as soon as I put my hand on him he quieted down. Because he was so small, they only did basic cleanup and vitals in the crib warmer, and they had him in the incubator and out of the room within a couple of minutes.

It was so hard to watch them wheel him out and have to stay put, but I knew it was best that they get him down to the NICU to check him out. My nurse came back in about 15 minutes with his stats and the news that he looked to be doing great and had not had to have any breathing intervention. He was born at 5:42 PM, 3 lb and 11 oz, and 17 1/4 inches.

Nick took the family down to see him once they gave him permission (about and hour and 1/2 after delivery), but they wouldn’t let Morgan come in because it’s flu season. She was pretty upset, but she did understand. I didn’t get to go see him in the NICU until he was almost 5 hours old, which killed me! I tried earlier, once the epidural first started wearing off, but when I got up I was too lightheaded to even make it to the bathroom without a nurse on either side to help me walk. By the time I was able to get up and move without passing out, the NICU had closed temporarily for shift change, so I had to wait for a bit longer.

When I finally got to see him, it was a bit terrifying to see how very small he was, and all the monitor wires and the IV line (all standard accessories for brand new NICU babies) made it even scarier.
But he’s done just wonderfully well! He never had to go on any sort of breathing treatment, and yesterday he actually did a great job of latching on and nursing on two separate visits, truly impressing his nurses (and his parents!). I’ve been pumping breast milk, which they’ve been giving him via a feeding tube or a syringe in addition to the nursing, and they got to take out his IV line today. He became a little jaundiced earlier, but that’s more or less expected at his age (Daisy went through it too, and she was full term). They’ve got him under the bili lights right now, although they’re taking him out for feedings of course. I’ll be going back down in about an hour and a half to try nursing again.

I can technically leave at any time, although I’m delaying check-out (with my doctor’s approval) until after Nick gets off work and can pick me up so that I have a place to hang out between feedings. Of course we had been hoping and praying that he would not have to stay longer than I would, but the news is still much better than it could have been. The NICU doctor anticipated as of yesterday that we will get to bring him home by the end of next week, which is a huge change from the 5-6 weeks they were predicting before I had him!

I think we’re going to try to bring the girls down later so that they can at least see him through the window. Morgan was in the room for all of my labor except for the approximately 7 seconds it took for him to actually be born, lol. She chickened out at the last minute and left to join her papaws in the hallway, but I didn’t mind.

Thank you again for all your prayers, and I would really appreciate their continuation that we can bring him home soon (but when he’s ready of course!). Off to pump more milk…

So here’s what’s up…

Okay, so it’s been a couple of weeks since I posted. I’ve been crazy busy trying to get all the Christmas presents made (and a few of them bought). Unfortunately that of all came to a standstill a few days ago, but more on that in a minute.

Nick ended up buying the truck from my dad. We used part of the insurance money to pay off some bills, which got rid of some high interest stuff and freed up more than enough to cover taking out a small car loan at a low interest rate to pay for the truck. It also had to be registered and have new tires (the others were seriously dangerous), and it will have to have a new fuel pump, but the rest of the insurance money has pretty much covered that.

Now, baby news:
At my doctor’s visit on the 1st, I had gained 10 pounds (from a starting loss of 3). She had wanted me to start gaining some, but I was a little unhappy to see 10 pounds in one month. Still my doctor was fine with it, so I decided to be too. My blood pressure was up a little at that visit, but I had forgotten to take my pill that morning, so we assumed that was why.

Wednesday I went in for my next visit and an ultrasound. My weight was up another 11 pounds (in 13 days time!) and I kind of freaked out. There was just no way that I had gained 21 pound in 6 weeks. It turns out it was all (probably including the first 10) fluid. My bp was very high, despite having taken my pill that morning.

We discovered the high bp after the ultrasound. Nick had come with me to the visit, and we anxiously watched the monitor to see how much the baby had grown and how my amniotic fluid level was. As it turns out, things were not ideal. My fluid level was pretty low, somewhat concerning, but even more so coupled with the fact that the baby was showing smaller than he should be. At the last ultrasound 4 weeks prior, he was in the 35th percentile on the growth chart. This time he had dropped to the 15th percentile.

The ultra stenographer had me go out to have my bp taken and to talk to the doctor. I was kind of worried at this point, but Nick was saying, “Look, don’t freak out, I’m sure it’s no big deal.”
Then my doctor came in. Now I LOVE my doctor. I’ve had her for all three babies, and besides being just an awesome practitioner, she’s also got an amazing bedside manner. She’s very low key and laid back, so when she came in with a grave look on her face and said, “Okay, we need to turn this around. I want you to go check in and we’ll get you on the baby monitor and hooked up to an IV”, well, I really started to panic. Even then though, I assumed she was talking about a 3 or 4 hour procedure, after which I would go home.

Nope, this was to be at least an overnight visit. At this point Nick was looking a little pale himself, but we grabbed my purse and headed over to the women’s pavilion part of the hospital to check in. We called my mom on the way to let her know what was happening since she was watching Daisy, and she assured us they would get Morgan after school and keep the girls overnight.
I got checked in and put in a room on fluids and a baby monitor, and they gave me a steroid shot to help mature Jack’s lungs in case he needed to be delivered.

They did some blood work to see if it looked like I was in danger of needing an immediate c-section, but fortunately that all came back okay for the time being. After a bit my doctor came to check up on me and let me know that I would be in there till at least Friday to give the amniotic fluid time to build back up and my blood pressure to get under control. She tripled my bp meds dosage and told me she would come do an ultrasound Friday morning.

Friday morning there was absolutely no change in my fluid level after about 30 hours of being on an IV as well as drinking plenty of liquids orally. The placenta shows some damage from the combination of the low amniotic fluids plus the stress from the high blood pressure. At this point it’s not unrecoverable damage, but it’s very important that the fluid levels come up and the bp stay down so that the placenta can grow and recover. Right now it’s showing a diminished level of blood flow, which is why the baby is so small. They’re measuring him at about 3 lb 1 oz.

She told me after the ultrasound that the very, very, very earliest she was willing to even speculate that I might be able to go home will be Monday, and that’s only if everything looks great on the ultrasound she will do then and my bp is consistently low. If there’s not been a marked improvement by Monday, then she will most likely induce labor or do a c-section.

I’m 32 weeks and 2 days now, and she’d ideally like to get me to 36 and 1/2 weeks. She said that with the steroid treatment (I had the 2nd shot 24 hours after the 1st) that at that point I should be able to take him home with me. But if he comes now, we’re looking at several weeks in the NICU, possibly up to 8.

This has been such a crazy surreal experience for me, mostly I guess because it just happened with no real warning. I never had any sort of problems with Morgan’s or Daisy’s pregnancies, at least not to the point that it would have caused them to have to be born too early. Morgan came 3 weeks early on her own, and Daisy was induced 2 weeks early because I was halfway dilated and she was fully developed and considered full term.

Nick stayed overnight with me Wednesday and Thursday, then went to work the next day, but tonight I’m by myself. There was a family Christmas celebration tonight (which I was pretty sad to miss), and he attended and took the girls home with him to give my parents a break. They did stop by to see me for a few minutes, but it’s killing me to be away from them so much. Prior to Wednesday, Daisy had never been away from us overnight. She did okay that night, but Thursday night she got to missing us really bad.

I would really appreciate all your prayers on this situation, most especially that I can hang onto the pregnancy long enough for him to not have to go to the NICU.

Thankful Thursday - Extra Edition

Sometimes I feel like I must be such a huge burden on God with my many constant needs. Somehow though, He always comes through. This week we’re facing some incredible obstacles financially. I won’t say that we’ve never been in this tight of a spot before, but it’s rarely been this bad. Nick’s work has been unusually slow, and we’re staring down the barrel of several pay-it-this-week-or-it-will-go-against-your-credit bills, among them the car payment, the house payment, and the electric bill. We just don’t have the money to pay them all. I have to remember though, God is bigger than all of our problems. He knows our needs, and His pockets are certainly deeper than ours. I’m not afraid to post this here, because I know that His promises are real, and He has promised to provide for us. With that in mind, I want to go ahead and do my next Thankful Thursday, early for once!
ABCs of Gratitude:

• Italian Ice – okay, this one is kind of silly, but the one and only thing I’ve craved with this pregnancy are Lindy’s Orange Italian Ices. I’m eating one right now, and it is soooo good!

• Innocence – It is such a privilege for me to be able to be home with my children, and I just drink in the innocence in them. I feel like I missed out on a lot of the baby years with Morgan. Even though I only worked part time until she was four, I was still away from home for parts of 4 days every week, and they just change so fast at this age.
• Ice Cream – right now one of Daisy’s favorite things to say is “Eye-keem, Mommy?” It’s cute enough to get me to share those precious Italian Ices with her.
• Insurance – I am so incredibly grateful that we have medical insurance right now. Although I’m having a serious issue with our homeowner’s insurance! Out of the blue they decided (after ten years with them!) that they don’t want to renew our policy. This wasn’t precipitated by anything on our part, but rather by new policies on acceptable home value set out by management. Apparently our home doesn’t meet their minimum replacement value threshold. Or actually it does, since our agent sent over updated numbers, but they then decided that because our roof has never been replaced (even though it’s in decent shape), we’re too much of a risk. Very frustrating since the next cheapest company is going to take our annual premium from $425 to $788. Plus we have to get new car insurance because it’s with the same company. But even this is a blessing, because I have to believe that God is guiding us away from them for some reason, so I’m trusting Him to lead us to a good company with good rates!
• Income – I’m so blessed to have a husband who was willing to be prayerful and follow God’s leading about going to a single-income lifestyle. It’s never been easy, but it has been rewarding, and the gift Nick has given me and the kids in allowing us this time together is priceless!

Recent Blessings:

• Okay, first the big one: my dad had his heart cath test and it came back with absolutely no blockage! I don’t know if the stress tests showed false positives or if God just removed the blockage, but I am very, very grateful! They’ve put him on some new blood pressure medications, and we continue to pray that he won’t have any further episodes.
• Today I was so stressed out about everything from money to the insurance issues to housework. I went out to get the mail and found a package from Kate. It was full of precious little clothes for the new baby, and even a couple of outfits for Daisy! It was just what I needed to brighten my day! The things she sent the baby are soooo precious, and I can’t wait to get them on him. Included was this outfit (minus the bib), and I think I want to bring him home from the hospital in it!

• Daisy has been ridiculously cute the last few days. She’s started saying so much stuff! My favorites include “Yokay, Sissie?” (Are you okay, Sissy?) – said during the many occasions Morgan pretends to fall down to entertain her. “Pimmy-uh, pimmy –uh!” (Pick me up, pick me up!) – made even cuter by the come-here hand gestures. “Hin me a nanana” (Hand me a banana) – about eighty times a day! I had to cut her off after four the other day! “Hin me baby” (Hand me the baby) – said whenever she drops her baby doll. Today she was reaching for a scented rice bag and said “Hin me smell, Mommy!” Maybe the best was today when she said “Hin me book”, and when I handed it to her, “Good job, Mama!” She will also, if lying between me and Nick, put one arm around each of our necks and hug us both at once. Today I was scolding Morgan for something, and Daisy climbed up on the couch between us, put an arm around each of our necks, said “Guys…”, and pulled us in for a group hug. It was pretty hard to stay upset at anybody after that!
• Besides getting the clothes from Kate today, Nick also brought home a huge garbage bag full of baby boy clothes from a guy he works with.
• One big blessing is that even though we don’t have the money we need right now for bills, we do have most of the stuff we need for day to day living. We have plenty of diapers, wipes, dish and laundry detergent, fabric softener (actually I’m trying a homemade recipe right now, and it seems to work great), toothpaste, toilet paper, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, Tums (life or death for a pregnant woman with crazy heartburn!), etc. And we may be a bit sparse on meat for the next few weeks, but we have enough for a few days anyway, and plenty of rice and beans for after that! The only things we should absolutely have to come up with are milk and bread and maybe butter.
• Wednesday as I was driving home from lunch with Nick this metal plate about 6 inches by 6 inches and maybe a quarter of an inch thick came bouncing down the interstate right at my car. There was no place I could go, and it hit the bumper and put a pretty nasty gash in it. Unfortunately the insurance company (them again!) will count it as an at-fault collision and charge us a $500 deductible if we want to report it. Honestly, we’ve never had so much as a hint of a problem with them in 10 years time, and suddenly all this stuff! I’ve never heard of a company that will count road debris as an at-fault collision! But the blessing here is that it didn’t hit higher up on the car and bounce up into my windshield. I honestly think it would have caused a very serious wreck if it had done so. It definitely would have cracked the windshield, if not broken all the way through it. Or if it had hit the road and bounced up under the car it could have done some serious damage mechanically.
• While there’s not been any real mention of DD lately, Nick has at least (at my request) given me one room a day to focus on for the last few days. I could really use some stress relief, or even some motivational help, but I’ll take what he can give.

And because my “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” online profile changed weeks a few hours after I wrote the last post, here’s the new one. I’m actually 20 weeks and 1 day, but since that means I’ve just completed my 20th week of pregnancy, it gives me the info for week 21.

Week 21 of Pregnancy: Baby's Taste Buds Develop

At about seven inches in length and almost 11 ounces in weight, your baby is about the size of a large banana. There's still a great deal of room in your womb — though your tenant will soon begin to feel cramped, so be prepared!

At about seven inches in length and almost 11 ounces in weight, your baby is about the size of a large banana.
By 21 weeks pregnant, your baby swallows at least several ounces of amniotic fluid each day —  not only for hydration and nutrition, but also to practice swallowing and digesting — skills your baby will need as soon as he or she arrives in your arms. And keep this in mind: The taste of the amniotic fluid differs from day to day depending on what you've eaten (spicy enchilada one day, sweet carrots another). And that smorgasbord of tastes won't be lost on your baby. That's because your little one has very developed taste buds already. In fact, researchers have noted that babies who were exposed to certain tastes in utero via the amniotic fluid were more eager to eat foods with that same taste after birth. Want your baby to eat his or her broccoli later?  Eat yours now!
Your developing baby still has a great deal of room in your womb — though like anyone who lives in one space for a long time, this tenant will soon begin to feel cramped. Until those uterine walls start closing in, however, there's plenty of space for twisting, turning, and even an occasional somersault (so that's what you were feeling last night!). 
With all that belly dancing going on, it's hard to believe your baby gets any sleep at all. But believe it or not, your fetus sleeps as much as a newborn, perhaps 12 to 14 hours per day! (Now if only you could get some sleep!)

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Thankful Saturday

Yes, I missed Thursday again, but it was a really busy week! Nick was out of town at school for most of the week, and I got to play single mom for a few days. But he’s home now, and I sure am glad!
ABC's of Gratitude:

• Groceries – while we didn’t go hungry last week, we were definitely eating out of the back of the pantry, and it’s nice to have a few more groceries in the house this week.
• Gift-giving – I spent a good part of one day last week making up a couple of lists (I’m a big list maker). One was our Christmas list, and the other was a list of the supplies I’ll need to make all of those gifts. Yep, I’m going to do my best to make almost every gift we give this year. Last year I made a significant portion of them, and it really added a new layer to Christmas for me (not to mentioned helped the budget quite a bit!). Now I know that there will be a few things I can’t craft myself, but I was actually pretty impressed with the number of ideas I found online, and I even came up with a few all by myself!
• Grandparents – Tomorrow is Grandparent’s Day. I no longer have any living grandparents, although both of Nick’s on his dad’s side are healthy as horses. We’re so blessed to still have them, and we’re even more blessed that our parents are such amazing grandparents to our children. Both my mom and Nick’s stepmom were in the delivery room for both my girls’ births, and they’ll both be there for this baby as well, and it’s so important to me that they get to be grandmothers from the very first moment of the baby’s life!
• God – Wow, how on earth can I express how grateful I am for and to God? If not for Him, there would be nothing else at all.
• Grace – Grace is a concept that is so incredibly important in both marriage and parenting, and I’m so grateful God has shown so much grace to me.

Recent Blessings:

• My parents safely returned from L.A. this past Tuesday. They also dropped off $50 with me just because they knew Nick was out of town and we were pretty tight for money.
• Nick safely returned from school on Thursday. He had a great time, and he learned a lot!
• Nick’s dad came over Thursday before Nick got home and mowed our front yard and cleaned out our gutters.
• I took advantage of this deal on www.moneysavingmom.com, and it’s going to get me a sweet little stocking stuffer for Nick, always a hard order for me to fill.
• A few weeks ago I also signed up for www.savemore.com and ended up getting a couple of kids watches for free, which will also make a couple of great Christmas gifts. They came in the mail a few days ago, and I love them! By the way, the link in the last sentence only is my referral link. If you would like to sign up through it, you get a $10 credit, and then I get a $10 credit if you make a purchase (but it will not tell me your name or email address, just in case privacy is a concern). I got the watches completely free because I signed up and got my $10 credit and used it to purchase the $7 watch deal, then referred Nick, and he also purchased the same deal with his $10 credit. And because he made a purchase (albeit one covered by his free credit), I got another $10!. Currently I’m hanging onto my remaining credit for the next great deal that comes along for a Christmas gift!
• Last year I signed up for an off-site storage account with Mozy. I lost my hard drive a couple of years ago, and it was a pretty devastating experience. Once I started doing photography professionally, I knew there was just no way I could risk losing client images. At the time I got a great deal with Mozy, and I’ve been very happy with them. Unfortunately they did away with their unlimited storage option a few months back and went to a new (much pricier) by-the-GB plan. My first year with them cost me about $46. Under the new plan I would be paying over $300! My contract with them was up August 31, and they were going to renew at the higher rate if I didn’t cancel. I knew I needed the service, but I also knew we just didn’t have the money to either renew with them or open a new account elsewhere that week. Fortunately a friend who’s tech-savvier than me suggested I try out Crashplan (not an affiliate link), and they were running a 30 day free trial special. I signed up with them, and I’m so excited to have an extra 30 days to come up with the annual fee (which is comparable to the one I started out with at Mozy).
• Pinterest – If you’ve never hear of Pinterest, you should really check it out. It’s basically a free bulletin board for you to pin up all the great ideas you find online, and to see other people’s finds as well. It’s where I’ve found a big chunk of my Christmas gift ideas. A warning though: it will suck you right in, and you might find yourself exploring there for hours at a time!

Baby Update:

Week 19 of Pregnancy: Vernix Develops

Six inches long this week and about eight ounces in weight, your baby is the size of a large mango and is now covered in a protective substance called vernix. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone.

Six inches long this week and about eight ounces in weight, your baby is the size of a large mango.
Your little action figure is able to choreograph Matrix-like moves at 19 weeks pregnant. Arms and legs are finally in proportion, neurons are now connected between the brain and muscles, and cartilage throughout the body is turning to bone. All these upgrades combine to give your baby more control over limb movements. Which explains all that kicking, stretching, and bodysurfing (or rather bellysurfing) you've possibly started feeling by now. 
Something else going on this week: Your baby is getting a cheesy varnish. Say what? Yup — a protective substance called vernix caseosa (vernix is the Latin word for varnish; caseosa is cheese) now covers your baby's skin. It's greasy and white and is made up of lanugo (that downy hair), oil from your baby's glands, and dead skin cells. This waxy "cheese" may not sound too appetizing or attractive, but it's there for good reason: Vernix protects your baby's sensitive skin from the surrounding amniotic fluid. Without it, your baby would look very wrinkled at birth (sort of what you'd look like if you soaked in a bath for nine months). Some babies — especially those born early — will still be covered with vernix at the delivery, so you might get a look at your baby's first anti-wrinkle cream.

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Bunch of randomness :)

Gosh, I feel like I never post anymore, but it seems like the days have gotten shorter, not longer! Did you all have a good July 4th? Ours had a bit of drama.

The night of the 3rd we went to a friend’s house after church for fireworks and a cookout. They had a bonfire for us to gather around, and a big trampoline within viewing distance of where we were. Morgan was playing on the trampoline just like she does every time we visit.

Suddenly I heard a scream, then Morgan calling for me, sounding pretty breathless, scared, and desperate. I ran to her, and she was rolling around on the trampoline, unable to really speak. It scared the crap out of me, and I was begging her to tell me what hurt. Finally she was able to tell me that she had been trying to turn a flip and landed on her head/neck. It knocked the wind out of her, which was why she had a hard time talking, but what really terrified me was the fact that she was crying so hard. Morgan can be a whiney, dramatic preteen with the best of them, but she very rarely cries if she gets hurt. I ran and got Nick, and we got her into the house to lie down. Within about 15 minutes it was clear that she was still in real pain, not just scared, and we headed to the ER. It turned out (thank God!) that she had only strained/bruised her spinal cord (which is certainly serious enough, but at least she didn’t break her neck!). The doctor gave her strict orders to stay off the trampoline until she healed, and to stay away from flips on the trampoline forever! She was pretty sore for a few days in her chest area from the way she scrunched up when she landed, but she’s all better now.

I’m 10 weeks pregnant now, and the baby is the size of a prune. Sadly I look like I’m about 4 months pregnant instead of 2 and 1/2, although I’ve not gained any weight. I’ve heard that you show earlier with each child, and I know that was certainly true with Daisy. I didn’t even know I was pregnant with her until I was 13 weeks along, but I remember getting really frustrated because I was losing weight but seemed to have developed this unexplainable extra (extra) padding – above my belly button! My ab muscles never really regained their former strength after Morgan, and when my uterus started expanding, it started pushing everything up and out.

For now I’m still in regular jeans, but maternity jeans are starting to look awfully appealing. Funny story – my friend Elizabeth is about 8 weeks ahead of me, and about, oh ONE DAY before I found out I was pregnant I took her all my maternity jeans. I had a ton of them because jeans were all we ever wore at my job, and I gave her every single pair. She’s been kind enough to offer to give them all back, but I told her it would be great if I could just get back a couple of pair.

Oh yeah – I got spanked Monday night! I was just kind of feeling down and stressed about everything from money to the housework to a crazy day with the kids to the fact that Nick and I never seem to get date nights anymore (I know, we had one just last month, but it was the first in AGES). Nick took me upstairs, pulled out the Spencer paddle, made me bend over the side of the bed, and told me that I needed some motivation and some stress relief. He let me keep my jeans on, but he spanked hard, and I didn’t do a great job of staying put. I think I got somewhere around a hundred swats, and by the time he was done I was crying. He put the paddle down and picked up a bottle of lotion and began to massage first my back, then my arms, and he eventually took off my pants and massaged my legs and my poor throbbing bottom. When he was done with the lotion he moved on to an even more effective form of stress relief, and it ended up being a very good night after all.

Today Nick brought home a used Toyota Sequoia from the dealership where he works. He wanted to see what I thought about it, and honestly I’m a little bit in love. I have a built in bias against buying a (new to us) car, just because I never think we can afford it, but this one just may be different. We would be trading in my Camry, and our car payments might actually go down. Insurance should stay about the same. The only downside that I can see is that we would be losing just a little on gas mileage, but this would be my daily driver, not Nick’s, and I don’t do all that much driving unless I’m picking Morgan up from school 20 minutes away. The thing is, we really do need a bigger vehicle. It’s just not very doable to squeeze Morgan into the back of the Camry between two car seats. Honestly, it would be a tight fit back there even if there were three kids not in car seats/booster seats (which there won’t be for another 8 years or so). Anyway, this just came in yesterday, and we’re really praying about it. For it to work for us, we would really not be able to go up at all on our car payments.

Let’s see, what else? We’ve had a trip to Texas to see Kate and her family planned for the end of July/beginning of August for months now. We’ve made this trip for the last two years with Kelly, and this will be the first year that Grant is also able to go, something we’ve all been looking forward to since last year. A few weeks ago it became apparent that we (Nick, I, and the girls) just couldn’t afford to go. Last year Kate flew us all down, but this year we were driving. True, we were planning on splitting the cost of gas with Kelly and Grant, but with there being 6 of us total, we were going to have to rent a van or something else capable of hauling all of us, and that was just more expense to split. Plus, it’s a long, long way to Kate’s house, and the first year we drove Nick and I had to get a motel room and make the drive over two days.

SO, I decided that Daisy and I would stay home and just let Nick and Morgan go. That way they could rent a cheaper vehicle (or maybe just take Nick’s Xterra) since there would only be four people, get a single motel room instead of two if they had to stop, and it would just be cheaper to feed two less people on the road and in Texas.

Last year we had like $40 to go on the whole week – not that we didn’t try to save, just the way it turned out. Kate kept suggesting all these cool things to go and do, and finally I had to sit down with her and explain that we just didn’t have the money to really do anything. THAT was an awkward conversation, and one I really didn’t want to have. Kate and her husband are extremely well off (thus them flying us down last year), so the conversation had the unfortunate result of making her feel like they should just pay for everything for us while we were there (very generous, but NOT my intention, and it really embarrassed us and made us feel like we were imposing, especially since we were staying in their home and they had flown us down).

Anyway, I felt like Daisy and I staying home would automatically take two people out of the equation if Kate and her husband did decide to treat everyone to lunch/dinner/entertainment. Nick was not happy with the plan, and honestly I was pretty heartbroken myself, but I just didn’t see another way, and I felt like it was important that he and Morgan get to go and visit. Now that this Sequoia has come up as a possibility, and if God does allow us to get it, it kind of changes the game. First of all, we can take all 6 of us without renting a car, and with 4 adults, we can probably just drive straight through instead of stopping at a motel. Nick has assured me that he’s totally fine with just hanging out with me and Daisy by the pool while everybody else goes and does fun stuff (Morgan automatically goes along because Kit wants her to), and he’s sworn to live off McD’s $1 cheeseburgers on the road (yuck, but affordable). I’m still trying not to get my hopes up, but it would be sooooo awesome if I got to go too. We would really appreciate your prayers – both for the trip and for God’s guidance on the car!

I’ve got another Eden Fantasys product review coming up in a few days, but I’ve got to get a chance to actually try the item first.

Oh, more randomness, I’ve sold a few things from my etsy shop now. Actually I got a request for a custom order yesterday, although that lady has not yet actually pulled the trigger on buying. And I booked two weddings for this fall for my photography – one in October and one in November! Nick’s going to second shoot for me, and I’m sooooo excited!

Anyway, that’s all – I’m off to bed. Have a great weekend!

So what’s new with you guys?

So I look up and it’s been three weeks since I posted. Surely I’ve had a few interesting things happen since then!

Let’s see – I had a photo shoot. It turned out great, and the client (a repeat client!) wants to buy a CD just as soon as she gets the money together.

Daisy turned 20 months old (gaaaaahhhh!).

James moved to L.A. He’s really close to Venice Beach, and he seems to be enjoying it there. He’s planning on (hopefully) being back home by the time Christmas gets here. Last year he was gone for Thanksgiving and Christmas, not to mention New Year’s and Easter, so it will be nice if he can wraps things up there by then.

We’re supposed to be going back to Texas to visit /kate and her family in August. I’m not sure if we’ll be driving or flying (depends entirely on whether or not they book us plane tickets like they did last year lol), but either way it’s going to be an, um, active trip with a 22 month old!

Tonight I made this pie. It’s called Danger Pie, for two very good reasons. First of all because there really is an element of danger in the prep work if you do it wrong – but only if you’re careless with it. It calls for the magic of boiling an unopened can of sweetened condensed milk for 2 1/2 hours, then opening it (after cooling!) to find it astonishingly full of ooey-gooey caramel. This really, really does work, but you have to keep a close eye on the water level and add more as needed to keep the can submersed – otherwise it will explode (thus the danger). The second reason it’s called Danger Pie is of course that you may very well face the danger of locking yourself in the bathroom and eating the whole thing yourself. It is THAT GOOD.

Morgan is away at church camp this week. It’s her very first time going, and her first time being away from home this long. (Well, she stayed with my parents while we were in Hawaii a couple of years ago, but that doesn’t really count since she was with her grandparents and even got to take Pancho with her.) Anyway, she was super nervous about going, but being the pushy awesome parents we are, we insisted, and of course she’s having a blast!

Nick finally got his Fairlane running! Yay for him not being in a bad mood about it anymore!

Anything else? Oh yeah – I’m pregnant. What?

Yep, I was about a week late, so Monday after taking Morgan to camp, I went to Wal-mart and picked up a couple of tests. Honestly though, I was a little stunned when they came back positive. And the teensiest bit panicked. Uh, we don’t have health insurance. The health insurance through Nick’s job is – get ready for this – $1500.00 a month! That $18,000.00 a year! There’s just no way on earth we can afford that, so we’ve just gone without since mine ran out after Daisy was born. I’ve been taking Daisy to the Health Department for immunizations, and we found a health department referral clinic willing to take payments so I could take her in for a check-up about a month ago. Fortunately Morgan hasn’t been sick.

BUT, God has already begun providing for us with this baby. Me getting pregnant makes us a family of five and qualifies me for maternity benefits through a program in our state. When it was just four of us, Nick made too much money for us to be eligible. I had checked into it before because I was trying to get coverage for the kids as part of the same program, but no dice. Now, not only do I qualify, but Morgan and Daisy do as well, so they’ll have insurance again – yay! And actually it’s much better insurance than we would have had through Nick’s job anyway. This program pays 100% with no premiums, I’ll have one $15 co-pay on my first doctor’s visit, one $100 co-pay for the hospital stay (can I just say that we still owe almost $1000 on Daisy?), it will cover the baby for a year, and me for 60 days after delivery. Another awesome thing God has done: I called my OB-GYN to tell them I had a positive test and explained that I needed a statement from them saying I was pregnant so I could apply for the insurance. They let me come in and do the bare minimum (a simple blood test to confirm the pregnancy and check my levels), and the lab is going to let me make payments. Unfortunately my progesterone came back very low, so they needed to put me on medication immediately to raise it. Now this happened with Morgan (and very well may have happened with Daisy, but since I was 3 months along before I knew I was pregnant I have no way of knowing), so I’ve dealt with it before, but still, it’s pretty critical to not delay treatment. Unfortunately, this is a pretty expensive medication. Even with a discounted cash-pay (no insurance) price, every pharmacy I called was charging $5 a pill, and I need two a day. $70 a week is just not within our means right now. BUT, my friend Elizabeth is also pregnant right now. AND she’s been on the same medication for low progesterone. AND they’re taking her off of it today, but she has two refills left! She called in the refill and let me pick it up, and for $40 I was able to get 30 pills, enough to do me for 15 days, by which time the insurance should kick in!

Anyway, please be in prayer that a) the baby will be okay and my progesterone will come up and b) that there won’t be any snags with getting approval for the insurance. Oh, and if you’re my friend on FB, my in-laws are out of town and don’t know yet, so please don’t say anything about it on there. Thanks!

So anyway, what’s up with you?