An Anniversary...

Today marks the nine year anniversary of the day Nick agreed to try domestic discipline in our marriage. It was 15 years ago that he first spanked me for fun. I know it's not always been a smooth ride, but I really appreciate you sticking with me, Babe. Love you!

New Year's Meme 4

I've done this meme 3 years previously, and I always enjoy it, so here it is for this year:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?  I gave birth to a baby boy, I took part in a craft show, and I vacationed at a 5 star resort to name a few!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? We wanted to get a bit more organized, and we had some small success at that, although we could have done better. I have to give a shout out to Nick who resolved to lose weight and get healthier, and he's done phenomenally well at that. I know that his resolution is to continue with that, and it's my plan to work toward the same thing myself. I do also want to get the house in really good organizational shape, and just do better at housekeeping in general.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Me! Me! And my sister-in-law Kelly.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nick's grandfather and my uncle passed away a day apart this month.

5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? A bigger house! And if we're dreaming, a new HE washer and dryer, as well as a new laptop, Photoshop, Lightroom, and a decent lighting setup. Oh, and a new camera bag! :)

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? January 2, the day Jack was born, January 13, the day we brought him home, and October 10, the day Logan was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Bringing a healthy baby into the world, although really that was God's accomplishment, not mine. Also, moderate success at my first craft show, and getting all the Christmas gifts done and delivered on time!

9. What was your biggest failure? Oh, this is terribly embarrassing, but Jack's room is still kind of a storage area.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major. I did get a little sick in August. And with running back and forth to the hospital and playing catch up with Morgan and Daisy I didn't really give myself time to recover from Jack's birth, and I got pretty run down in January.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Well, we love our Samsung Infuse phones we got back in January, but since they were free with our contract renewal, I don't know if that counts. I bought a Lightscoop, for my camera, which I really love. I also got a dual temp glue gun and a wood burning tool to cut ribbon, and both of those have really revolutionized my crafting.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Nick has worked so hard at exercising and losing weight, and I'm so proud of him! Morgan and Daisy have also done wonderfully with their new baby brother. :)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My friend Elizabeth's ex-husband, along with his girlfriend (also an old friend of ours) pulled some pretty dirty tricks to try to get full custody of his and Elizabeth's kids, although he later had a change of heart. I also recently found out that Morgan's old soccer coach cheated on his wife of 12 years. Less personally, the story of Sandy Hook Elementary was heartbreaking, and I can't even begin to understand the young man responsible.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, diapers, formula.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The birth of our son, and our trip to Sea Island, Ga.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012? "What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction. Morgan wore us out on anything One Direction, but Daisy sings this particular song all the time, and it is So. Stinking. Cute.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier - money is tighter, but I'm not in the hospital. :) b) thinner or fatter? I'm going to have to say thinner since I had a baby inside me this time last year! c) richer or poorer? Definitely poorer, since we had just gotten a nice big Christmas check from Kate and Will this time last year.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Creating

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? aimless online surfing.

20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? Yes, with my husband, my daughters, and my son!

22. What was your favorite TV program? Sons of Anarchy, Criminal Minds, Glee, Haven

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah

24. What was the best book you read? I've actually not gotten to read very much this year, which is a lifetime first for me.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? I'm afraid I don't have an answer to this one. 

26. What did you want and get? A healthy baby boy!

27. What did you want and not get? A bigger house, a new laptop.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Hunger Games (which was awesome, but come to think of it, I think was the only movie we saw in the theater all year).

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 35, and I stayed home and watched Jack and Daisy. That evening we went to church, and Nick took us all out to eat afterwards.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More money? More money certainly would have made it easier, but we were inordinately blessed.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.

32. What kept you sane? trusting God to take care of us. Also, Nick has shown tremendous spiritual growth over the last year, which has been wonderful for our marriage. He's also made a genuine commitment to leadership in our marriage and disciplining me when I need it in the last few months, and it has helped me tremendously.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ok, for the last month or so I've been watching The Young Riders on Hulu. When I was 12 and watching this I was all about The Kid, played by Ty Miller. This time around though I'm finding myself much more drawn to James Hickok, played by a 21 year old Josh Brolin. Does it count if it was 23 years in the past?

34. What political issue stirred you the most? I'm more than a little irritated with the continuing health care fiasco.

35. Who did you miss? My friend Ann

36. Who was the best new person you met? Jack!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. If I focus on doing what God wants me to do, He will take care of everything else.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one. 

It's hard for me to believe the year is almost over. Jack will be one in 4 days. FOUR DAYS! Monday will be our 9 year anniversary with DD, which is a little surreal to me. 6 years ago Nick commemorated the day with a long hard spanking and a firm lecture, not as a punishment, but rather to wipe the slate clean on the year, give me a fresh start, and discuss the things he wanted me to concentrate on and expected me to do. It meant a lot to me, and part of me would really like for him to do it again, although I'm also very aware that you should be careful what you wish for!

'Tis the season to...breathe

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone! I hope everyone had a lovely holiday. 

Morgan's school didn't let out till Friday, and Nick had to work a half day on Christmas Eve, so it was a little hectic. It's been really, really tight money-wise, which has added to the stress. Saturday Nick did some work on my brother's car and made $60, which literally kept our lights on for a few more days. We're praying it will hold them off till Friday at least. For the last 3 years Kate and Will have written us a very nice check for Christmas, and it's allowed us to catch up on the bills that are inevitably running us down by the end of the year. This year they did not do that, which is of course absolutely their prerogative and totally fine, but I do admit that we were hoping they would. But that just means that God has another plan for provision.

Not that Kate and Will didn't absolutely spoil everyone for Christmas. Morgan got a bunch of clothes, a One Direction poster, a Smash Book, and a $150 Itunes gift card from them. Jack got a bunch of clothes and a couple of pairs of shoes. Daisy got a bunch of clothes, a couple of pairs of shoes, and an iPad mini. (You might remember they got Morgan an iPad 2 for Christmas last year). Nick got a VERY nice road bicycle, custom fit for him, all the necessary accessories like helmet, shoes, riding shorts, etc., along with some workout clothes, Titleist golf balls, water bottles, socks, and pajama pants. They didn't actually get me anything yet, although they said that they did order something, but there was a problem with the order, and they'll send something after Christmas. 

Nick's dad and stepmom got clothes for all the kids and Nick and shoes for Jack and Daisy. They also bought Jack a couple of toys, Morgan a magazine about One Direction, and Daisy a toy horse. They got me a storage box and a storage bag for some of my craft supplies. Kelly and Grant got Morgan a purse with some stuff in it, Jack and Daisy both some clothes, Jack a little soft taggie baby toy that Kelly made, Nick some dress clothes, and me a measuring cup, some cookies, a calligraphy set, and a bleach pen (to craft with).

My parents got Daisy a VTech Innotab tablet, a Vtech kids laptop, a doll, some sort of mini doll set, and a bean bag toss toy. Morgan got a One Direction video, a One Direction calendar (are you sensing a them with her gifts this year?), a Wii game, and a Crayola airbrush toy. Jack got clothes and a couple of baby toys. Nick got some work out clothes, a shirt, some pajamas, and a shop vac. I got a couple of purses, a little tool kit, a single serve brownie pan with a brownie mix, and a little clock made like a sewing machine. 

James got Nick a leg lamp, me a $30 McKay's gift card (score!), Morgan some glitter tattoos and a light up pillow, Daisy some kid craft stamps and a flower alarm clock, and Jack a little ATV style riding toy. Robert and Faith got clothes for Jack and Daisy, a leather journal that Faith handmade for Nick, some coffee and a bottle of olive oil for me, and something, although I can't remember what, for Morgan.

I got Nick some pants, a shirt, a belt, a card game, a watch, some fire starter wafers, and some framed black and white shots I had taken. He got me a very nice pair of sunglasses, although I've had them for a couple of weeks.

Our stuff for the girls was mostly handmade. I made Morgan a hat, a I (heart) 1D pillow (as well as one each for her two best friends), 4 shirts done with freezer paper stenciling, a woven headband in her school colors, a corn bag (like a bean bag, but filled with corn, for heating in the microwave to make a hot pack), several pairs of Shrinky Dink earrings, a leather rose pin, and a Christmas tree pin. I did buy her a One Direction doll and board game, a stuffed animal, and a couple of pairs of pants. I made Daisy a hat, a corn bag, two bracelets and a rose pin, several hair bows, and a matching game. I bought her a doll, a set of LaLaLoopsy mini dolls (her only request), and a stuffed animal. For Jack we had a couple of new stuffed animals and several toys passed on to us by my cousin. Also a little Christmas blankie. 

So as you can see, we had a wonderful Christmas and got way more than we deserve. On Christmas Eve, when I was still neck deep in crafting, I got up to find that Morgan had decided to surprise me by cleaning off the kitchen table. Say, today, that would have been the awesomest thing ever. That day, however, said table was loaded with half finished gifts, and it stopped me in my tracks to see everything loaded off into several different laundry baskets. I did my best to not show it though, and I thanked her profusely for all her help. By the time we had less than an hour to go before we had to be at my parents' house though I was really feeling the added stress of nothing being where I left it, and I found myself getting short with everyone. Nick got my attention and very quietly threatened to take me upstairs and spank me if I didn't get it together. I have to admit, it had the intended result of straightening me right up. 

Anyway, now that it's all over, I intend to take a day or two and just...breathe.   And then I've got to get this house back in shape.

Loss

It's been a rough week. That's probably a bit of an understatement.

The day after my last post, things were going okay. I was just taking a minute to breathe after the chaos of getting ready for the craft sale. A girl who was at the sale messaged me on Facebook and asked if we could meet so she could buy $30 worth of merchandise. And Nick was coming home that night. 

Then about 2:30 the phone rang. It was Nick, and the sound of his voice made my heart jump with fear. 

"What's wrong?"

He couldn't find the words for a second, then, "Papaw just died."

"What? How? Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry! What happened?"

His precious grandfather, the absolute rock of the family, the man who spent last summer mowing yards for 5 different people on his street, the man who should have lived to be 100, was gone of a heart attack. He was on the phone with Sears, trying to find someone who stocked the fish finder he wanted for Christmas when he fell out of his chair and hit his head. Nick's grandmother called the paramedics, and when they came he was both responsive and lucid, clear on the day, the year, the president, all those questions they ask. He didn't, in fact, want to go to the hospital, but they insisted, and thank God they did. He coded in the ambulance and passed away at the hospital, stunning everyone.

Nick's dad and stepmom were at the hospital when he died, but neither they, nor Nick's grandmother got to see him before he passed. Nick's aunt arrived knowing only that he had been up and talking to the paramedics before they took him to the hospital, so it was especially devastating for her to get there to find him gone.

Nick headed home as soon as he got off the phone with me, and I got on the phone with Robert so that he could go be with the family (as Nick's dad's pastor), and my parents to tell them the news. My dad has always been especially fond of Nick's grandfather, and he took the news hard.

When Morgan got home from school I had to break the news to her, and she was heartbroken. There wasn't a whole lot we could do until Nick got back to town, so we went to meet the girl who wanted to buy some of my merchandise. By the time we finished with her, Nick was back, so we met at his grandparents' house to be with the rest of the family.

Kate, Will, and the kids flew in Thursday morning, the one bright spot in the week. We were not going to be able to see them for Christmas, and I feel like this was one last gift his grandfather gave us. 

That afternoon my dad called with the news that my uncle had just passed away. This was not unexpected as he had been hospitalized for most of the last six months, but it was still very sad news, and my heart hurts for my aunt and cousins

Friday we were at Grant and Kelly's house. Nick was checking his Facebook, and he said, "Did you know there was another school shooting?" We'd been so busy with family that we hadn't had any opportunity to get online or turn on the news and had no idea of the tragedy that had befallen Sandy Hook Elementary. Honestly, I tried to go online later on to find out more about the story, but I just couldn't. My heart is already too full of heartbreak, and there's just no room right now for dead children and Christmas gifts that will never be given. That probably makes me sound awful, but I just can't.

Saturday we attended Nick's grandfather's funeral. He was an avid fisherman, and in his honor we each wore on our coats a fishing fly that he hand tied last year. It was a beautiful service, and a comfort to see how many lives he had touched. That night we had a Christmas gathering to attend at my cousin's house. I missed this one last year because I was in the hospital, so it was good to get to be able to be there, but there was a somberness to it for some of us.

Sunday after church we went back to Nick's grandparents' house to spend the afternoon with his grandmother and with Kate, Will, and the kids. I had managed to finish up all of their Christmas gifts, so I sent them home with them, and they seemed to like them all. After they left we stayed with his grandmother for a while and read her the entries people had left in the online guest book for his obituary. 

Monday night we attended my uncle's funeral. Afterwards my dad took us out to dinner, a very rare treat for us these days.

Since then I've been trying to finish up the rest of the Christmas gifts. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. 

Anyway, that was our week. I'm off to bed now.

Priorities

Sorry for the radio silence the last couple of weeks. I've been busy crafting for a trade show I was in tonight. I'd say it was a decent success, even though I only made $68.00. Not that $68.00 is anything to sneeze at - it put gas in my car and will pay for diapers and lunch money, our main concerns this week! I had a number of sales, but mostly of hair accessories and pins, which were pretty small ticket items. Still, I sold about 20 things, which I'm proud of, and I learned a lot for the next show, which will be in the spring.

About a month ago, right after the last time I got spanked in fact, Nick warned me that he didn't want me letting the house go in order to work on Christmas gifts and crafts this year, something that definitely happened before I went into the hospital last year. I did pretty well for a while, but in the last couple of weeks, as the show got closer and closer, I started letting things go. A few days ago he brought it to my attention and told me he was going to spank me for it. It's a rare occasion that a spanking happens on the same night, so I wasn't surprised or offended when it didn't happen right away. Yesterday morning however, I got a text from Nick:

"You're going to get it when I get home...be prepared."

Now that's the first time that's ever happened, and I have to say, it had me nervous and thinking about it all day. If that's what he meant by "be prepared", mission accomplished. What I was not prepared for, however, was the fact that he walked in the door nearly an hour early, right at the time he normally leaves work. There was a church youth group function that he was helping with, and I had kind of assumed that "when I get home" meant when he got home from that. Morgan was across the street at the neighbor's as she usually is around that time, so I said I would call over to let her and her friend know they needed to get ready for the youth event. I reached for the phone, but he stopped me and said, "First we need to go upstairs." Oh. "I thought you meant when you got home after the youth thing tonight..."

"What did I say?" he answered in that no nonsense tone of voice I know better than to argue with. "Yes, sir. May I go get Daisy settled in?" He nodded permission, and I got her occupied in her room with SpongeBob. I trudged upstairs to meet my fate, which came swiftly. He made me bend over the bed and pulled down my jeans and panties. "Please don't," I whimpered, but down they stayed. He opened the lid to the chest and pulled out the Cane-IAC Jr paddle. 

I don't know what my problem was, because I could tell he wasn't actually swinging that hard, but my bottom was instantly on fire. I honestly do try to stay still when I'm getting spanked, but I was dancing and howling from the first swat. So much so that he stopped after the first 11 and pulled out the doggin bat instead, but that lit me up almost as bad. After a few with that he got out a crop, which I was sure was cutting me in two. Next up was the AngelBrat paddle, which I think is what he finished with. I think I got 60 licks in all. 

After he finished he lay back on the bed and let me show him just how sorry I was and what a good girl I could be.

Tonight he's out of town for work, so it's just me and the kids. He'll only be gone until tomorrow night, but I miss him already.