Thursday, March 31, 2005
Hot Wheels
Okay, this one is for Nick. He's a car guy. And Chip Foose is his car guy hero. And I just like anything labeled "Spank Rear."
An Apology to Librarygirl
I accidentally credited the Indiana Jones picture below as having come from Spanking Bethie , when it actually came from The Secret Life of Librarygirl. Sorry for the mix-up, and I've corrected it in the original post.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
A Very Nice Use for that Whip...
Okay, I confess - I had a serious crush on Harrison Ford in these movies. Of course I was about 8 at the time, but I still love the trilogy, and I'd be thrilled if he made another. And the women he costarred with sure did play characters in need of a good spanking! Thanks to librarygirl for posting it on her blog.
Apology Letter
This one Invidia did for Spanking Blog, and as far as naughty school girls go, this is one of my favorites.
Schoolgirl Role Play
Another lovely picture from Alan. She looks like she's having fun, doesn't she?
Deleted Link
I've removed the link to TexasPrincess on the right. Her post earlier regarding her various affairs with married men offends me. I'm not interested in starting a discussion on the immorality of extramarital activity, but suffice it to say that it has no place anywhere near my blog.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
The Sacrifice He Makes
A post on The Collar Purple tonight got me really thinking. Invidia shared a discipline experience that I'm sure made some people step back and say, "Whoa!" At the end she wrote:
"Please don't send along condolences, because I know I deserved to be seriously corrected and brought into line. I don't harbor any resentment or anger toward him at all. Some submissives can be brought back into the fold with an OTK hand spanking, but I'm not one of them."
She talked about the look on TheBoss's face and how it scared her, and that, I'm pretty sure, is what may give some folks pause, perhaps more than the severity of the whipping. But what's hard to understand from the outside looking in, and what Invidia expressed so well in her last paragraph, is that she needed to be brought to the point where she recognized and was afraid of the consequences of her actions, and even more, she needed TheBoss to carry that heavy role. (At least that's what I drew from it).
The first time Nick ever spanked me to the point that I was utterly desperate, I felt that same fear. But I needed the intensity of the spanking I got, and I wouldn't have cooperated if I hadn't felt that "Oh crap! This is going to happen with or without my cooperation!" panic. Afterwards, when I was feeling all floaty and peaceful, I realized just how draining it had been for him.
Spanking is not Nick's thing. And while he's beginning to enjoy giving the fun ones, he hates to punish me. And for the first few times that he had to give me a really hard whipping, he felt like a bit of a monster. He was raised to never hit a woman, and to despise the type of men who did, and all of a sudden he found that, technically he is a man who hits a woman. In my mind, there has never been an inkling of abuse in our relationship. But I know that sometimes, when he has me crying and squirming and begging under the paddle, he feels a prick of discomfort in his role.
It's a tremendous thing I ask of him in disciplining me. And far from it being abusive when he does spank, if he didn't spank me when I needed it, I would feel hurt, abandoned, and unimportant. He has brought me back from the brink at times when I'm definitely not "in the mood" for a spanking, and those times are when I need it most. I can't be the strong one when I'm veering out of control, and I need that iron fist to bring me back in line.
The fact that he is willing to act in a way that is not always an easy fit for him in order to give me something I need speaks tremendously of his love, and I'm grateful for it every day.
"Please don't send along condolences, because I know I deserved to be seriously corrected and brought into line. I don't harbor any resentment or anger toward him at all. Some submissives can be brought back into the fold with an OTK hand spanking, but I'm not one of them."
She talked about the look on TheBoss's face and how it scared her, and that, I'm pretty sure, is what may give some folks pause, perhaps more than the severity of the whipping. But what's hard to understand from the outside looking in, and what Invidia expressed so well in her last paragraph, is that she needed to be brought to the point where she recognized and was afraid of the consequences of her actions, and even more, she needed TheBoss to carry that heavy role. (At least that's what I drew from it).
The first time Nick ever spanked me to the point that I was utterly desperate, I felt that same fear. But I needed the intensity of the spanking I got, and I wouldn't have cooperated if I hadn't felt that "Oh crap! This is going to happen with or without my cooperation!" panic. Afterwards, when I was feeling all floaty and peaceful, I realized just how draining it had been for him.
Spanking is not Nick's thing. And while he's beginning to enjoy giving the fun ones, he hates to punish me. And for the first few times that he had to give me a really hard whipping, he felt like a bit of a monster. He was raised to never hit a woman, and to despise the type of men who did, and all of a sudden he found that, technically he is a man who hits a woman. In my mind, there has never been an inkling of abuse in our relationship. But I know that sometimes, when he has me crying and squirming and begging under the paddle, he feels a prick of discomfort in his role.
It's a tremendous thing I ask of him in disciplining me. And far from it being abusive when he does spank, if he didn't spank me when I needed it, I would feel hurt, abandoned, and unimportant. He has brought me back from the brink at times when I'm definitely not "in the mood" for a spanking, and those times are when I need it most. I can't be the strong one when I'm veering out of control, and I need that iron fist to bring me back in line.
The fact that he is willing to act in a way that is not always an easy fit for him in order to give me something I need speaks tremendously of his love, and I'm grateful for it every day.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Over A Barrel
This amazing piece is the latest from the ever talented Invidia, and I just had to post it here. I love the whole scenario - you just know she's looking back at some stern, outdoorsy type of guy, and that bottom looks like he's given her something to think about! Someday, when our ship comes in and we build our log cabin on 25 acres of lakefront property, there's definitely going to be a woodshed out back.
If you're not already a regular reader there, please go visit Invidia at The Collar Purple. She has tons of her artwork there. It was great quality to start with, and it gets better all the time!
If you're not already a regular reader there, please go visit Invidia at The Collar Purple. She has tons of her artwork there. It was great quality to start with, and it gets better all the time!
Spanking Flylady Style
I belong to Flylady.net. If you don't know what it is, you should follow the link on the right to find out. It has absolutely nothing to do with spankings, other than the fact that it helps me to not get more of them. It's a great organizational/housekeeping site, and one of the tools they use is a timer. One of the basic principles is doing any given task for 15 minutes, thus accomplishing a lot a little at a time without overwhelming yourself.
After my spanking earlier, I made the mistake of telling Nick about some husbands I know of who do timed spankings, as in set the timer for 5 minutes and see how many you can fit in. Well, he latched right on to that idea. I believe what he said was, "Hmm...if you can't do your 15 minutes of FlyLady, then you'll just do 15 minutes of spanking!"
Now I don't think he would really spank me for 15 minutes straight. Maybe 5. But not 15. Right, honey?
After my spanking earlier, I made the mistake of telling Nick about some husbands I know of who do timed spankings, as in set the timer for 5 minutes and see how many you can fit in. Well, he latched right on to that idea. I believe what he said was, "Hmm...if you can't do your 15 minutes of FlyLady, then you'll just do 15 minutes of spanking!"
Now I don't think he would really spank me for 15 minutes straight. Maybe 5. But not 15. Right, honey?
Conclusion
Well, it turns out my meeting was with Mr. Strap. About an hour ago Nick pulled it out of the drawer and motioned for me to follow him.
Usually I get spanked in the garage - mainly because it's the most private place we can get with a three year old in the house. Tonight she was already in bed, so that wasn't so much if an issue. But I usually get bent over the hood of my car, and right now we have someone else's car in that spot up on a jack. (Nick's doing some side work on it).
We went inside, and Nick led me to the livingroom. The problem there is that our daughter was asleep in our bedroom, which has a sort of window out over the livingroom, and I was afraid we would wake her. I'm not always the quietest person during a spanking.
I asked if we could please go to the den. The problem there was that last night our daughter was trying to open the blinds, and she accidentally broke the bracket holding the whole thing up. Our local Wal-mart was closed today for Easter, and we haven't had an opportunity to replace it. So, we turned out all the lights except in the aquarium, leaving just enough for him to see by.
He had me bend over the couch, and he sat beside me. To start, he gave me 50 licks over my jeans, then made me pull them down. I obeyed and bent back over, and the real spanking started. He gave me 100 solid licks, stopping occasionally to lecture and make sure I was getting the message. Finally, he pulled down my panties and gave me another 25 or so.
Nick says he doesn't really like the strap. He apparently thinks it's not very effective. On this he is sadly mistaken. It has all the qualities of the belt except for the lack of control. The steel rod down the center gives it tremendous accuracy, and the end of it bites like a viper. We got ours at our local Petsmart, but you can also get them at ErosBoutique (for about 5 times the price).
After it was over, he rubbed my bottom, occasionally teasing my secret places until I was saturated. He moved behind me, slipping inside and telling me how much he liked feeling my hot, freshly spanked bottom against him. We made love for a long time, and it made me incredibly hot to think about being in front of the window while we did so.
I've always been a bit of an exhibitionist when it comes to sex. Not that we've ever actually done it in front of anyone, but the chance of getting caught has always had a secret thrill for me. We've had sex in our backyard, our front yard (both at our old house), on our front porch (this house - subdivision neighborhood, late at night), in the lake, in a tree (just once), in someone else's Blazer at a party. I've given him head in various parking lots (Wal-mart's, a restaurant's, a movie theater's) and while he's driving down the road. If it wasn't all with my husband I'd consider myself a bit of a slut, WEG.
Anyway, a hard spanking followed by great sex has left me happy and relaxed, and I feel up to facing the new week. And this week, I really will do better on the house.
Usually I get spanked in the garage - mainly because it's the most private place we can get with a three year old in the house. Tonight she was already in bed, so that wasn't so much if an issue. But I usually get bent over the hood of my car, and right now we have someone else's car in that spot up on a jack. (Nick's doing some side work on it).
We went inside, and Nick led me to the livingroom. The problem there is that our daughter was asleep in our bedroom, which has a sort of window out over the livingroom, and I was afraid we would wake her. I'm not always the quietest person during a spanking.
I asked if we could please go to the den. The problem there was that last night our daughter was trying to open the blinds, and she accidentally broke the bracket holding the whole thing up. Our local Wal-mart was closed today for Easter, and we haven't had an opportunity to replace it. So, we turned out all the lights except in the aquarium, leaving just enough for him to see by.
He had me bend over the couch, and he sat beside me. To start, he gave me 50 licks over my jeans, then made me pull them down. I obeyed and bent back over, and the real spanking started. He gave me 100 solid licks, stopping occasionally to lecture and make sure I was getting the message. Finally, he pulled down my panties and gave me another 25 or so.
Nick says he doesn't really like the strap. He apparently thinks it's not very effective. On this he is sadly mistaken. It has all the qualities of the belt except for the lack of control. The steel rod down the center gives it tremendous accuracy, and the end of it bites like a viper. We got ours at our local Petsmart, but you can also get them at ErosBoutique (for about 5 times the price).
After it was over, he rubbed my bottom, occasionally teasing my secret places until I was saturated. He moved behind me, slipping inside and telling me how much he liked feeling my hot, freshly spanked bottom against him. We made love for a long time, and it made me incredibly hot to think about being in front of the window while we did so.
I've always been a bit of an exhibitionist when it comes to sex. Not that we've ever actually done it in front of anyone, but the chance of getting caught has always had a secret thrill for me. We've had sex in our backyard, our front yard (both at our old house), on our front porch (this house - subdivision neighborhood, late at night), in the lake, in a tree (just once), in someone else's Blazer at a party. I've given him head in various parking lots (Wal-mart's, a restaurant's, a movie theater's) and while he's driving down the road. If it wasn't all with my husband I'd consider myself a bit of a slut, WEG.
Anyway, a hard spanking followed by great sex has left me happy and relaxed, and I feel up to facing the new week. And this week, I really will do better on the house.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Hooray!
Well, my blog is officially 2 weeks old now. I began to have hopes a couple of days ago that I might log 5000 visitors by today, and I've had over 5700! Thanks for reading guys - I hope you're enjoying it here!
Anticipation...
Well, Nick announced last night that I have an appointment with Mr. Paddle. Or perhaps it will be Mr Crop. I guess it could even be Mr. Bathbrush or Mr Strap. The last is what I've decided to call our leather doggin bat, simply because "doggin bat" is too unusual and certainly doesn't slip off the tongue easily. Besides, a strap is exactly what it is. It just happens to have a steel rod running down the center.
Anyway, I digress. When I asked him what I'd done, he gave a rather evil laugh and said, "When are you going to learn? I't's not what you've done..."
"I know," I sighed. "It's what I haven't done." You could say there was a bit of backsliding with my housework efforts this week.
Sooo...I guess I'll spend all day making small talk with twice-a-year relatives while I try not to think about what's coming later.
I asked him if, since it is a holiday and all, maybe I could choose my own poison on this one. That, it seems, was pretty funny. Oh well... gotta go put some clothes in the dryer. I'm on my best behavior today.
Anyway, I digress. When I asked him what I'd done, he gave a rather evil laugh and said, "When are you going to learn? I't's not what you've done..."
"I know," I sighed. "It's what I haven't done." You could say there was a bit of backsliding with my housework efforts this week.
Sooo...I guess I'll spend all day making small talk with twice-a-year relatives while I try not to think about what's coming later.
I asked him if, since it is a holiday and all, maybe I could choose my own poison on this one. That, it seems, was pretty funny. Oh well... gotta go put some clothes in the dryer. I'm on my best behavior today.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Another lovely piece by Alan (scottybot)
This piece by Alan is my favorite of his. I love the vunerability of her position juxtaposed with the peace of her expression.
Very sad news...
A very dear friend and DD sister passed away Wednesday morning along with her unborn child. She was in a car accident on her way to one of her last few OB appointments. Please keep her husband Nathan and two remaining children in your prayers.
Friday, March 25, 2005
New Blogs...
I've found some great new blogs! Spanking-wise, I've come across Unwrapping the Layers , Her Woodshed Spanking Blog (associated with Bethany's Woodshed, I'll Beg , and A Stargazing Spirit . For off topic, but very fun and interesting, I've found and Pieces of Me . I've linked them all, so go visit!
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Boris Vallejo
The color and texture here are incredible, and the hands are amazing. This picture always seems to exude such tenderness.
Thank you!
I want to say a big thank you to all of the wonderful people who linked this blog on their sites, and of course all of the people who followed those links to get here! 
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Editing...
Okay, guys. I went back and added more line breaks in my previous posts, so hopefully that will make them easier to read. Thanks for slogging through them!
Sort of Sharing
I told a friend the other day that Nick spanks me.
Of course I didn't exactly point out that sometimes those spankings are not for fun. What really surprised me was how open minded she was about even play spanking. It's not a reaction I've gotten much before. Not that I go around shouting my kink from the rooftops, but there have been a few times when it almost came up in conversations with various people, and I managed to get a feel for their opinion on it without committing myself.
It seems kind of silly, because she does know that Nick is very much the man of the house, and now she knows that I'm okay with being spanked - does it seem like such a far leap to DD? If I'm being honest, I know that the answer is yes. This friend would be shocked, stunned, ready to call the police if she had any idea that sometimes, when I honestly need it, Nick pulls down my panties and spanks me with the intention of it being painful and unpleasant. And I think she'd have an even harder time wrapping her mind around the fact that this fills a very deep need within me.
Truthfully, I would love to be able to "come out" as a DD couple. DD has done a tremendous thing for our marriage, and it's hard to not talk about something that has been so wonderful. Unfortunately, the social climate is no longer (and will probably never be again) ripe for such openness. I completely understand the need for laws on spousal battering, and I also agree that in some true abuse situations, the abused has been "brainwashed" into believing it's her fault and that she deserves it. But that is most certainly not the case with us, and unfortunately, those laws could affect our marriage were our practice of DD known. Sadly, the law in many places leaves no consideration for consent.
When we first began to explore DD, I got into some pretty heated discussions over the issue of consent with various people who loved spanking, but had no use for DD. I had no problem with the fact that they didn't lead a DD lifestyle, and I still don't, because this obviously isn't for everyone. And I didn't think less of people who felt like spanking was just a sexy addition to their love life. But I did get frustrated when they tried to frame my relationship with their definitions. I was told in so many words that Nick was abusive if he spanked when I needed it as opposed to just when I wanted it, and without getting my explicit verbal consent each and every time. I went back tonight and found some of those old threads, and although it's been a year, my opinions really haven't changed. A slightly edited version of what I wrote follows in part:
I feel that with discipline spankings, consent was given at the time we established DD as a practice. I do have a safeword, but I have never used it, and only would in a situation where something outside the spanking was an issue (if for instance I hit my head in being turned over his knee).
I would never have entered into an agreement of DD if I didn't feel that I could completely trust my husband to never injure me. I may have bruises or even welts on my bottom when a spanking is done, but even these are within the realm of what I am comfortable subjecting myself to for the purpose of correction. I have an uncommonly high threshold for pain, so if it doesn't reach the point of leaving marks, it's usually not very effective.
Still, even the hardest discipline spankings are much less intense than some I've had for play. I do worry about what someone who doesn't understand our relationship might say were they ever to see my bruised bottom, and when we began DD in earnest, I did something similar to Patty (of A Creative Spanked Wife). I drew up and signed sort of an affidavit stating that I had consented to receiving corporal punishment from my husband, so that in the event I should have to be hospitalized (not from a spanking) or some other situation that might expose my bare bottom to someone other than my husband, he would not have to worry about facing any sort of criminal charges. I didn't have it signed and witnessed and officially drawn up by a lawyer, but I wanted to have at least something on hand to safeguard him against that sort of danger.
I agree with something said (on some of the earlier posts in that thread) about there also being a lot of emotional risk for the spanker. After my first hard erotic spanking from my husband (then my boyfriend), he couldn't get past the bruises it left. He very nearly ruined the whole experience in retrospect with all of his apologies, and he said once that he could never forgive himself if he ever injured me (I don't consider bruises or welts to be injuries). Even in our most serious discipline sessions there is always consent, because I know that he would never go past my boundaries.
It's amazing how safe I feel with Nick, safer even than before we began DD, because our communication is better now. Rereading those old threads made me realize again just how blessed I am to have both him and the understanding we share.
Of course I didn't exactly point out that sometimes those spankings are not for fun. What really surprised me was how open minded she was about even play spanking. It's not a reaction I've gotten much before. Not that I go around shouting my kink from the rooftops, but there have been a few times when it almost came up in conversations with various people, and I managed to get a feel for their opinion on it without committing myself.
It seems kind of silly, because she does know that Nick is very much the man of the house, and now she knows that I'm okay with being spanked - does it seem like such a far leap to DD? If I'm being honest, I know that the answer is yes. This friend would be shocked, stunned, ready to call the police if she had any idea that sometimes, when I honestly need it, Nick pulls down my panties and spanks me with the intention of it being painful and unpleasant. And I think she'd have an even harder time wrapping her mind around the fact that this fills a very deep need within me.
Truthfully, I would love to be able to "come out" as a DD couple. DD has done a tremendous thing for our marriage, and it's hard to not talk about something that has been so wonderful. Unfortunately, the social climate is no longer (and will probably never be again) ripe for such openness. I completely understand the need for laws on spousal battering, and I also agree that in some true abuse situations, the abused has been "brainwashed" into believing it's her fault and that she deserves it. But that is most certainly not the case with us, and unfortunately, those laws could affect our marriage were our practice of DD known. Sadly, the law in many places leaves no consideration for consent.
When we first began to explore DD, I got into some pretty heated discussions over the issue of consent with various people who loved spanking, but had no use for DD. I had no problem with the fact that they didn't lead a DD lifestyle, and I still don't, because this obviously isn't for everyone. And I didn't think less of people who felt like spanking was just a sexy addition to their love life. But I did get frustrated when they tried to frame my relationship with their definitions. I was told in so many words that Nick was abusive if he spanked when I needed it as opposed to just when I wanted it, and without getting my explicit verbal consent each and every time. I went back tonight and found some of those old threads, and although it's been a year, my opinions really haven't changed. A slightly edited version of what I wrote follows in part:
I feel that with discipline spankings, consent was given at the time we established DD as a practice. I do have a safeword, but I have never used it, and only would in a situation where something outside the spanking was an issue (if for instance I hit my head in being turned over his knee).
I would never have entered into an agreement of DD if I didn't feel that I could completely trust my husband to never injure me. I may have bruises or even welts on my bottom when a spanking is done, but even these are within the realm of what I am comfortable subjecting myself to for the purpose of correction. I have an uncommonly high threshold for pain, so if it doesn't reach the point of leaving marks, it's usually not very effective.
Still, even the hardest discipline spankings are much less intense than some I've had for play. I do worry about what someone who doesn't understand our relationship might say were they ever to see my bruised bottom, and when we began DD in earnest, I did something similar to Patty (of A Creative Spanked Wife). I drew up and signed sort of an affidavit stating that I had consented to receiving corporal punishment from my husband, so that in the event I should have to be hospitalized (not from a spanking) or some other situation that might expose my bare bottom to someone other than my husband, he would not have to worry about facing any sort of criminal charges. I didn't have it signed and witnessed and officially drawn up by a lawyer, but I wanted to have at least something on hand to safeguard him against that sort of danger.
I agree with something said (on some of the earlier posts in that thread) about there also being a lot of emotional risk for the spanker. After my first hard erotic spanking from my husband (then my boyfriend), he couldn't get past the bruises it left. He very nearly ruined the whole experience in retrospect with all of his apologies, and he said once that he could never forgive himself if he ever injured me (I don't consider bruises or welts to be injuries). Even in our most serious discipline sessions there is always consent, because I know that he would never go past my boundaries.
It's amazing how safe I feel with Nick, safer even than before we began DD, because our communication is better now. Rereading those old threads made me realize again just how blessed I am to have both him and the understanding we share.
My poor Nick is sick right now. He spent all day trying to work in between trips to the bathroom to lose the little lunch he was able to get down in the first place. I stopped for crackers, soup, Gatorade, and Pepto on the way home, but he was sleeping soundly when I came in. I hope he'll feel better when he wakes up. I hate it when he's sick.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Yaaaay!
Hooray! I've had over 1500 visitors! I know, not so many compared to A Creative Spanked Wife, or Spanking Blog, or The Collar Purple, or La Fessee. But I'm excited, and I hope you guys keep reading!
Monday, March 21, 2005
I found the BEST Easter eggs at Wal-mart! These come in an 8 pack (2 of each) for $1.84. I'm thinking about going back for more. Just think what a fun "private" egg hunt you could have with these! Each egg could contain slips of paper with very naughty prizes, and just to be fair, there would have to be at least one "Get out of spanking free" prize - to be retained and used at some opportune time in the future, of course. WEG. Happy Hunting!
Sunday, March 20, 2005
On the Other Shore
Well, I didn't delete it. And I'm sitting on a nice soft pillow right now.
Nick read my last post, and didn't say much at the time, but he definitely paid attention to it. Other than my episode of raging insecurity early Thursday morning, there were also a few other things that needed to be dealt with. The one thing he asked me to get done this past week was cleaning out the refrigerator.
I hate cleaning out the refrigerator, not because there's such disgusting stuff in there (it's really not so bad), but just because it's such an involved ordeal. I have to get rid of all of the expired food, set aside all of the good food, then basically disassemble the whole interior. My problem is that when I clean I really do make an effort to do a thorough job. Thoroughness was not my problem pre-DD. Getting started in the first place was. So anyway, cleaning the refrigerator for me involves removing all of the glass shelves and balancing them precariously in the bathtub (won't fit in the sink) while I scrub them down, then trying to maneuver the crisper drawers free for the same treatment.
There were a couple of reasons I didn't get this accomplished as asked. One reason is because we don't have garbage pick up service. This usually isn't a problem, as Nick hauls everything off in his truck. But since we're currently down to one vehicle, some days last week I had the truck while he got a ride from a coworker, some days he had the truck and I got a ride. If I have the truck, because of our babysitting situation I don't have time to run by the dump before work, and I didn't want to leave a bag of refrigerator rejects sitting in our garage for longer than overnight. Okay, I could've managed to work it out somehow, but it seemed like a buyable excuse at the time.
The other thing that he felt needed to be addressed was my cup situation. Our computer is upstairs in our bedroom, and I have a tendency to sit in front of it with a big tumbler of sweet tea, diet coke, etc. That would be fine if I could remember to bring the cups downstairs when I'm done with them. The last time we did a major bedroom cleaning, this issue was specifically discussed (and dealt with). A few days ago I noticed a few cups sitting around, and I decided to haul them all downstairs. When I'd gathered them all, I counted (this is really shameful) 17! Now a few of those belonged to our daughter (who is 3 and can be forgiven such carelessness), but most of them were mine. I felt guilty enough to confess the next day, but I thought he had forgotten about it.
The spanking actually took me a bit by surprise, for timing reasons alone. When Nick putters around in the garage, I like to keep him company. We were out there talking, when he suddenly got a gleam in his eye, took my hand and pulled me to my feet. He communicated in so many words that he wouldn't be adverse to a sexual interlude in his truck, and I was instantly on board with that. We have sex in our garage more often than we do in our bed. With a three year old in the house, you take your opportunities where you see them. The front seat of his truck turned out to be less than ideal roomwise. On previous occasions, the back seat had proved quite spacious, but the carseat was there now, and since we were already naked in the front seat, I decided to give him some it's-been-too-long head. That went well, so when he suggested we continue things upstairs, I was more than willing.
The surprise came when he grabbed the riding crop on the way in. Now since we were in such a, uh, loving mood, I thought he just wanted to indulge me in a nice playful GG spanking, so I went along with it. When we got upstairs, he had me undress again and lay on the bed facedown. I cooperated, only to be rather shocked when the first stroke fell. He spanked me for what seemed like forever, asking me to explain why I didn't do the one thing he asked me to, why I felt like it was a good idea to wake him up at 3 AM and hurl accusations, why, for Pete's sake, I let there get to be 17 cups in our bedroom. As I mentioned before, I hate having to explain myself while I'm getting my bottom beaten, but I definitely knew why I was there. Finally, he announced the last 25, with the promise that if I moved "even one little bit" he would double it. I stayed in place, and it was over.
He remarked on what a nice shade of red my bottom was, and asked me if I was ready to move on to some fun stuff. How can you not say yes to that? So I did say yes, but the truth was, I was still thinking about how much I had hurt him on Thursday, and it still felt unresolved to me. He began touching me in wonderful ways, but he could tell that my head wasn't completely in the moment, so he stopped and asked me what was wrong. Before I could think about it too much, I blurted out, "I think I need another spanking!"
He looked at me for a minute, then said, "Okay," and got back up. But what he reached for was not the riding crop. It was the small bathbrush. Now that sounds innocuous enough, but this bathbrush seems to have special powers.
I got it at Wal-mart back around Christmas as part of a bath set that cost all of $2.88. And like a fool, after Christmas I bought 2 more sets on clearance for something like 72 cents apiece. The brush isn't very big, maybe 8 inches long, and the head is curved. I don't know what kind of wood it's made from, but I'm convinced that you couldn't break it with a sledgehammer. And it is not possible to have fun with this thing (at least not on the receiving end).
When he got it down, he actually hid it behind his back to keep me from panicking - this is how afraid of it I am - but I saw it anyway. I immediately began to regret asking for more, and I sort of started trying to talk him out of it. He wrestled me back into position and said, "No! You are not going to try to tell me how to do this!" He spanked me hard enough to take my breath away, and three seconds into it I was kicking and howling. The spanking went on for maybe a minute and a half, and all I could think about was getting away from the bathbrush. Finally he told me I was getting 10 more, and, the end in sight, I made myself hold still.
After it was done, he held me and traced the welts on my bottom, and I felt both relieved and forgiven. After a few minutes of just clinging to him while I absorbed the punishment and adjusted to the idea that it was really over and done with, I began to crave him intimately, and I asked him if we could try the fun stuff again. He brought me to orgasm with his hands, then lifted my hips and made love to me from behind.
There's something incredibly sensual about feeling his stomach against my punished bottom. It's like he's telling me that he still loves me and wants me, even though I did something harmful and needed to be disciplined. The marks on my bottom were in full bloom before we finished making love, and I'll carry them for a few days. I could probably speed the healing process with Arnica, but I won't. Seeing them makes me feel safe.
Nick read my last post, and didn't say much at the time, but he definitely paid attention to it. Other than my episode of raging insecurity early Thursday morning, there were also a few other things that needed to be dealt with. The one thing he asked me to get done this past week was cleaning out the refrigerator.
I hate cleaning out the refrigerator, not because there's such disgusting stuff in there (it's really not so bad), but just because it's such an involved ordeal. I have to get rid of all of the expired food, set aside all of the good food, then basically disassemble the whole interior. My problem is that when I clean I really do make an effort to do a thorough job. Thoroughness was not my problem pre-DD. Getting started in the first place was. So anyway, cleaning the refrigerator for me involves removing all of the glass shelves and balancing them precariously in the bathtub (won't fit in the sink) while I scrub them down, then trying to maneuver the crisper drawers free for the same treatment.
There were a couple of reasons I didn't get this accomplished as asked. One reason is because we don't have garbage pick up service. This usually isn't a problem, as Nick hauls everything off in his truck. But since we're currently down to one vehicle, some days last week I had the truck while he got a ride from a coworker, some days he had the truck and I got a ride. If I have the truck, because of our babysitting situation I don't have time to run by the dump before work, and I didn't want to leave a bag of refrigerator rejects sitting in our garage for longer than overnight. Okay, I could've managed to work it out somehow, but it seemed like a buyable excuse at the time.
The other thing that he felt needed to be addressed was my cup situation. Our computer is upstairs in our bedroom, and I have a tendency to sit in front of it with a big tumbler of sweet tea, diet coke, etc. That would be fine if I could remember to bring the cups downstairs when I'm done with them. The last time we did a major bedroom cleaning, this issue was specifically discussed (and dealt with). A few days ago I noticed a few cups sitting around, and I decided to haul them all downstairs. When I'd gathered them all, I counted (this is really shameful) 17! Now a few of those belonged to our daughter (who is 3 and can be forgiven such carelessness), but most of them were mine. I felt guilty enough to confess the next day, but I thought he had forgotten about it.
The spanking actually took me a bit by surprise, for timing reasons alone. When Nick putters around in the garage, I like to keep him company. We were out there talking, when he suddenly got a gleam in his eye, took my hand and pulled me to my feet. He communicated in so many words that he wouldn't be adverse to a sexual interlude in his truck, and I was instantly on board with that. We have sex in our garage more often than we do in our bed. With a three year old in the house, you take your opportunities where you see them. The front seat of his truck turned out to be less than ideal roomwise. On previous occasions, the back seat had proved quite spacious, but the carseat was there now, and since we were already naked in the front seat, I decided to give him some it's-been-too-long head. That went well, so when he suggested we continue things upstairs, I was more than willing.
The surprise came when he grabbed the riding crop on the way in. Now since we were in such a, uh, loving mood, I thought he just wanted to indulge me in a nice playful GG spanking, so I went along with it. When we got upstairs, he had me undress again and lay on the bed facedown. I cooperated, only to be rather shocked when the first stroke fell. He spanked me for what seemed like forever, asking me to explain why I didn't do the one thing he asked me to, why I felt like it was a good idea to wake him up at 3 AM and hurl accusations, why, for Pete's sake, I let there get to be 17 cups in our bedroom. As I mentioned before, I hate having to explain myself while I'm getting my bottom beaten, but I definitely knew why I was there. Finally, he announced the last 25, with the promise that if I moved "even one little bit" he would double it. I stayed in place, and it was over.
He remarked on what a nice shade of red my bottom was, and asked me if I was ready to move on to some fun stuff. How can you not say yes to that? So I did say yes, but the truth was, I was still thinking about how much I had hurt him on Thursday, and it still felt unresolved to me. He began touching me in wonderful ways, but he could tell that my head wasn't completely in the moment, so he stopped and asked me what was wrong. Before I could think about it too much, I blurted out, "I think I need another spanking!"
He looked at me for a minute, then said, "Okay," and got back up. But what he reached for was not the riding crop. It was the small bathbrush. Now that sounds innocuous enough, but this bathbrush seems to have special powers.
I got it at Wal-mart back around Christmas as part of a bath set that cost all of $2.88. And like a fool, after Christmas I bought 2 more sets on clearance for something like 72 cents apiece. The brush isn't very big, maybe 8 inches long, and the head is curved. I don't know what kind of wood it's made from, but I'm convinced that you couldn't break it with a sledgehammer. And it is not possible to have fun with this thing (at least not on the receiving end).
When he got it down, he actually hid it behind his back to keep me from panicking - this is how afraid of it I am - but I saw it anyway. I immediately began to regret asking for more, and I sort of started trying to talk him out of it. He wrestled me back into position and said, "No! You are not going to try to tell me how to do this!" He spanked me hard enough to take my breath away, and three seconds into it I was kicking and howling. The spanking went on for maybe a minute and a half, and all I could think about was getting away from the bathbrush. Finally he told me I was getting 10 more, and, the end in sight, I made myself hold still.
After it was done, he held me and traced the welts on my bottom, and I felt both relieved and forgiven. After a few minutes of just clinging to him while I absorbed the punishment and adjusted to the idea that it was really over and done with, I began to crave him intimately, and I asked him if we could try the fun stuff again. He brought me to orgasm with his hands, then lifted my hips and made love to me from behind.
There's something incredibly sensual about feeling his stomach against my punished bottom. It's like he's telling me that he still loves me and wants me, even though I did something harmful and needed to be disciplined. The marks on my bottom were in full bloom before we finished making love, and I'll carry them for a few days. I could probably speed the healing process with Arnica, but I won't. Seeing them makes me feel safe.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Crossing the Rubicon
Well, Nick read my blog the other night. I was pretty nervous about what he would think, but he really seemed to like it. I asked him what he thought about the "My Brain Needs a Pop Up Blocker" post, and he turned over and gave me a few meaningful pats on the bottom. I said, "What's that supposed to mean?" and he said, "What do you think?" So...I guess I'm getting that spanking. I have to admit that I feel like it should happen.
If I get by with something like leaving the kitchen a mess, the result is usually a lazier attitude on my part. But if I get by with something like hurting someone (especially him), I feel crappy about myself as a person, and it's hard for me to get past that. I'm already sorry by the time spanking comes up, but I need the punishment to reset my heart and make me able to forgive myself.
Perhaps the hardest spanking I ever got was over a week long bad attitude crusade, and it ended up being the most cathartic for me. Nick had been ever patient with my alternating ranting and moping, until I got to the point where I couldn't stand to be around myself. I knew I needed a spanking, and I finally worked up the courage to write him a letter asking for one. He wasn't able to get to it for a few days, but that Saturday morning, he announced that we had something to take care of.
By that time my guilt had faded a bit, and I came down with what a fellow DD wife calls spanking-schitzo (thanks, Jayda). I insisted that I didn't need the spanking after all, that my attitude had improved all by itself, and that I just didn't think he should do it. He responded by getting the horrible, evil fish paddle and ordering me to bend over the couch. By that point I decided that it would just be best to bend over and get it done with so I could get on with the rest of my day.
I knelt in the floor and laid my upper body on the seat of the couch, and Nick sat beside me on the couch and leaned his upper body over mine to hold me down. At that point I almost jumped right up, because he only holds me down if it's going to HURT. Well, it certainly did hurt. He started hard and he kept going that way. I kicked, I wiggled, I cursed, I forced myself out of his grip and onto the floor. He stopped long enough to put me back into position, and he started spanking me even harder. I started crying and begging and getting out of position again. Every time, he put me back and spanked harder. Finally, he said, "Tracy, if you move one more time, I'm going to pull your panties down and start over." Now that's a threat he's made good on many times, and I thought I would die if he spanked me that hard on my bare bottom, so I bent over again and made myself stay, sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. That lasted for a good minute or so before I just jerked back and sat on the floor, not because I was being defiant, just because my butt decided it wasn't taking one more second of this. I clung to his knee, crying and telling him how sorry I was and begging him not to spank me anymore. He looked at me like he wanted nothing more than to scoop me into his arms and hold me, but he said, "You only had three more to go. Now I'm going to have to start over." Begging went into overdrive. "Please don't! I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! I promise I've learned my lesson! Please don't start over!" He said, "Do you think you can hold still for three more?" I promised with every fiber of my being, and bent over for the last three. They were the hardest of all, and when they were over, I collapsed on the floor and sobbed. He let me cry for a few minutes, then he held me and made sure I was okay.
As he held me, I realized that he had done exactly what I needed, and I felt tremendous relief, not just that it was over, but that he had stayed strong through such a difficult experience. It was hard for him to listen to me cry and beg, but I needed that reassurance of knowing that he had the courage to give me what I needed, even as I fought it with all my will.
When our little girl was a baby, I hated taking her for her immunizations. It hurt her, and that hurt me. But it would have hurt us both more if I hadn't taken her, and she had gotten sick because she hadn't had the medicine she needed. By spanking me so hard and so long, until my rebellion was broken and I had come through to submissiveness, Nick kept me from getting to a point that would've been even harder to return from.
After he spanked me, I felt light and utterly safe, and my attitude was angelic for a very long time. I had a difficult time finding words to express how grateful I was once it was done, and how very loved I felt.
Do I want another spanking like that? Of course not, but I may need one. I can recognize that my insecurity is an insidious flaw, and this is far from the first time it has surfaced. I know I need him to be strong for me where I can't be, and I know that if he reads this before I get spanked, he will be. Whether I can help that along by pointing him here before then is something I will have to work on. I find loads of courage when I'm writing these things down and I can either hit publish or delete, either hand him the letter or tear it up. It's when it comes time to cross the Rubicon that I start to freak out a little. Okay...I'm going to post this now.
Really.
Right now.
And I won't delete it.
Eeep!
If I get by with something like leaving the kitchen a mess, the result is usually a lazier attitude on my part. But if I get by with something like hurting someone (especially him), I feel crappy about myself as a person, and it's hard for me to get past that. I'm already sorry by the time spanking comes up, but I need the punishment to reset my heart and make me able to forgive myself.
Perhaps the hardest spanking I ever got was over a week long bad attitude crusade, and it ended up being the most cathartic for me. Nick had been ever patient with my alternating ranting and moping, until I got to the point where I couldn't stand to be around myself. I knew I needed a spanking, and I finally worked up the courage to write him a letter asking for one. He wasn't able to get to it for a few days, but that Saturday morning, he announced that we had something to take care of.
By that time my guilt had faded a bit, and I came down with what a fellow DD wife calls spanking-schitzo (thanks, Jayda). I insisted that I didn't need the spanking after all, that my attitude had improved all by itself, and that I just didn't think he should do it. He responded by getting the horrible, evil fish paddle and ordering me to bend over the couch. By that point I decided that it would just be best to bend over and get it done with so I could get on with the rest of my day.
I knelt in the floor and laid my upper body on the seat of the couch, and Nick sat beside me on the couch and leaned his upper body over mine to hold me down. At that point I almost jumped right up, because he only holds me down if it's going to HURT. Well, it certainly did hurt. He started hard and he kept going that way. I kicked, I wiggled, I cursed, I forced myself out of his grip and onto the floor. He stopped long enough to put me back into position, and he started spanking me even harder. I started crying and begging and getting out of position again. Every time, he put me back and spanked harder. Finally, he said, "Tracy, if you move one more time, I'm going to pull your panties down and start over." Now that's a threat he's made good on many times, and I thought I would die if he spanked me that hard on my bare bottom, so I bent over again and made myself stay, sobbing uncontrollably the whole time. That lasted for a good minute or so before I just jerked back and sat on the floor, not because I was being defiant, just because my butt decided it wasn't taking one more second of this. I clung to his knee, crying and telling him how sorry I was and begging him not to spank me anymore. He looked at me like he wanted nothing more than to scoop me into his arms and hold me, but he said, "You only had three more to go. Now I'm going to have to start over." Begging went into overdrive. "Please don't! I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! I promise I've learned my lesson! Please don't start over!" He said, "Do you think you can hold still for three more?" I promised with every fiber of my being, and bent over for the last three. They were the hardest of all, and when they were over, I collapsed on the floor and sobbed. He let me cry for a few minutes, then he held me and made sure I was okay.
As he held me, I realized that he had done exactly what I needed, and I felt tremendous relief, not just that it was over, but that he had stayed strong through such a difficult experience. It was hard for him to listen to me cry and beg, but I needed that reassurance of knowing that he had the courage to give me what I needed, even as I fought it with all my will.
When our little girl was a baby, I hated taking her for her immunizations. It hurt her, and that hurt me. But it would have hurt us both more if I hadn't taken her, and she had gotten sick because she hadn't had the medicine she needed. By spanking me so hard and so long, until my rebellion was broken and I had come through to submissiveness, Nick kept me from getting to a point that would've been even harder to return from.
After he spanked me, I felt light and utterly safe, and my attitude was angelic for a very long time. I had a difficult time finding words to express how grateful I was once it was done, and how very loved I felt.
Do I want another spanking like that? Of course not, but I may need one. I can recognize that my insecurity is an insidious flaw, and this is far from the first time it has surfaced. I know I need him to be strong for me where I can't be, and I know that if he reads this before I get spanked, he will be. Whether I can help that along by pointing him here before then is something I will have to work on. I find loads of courage when I'm writing these things down and I can either hit publish or delete, either hand him the letter or tear it up. It's when it comes time to cross the Rubicon that I start to freak out a little. Okay...I'm going to post this now.
Really.
Right now.
And I won't delete it.
Eeep!
Friday, March 18, 2005
A Rant...
What is it with people?!!! As I mentioned previously, my car is a huge pile of poop and is not running right now. Nick is a mechanic at a new car dealership, and he can fix it if it can be fixed at all. It's just finding the opportunity to do so. We got it running long enough to drive it down to his work the other day (better tools and equipment there), and he's been working on it when he has a free moment. He called me yesterday to tell me that when he pulled it into the shop to look at it, he found half the dashboard laying in the seat and my CD player missing.
Somebody tell me why, out of all of the new cars and trade-ins in better shape than mine on the whole freakin car lot, someone broke into my foreign turd and stole my cheap (but only) radio! It's not so much the loss of property that burns me, but the sense of violation. The CD player was a display model we picked up for $40 about 4 years ago, and the dealership may buy us a new one anyway since it happened on their property, but I'd sure like to know who took it.
So if anyone spots a car boasting a much used JVC AM/FM CD player with a faceplate that no longer lights up, please tell them what a crappy person they are. And don't forget to mention that the CD player they stole was worth a fraction of the speakerbox in the back that they didn't bother to take!
Somebody tell me why, out of all of the new cars and trade-ins in better shape than mine on the whole freakin car lot, someone broke into my foreign turd and stole my cheap (but only) radio! It's not so much the loss of property that burns me, but the sense of violation. The CD player was a display model we picked up for $40 about 4 years ago, and the dealership may buy us a new one anyway since it happened on their property, but I'd sure like to know who took it.
So if anyone spots a car boasting a much used JVC AM/FM CD player with a faceplate that no longer lights up, please tell them what a crappy person they are. And don't forget to mention that the CD player they stole was worth a fraction of the speakerbox in the back that they didn't bother to take!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
My Brain Needs a Popup Blocker
Um, I need a spanking. Probably a pretty hard one.
Nick works days, and I work nights, so we don't get to see each other very much other than the weekends. I came home last night wondering if he'd had a chance to check out this blog, and I didn't want to wake him, so I went to his side of the computer to check the history. Now, to be fair, I wasn't just over there snooping. I had a legitimate reason for looking (it seemed so reasonable at the time). I didn't find my blog, but I did find a personals site he'd been on. Now anyone who's spent anytime without an amazing popup blocker knows that you can get bombarded by these things through no fault of your own, so I wasn't too concerned - until I saw that it was filled with women seeking men - in our city! For better or worse, I've never been able to just sit and let things grow in my mind if I can just put it to rest, so at three o'clock in the morning, I woke my soundly sleeping husband and demanded to know why there were women seeking men all over his history.
This was not met well. After a bleary "I don't know," followed by my insistence that he must, he said, "We are not going to talk about this at three o'clock in the damn morning!" I immediately went downstairs to have a good cry about being yelled at for something that was (intense sarcasm here) so clearly his fault, until I began to feel stupid and realize just how ridiculous the notion was that my faithful, honest husband was seeking forbidden love online. Nick has always been the type of person who can't sit through movies like "Unfaithful " and "The Bridges of Madison County", and he really felt like Michael Douglas could have gotten worse in "Fatal Attraction." Never in 7 years together has he ever given me reason to doubt his fidelity, but the truth is, there's an insecurity monster lurking inside me who occasionally still insists that I do not deserve this man and should not be surprised if he leaves. If ever Nick was going to leave me, it would've been when I was a spoiled brat of a newlywed, or just before we began DD, when I was pretty hard to enjoy spending time with, or even when I introduced the idea of DD and asked him to embark on a whole new lifestyle of my choosing. But he didn't. He's stayed with me through it all, skinny and fat, sweet and bitchy, self assured and insecure.
I decided to go up to bed, as I had to get up early to take him to work. (My car has a terminal case of being a pile of crap, so we're both using his right now). Before I turned out the lights, I decided to check out the other blogs I usually visit - on my side of the computer. One of them had a link to a page I had also seen on Nick's history, so I clicked on it, and alongside of the intended page...........and up popped the personals site - already showing women seeking men in our city! I already felt bad about waking him up, but now I felt positively ashamed. The site was targeting the city of our IP address.
Now you wouldn't believe some of the entire conversations we have on the weekends when he's trying to stay up late with me, and I'm trying to be interesting enough to keep him awake. We can make jokes, plans, even major decisions, all with him having no recollection whatsoever the next morning. The man can converse intelligently while asleep. Keeping that in mind, I began to hope that he wouldn't even remember the whole ridiculous incident when he woke up. That, unfortunately, was not to be.
He forgot that I needed the truck today, and I overslept and only woke when I heard him resetting the alarm as he was about to walk out the door. I yelled down that I needed to drive him, and he told me to hurry. When I got downstairs, I could tell that he was mad. I apologized, then asked if I could explain exactly what had caused me such alarm. He said,"I've figured exactly what you saw. I followed a link on (the guilty blog) and that came up!" I told him that I knew and that I'd had no excuse and that it wasn't about trusting him, but rather about believing in myself. He softened considerably, but when I asked him during the drive if he was going to ground or otherwise punish me, he said that he didn't know yet.
The thing is, I know I really hurt him (although I didn't mean to), and when he's hurt, he doesn't want to spank, he wants to withdraw. I wish he could get to the point where he could work his hurt out on my bottom rather than internalizing it. So will I get a spanking? I guess maybe that depends on whether or not he reads this.
Nick works days, and I work nights, so we don't get to see each other very much other than the weekends. I came home last night wondering if he'd had a chance to check out this blog, and I didn't want to wake him, so I went to his side of the computer to check the history. Now, to be fair, I wasn't just over there snooping. I had a legitimate reason for looking (it seemed so reasonable at the time). I didn't find my blog, but I did find a personals site he'd been on. Now anyone who's spent anytime without an amazing popup blocker knows that you can get bombarded by these things through no fault of your own, so I wasn't too concerned - until I saw that it was filled with women seeking men - in our city! For better or worse, I've never been able to just sit and let things grow in my mind if I can just put it to rest, so at three o'clock in the morning, I woke my soundly sleeping husband and demanded to know why there were women seeking men all over his history.
This was not met well. After a bleary "I don't know," followed by my insistence that he must, he said, "We are not going to talk about this at three o'clock in the damn morning!" I immediately went downstairs to have a good cry about being yelled at for something that was (intense sarcasm here) so clearly his fault, until I began to feel stupid and realize just how ridiculous the notion was that my faithful, honest husband was seeking forbidden love online. Nick has always been the type of person who can't sit through movies like "Unfaithful " and "The Bridges of Madison County", and he really felt like Michael Douglas could have gotten worse in "Fatal Attraction." Never in 7 years together has he ever given me reason to doubt his fidelity, but the truth is, there's an insecurity monster lurking inside me who occasionally still insists that I do not deserve this man and should not be surprised if he leaves. If ever Nick was going to leave me, it would've been when I was a spoiled brat of a newlywed, or just before we began DD, when I was pretty hard to enjoy spending time with, or even when I introduced the idea of DD and asked him to embark on a whole new lifestyle of my choosing. But he didn't. He's stayed with me through it all, skinny and fat, sweet and bitchy, self assured and insecure.
I decided to go up to bed, as I had to get up early to take him to work. (My car has a terminal case of being a pile of crap, so we're both using his right now). Before I turned out the lights, I decided to check out the other blogs I usually visit - on my side of the computer. One of them had a link to a page I had also seen on Nick's history, so I clicked on it, and alongside of the intended page...........and up popped the personals site - already showing women seeking men in our city! I already felt bad about waking him up, but now I felt positively ashamed. The site was targeting the city of our IP address.
Now you wouldn't believe some of the entire conversations we have on the weekends when he's trying to stay up late with me, and I'm trying to be interesting enough to keep him awake. We can make jokes, plans, even major decisions, all with him having no recollection whatsoever the next morning. The man can converse intelligently while asleep. Keeping that in mind, I began to hope that he wouldn't even remember the whole ridiculous incident when he woke up. That, unfortunately, was not to be.
He forgot that I needed the truck today, and I overslept and only woke when I heard him resetting the alarm as he was about to walk out the door. I yelled down that I needed to drive him, and he told me to hurry. When I got downstairs, I could tell that he was mad. I apologized, then asked if I could explain exactly what had caused me such alarm. He said,"I've figured exactly what you saw. I followed a link on (the guilty blog) and that came up!" I told him that I knew and that I'd had no excuse and that it wasn't about trusting him, but rather about believing in myself. He softened considerably, but when I asked him during the drive if he was going to ground or otherwise punish me, he said that he didn't know yet.
The thing is, I know I really hurt him (although I didn't mean to), and when he's hurt, he doesn't want to spank, he wants to withdraw. I wish he could get to the point where he could work his hurt out on my bottom rather than internalizing it. So will I get a spanking? I guess maybe that depends on whether or not he reads this.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Creativity and Other Stuff
On the DD forum I consider home, I was reading an old thread on corner time. This is something we've never tried, but I have to admit, the idea intrigues me. In a play situation, I could see it as very erotic, but it's the idea of using it in punishment that fascinates me. I think it would outrage me at first, but it would definitely get my head where it needed to be.
The most effective punishments for me are when Nick gets a bit creative with them. Making me count, making me bare myself, making me tell him why I'm getting spanked - all of those things take me from the mindset of just "getting through it" and put me squarely in a very submissive and accepting place. Most of the time, the hardest part for me mentally is just bending over. If my panties do come down, he usually takes them down himself, so getting myself into position is the the only "action" I have to take in getting the punishment. When he makes me continue to actively participate, it takes away my ability to concentrate on getting to the end of it and makes me think about what I did to get there in the first place.
He once broke a spanking down swat by swat. He would give me a very hard swat, then say, "Are you ever going to ____again?" Then he would give me another hard swat and ask, "And are you ever going to____ again?" I was in tears long before the spanking was over, something that rarely happens. I think that it helped so much because it let me know how invested he was in making sure the lesson was learned and the problem fixed.
When we first started DD, Nick spanked me because it was what he was "supposed to do" according to the "rules" of DD. We were both finding our way, and it seemed sensible to have a list of rules to go by. Those spankings helped me a lot in establishing new habits, but after a while, it started to feel like we were just going through a routine, and we both felt it. At that point, Nick asked me if I felt like what we were doing was effective, and he started to take a more proactive role in deciding when I needed discipline. We basically threw out the list of rules, and he started spanking me only for the things that actually mattered in our life. It's made a tremendous difference to me to know that DD (and thus me) is actually important to him.
I get spanked less often now than I did in the beginning, but when I do get spanked, it's because it really is the best thing for me at that time, not because some guideline says that that's what happens next. Sometimes now he doesn't spank when the rules would have said he should, and sometimes he spanks just because I need it to clear my head, even if I haven't "done" anything.
One of the nicest realizations that I had was that there's no "right" way to do this, and the fact that we've made this ours is why it works for us.
The most effective punishments for me are when Nick gets a bit creative with them. Making me count, making me bare myself, making me tell him why I'm getting spanked - all of those things take me from the mindset of just "getting through it" and put me squarely in a very submissive and accepting place. Most of the time, the hardest part for me mentally is just bending over. If my panties do come down, he usually takes them down himself, so getting myself into position is the the only "action" I have to take in getting the punishment. When he makes me continue to actively participate, it takes away my ability to concentrate on getting to the end of it and makes me think about what I did to get there in the first place.
He once broke a spanking down swat by swat. He would give me a very hard swat, then say, "Are you ever going to ____again?" Then he would give me another hard swat and ask, "And are you ever going to____ again?" I was in tears long before the spanking was over, something that rarely happens. I think that it helped so much because it let me know how invested he was in making sure the lesson was learned and the problem fixed.
When we first started DD, Nick spanked me because it was what he was "supposed to do" according to the "rules" of DD. We were both finding our way, and it seemed sensible to have a list of rules to go by. Those spankings helped me a lot in establishing new habits, but after a while, it started to feel like we were just going through a routine, and we both felt it. At that point, Nick asked me if I felt like what we were doing was effective, and he started to take a more proactive role in deciding when I needed discipline. We basically threw out the list of rules, and he started spanking me only for the things that actually mattered in our life. It's made a tremendous difference to me to know that DD (and thus me) is actually important to him.
I get spanked less often now than I did in the beginning, but when I do get spanked, it's because it really is the best thing for me at that time, not because some guideline says that that's what happens next. Sometimes now he doesn't spank when the rules would have said he should, and sometimes he spanks just because I need it to clear my head, even if I haven't "done" anything.
One of the nicest realizations that I had was that there's no "right" way to do this, and the fact that we've made this ours is why it works for us.
Monday, March 14, 2005
Settling In
As I mentioned before, Nick and I are a little over a year into our DD journey. We're finally getting to the point (at least I am) where it's not foremost in our minds.
Domestic Discipline was definitely not his idea. At the time, I didn't realize it was my idea either. I knew that spanking was a definite turn on for me, but I also knew that there was a piece of the puzzle missing. I just had no idea what it was. We've always had a good marriage. But every couple fights, and we seemed to have gotten to the point where we were doing more of it than we felt was normal for us.
I'll admit, it was largely my fault. Nick doesn't ask a lot of me - a navigable living space, clean underwear and work clothes, basic respect. I was sadly lacking on all three. As far as the respect, it was certainly always there in my heart, but my mouth sometimes shot off a different message. There were factors at play that planted resentment in me and elicited the same response in him, and we both fell into the old "Fine! If you won't meet my needs, I won't meet yours" trap. Part of the problem was spanking itself. Nick was raised that you just don't hit a woman ever. Period. So even though he sometimes spanked me in bed, I could sense his discomfort with it, which made me pull away as well. I felt that spanking was a sexual need he just wasn't willing to meet, so why should I do the laundry if he couldn't do that one thing for me? He felt that if I wasn't going to do my part around the house (and believe me, he's always done his part), then why should he cater to my spanking fantasies?
Last New Years Eve, we had a fight about some stupid thing that escalated into a lot of not so stupid things. We both yelled and cursed and said a lot of things that really needed to just finally be voiced. He yelled about how mad he got when I let the house go, and I yelled back that maybe he should just spank me for it instead of walking around fuming about it. That stopped us both for a minute. Who ever heard of a man actually spanking his wife like a naughty child? We certainly hadn't. But when the words came out of my mouth, it was like I suddenly had a clear view of a hidden need inside of myself. Nick warily agreed to give it a try, and I promised to try to not give him a reason to have to.
I spent the next few days buried online. We'd gotten a computer not long before, after being without one for 3 years or so. I was on a mission. I needed to find out about myself, and one thing the internet taught me was that I wasn't the only spanko out there. I stumbled across http://www.vickiblue.com/, and I found a name for what I wanted. I followed links and ran searches and printed off everything I could find about DD.
A few days later I took Nick an inch thick binder of material. I had highlighted, crossed out, underlined, edited. I'd never put so much into a research paper. I showed him the binder, casually mentioned that there were some things he might find helpful if had a free moment with nothing more pressing to do, then fled. It would be months before I could sit in a lighted room with him and say the word spanking out loud. I'd spent too long thinking my needs were weird, and drawing the same conclusion from his discomfort with it sexually. He read bits and pieces, and tried to get beyond his suspicion that this was all sexual for me. And he decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. In the beginning there were several spankings a week, countless silly rules (made by me), and an overall feeling of contrivance. After all, he'd been married to me for 5 1/2 years. Why all of a sudden did I feel like I needed to be punished like a child?
Eventually it got easier. I stopped feeling giddy every time I got spanked. He started noticing on his own when I needed discipline. He got better at making a lasting impression when he spanked. And we learned that sometimes a spanking without a "good reason" could reset my heart and ease my stress. Now we don't use a list with a point system like we did in the beginning. We can sit down together and have an honest, two-way discussion about what DD means to our marriage. We don't feel like we're playing a game anymore. Nick finally sees this, as I do, as something that we will keep for the rest of our marriage.
Not long ago, after a spanking, Nick was looking at the paddle he'd used. It's actually a decorative boat oar, about 18 inches long and impossible to break. There's a fish painted on one side of it, and he commented that in 15 years we'll have probably worn all the paint off of it. I asked him if he thought we'd still be using DD 15 years from now, and he said he definitely did. I felt such safety in those words. DD has made us both better. I can see that Nick is more confident, and truthfully, so am I. I don't feel anymore like he'll get fed up enough to walk away from me. And he doesn't get fed up so much anymore. The house is usually pretty clean, we very rarely fight anymore, and sometimes I get spanked in a very good way. It has been such a journey to get to this point, where DD no longer feels like "something we do", but rather just feels like who we are.
It's a good feeling.
Domestic Discipline was definitely not his idea. At the time, I didn't realize it was my idea either. I knew that spanking was a definite turn on for me, but I also knew that there was a piece of the puzzle missing. I just had no idea what it was. We've always had a good marriage. But every couple fights, and we seemed to have gotten to the point where we were doing more of it than we felt was normal for us.
I'll admit, it was largely my fault. Nick doesn't ask a lot of me - a navigable living space, clean underwear and work clothes, basic respect. I was sadly lacking on all three. As far as the respect, it was certainly always there in my heart, but my mouth sometimes shot off a different message. There were factors at play that planted resentment in me and elicited the same response in him, and we both fell into the old "Fine! If you won't meet my needs, I won't meet yours" trap. Part of the problem was spanking itself. Nick was raised that you just don't hit a woman ever. Period. So even though he sometimes spanked me in bed, I could sense his discomfort with it, which made me pull away as well. I felt that spanking was a sexual need he just wasn't willing to meet, so why should I do the laundry if he couldn't do that one thing for me? He felt that if I wasn't going to do my part around the house (and believe me, he's always done his part), then why should he cater to my spanking fantasies?
Last New Years Eve, we had a fight about some stupid thing that escalated into a lot of not so stupid things. We both yelled and cursed and said a lot of things that really needed to just finally be voiced. He yelled about how mad he got when I let the house go, and I yelled back that maybe he should just spank me for it instead of walking around fuming about it. That stopped us both for a minute. Who ever heard of a man actually spanking his wife like a naughty child? We certainly hadn't. But when the words came out of my mouth, it was like I suddenly had a clear view of a hidden need inside of myself. Nick warily agreed to give it a try, and I promised to try to not give him a reason to have to.
I spent the next few days buried online. We'd gotten a computer not long before, after being without one for 3 years or so. I was on a mission. I needed to find out about myself, and one thing the internet taught me was that I wasn't the only spanko out there. I stumbled across http://www.vickiblue.com/, and I found a name for what I wanted. I followed links and ran searches and printed off everything I could find about DD.
A few days later I took Nick an inch thick binder of material. I had highlighted, crossed out, underlined, edited. I'd never put so much into a research paper. I showed him the binder, casually mentioned that there were some things he might find helpful if had a free moment with nothing more pressing to do, then fled. It would be months before I could sit in a lighted room with him and say the word spanking out loud. I'd spent too long thinking my needs were weird, and drawing the same conclusion from his discomfort with it sexually. He read bits and pieces, and tried to get beyond his suspicion that this was all sexual for me. And he decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. In the beginning there were several spankings a week, countless silly rules (made by me), and an overall feeling of contrivance. After all, he'd been married to me for 5 1/2 years. Why all of a sudden did I feel like I needed to be punished like a child?
Eventually it got easier. I stopped feeling giddy every time I got spanked. He started noticing on his own when I needed discipline. He got better at making a lasting impression when he spanked. And we learned that sometimes a spanking without a "good reason" could reset my heart and ease my stress. Now we don't use a list with a point system like we did in the beginning. We can sit down together and have an honest, two-way discussion about what DD means to our marriage. We don't feel like we're playing a game anymore. Nick finally sees this, as I do, as something that we will keep for the rest of our marriage.
Not long ago, after a spanking, Nick was looking at the paddle he'd used. It's actually a decorative boat oar, about 18 inches long and impossible to break. There's a fish painted on one side of it, and he commented that in 15 years we'll have probably worn all the paint off of it. I asked him if he thought we'd still be using DD 15 years from now, and he said he definitely did. I felt such safety in those words. DD has made us both better. I can see that Nick is more confident, and truthfully, so am I. I don't feel anymore like he'll get fed up enough to walk away from me. And he doesn't get fed up so much anymore. The house is usually pretty clean, we very rarely fight anymore, and sometimes I get spanked in a very good way. It has been such a journey to get to this point, where DD no longer feels like "something we do", but rather just feels like who we are.
It's a good feeling.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
First Post
Hmmm...what to write? Who's going to want to hear what I have to say?
Well, I guess I can post a bit about myself to start with. I'm a 20 something southern girl who was blessed enough to end up with a fabulous husband and a perfect, beautiful little girl. I thoroughly enjoy being spanked on most levels, and I find it tremendously helpful when I'm getting spanked and not enjoying it so much. My husband and I have been married a little less than 7 years, and we've been practicing DD (Domestic Discipline) for a little over a year. Actual punishments are rare, but when I find myself spinning out of control, overly stressed, or just a little out of sorts, a spanking gets me back on track like nothing else. Spanking also has tremendous erotic power for me, and fortunately for me, my wonderful husband accomodates me there as well.
Uh, well, I guess that's the nutshell story of me. Hopefully I'll have some thoughts worth reading.
Well, I guess I can post a bit about myself to start with. I'm a 20 something southern girl who was blessed enough to end up with a fabulous husband and a perfect, beautiful little girl. I thoroughly enjoy being spanked on most levels, and I find it tremendously helpful when I'm getting spanked and not enjoying it so much. My husband and I have been married a little less than 7 years, and we've been practicing DD (Domestic Discipline) for a little over a year. Actual punishments are rare, but when I find myself spinning out of control, overly stressed, or just a little out of sorts, a spanking gets me back on track like nothing else. Spanking also has tremendous erotic power for me, and fortunately for me, my wonderful husband accomodates me there as well.
Uh, well, I guess that's the nutshell story of me. Hopefully I'll have some thoughts worth reading.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
