Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A lovely Christmas
Due to the holidays, we didn't get to do our Thursday spanking last week, but we hope to get to do it tomorrow. Tomorrow is actually our 6th anniversary with DD. This has been a difficult year for us with DD, but I feel like we're back on track.
I'll be going in to work next week to tell them that I'm quitting, so I would appreciate your prayers that that goes well. Anyway, the baby needs to nurse, so I've gotta run...Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A broken tea cup, a humble manger, and the best deal I've ever gotten
I wanted to share this - a wonderful post indeed from Money Saving Mom. Merry Christmas, all.
Friday, December 18, 2009
It's beginning to look alot like Christmas...
I got my regular Sunday/Thursday spanking tonight. I've been a very good girl all week, so Nick let me choose my implement, and I picked his belt. It's been a very long time since he's used a belt on me, and I had forgotten just how much it could hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt, one that made me feel safe and taken care of. We managed to get in a few minutes of reconnection time afterwards before the baby woke up, and it was very nice indeed.
All my Christmas shopping is done with the exception of one, possibly two gifts, but they won't be given till Christmas morning, so I've got a few days yet. I took the baby in for her two month check up today, and she's weighing in at 11 pounds and 12 ounces, and is 23 inches long. She's growing so fast! Nick's sister's little boy Maddox is 6 1/2 months old now, and I can't wait to see him again. When we last saw him he was 3 1/2 weeks old, so I know he's grown a mile. Anyway, I'm off to bed - I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!
Friday, December 11, 2009
So very blessed.
Now in my defense, I did do more than it looked like. I took all the pictures out of the box in the garage that he'd been after me to clean out, and I dug the scanner out of the back of my closet and hunted down the power cord and USB cable for it, then spent quite a while downloading the drivers for it so it would work with Windows 7. I had also started dinner, although admittedly that meant that I had put the ground beef in the microwave to thaw. And of course I was periodically nursing and changing the baby throughout all of this. Okay, maybe I hadn't done the dishes or any laundry, but what was more important, the housework or the amusement of 150 of my closest friends? Er, right - the housework.
Now I was REALLY fortunate that the baby stayed up past his bedtime that night, because he was pretty pissed. The look on his face when he mentioned to me that I had let him go to bed the night before without reminding him was less than friendly. Tuesday night we held off because he had an early meeting Wednesday morning and had to get up extra early. I really thought it would happen last night because Morgan spent the night with my parents, but since he was off today and it would just be us and the baby until Morgan got home from school, he decided to wait till today. So all day long I'm thinking it's going to happen at any time. Meanwhile I'm quite enthusiastically going about helping him in gathering the trash for a trip to the dump and cleaning out the garage. But of course time ran short, and before we knew it we had to leave because he had an appointment to get his hair cut. My mom dropped Morgan off just after we got back home. She went upstairs to watch cartoons for a few minutes and rather unexpectedly fell asleep. The baby was asleep too, so I thought, okay any minute now he's going to call for me. But before that happened Morgan woke back up and came down to do her homework and the opportunity was gone.
Eventually I got her to bed and asleep, but by then he was watching a movie. By this time I figured it would probably be tomorrow night at the earliest. I mean, he has to work tomorrow, and the movie didn't go off till almost 1 AM. Nope, Mr. Spontaneous decided the time was right. So he took me upstairs and got out the CANE-IAC Jr with holes. Now for quite a while this was all he used, and I always HATED it, but I have to tell you, after my last two spankings with the Spencer paddle, I was kind of relieved to see him pull it out. Not that it didn't set me on fire. We started out with me just bending over the side of the bed, but it seems that having my feet under me makes it a little too possible and tempting to escape, so after I got out of position a couple of times he stopped and made me lie on the bed on my stomach.
When he's using anything wooden with holes on me, I lose all ability to count, which usually helps me work through the pain a little. He spanked me hard enough that counting just wasn't an option, so I really don't know how many I got. I do know that I cried, and that the last five alone were hard enough to leave me sore.
When it was over and we'd cuddled a bit I set about putting him to sleep, much to his appreciation. Having accomplished that, I said, "Thank you for taking care of me."
"Thank you for taking care of me," he said.
"Mmmm. Why is it that when you take care of me, you beat my butt, but when I take care of you, you get a blow job?"
"I don't know. That's just kind of the deal we have worked out," he said, grinning at me. "I think I've probably got the better end of it."
"It sure feels like it!" I answered. Honestly though, it means so much to me that he's doing this for me, and doing it on a regular basis too. He's so very good to me, and I'm incredibly blessed to be his.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Name This Paddle Contest

Friday, December 04, 2009
Well cared for...
Now this was not a punishment per se, so I was pretty surprised and more than a little alarmed when he pulled back out the Spencer paddle. It seems that I've managed to provide him with a new favorite. I did my best to talk him into using just about anything else, but he was set on his choice. He did however allow me to keep my jeans up this time, and after some gentle lecturing on what is expected of me now that I'm staying at home, he spanked me. It was considerably easier to take than my last spanking; still, I was in tears pretty quickly, but it took me right where I needed to go.
Afterwards we played with my new toy, which I'll tell you about in my next post (which I'm sure you'll read after you pick yourself up from the shock of seeing two posts in one night from me.)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!
My sister-in-law and I will be doing most of the cooking. She's actually got the heavier load: casseroles - broccoli, corn, and sweet potato; twice baked potatoes, 7 layer salad, pumpkin pie, rolls. I'll be bringing cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs, pumpkin trifle, and my infamous macaroni and cheese from last year (done the right way!) I hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Turns out it's still a spanking blog...

Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Just rambling...
There's been no spanking happening, although there has been sex. With Morgan I was about 9 weeks post-partum before I was ready. With this one I was 20 days, and it was lovely at that. I've lost all my baby weight, and even a bit more. I'm a size down from what I was before I got pregnant, which is very nice. It's great to get back into jeans I had just about given up on pre-baby.
So far being a stay-at-home-mom has been tiring, but that's mostly due to the fact that she's nursing so frequently. I've done pretty well at having dinner ready or almost ready by the time Nick gets home, and I usually have the dishes and some laundry done as well. I think it will get easier as she gets a bit older. Right now if she's awake she wants to eat, and if she's asleep, I try to sleep too.
Anyway, like I said, not much to post about, just rambling. I'm going to go try to get that shower in. Have a great day!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Borrowed Meme
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you. PK's daughter and the son of another online friend (but she doesn't blog, so I won't say who in case she'd rather that not be known).
2. Where was your first kiss? It was behind the counter in the deli department of the grocery store where I worked, and it could not have been a worse experience. Now my first kiss with Nick was over a rather stacked game of spin the bottle, and it was very nice indeed!
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? Nope.
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? Yes, but not seriously.
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? I was in several choral groups in high school (not that I can sing, but at least in a group I got drowned out!).
6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex? Lips and hands.
7. What really turns you on? Well, this IS a spanking blog (or so the rumor goes). But beyond just spanking, it really turns me on when Nick just gets stern with me.
8. What do you order at Starbucks? It's been ages, but usually a Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino or Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino.
9. What is your biggest mistake? Letting my insecurities take over.
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Nope.
11. Say something totally random about yourself. I used to be a smoker.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? When I was younger I used to get Brooke Shields a lot, but I think it was just because we both have dark eyebrows.
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? I have an eight year old! The day is not complete without some Disney or Nickelodeon!
14. Did you have braces? No
15. Are you comfortable with your height? Yeah, I'm 5'10", so I'm pretty happy with that, although there have been times I wished I was a petite little thing Nick could pick up throw around. :)
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Sometimes Nick will send me a sweet text or bring me flowers for no reason.
17. When do you know its love? When you try your best to ignore it but the feeling just will not leave you alone. (This was PK's answer, but it was so well put and descriptive of how I first felt when I fell in love with Nick that I left it).
18. Do you speak any other languages? Not with any fluency. I know a few words and phrases in Spanish.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon? Nope! I would just burn and peel at one of those, so the only tanning I get is at home on my butt!
20. What magazines do you read? I try not to buy them because they're so expensive, but I love People Magazine, and I used to have subscriptions to Glamour, Cosmo, Reader's Digest, Redbook, and Southern Living. Nick and I once took $100 and bought two or three year subscriptions to several magazines each. I'd actually really love to do that again!
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? Just once. Nick's sister had us picked up in one at the airport when we arrived for her wedding.
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? Yes. I've lost all four grandparents and a very dear uncle, as well as Nick's mom and grandmother.
23. Do you watch MTV? Very, very rarely.
24. What's something that really annoys you? Interrupted video feed online.
25. What's something you really like? Snuggling.
26. Do you like Michael Jackson? I wasn't really a huge fan.
27. Can you dance? Yes. Oh, did you mean can I dance well? Hahahahahaha!
28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up? All night.
29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room? Once when I was 17. I was in a serious car wreck, although my brother was hurt much worse than I was.
30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Of course!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Popping in...
Yesterday was my birthday. My in-laws took us out for lunch and got me a couple of things for the baby. Nick, Morgan, the baby and I did some running around and were going to go see a movie, but unfortunately I ended up feeling pretty rough before we could get that far. This morning I woke up definitely sick, dealing with a hacking cough and a runny nose. The good news is that my stitches seem to have healed enough that I'm not ripping them loose with every cough. Hopefully once I recover a bit we can celebrate a little better.
Anyway, that's what's going on here these days. Once things get settled a little I'll be able to spend more time posting (and hopefully will have something to post about!).
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
It's Love Our Lurkers Day!
Friday, October 09, 2009
Hooray!
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Still holding...
I go back to the doctor on Monday. She told me on Tuesday that I will very likely not make it to 39 weeks, but that was before she actually did a pelvic exam. Once she did that and found out how far I was dilated, she said she wasn't sure that I would make it through the night. But of course I did. And the next night, and the next. With Morgan I didn't get to 3-4 cm until I was in active labor, 10 hours or so before I had her. And I know that lots of people lay around for a couple of weeks at 3 cm, but c'mon already! There were 3 of my friends with due dates around mine, and they've ALL had their babies. Anyway, that's the news, or the lack thereof.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Another Update
Nick absolutely hates to grocery shop, so I made up a menu and a grocery list and headed out to do it myself once he got home to watch Morgan (I definitely know better than to attempt shopping with an 8 year old in my condition!). It was a pretty big shopping trip, meant to cover enough meals till next payday (14 days), plus I had to pick up a few small things at Wal-Mart. Toward the end of the grocery store I got really shaky and nauseated, so I think my pressure probably got pretty high. I made it through the line and home, and Nick and Morgan did the unloading and putting away for me while I lay down. But other than that I've done pretty well.
I go back to the doctor tomorrow, so we'll see if I've dilated any farther. We've pretty much got everything ready for the baby to come, although there are still some hand-me-down clothes I've got to wash (or rather have washed for me). I do have a baby shower coming next weekend (Oct 10th), and I hope to get either a crib and mattress or enough gift cards to go get one. She will probably be here by then, but she'll be sleeping in a bassinet for the first few weeks anyway, so we can do without one for a little while.
One thing I would really appreciate is your prayers on is my job situation. We still feel strongly that God's plan for us is for me to be a stay at home mom, and right now we both love the way that's working, even with me being on bed rest. I'm able to pick Morgan up right after school, be here to help her with her homework without being worn out from work, take care of all the bill paying online (which I've always done, but it was always a struggle to get it done during business hours while working), and plan menus for the week and make out the grocery lists (which saves us money, even if I don't need to do the actual shopping right now). It's also been wonderful as far as Morgan's school schedule - for instance there's a teacher's inservice this Thursday and Friday, and now we don't have to worry about finding a sitter while we both work. A side benefit is that Nick has been taking her in the mornings, which gives them some quality time together, and also gets him out the door in time to miss all the school traffic on the way to work, actually making his commute easier! And once I'm off bed rest I'll be able to actually spend time doing housework and have dinner ready for Nick when he gets home!
All of this is working wonderfully, but right now I still have a pay check coming in. When that stops and Nick's job goes into the inevitable winter slump, things will get more difficult unless God really steps in and provides. Now He has promised to do just that, so long as we are doing His will - I just need your prayers that we will have clarity and peace as to whether or not His will is for me to leave my job! I truly believe that it is, but I also badly want it to be, and I don't want my desires to drown out His voice. I guess one big sign will be whether or not He provides the money we needed from the refinance that didn't happen due to the flood insurance issue. Anyway, your prayers will be very much appreciated. Hope you guys have a great week!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Yikes!
Speaking of paddles...
I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but Nick does pin striping as a hobby. He's actually quite good, and has done a number of pieces for people, both simple art pieces and even a few vehicles. Anyway, lexan makes an excellent surface for doing signs on, or even just for practicing on; one of his friends was given basically a pallet full of lexan sheets, and he have 30 or so of them to Nick, between 1/4 and 1/2 inch thick. Sooooo...he's going to try his hand at making lexan paddles. There's probably enough there to turn out between 60 and 80 paddles, depending on size and shape. He's going to make one or two for us to see how they turn out, and if it goes well we may offer them for sale. I've never had a burning (heh) desire to be spanked with lexan, but I suppose I could offer my butt up in the name of industry.
Things are going well baby-wise. I was supposed to have an appointment today, but I ended up going in yesterday instead. I hadn't felt any real movement from her all day, so they told me to come in for an ultrasound. She was just fine, apparently just having a lazy day. We had an ultrasound last Monday and she was weighing in at six pounds and three ounces. As of today I'm six days away from the point at which I had Morgan, so I don't think it will be too much longer. Hope you guys have a great week!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
You'd think I'd know better...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Look what came today...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Why bed rest and ebay shouldn't mix...

Should be here later this week...but I did ask before buying!
By the way, it was only $12.95 plus very reasonable shipping...and they have 5 more!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Yuck!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Grounded!
I would very much appreciate all your prayers, not just for me and the baby, but for Nick as well as he picks up the slack around here. I was scheduled to take vacation next week with plans to get the house completely cleaned and in order in preparation for the baby, but the doctor has told me that's just not an option now. In fact, if things don't look relatively good when I go in for my next visit on Monday, I won't even be able to go to my brother's wedding next weekend.
I guess the good news is, I'll get to really catch up on my blog reading!
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Ouch

Monday, August 31, 2009
The latest...
It made me realize though how lucky we were that Morgan didn't use her crib very much at all. She slept with us, for a number of reasons, but the biggest was logistics. When she was born we lived in a little single-wide mobile home we rented from my Papaw. The bedrooms were at opposite ends, and we were terrified that we wouldn't hear her if she needed us. We bought our house when she was 6 months old, but here our bedroom is upstairs and hers (now the baby's) is downstairs, with all of the outside doors in between us. I wasn't comfortable leaving her all alone downstairs, so she continued to sleep with us. However, this one will definitely not be in our bed on a regular basis. She'll be in a bassinet in the room with us for the first few weeks, but after that she will go downstairs to her crib. With Morgan in the next room and a house alarm (which we didn't have 8 years ago), she'll be just fine.
I'm currently still unspanked for my mess in the car, although that may change tonight. Nick actually wanted to deal with it Friday as Morgan spent the night with my parents, but we spent the evening in more intimate pursuits, and he agreed to postpone it until the next night. Unfortunately that didn't happen either. I lay down with Morgan to tell her bedtime stories and fell asleep. Nick fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up till 5 AM, at which time he woke me and gently steered me up to bed. Last night we just couldn't get Morgan to bed at a decent hour for some reason. Well, we got her to bed, she was just wide awake till after midnight. Anyway, she's asleep now (in our bed incidentally since the carpet in her room is freshly shampooed and drying right now), so it may happen tonight. I'm feeling nervous about it, but it feels good that he's willing to go there again.
Hope you all have a great week!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Cute Find
Your baby's immune system gets a boost, while her sleepless mommy could use a boost of energy. With midnight bathroom runs, leg cramps, heartburn, and your basketball-sized belly, it's no wonder sleep is elusive. Third-trimester insomnia strikes about three-quarters of pregnant women (who may also be coping with a mind that races all night long). But your body needs rest, so do your best to get comfy. Grab a pile of pillows, wedge them where you need to, and look on the bright side: Pregnancy insomnia is great training for those sleepless nights to come! Your baby is still gaining weight (about half a pound a week), and she could grow up to another full inch this week. With that much baby inside your uterus, your amniotic fluid level has maxed out, which explains why some of her pokes and kicks feel pretty sharp these days. (There's less fluid to cushion the blows.) Antibodies are being passed from you to your little one as she continues to develop her own fetal immune system, which will come in handy once she's outside the womb and fending off all sorts of germs.
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Thank You and a Meme
I found this meme over at Bonnie's:
Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire? The idea of a woodshed is very erotic to me, but I hate to be spanked on a cold bottom!
Would you rather be spanked in public or in private? Public is a nice fantasy, but in reality I'd much rather be in private where he can really do a good job.
Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? I don't much like it when it's happening, but when I fantasize it's usually just reliving real spankings that actually happened.
Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker's pleasure? I'd rather that be up to him.
Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Hmmm...that's a tough one.
Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? Definitely the belt.
Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? Paddle
Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during your spanking? I'd rather he hold me down.
Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused? For me it's more effective to be spanked until I cry, although it's very arousing to know that he's willing to take me there.
Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises? It depends on the situation.
Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience? It's important to me that it be for a reason.
Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down? That depends on whether you ask me when I'm actually getting spanked. ;)
Would you rather be spanked somewhat clothed or entirely naked? Somewhat clothed.
Would you rather your spanking be strictly disciplinarian or sexually attractive in nature? Disciplinarian meets a much deeper need in me.
Would you rather be spanked by a male or by a female? Male, and one particular male at that.
Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after your spanking? Scolded, then cuddled.
Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair? A table or chair is easier for me to hold still on.
Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you? Yes, absolutely!
Would you prefer to be spanked in the woods with a tree branch, bent over the hood of a car, or in a school with a ruler bent over the desk of your teacher/principal? The hood of a car was a pretty common position for us for a while, but the teacher/principal is a long time fantasy for me.
Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it? I don't brat, but I usually have to ask.
Have you received a spanking in the past week? No
Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? Emotional release.
Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? Secret.
Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? I'd rather it be a lifestyle choice.
Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? I'm grateful for the vanilla I've got who's willing to indulge me.
Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? One particular someone who knows me really, really well.
Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? Probably the latter with a healthy dose of the former.
Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? I'd rather be talked to.
Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? One at a time, please.
Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? I'd rather willingly submit.
Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? I have a safeword, but we've never used it.
Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss? Nick IS my spanking history.
Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at one time? Just one.
Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months? Once a day.
Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experience as a spankee? Deeply in tune, of course.
Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker? I need both.
Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment? Send me to the corner, although this is something we've never done.
Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles? My husband, of course.
Would you rather spanking be a part of love making or not a part of love making? Mostly not.
Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked? I'd much rather him be in control.
Would you rather be humiliated or respected during your spanking? Respected.
Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake? We don't really experiment with the BDSM side of things.
Would you rather be filmed during a spanking to share your exhibitionist naughtiness or are you too modest to show your bum to the world? Nope, I'm pretty private.
Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt? It depends upon the spanking.
Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking? I've been both, and I don't know that either is preferable over the other.
Would you rather be spanked exclusively in your own bedroom or anyplace else other than your own bedroom? Mostly the bedroom.
Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or other places could be interesting too? I would prefer that he stick to spanking my bottom.
Would you rather a spanking be a surprise or be something you have to look forward to? Something I have to look forward to.
Would you rather spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? A response to real events.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
A Huge Thank You to Bethie!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Guess what...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
It could definitely be worse...
BUT, despite all that, my life is very blessed. The diabetes seems to be doing well with diet control, and the hypertension is mild. God is providing as we have to have it on the money issues. While I'm not happy to be moved away from my current supervisor, the one I'm getting is not the worst one I could have. It looks like they may let me use some holiday time when my sick time is depleted. And the snake is now quite gone. Nick was very much my hero in that situation. He likes snakes just about as much as I do, but he didn't even hesitate - with a pair of grill tongs and a steak knife he very bravely dispatched our uninvited house guest, and he didn't even laugh at me for running screaming from the house.
My husband has worked very hard lately, not just at his job, but here at home too, painting the baby's room, picking up side work to help pay the bills, and generally making sure I have help with the house. I very much appreciate him, and I try hard not to make too many other demands. Most of the time he's been very sweet to me, and I'm very blessed to have him. Sometimes, I guess, I just need to bitch a little.
Another week down
Hey, everyone. I went to the doctor yesterday and the baby's 3 pounds and 10 ounces. Everything looks good, although she wants me to come back weekly until she's satisfied with my blood sugar readings. They've been decent for the most part so far, so I would appreciate your prayers that that continues.
I've been really struggling lately, although it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what the issue is. I just feel really faded, completely wrung out physically and emotionally. I tried to talk to Nick yesterday about our relationship and the things I need from it, but he shut the conversation down pretty quickly. This is frustrating for me, because I know that he's not a person who enjoys talking about "his feelings", but it makes me feel like I also can't talk about mine. And that just leaves me really tired, like it's not worth the effort to try to express my needs because they just don't matter.
All of that probably sounds really awful about him, and I don't mean to be unfair, because he's going through a lot of adjustments too. It just seems like once upon a time I could talk to him about this stuff, and now he just doesn't have the time or the energy to devote to it. The impression I get is that he's only got so much patience and commitment to give, and right now it's all being used up by the baby situation and all the changes that is bringing. It feels like that wall of security I used to feel from him is giving way, and I'm terrified that if I keep pushing I'll push right through it.
Once upon a time I could count on him to do what I needed him to do when I felt stressed like this. Is it unfair of me to still want that? The fact that we're having this baby is not any more my doing than it is his, but I feel like the fact that I'm glad she's coming means that he blames me for everything that's changing and I have to give up everything he was doing before. And I know what everybody says: "COMMUNICATE! TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!" Simple, right? Except that's clearly not a viable option here. I've tried to talk to him. It always ends up with me talking to myself, sounding more and more desperate and clingy, which of course makes him less and less able to hear what I'm saying, and the whole thing becomes just a waste of energy and emotions.
Every time I open my mouth to have a discussion about anything more serious than dinner it's a toss up as to whether I'm actually going to jump in and try to have the talk about money or our relationship or our plans for my job or whatever. Half the time I see the whole coming conversation unfolding in my head and I just opt out of it. The whole DD thing, for instance - on almost every occasion in the last 6 months when I've tried to tell him I'm feeling the need he's shot back "Look, you want me to do this, then you need to accept that it's going to happen when I think it needs to happen, not when you think it does. You say you want me to be in charge, but you really want to run this your way!" Okay, sure, valid point, right? Except that the whole reason for doing it at all is because it's something I need. He doesn't (didn't) do it because it was something that helped him. If he doesn't to want to do it in any way that is nurturing to me, then why bother at all?
It's not like I'm just unhappy with an occasional decision of his; it's that it never, ever comes up at all unless I try to bring it up. And I'm not talking about just him coming down on me - there's very little need for that. I'm talking about him just being there when I'm not handling my time very well, or more frequently, when I'm becoming overstressed. Anyway, that was exactly what I was saying to him yesterday when he said "How did we get started talking about this again," making it abundantly clear of course that he was not going to have the conversation. Anyway, I'm just venting here. He rarely reads the blog anymore, so I'd be a little shocked if he even started the post, let alone made it this far. I know that we will eventually get past this. Once the baby comes and I can get past the pregnancy complications and we get into a routine and get settled financially then this will all resolve itself one way or another. I just need a place to yell right now.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
Quick baby update
Week 30 of Pregnancy
Your baby's brain is getting smarter by the minute, but for Mom, the only thing that smarts right now may be heartburn pain. These days you may feel as if you've got a flamethrower in your chest. Heartburn is one of the most common (and annoying) pregnancy ailments and here's why: The same pregnancy hormones that cause your body's pelvic muscles to relax so you can deliver your baby also relax the ring of muscle that separates the esophagus from the stomach. The upshot? Food and digestive juices can head upstream from your tummy into your chest and throat — hence, the infernal inferno. Your expanding uterus, now exerting pressure on your stomach, only fuels the fire. And speaking of your belly, its increasing size is a definite clue that your baby is getting bigger every day, weighing in at over three pounds now. Also growing daily is his brain, which is actually starting to look like the real thing with those characteristic grooves and wrinkles. And now that your little genius can regulate his own body temperature and turn up the heat, he'll start shedding lanugo, the downy body hair that's been keeping him warm up until now.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
A new laptop!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Gratitude Tuesday
Zippers
Zeros
Zeniths
Zaxby's (very good chicken)
Zanadu
Zebrawood
Zest
Zucchini
Zoos
Happy Z Day!
Now for my baby email:
Week 29 of Pregnancy: Baby Fat
Your baby is almost 17 inches tall now, nearly as tall as he or she will be at birth. But that three-pound weight will likely more than double — and may even come close to tripling — by delivery time.At 29 weeks pregnant, your baby is almost 17 inches tall now (nearly as tall as he or she will be at birth), and close to three pounds (a weight that will likely more than double — and may even come close to tripling — by delivery time). His or her wrinkled skin is smoothing out as more fat is deposited under the skin surface. This fat, called white fat, is different from the earlier brown fat that your developing fetus accumulated. Brown fat is necessary for body temperature regulation while white fat (the fat you have, Mom) actually serves as an energy source. Which explains why your energizer baby feels so…well…energized! Space in your baby's living quarters is now at a premium, so you'll be feeling jabs and pokes from elbows and knees mostly. But those kicks will be more vigorous than before (and also less erratic) because your baby is stronger and excitedly responding to all sorts of stimuli — movement, sounds, light, and that candy bar you ate half an hour ago.
Luckily, your baby doesn't have teeth yet that would need a brushing after that sugary treat, but it won't be long before you'll need to buy that first baby toothbrush! You'll recall that your baby's baby-teeth buds formed weeks ago, but now the buds for permanent teeth are forming in his or her gums as well. And back to those kicks, who's counting? Actually, you should be. Now's a good time to start doing a kick count twice a day to make sure baby's doing just fine (plus, it's a good excuse for a rest). Lie down (preferably after a snack) and keep track of your baby's movements. You're looking for at least ten movements in an hour's time (don't forget to count movements of any kind — kicks, flutters, swishes, rolls, and so on).
We've had some blessings this week. We found out that since Nick turned 30 our car insurance has gone down by $65 a month. My in-laws have also taken it upon themselves to help us out with a few things. My mother-in-law took Morgan shopping today and got her some stuff for school, and they've found a couple of pieces of furniture for the baby's room and are fixing them up for us. We've also had some baby clothes given to us, with more on the way. God is providing, each and every day. Hope you guys have a great week!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
This week's update
I'll find out Monday what my results on the glucose test are. Our appraisal came back on the house. It wasn't quite what we had hoped for, but it was almost enough to pay off the bill that worries us the most, so we can't complain too much.
Nick has given me sort of an ultimatum on the current laundry pile. I have to have it all finished by Tuesday morning, or...well, he didn't say, but I'm going to assume he meant something stern and shiver-inducing. Anyway, this week's baby email:
Your Baby in Week 28 of Pregnancy
Your baby is settling into the proper position for birth, with his head facing downward (toward your body's nearest exit!). Your little work in progress is now about 2.5 pounds and almost 16 inches long. He's busy adding new skills such as blinking to an already impressive repertoire of tricks like coughing, sucking, hiccuping, and taking practice breaths. Your baby's sleep now includes the REM (rapid eye movement) phase — and that means he could be dreaming already (what do you suppose he's dreaming about?). Though his lungs are nearly fully mature (so both of you might breathe a little easier if he were born now), your baby still has plenty of growing to do.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Whew!
So anyway, how are you guys doing? It seems like between work and housework and pregnancy I've hardly had time to look at the computer.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and had my glucose test. Results for that should be back on Monday as well, and I'll find out whether things were good or I have to take the dreaded 3 hour glucose test. For those of you who have never been pregnant, this is a test where you fast for 12 hours, then they give you this awful, gag-inducing drink to chug. After an hour they test your blood sugar, then again an hour later, then once more an hour after that. I had to do this with Morgan, and it was AWFUL!. In fact, I threw up before the test was over and had to come back and do it all again. Yuck! So I'm hoping and praying I don't have to go that route this time.
Everything looks good so far. I've gained a total of 11 pounds, which is good. I also start going for visits every two weeks now. I can't believe I've only got 92 days till my due date! My parents came over last night and helped us do some stuff on the house to get ready for the appraisal, and the baby's room is all ready to paint now. This was the baby email I got this week:
Fetal Development This Week
Week 27 of Pregnancy: Baby's Sense of Taste and Sound
Beginning at this stage of fetal development, your baby's length will be measured from top of head to toe — which makes your baby nearly a full 15 inches now. And at just over two pounds, he or she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago. Most babies this age, yours included, still like to snuggle in a slightly curled position inside the uterus (thus the term "fetal position"). Even so, beginning at this stage, your baby's length will be measured from top of head to toe — which makes your baby nearly a full 15 inches now. And at just over two pounds, he or she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago. Your baby's auditory development (hearing) is progressing as the network of nerves to the ears matures. And even though the sounds your baby hears are muffled (thanks to the creamy coating of vernix covering those ears), he or she may recognize both yours and your partner's voices. So this might be a good time to read and even sing to your baby (or rather, your belly) — and a good chance to start boning up on those nursery rhymes and lullabies you'll need to be repeating (and repeating) pretty soon. And while you're at it, here's another way to have some family fun at 27 weeks pregnant: If your partner presses his ear to your belly, he might be able to hear the baby's heartbeat.
Your baby's taste buds are very developed now too (with more taste buds than he or she will ever have outside the womb, actually). Need a taste test? If you eat some spicy food (you hot mama, you), your baby will be able to taste the difference in the amniotic fluid (but keep in mind that you'll have different mealtimes, with your baby's coming about two hours after yours). Some babies will even respond to that spicy kick by hiccupping. And although hiccups (which feel like belly spasms to you) may seem like they're disturbing to your baby, he or she isn't stressed at all. It's just one more sensation that babies need to get used to.
I felt hiccups with Morgan, although not yet with this one, but I'm eating General Tso's chicken right now, so maybe in a couple of hours!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I didn't forget!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Rated PG-13
Thanks to Hermione, Todd&Suzy, and Mitch.
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
An update and a new website
In related news, Nick and I are struggling a bit with what we will do as far as my job goes once the baby gets here. What we both really want is for me to be able to quit and stay home. A stay at home mom is actually what I wanted to be from the time I was little. Unfortunately our finances don't seem inclined to let that happen. We're both praying really hard about it, and we would really appreciate your prayers as well. If God provides the means to pay off some bills before then, then we can do it. Along those lines, I just started a new, very vanilla website and enabled Google AdSense on it. This website is a place where people can contribute stories about the funny/cute/profound things their kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews have said. I would really appreciate it if you would all check it out and pass the link along to all your friends, and I would be thrilled if any of you would like to contribute. All posts are anonymous unless you would like your first name published, and this will be a work friendly site, so you can share the link with anyone you like. I hope to eventually have enough readers to generate some income from the ads, and maybe even have non-Google affiliated companies place banners. Here's the link!
Mother of Invention
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Gratitude Tuesday
Water - I've always loved the water, whether it was a puddle or a creek or a lake or the ocean.
Waffle House - Waffle House was a big part of our lives when we were dating. In fact, Nick proposed to me there.
Winter - Okay, it's not my favorite season, but it has Christmas in it!
Willow Tree - I collect Willow Tree figurines. I love how simple and beautiful they are.
Waterfalls - always magical to me.
This week's baby email:
Fetal Development This Week
Week 26 of Pregnancy: Baby's Eyes Open
Your baby's eyes — which have been closed for the past few months — are now beginning to open. Your baby's brain-wave activity is also kicking in at this stage in fetal development, which means your little one can not only hear noises but can now also respond to them.
Look who's looking. Your baby's eyes — which have been closed for the past few months (so that the retina, the part of the eye that allows images to come into focus, could develop) — are beginning to open at 26 weeks pregnant. What this means is that your baby is able to see what's going on now (unfortunately the view in your uterus isn't all that exciting). But do try this at home for kicks (baby's that is): Shine a flashlight at your stomach. Your baby might kick in response (as in: "Get that light out of my eyes!"). The iris, the colored part of the eye, still doesn't have much pigmentation (that'll fill in over the next month or two), so it's too early to start guessing your baby's eye color. Even the color your baby will be born with might not be the permanent shade; so you may be kept guessing until your baby is close to six months old.
Look what else is going on this week: Your baby's brain-wave activity is kicking in at this stage in fetal development, which means your little one can not only hear noises but can now also respond to them. Not in so many words, of course, but with an increase in pulse rate or activity.
And talking about activity, at your baby's current height and weight (about nine inches tall and two pounds), and at the rate he or she is growing, your baby will soon be feeling a little cramped in your uterus. Not to worry, there's still plenty of room for your baby to grow. It just means your gymnast will have less room for those somersaults, cartwheels, and other Olympic feats.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Happy 4th of July!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Happy Gratitude Tuesday!
Victory - hard not to be grateful for winning!
Vagina - I sure enjoy mine!
Virginity - this is an underrated possession. I'm happy to be able to say that I gave mine to Nick, 11 years ago on our wedding night.
Velocity - Mary Kay has a line of teen-oriented cosmetics called Velocity. At a friend's Mary Kay party I won a Velocity tinted lip gloss that was the most perfect shade ever for me. Unfortunately they quit carrying the shade, which seems to happen to lots of products I love. About a year ago I found one tube of it at a flea market where a lady was getting out of the business and selling her (new, unused) stock. Since then I've found some of it online, and I plan to order more as soon as I can!
Violets - a lovely little flower!
Visa - okay, I try to avoid putting things on the credit card, but my Visa Debit Card goes with me everywhere!
Veracity - there's something to be said for honesty!
Vacation - we just had the very best best vacation ever!
Things have been much better for me on the DD front since we got home. There's been no spanking, which is fine, but Nick has just been wonderful. He helped me get the house in pretty good shape on Sunday night. One thing I talked to him about on the way home from Texas is that I just needed to feel like he would hold me accountable, which he has been good about doing. He asked me to work on our bedroom yesterday when I got home, and when he got home he made sure that I remembered what he had asked me to do, and that I did it! I just feel more secure - it's amazing what a difference such a small change can make!
And this week's baby email:
Fetal Development This Week
Week 25 of Pregnancy: Baby's Lung Development
Your baby is about nine inches long and more than a pound and a half in weight this week. And don't look now (as if you could), but your baby's skin is turning pinker as small blood vessels form under the skin and fill with blood. Lungs and nostrils are also growing at this stage of fetal development.
At nine inches and more than a pound and a half in weight, your baby is taller than two juice boxes stacked one on top of the other, and almost as heavy as four of those little boxes (an analogy you'll find particularly apropos in a few years, when those juice boxes start taking over your refrigerator, your pantry, your car.…). Don't look now (as if you could), but your baby's skin is turning pinker. No, not because he or she's getting overheated (in fact, the amniotic fluid is perfectly climate controlled, keeping your baby at an always comfortable temperature), but because small blood vessels, called capillaries, are forming under the skin and filling with blood. Later this week, blood vessels will also develop in your baby's lungs, bringing them one step closer to full maturity — and one step closer to taking that first breath of fresh air. But at 25 weeks pregnant, those lungs are still very much works in progress. Though they are already beginning to develop surfactant, a substance that will help the lungs expand after the baby is born, the lungs are still too undeveloped to sufficiently send oxygen to the bloodstream and release carbon dioxide when he or she exhales.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
On the road again...
Nick and I had a pretty good anniversary date. His sisters kept Morgan for us and we had dinner and a movie. We saw The Proposal, which was utterly predictable, but a fun date night movie. I did initiate a conversation with him about DD. Did we accomplish anything? I don't know, maybe. We're going to try the journal thing like PK and her Nick do, so perhaps that will help. Anyway, we'll see.






