Up on the Soapbox

It's a fact: there are ignorant people out there. More than a few. I know that there are only a few of you reading right now, because this blog has, temporarily, gone private. The reason for that is the ridiculous article making waves in mainstream media about "Christian Domestic Discipline." 

I told myself I was going to take the needed precautions with our privacy and just go on about life without giving the article another thought, because, no matter how many times I run up against it, that crap makes me MAD! So most of the time I ground myself from browsing the hate-filled comments, because there's nothing I can do to change anyone's mind and I might as well not make myself crazy over it.

But I just have to point out a few things. First of all, the article itself was a joke. I don't know Chelsea and Clint, and they're relatively new to the community, but just a quick look at their site will show you that the relationship portrayed in the piece is not the relationship they have. And they made clear to the reporter that what they practice is not "Christian Domestic Discipline", although you certainly would think differently from her reporting. But plenty of bloggers have dealt with that discrepancy, including Chelsea and Clint, so I'll move on. 

A couple of things really burn my biscuit here:

First of all, the way CDD, or more broadly, DD wives are portrayed. Let's just put aside for a moment the fact that this reporter and the more mainstream media (Huffington Post, Fox  News, The View, for example) are portraying the men we love and adore as abusers. Let's talk about how they make us wives out to be cowed, overly dependent, completely lacking in self esteem, and just plain stupid! 

The clips I saw of it being discussed on the air drew the same kind of hatred and vitriol as I would expect directed toward someone presenting an argument that children are fair game for predators. And not just toward the husbands, but toward the wives too!

Look, there are certainly situations where abusive men use DD or CDD as a vehicle for their rage and abuse. Those men should absolutely be locked up and their wives given help. And in nearly 10 years of the lifestyle, I've run across a few of those situations. But they were by far the exception and not the rule. The women I've met through TTWD are by and far the happiest, smartest, most well rounded, courageous, well put together, and cherished women I know. And I would venture to say that a good 75% of the DD wives I've had contact with were the ones to bring DD to the table. And most of them had to fight for it, myself included!

Here's the second thing: Christian Domestic Discipline. Please don't get me wrong - I don't have a problem with the concept itself, at least not in its entirety, although it doesn't describe what we do in our marriage, and there are aspects of it that I do take issue with. What I have a problem with is the fact that the media and most of the responding readers are taking DD and Christianity and using them to each indict the other. I've read comments along the lines of "This is what's wrong with Christianity - they use God to justify abuse." Or "These people are just playing sex games, and they're trying to dress it up as something else to satisfy their Christian standards."

I want to be clear that I very strongly disagree with the main principle of Christian DD, which I understand to be that a discipline relationship is something that God commands for a marriage. I'm very outspoken about the fact that I'm a Christian. But I don't believe that spanking your wife is a God given right. Do I believe that God commands that the husband be head of the household? Absolutely. Do I believe that the wife should be submissive to the husband? Sure do. But I believe that unless it is something that the wife is on board with, physical discipline is not okay. 

What? Really? Yes, and here's why: God tells us to be submissive to our husbands, but He does not tell our husbands to chastise us, unlike the very clear verses that speak of chastising our children. I believe that God is the one who deals with disciplining both husband and wife for getting out of line. 

So why do I believe that DD is okay then? Because God's command to the husband is to love the wife, and for so very many of us, myself included, that is the very best way they can love us. (Also, if the wife is not consenting to it, then guess what  - that's not loving her as yourself!) Completely outside of DD, Nick is an amazing husband. He's funny and thoughtful and protective, he's a great provider, and a faithful lover. And all of that is awesome. But the fact that he is willing and able to reign me in and settle me down when I need it fills a part of me that I know from experience is empty and untethered without it. 

When I go too long without being spanked I tend to find myself drifting, unfocused and vaguely unsatisfied. This is a part of who I am. I spent a lot of years praying that God would change it about me, not because it was causing me to be "abused", but because I felt like it was a real hassle for Nick. Eventually when I realized that nothing was changing inside me, I began to pray that if God intended for me to have these needs, that He would please bring Nick to a place where it was something he was willing to meet in me. And guess what? He did.

Anyway, I think a lot of the perception problems people have with CDD is that the way it's presented, it takes the consent out of the hands of the one being spanked. And in some situations that's actually the case. And that tends to read as a little "culty". But truthfully, I think that in most CDD marriages, the wife is every bit as on board with it as the husband, if not more. And what it really comes down to is that DD is different for each of us, and we each have to do what works in our individual marriage. If you believe in your heart of hearts that God is commanding you to submit to spankings in your marriage, then you go and live your marriage according to your beliefs! Or if you believe only that God commands you to follow your husband's leading, but spanking adds a richness and dimension to that dynamic, then go forth without a moment's guilt! And if you feel like submitting should never, ever include consequences imposed by your husband, that's okay too. 

I hate having the blog private, and I do appreciate the handful of you out there who are still reading. I just think it's abominable that the reporter put out such a patently false piece, and the rest of the media took it at face value and brought their own torches and pitch forks. I do think that in a few weeks it will be like no one ever heard of this woman, the witch hunt will be over, and we can all come out of hiding.

Thanks for reading.

5479 days ago...

5479 days ago I married my best friend. When I finally stopped trying to run my own life and find the right guy on my own, God allowed me to see what was right in front of me. When I look at him I can see just how very much God must love me to have blessed me with someone so very amazing. He works so hard to provide for our family, and to allow me to be a stay at home mom to the crazy awesome kids he gave me. He is a strong leader, a faithful husband, and a caring father. All those little girl dreams of a someday husband never came close to imagining the man who would wait for me at the end of the aisle in that little country church 15 years ago. I love you, Nick, forever and ever. 

Going private (for a while)

Guys, for a little while, anyway, I'm going private. If you're getting this in your RSS feed, shoot me an email and I'll send you an invite. I really feel like all the uproar over the news articles will die down soon and we can all get back to normal. But for the time being I have no wish to share our personal choice with anyone who isn't already privy to them. 

Prayers for a precious little one.

Been praying for Christina and Jim's little girl, guys. I know they'd appreciate it if you would do the same.

Camp

You guys - camp was amazing! We had 51 kids there, and let me tell you, God showed up in a big way! We had 14 saved, and one called to preach. And about those 14 - number 13 was on Friday morning, and it was Morgan's best friend Lola, which was awesome. Now Morgan made a profession of faith a couple of years ago. That said, my girl has just not shown any evidence that it was real for her. I love her with my whole heart, but she's been a pretty tough to handle preteen attitude-wise, and she's shown less than no interest in church or anything spiritual. Nick and I (as well as her grandparents, aunts, and uncles) have been praying hard for her for a long time, just waiting for God to really get a hold of her.

Friday night after the service she came to me, just generally upset about things in her life that make her unhappy, not really anything specific, but I had an idea that God was working on her heart. She insisted that yes, she was saved, but she really seemed to be trying to convince herself as well as me. I told her that only she and God know her heart, and that if she said that was the case, then I would take her word for it. I spent some time just telling her how much God loves her, and that it seems like she had been running from Him. I told her that I don't know His will for her life, but I could promise that if she would just surrender to Him, He has so many amazing things in store for her. At that point she kind of eased her way out of the conversation, and I could just see the conviction in her. But it was not the time to push, so I let her walk away, and I just kept praying. 

About 4 hours later, all the campers were in bed, and Robert, Nick, Grant, and one of the other counselors were all hanging out with me in my cabin, discussing the week. Suddenly we heard someone outside, then we heard Faith say (through the screen window), "We have some good news!" A few seconds later she ushered Morgan and Lola into the cabin. Morgan was crying so hard she could barely talk, but she managed to tell me that she had asked the Lord to come into her heart and given her whole life to Him! Hallelujah and praise God! This child was broken in the Spirit, something that was very much missing two years ago, and my heart just soared! 

There could not have been a better end to the week, and I'm amazed at the change in her in just the few days since it happened! There were so many kids who met with Jesus while we were there, and time and time again our counselors walked up on impromptu prayer meetings - young people going to God because they wanted to, not because it was on the schedule! 

Sadly my friend Ann didn't get to spend the week with me after all, mostly due to some medical issues, but she did get to come up for the service a couple of times. Even without her though, I had a great time, and we're literally counting down the days till next year!

Busy weekend, busier week

You guys left me such sweet comments on my last post - it really lifted my heart! Thank you!

We did indeed go to the lake on Friday. We weren't sure we would get to as the weather forecast looked pretty rainy. But we had a really lovely few hours, and by the time it started turning cloudy the littles were ready to head home anyway. 

Friday night our church held an all night prayer meeting for the upcoming youth camp. They asked people to sign up to come and pray for 15 minute shifts. Nick and I hadn't signed up, mainly because we weren't sure what to do with the kids that late. But as the day wore on we really felt like we should try to go in and do our part. Nick texted Robert to ask what shifts were still open, and he texted back that they needed people for 4:45, 5:00, 5:15, 5:30, 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15. Sigh. But honestly, we're young and healthy, and there was really no good reason to skip it. Robert and Faith, along with Brandon and Melanie were there all night to fill in where there was no one signed up. So I asked Nick if I could stay up and edit pictures from the lake while he napped on the couch for a while. He agreed, and I woke him at 4:00 in the morning for his shift. 

He went in and did his turn, and he got back about 5:45 and stayed with the kids so could go. I got there about 6:10, and my sweet parents were there at the alter, heads bowed. I went up and began to pray. I heard my dad get up about 6:15, but when I finished at 6:30, my mom was still praying. But she was near the back of the church, stopping at each pew to pray for by name the families who sat in each different pew every week. I'm so very blessed with my parents. We've not always gotten along (namely those years when I knew it all lol), but my heart just fills up with how much they love me and my little family.

Saturday we naturally slept late, and it was nice to snuggle up with my husband for longer than usual. After a while we got up and headed up to the cabin for the June birthday party. It's always a sweet time up there, although to be honest Jack was ALL OVER the place, which stressed Nick's grandmother out, which stressed Nick out, which stressed ME out. Plus Daisy was down on the dock fishing with Grant, and she fell in. Thank God Grant dove in after her and got her out in a flash! It was very scary though, and I was just about at the end of my rope.

Eventually I stuck Jack in the car and just took off for a little while. The cabin is close to a very quaint, very old town, so I drove around a bit until Jack fell asleep, then went back to the cabin. Once back, I took him to a spare bedroom to try to prolong the nap, and ended up falling asleep with him. By the time I woke up it was nearly time to leave, and I was ready to be home myself by them. 

Sunday morning I was exhausted, so I sent Nick to church without me. I skipped the evening service as well because I was still packing everything for camp. I don't like to miss church, but I'm about to head into a week of twice a day services, and I really did have to get everything put together. 

Camp starts in about 12 hours, and there's no internet service out there, even on my phone, so I'll be out of contact until Saturday evening. We covet your prayers this week as we work to minister to young hearts.

Love you guys!

God's blessings

This week is a real struggle for us financially. Nick and I are both stressing a bit, and I know that when that happens, the best thing for us to do is stop and pray, and praise God for His many blessings. We've already done the stop and pray part, so I just want to put it out here how very much God already has blessed us lately.

The biggest blessing was of course that Nick passed both of his ASE tests on Thursday. But it didn't end there - on Friday I got a text from Nick with some great news! That morning he went in to his immediate manager to give him the paperwork showing he passed the tests, then went back to his work area. A few minutes later his manager called him back in and told him that he had been looking back over the shops records and 1) Nick is always, always, always the workhorse of the team, consistently pulling in more hours than anyone else, and 2) that he (the manager) has been keeping a book of every car that came back because of a technician's mistake, and Nick has not had one single entry! Because of this, he is getting a 50¢/hour raise!

This is especially significant, because no one at the shop has had a raise in 5 years. Once upon a time passing each test netted you 25 cents on the hour, but that has not been the case for a very long time. In fact, several very good employees have gone and asked for raises several times over the last year, and they've all been turned down, so he wasn't expecting anything.

And almost more than the money, I appreciate the fact that they've acknowledged just how hard a worker and how valuable an employee he is to them! I know just how much he's worth, and a 50¢ raise doesn't begin to encompass it, but it's definitely high praise in this economy, and I'm so proud of him!

Another blessing was that my mom and dad brought by a few things today. They're forever showing up with a couple gallons of milk (the kids go through about a gallon a day) along with fruit, mac n cheese, bread, whatever they think we might need (this is something we never ask them to do btw). But today, along with the milk, they brought a new pair of capris for me (I never get new clothes - wheee!), two lovely dresses for Daisy, and a brand new Costco membership card for me!

We used to have a Sam's Club membership that we renewed when we could afford it. But it expired last year right around Christmas, and we just didn't have the extra. They built a Costco in our city sometime last year, and we were kind of considering going with them instead. In fact, Nick and I took a tour of the facility a few weeks ago, and we were impressed with what we saw. The main issue though was that the membership cost $100, as opposed to Sam's which cost $40, and we really couldn't afford either one.

A few weeks ago one of the daily deal sites offered Costco memberships for $50 each, and it came with $50 worth of fabulous coupons, several for completely free products. I knew we couldn't do it right then, even with the discounted price, but I called my mom to tell her about it, since she had shown some interest in maybe getting a membership herself. She called me the next day and told me that she had purchased a membership for each of us, and that the cards should be coming shortly! I'm so excited about it!

Let's see, what else? My parents have a pontoon boat they got for a good price from a friend a few years ago. It's been ages since we went out on it, a couple of years at least. Friday Nick is off and we're going to take the kids out on it and make a day of it - something we're really looking forward to! The next day is Nick's family's annual June birthday gathering at the cabin up at the lake. I actually thought it was this past Saturday and that we'd missed it, so I was relieved to find out it's this week.

I think this year's party will have a tinge of sadness to it. It's the first since Nick's papaw passed away, and he was always such a big part of it. The cabin actually belonged to him and Nick's grandmother, and he spent just about every warm day that wasn't a Sunday up there fishing. Nick's grandmother is also one of the ones celebrating a birthday this month, and it will be her first as a widow. And Nick's dad's birthday is the day after hers, so I think it will be a bit sad for him too to have it without his dad, not to mention the proximity to Father's Day.

Two days after the birthday gathering we will be leaving for church camp! We're really excited about this! We're bringing 13 kids just with us, and Morgan is really stoked to have so many of her friends there with her. And speaking of friends, my best friend Ann is going to stay the whole week with me! Her two boys are going as campers, and she decided to tag along and share a cabin with me, Daisy, and Jack. I can't even tell you how excited about this I am! It's been 15 years since we had a sleepover, and I could sure use the girl time!

Anyway, as you can see God has been so very good to us, and I have so much to praise Him for! I would really appreciate your prayers for my sweet husband (and for me!), because as obvious as God's provisions for us are, we're still quite human, and sometimes we let the stress get to us. Also, Nick's hands are still unimproved, so that's still something we're praying about as well.

Anyway, I'm off to bed - good night all!