Thoughts on closets and convenience

Tuesday evening I got a spanking. I haven't talked about it here because I wasn't sure yet how to talk about it and say what I meant. I screwed up. I didn't mean to, but it happened. After juggling some things around with bills, I went to Walmart on Friday and spent about $240 on groceries and other necessities. We hadn't bought groceries in a while and we were out of almost everything, plus we've had a birthday party planned for this Saturday for Jack. When I got in the car and looked at the bank account I realized that we were actually going to end up about $18 short when the electric bill came out in a few days.

It was snowing pretty hard right then though, so I decided to go ahead and head home. The party is supposed to be dinosaur themed, and I had planned to make stuffed dinosaur tails for the kids as party favors and had purchased two large bags of stuffing for that purpose. So anyway, on Monday I took back the stuffing and deposited the money in the bank to cover what we had out. 

Tuesday when Nick came home we lay down on our bed for a few minutes since Morgan was graciously making dinner for me that night. I pulled up the bank account to make sure my deposit from the previous day had gone in and was shocked to see that we were showing over $200 overdrawn. I said a rather bad word, which got Nick's attention, and he asked me what was wrong. I was frantically scrolling through the transactions and realized with my stomach dropping that a $212 bill payment transaction I thought had already cleared before I went to Walmart in fact didn't clear until Monday night. My deposit covered that transaction, but now there wasn't enough to cover the electric bill, which was showing pending and causing the overdrawn total. The really terrifying thing was that it was just pending and and hadn't actually been paid yet, so not only were we looking at a fee when it processed, but the bank might actually decide to return it, possibly causing our power to be cut off. 

To say Nick was furious is an understatement. As I was desperately searching the transactions to see if it had somehow posted twice (it hadn't), Nick got up, and I heard the lock on our door snap into place. He told me to get up, and it was with a sense of amazement that I realized he was going to spank me. I hadn't been punished in over a year. The whole concept of domestic discipline has been much on my mind lately, perhaps because we reached our 13th anniversary with it on New Year's Eve, but every time I wanted to ask him about it I couldn't find the words or the nerve to do it. I assumed it was a thing of the past, and when I thought of it, it sat there in my heart like a small heavy thing with no way to remove it. 

It wasn't something that actually even occurred to me when I saw the bank balance, but I got to my feet without conscious thought and followed him into the closet. Our closet is very large, really big enough to be a decent small office, and our chest of implements sits under the window at the back of it. When I had thought about where things like this would take place in this house I assumed it would be the closet. It sits above the garage and puts two doors between us and the kids, so it's really the only place to go where they might not hear a spanking being given. He shut the closet door behind us, his belt in hand, folded over twice. He herded me back to the chest and I sat down on it to face him. 

There was a quick brutal lecture about paying more attention and being more careful and taking more responsibility, but I didn't have anything I could say in my defense other than I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident. He told me to get up and turn around, then to bend over. I bent over and put my hands on the chest and lasted 10 licks before I couldn't stay still. He made me bend over again, and again I made it through 10. He told me I'd better turn back around and be grateful this was all I was getting, and he gave me 10 more. When it was over he left me there and went back to lie down on the bed. Sniffling and crying a bit, I followed him and crawled into bed with him, and we stayed there until dinner was ready. 

Since then he's not mentioned it. Thankfully, the electric bill was paid, although we were charged an overdraft fee, and the account is still overdrawn. I don't know where we will get the money to cover it. I'm praying about it, and I would appreciate it if you would too. 

I don't know exactly what this means for DD for us. The spanking hurt, a lot. My bottom is still  tender in a couple of spots. But I have carried it in my heart like a secret treasure. He loved me enough to do it. I'm genuinely upset that I screwed up and lost track and put us in this situation, but I am grateful that he chose this as the way to respond to the situation rather than silence and anger. The whole thing from discovery to spanking couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. Having a place to hand to administer the spanking in private even with kids in the house was a new experience for us. In the old house our bedroom had a huge open space in the front wall that overlooked the living room, so a punishment was something that might have to wait days or even weeks until we had the house to ourselves. Looking back, I think that maybe made discipline much more of a burden for him because it was something he had to remember and have on his radar for far longer than he wanted to have to worry about it. And frankly we didn't get all that much time alone - he didn't want to spend what time we did have on spanking. 

I wonder if it might be more convenient for him now, and if so, if it might be something he's more inclined to use in our marriage. I think it would be a good thing for me to be able have stress and attitude dealt with on an as needed basis. I've tried hard to be a better housekeeper here than I was at the old house, and I've done better I think, but there are times still that I need that reminder and refocus. Perhaps it was just too much of an investment before. Or perhaps this won't happen again for another year. Perhaps it won't happen again at all. I don't know. But it meets a deep need in me, and perhaps I can hope. 

So, an update

Life has been...full. Some definite frustrations, but some huge blessings too. Around October 5 we got an offer on the house. A very low offer, but the first one we'd had after 5 months and 85 showings. We countered and they countered and then a slightly better offer came in, which was still about $5,000 lower than we wanted to sell for, but we accepted it. 

The inspection was on the 12th, and it turned out to be really bad news. The buyer backed out without even negotiating for us to fix anything. The biggest issue was that there was foundation damage that we didn't know about. Like almost $10,000 worth, which we obviously couldn't afford. 

So we regretfully let all our family know that we would be taking the house off the market when our realtor's contract expired at the end of the month and apparently staying here indefinitely. 

Then Nick's sister Kate found out what was going on, and she and her husband offered to send us the money to fix the foundation. So our agent contacted the guy whose offer we didn't accept, explained the whole situation with the first buyer backing out and the foundation issues and the impending repair. And he matched the first guy's  offer, so we were back in business. 

The foundation repair, which came with a transferable lifetime warranty was scheduled to be complete November 2. In the meantime the second buyer's inspection was completed. The foundation repair company we hired is the top name in our region, and they obviously stand behind their work, but the guy doing the inspection also works for a rival company, and he told the buyer that he would do the repair work a different way. So, on the day that we were having thousands of dollars worth of professional, guaranteed work done, the second buyer backed out. 

So that's where we are now. We've raised our price by a little to try to recoup some of the value of the repair work, and we've also put in new countertops and backsplash in the kitchen. And we're back to showing again. It's very frustrating, but that's how it sits right now. 

But at least the house is in the best shape it's ever been in since we've owned it, so if nothing else it's a better place to live. 

And obviously God is providing. He's even blessed us with some just plain fun stuff lately. I got some really cool craft stuff for my birthday in October, and I also had a couple of photography jobs that paid me enough to upgrade my Silhouette craft cutter, something that's been on my wish list for a couple of years. We got to upgrade our phones, and the agent we dealt with put us in a much cheaper plan that not only allowed us to get way better phones than we had hoped for (I'm typing this on an iPhone 6s Plus), but we were also able to give Morgan my old phone and get her a line since she was apparently THE LAST high schooler on the face of the earth without a cell phone. AND our purchases qualified us for a $100 iPad mini, which Nick bought me for Christmas. So we have been blessed for sure. 

I will say that I've had a bit of a struggle since we lost the last contract on the house with staying as much on top of things. Up until then we were all doing fabulous with keeping the house spotless. We had to - we were averaging 17 showings a month, so we never really had time to let it get dirty! But the loss of the contract(s) was disheartening to say the least, and we kind of lost momentum. Not that it wasn't still miles better than it used to be, but we had a showing a few days ago and it was more of a mad rush to get things ready than it should have been. And I've entered my usual Christmas rush, unwisely shifting my priorities like I somehow do every year. Last night (Monday night) I stayed up all night working on some craft projects that I legitimately needed to get done, but Nick was unhappy when he got up and found that I hadn't been to bed. Tonight I got taken upstairs for a bit of a lecture about keeping the house ready for showings and using my time wisely and obeying my bedtime. Then I had to bend over the end of the bed and he gave me a hard spanking with his belt. Prior to the spanking I had just come down from my shower, so I had already taken off my pants, but he let me keep my panties up. It was only 20 licks with the belt, but I was very repentant by the end. My poor bottom is quite out of practice and I can't take what I used to be able to. I'm just glad he didn't make me get out the Cracker Barrel paddle. It's the only one we have that isn't packed away right now. 

Anyway, I was absolutely in bed by 2:30 tonight, and it's time for me to turn out the lights and call it a night. 

What happened then...

So my last post went up just after midnight on a Friday. Friday morning when Nick got up for work, he read it. My posts get auto emailed to him when they go live. And he was maybe a little extra affectionate, a few pats on the butt and a bit more attention as I got Daisy up and ready for school. But he didn't mention it. And honestly, I didn't expect him to, not then anyway. But I thought we might talk about it that night. We didn't. Nor the next night. Finally on Sunday night, he said, "I read your post." "Yeah?" "I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, and I haven't been very good about dealing with it." And that was it. That night we went up to bed and he got on his iPad and played a bit, knowing he and the kids were off for Labor Day the next day and we could sleep in.

I thought maybe he would bring it up, or even act on it, but he didn't, so I tried talking to him about it. I tried explaining some of the feelings I was trying to work through in the post, and what I needed from him (basically piss or get off the pot). And he acted as though I literally wasn't there. Not so much as an acknowledgement I was speaking. So I turned over and went to sleep. At that point, yes, I was hurt, but in a dull kind of way that just felt like something I had known for a long time was being confirmed. I wasn't pouting or working myself into a crying rage. I was just tired, in more ways than one, so I went to sleep.

The next day we were supposed to spend the day at Kelly and Grant's house. I was quiet and a little subdued, but I wasn't sulking or trying to have a bad attitude, and I was friendly and sociable throughout the day. What thought I gave to the whole DD situation was brief and not too deep and mostly centered on whether I should write him an email or just put it in a blog post that this part of our relationship didn't seem to be worth pursuing any longer. I wasn't exactly angry, just resigned a and a little sad. It was a long day with a lot of little kids running around, and by the time we got home, I was worn out. Jack and Daisy were both asleep, so we put them and Morgan straight to bed, and we both just kind of vegged out on the couch for a bit. Finally I headed up to bed to read for just a few minutes, already dreading getting up early the next day to get Daisy off to school. A few minutes later Nick came up and I heard him rummaging around in his closet, but I didn't think anything about it. When he walked around to my side of the bed and I looked up to see him standing there holding his belt, I was genuinely startled. And I got really angry. He started telling me that I'd had a terrible attitude all day, and that he was going to deal with it. Frankly I just wasn't having it. I had spent basically weeks by this time accustoming myself to the idea that he had moved on from this, and his complete lack of response the night before had more or less confirmed it for me, and here he was turning everything upside down.

He pulled the blanket and sheet off of me and told me to turn over, and I flat out refused. Several times. He warned me that he could make me, and I more or less invited him to do so. Within the next couple of seconds I was face down in my pillow, and he was basically wearing me out. It wasn't a particularly long event, but it did break through my anger, and I was hardcore ugly crying before it was over. And the crying went on for a very long time, far longer than the spanking itself would account for. I was just working through a ton of built up stress and fear and sadness. I would like to say that the evening ended with him holding me and letting me cry it out on his shoulder and then maybe some sweet time reconnecting. Unfortunately we both had to be up the next day, and he was maybe less inclined to be patient with me than he might have been if we'd had more time and had I not fought him so much on the whole thing. He basically told me to turn out the light and go to sleep, and I was left feeling more or less exactly like the hassle and irritant I'd felt like for so long.

Now, before anyone, Nick included, thinks I have nothing but complaints about him and what happened that night, I don't. Whatever the execution, it was something I badly needed, and by the next morning I was feeling much better and more evened out. It helped, it really did. And I know that I really, really needed it to be something I submitted to whether I thought I wanted it or not. I think maybe we were both so out of practice with it that we were clumsy with each other's feelings. But he did the hard thing, and that was what I needed him to do, and I'm grateful.

I don't know if this means that this is something we're doing again now or if it was an anomaly. He hasn't wanted to talk about it, and I'm reluctant to push a conversation to ask for fear of making him think that I didn't appreciate it or that I'm too needy.

Something he did mention the other night was that he felt like I maybe portrayed him a little unfairly in the last post when I mentioned the various ways he has of blowing off some steam. He thought it sounded like he's off playing all the time and just leaving me with the kids and never coming home. That's not how it is at all. He does something maybe once or twice a week. He's done the soccer golf thing on a couple of Sundays recently. He went on an overnight hunting and fishing trip Friday night, and he's at the gun range with my brother right now. But he also came home last night to keep an eye on the kids while I had a Norwex demonstration at the house. And there are certainly weeks when he doesn't do anything relaxing at all. He has a three day weekend every other week, which means that the weeks in between he works 6 days of 7, and the 7th day is spent mostly at church. And this past Sunday he cooked both lunch and dinner without even being asked.

He hasn't been doing the DD side of things, but he has tried to relieve stress for me where he could. It's just that there's not always a good way to do that other than spanking it out of me. This is just an especially stressful time in our lives between tight finances, having our house on the market, and trying to find another house. For instance, in the 11 days since my last post, our number of showings has risen from 60 to 72, and we have another one tomorrow. And that's not even counting the three that got cancelled in the last week. So we don't really get much of a break. And as we talked about, the things he does for stress relief are mostly very inexpensive or free (with the exception of the hunting trip, which he took on a side job specifically to finance), and there's just not a lot of things like that that would be relaxing for me. I really enjoy crafting, but that's not really an option right now with most of my stuff in storage and no good place to use what I still have here. I would absolutely LOVE to spend a day thrift store hopping, but we don't have any room in the budget right now. The same thing with just a girls night out. None of this is his fault in any way shape or form, and I don't want to imply that it is.

I don't really have any answers here, but I know this season will pass. Eventually the house will sell (or it won't, and we'll eventually take it off the market and stop having strangers parade through it every day). Eventually Jack will potty train, and finances will get a little better and the lawnmower will get fixed (did I mention it threw a rod through the block? It did.) Eventually I will have some sort of a place to craft and we will get to take a vacation and life will stop putting us through the wringer. Eventually. And even if that takes forever, we have God and each other, and we will make it.

A Year

We are still working on selling the house. It's an exhausting and frustrating process, and I'm tired. Today was our 60th showing. 60th. And we have another tomorrow, and one on Sunday, another on Monday. We lowered our price by $10,000, something we didn't want to do, but we felt that so many showings with no offers was telling us it was the right move. We also found another house that we would like to buy, but if course ours has to sell first, and we have to figure out the financing based on our new lower selling price. This is the fourth house in a year that we've tried to buy. I know God has a plan and a time. I'm just getting worn out.

So the title of this post doesn't refer to the year we've spent house hunting. What it refers to is the longest DD drought we've ever had. Sunday will be one full year since my last punishment. And I'm frustrated. And sad, and hurt, and weary, and angry. I have asked him multiple times if he's just done with it, and he always says no, it's just something we haven't done "lately". But "lately" seems like a flimsy term for this situation. This feels like he just doesn't want to bother with it, but he also doesn't want to be the bad guy who admits he just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want to have that conversation or shoulder the guilt for bowing out of a responsibility I've shouldered him with. Or maybe he thinks that if he "officially" stops spanking, I'll stop deferring to him and treating him as the Head of the Household. The thing is, I don't treat him that way because of any DD dynamic. I treat him that way because I believe that is the plan for marriage God has laid out, and our whole family is happier for it. 

Being honest, I don't do a whole lot to piss him off these days. The house has been clean for four months. The laundry is always done. I have dinner waiting almost every night. But I'm functioning with a high level of stress. I have no outlets left. Most of my craft things are in storage, and what is still here has to be pulled out of closets and set up on the kitchen table to be used. And the entire time I'm having a mini panic attack because it's causing a temporary mess that needs to be put away. My laptop is excruciatingly slow, which makes my photography unenjoyable. I have a craft blog that I was very active on for a while, but once we went to market with the house, the combination of the slow laptop and the inconvenience of doing projects in a space that needs to be always neat has kept me scarce over there. I've tried having some craft days with girlfriends, but with kids on hand and no good place to spread out, it's always been more trouble than enjoyment. Money has been tight, so we've not had any sort of date night in months, and we didn't get to take our annual trip to Texas for the same reason. 

Nick has plenty of stress to deal with too of course, but he has a few outlets. He goes fishing just about every chance he gets. And this past Sunday he went and played Foot Golf (like golf, on a course, but with a soccer ball and really big cups) with some of his friends. He sometimes goes to the gun range, and he has a gym membership. 

Daisy has also started kindergarten, and while she loves it and is doing great, any change of routine is stressful for a while. I'm up before Nick every day now, and with Jack home with just me all day, he's right on top of me all the time. Not that I don't love having one on one time with him, but he can be a little intense. On top of that I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to potty train him. And yes, he's three. 

I admit, it all gets to me, and it's less rare than it should be that I lose it and just have a really bad attitude. I fight much more than I should with Morgan, who started high school this year, and I'm frequently impatient with all three kids. These are the times I need him to discipline me. There was a time in our lives when he would see me spiraling and would make a time and a place to get my attention in a big way and help me reprioritize. I'm not going to lie, the actual physical experience of a spanking is one that I both dread and fear, but not so much that I don't also crave the peace it inevitably brings. 

And I feel abandoned. I feel so very hurt that he basically said "This thing is not my thing, but it's your thing, and because you are mine and need this, I will do this for you." And then he just...quit. And not just that he's quit, but that he's done it without allowing me the certainty needed to really mourn its loss and move on. This last year has felt to me like he just really doesn't care at all that this is a genuine need that I have that can only be met by him and is therefore going unmet. Perhaps he's trying to starve it to death. If only it were that easy. I've prayed so many times that God would take this part of me away if but isn't something that can be a valid, functioning part of our marriage. I would love to not need this, but I do. It makes me bloom. It leaves me thriving and capable. Or it withers and wearies me when it's absent. 

Please understand that I'm venting here, the only place I can do it. Nick is truly a wonderful husband. He's faithful and loving, and he works hard every day so that I can stay at home with our kids. And if he wants to dispense with domestic discipline, I can live with that, I really can. But I need to know, so that I can lay it to rest and learn to let go. 

Cocooned

It never really goes away, you know. That insatiable need, that mild to raging obsession that is always lurking there at the corner of whatever you're doing. I wish that it did. I wish that I could flip a switch and fade it from my psyche, but the very fact that my mind has already haplessly seized on the word "switch" and imbued it with a startlingly fleshed out story line gives lie to the notion. And it's nothing new, this discipline-obsessed incubus that chatters in my ear at every turn. It's been over 6 months since the concept of discipline remotely related to anyone past middle school in this house, and the buzzing in my head has reached a bleak and mournful pitch. 

I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't master this need for mastery, that it pulls at me at every turn in a room where there is no place for it. It's ridiculous, this deep seated longing for boundaries and a regular occasion to smash up against them. And it seems patently unfair, when the man I love with all my heart can't hear the bellowing whispers of this need. And why on earth should he have to? I am not a child. I don't need someone to remind me to go to bed at a reasonable hour, to tell me to remember to eat before I feel shaky with the lack of it, to manage my time so that I'm not constantly running out the door 10 minutes late. So why oh why are these things that I struggle with, and struggle more with in feeling obscurely hurt that no one is stepping in to make me get out of my own way? I'm neither incapable nor a fool, so what exactly is the problem?

And if I am neither incapable nor a fool, neither am I petty enough to act out in a way that is harmful to my marriage. Certainly there are small rebellions, sneaking a lidded drink up to bed when we agreed to keep food off the new carpet, a quick trip to the thrift store while I'm meant to be running out for ground beef, maybe one more round of Trivia Crack when I should really turn out the lights and go to sleep. And each harmless act carries with it a delicious thrill of what if... But I'm not spending the house payment on a new craft cutter, flirting with other men, taking up smoking again. I'm far too in love and filled with a genuine, bone-deep gratitude for what I have already to fire randomly at our marriage in hopes of drawing a response. I love this man, and he is good to me.

What frightens me the most about this need is its insistence in the face of starvation. Go without sex for long enough, and you will, eventually, all but stop needing it. The lack may tell in parts of your life, but it won't haunt and mock you after a while. There is no such relief for me and this commonly bizarre cry for discipline. The clanging bell in my head rings loudest for punishment, not play. While I certainly enjoy an occasional sexy spanking, I can generally take them or leave them. It's genuine chastisement that makes my gears turn, although that arousal comes well after the event, and stoutly depends on the punishment being both real and effective. It seems there's a sixth love language that fits me like a glove. 

I have made it a point to be purposeful in my sexual thoughts, to cast only my husband in my fantasies, and for the most part this is easy. I have no desire for other men, and the best sexual scenario for me in any situation involves only him naturally. But when I feel untended and burdensome, it's because the real life experiences are long MIA, and it becomes hard to get the highlight reel to load. I have to fight the urge to go skipping through the offerings of the internet, a trap I have cause to know too well. Those pictures and stories are usually sordid, and even if they're not, even if they are sweet and modest and heartwarmingly genuine, they aren't mine and his, and they don't have a place in a heart and mind that is desperately grasping to fill a need that is meant only for him. 

I don't have any answers here. I know the instinctual advice is to push communication. Surely just talking things through will solve the issue. Except it won't. It has not and it will not. That's not pessimism, it's realism. He was not made for this, even if he was somehow made for me. And that he was made for me is something about which I have no doubt. But it rarely occurs to him that I might need discipline unless I have done something to make him really angry, and I'm am unwilling to pay the greater, long-term price that comes with being intentional about such a thing. The quandary therefore is this: why would he want to punish me for being a loving, capable, generally well behaved adult? And why would I choose to be anything else when I am, after all, neither incapable nor a fool? When the stress builds and I find myself lashing out, I'm brought to heel with little more than a quiet word. The automatic urge to push, to provoke, crumbles in the face of the realization that he's right of course, and why am I being so unreasonable anyway? It's not fear that backs me down, but inconvenient maturity.

I have no time for games. I don't want a pretend punishment with a wink and a leer. And for many people that is just what they need. But it feels false and pointless to me, a waste of time. I need to feel genuine love and purposeful caring as an impetus to the act, a pointed desire and intention to steer me right. But I've been a good girl all my life, and most days I feel too guilty to fall apart and make all the poor decisions, simply because I know better. How could I dare to be so thoughtless when he has given me all the other desires of my heart? And so I feel the inevitable curling inward, the quiet cocooning against a prodding quest that has no easy grace.

July so far...

Did everyone have a nice 4th of July? Ours was quite lovely. We actually went to my parents' house the day before for a cookout, and it was a lot of fun having all 6 of their grandkids under one roof, especially since 5 of them are 4 years and under. :) Of course they're all together every week at church, but it was nice to have them where they could get down and play and make lots of noise. The actual 4th we went up to Nick's grandparents' cabin on the lake. It was wonderful! We had great food, fishing and swimming, and when it got dark, some of us went out on the pontoon boat and watched the fireworks going off all over the lake. 

I've really missed the cabin. We spent our honeymoon there, and every June for years we would go back for a family June birthday party and then stay for several days to celebrate our anniversary. For the last three years Nick has used his free week of vacation for church camp, so we've not gotten to stay for the week since 2010, and in 2011 we just had a weekend there. This was the first year at least as long as we've been married that they've not had a June birthday party, which was sad.

This year he gets 3 weeks vacation, and we were so looking forward to having a week there again. Unfortunately, since Nick's grandfather passed away, his grandmother has been getting more skittish about life in general, and she told us at Easter that she didn't think she was going to let anyone stay up there anymore. When Nick's dad opened the cabin up for the season there were some plumbing problems that had appeared over the winter, and I guess she's paranoid that someone will tear something up and Nick's grandfather is no longer here to fix things. This is disappointing to be sure, but we're hoping and praying that she will come around. 

Saturday we took the kids to the mountains and just walked around and had fun as a family, which was such a precious gift. God has been so good to provide us some financial ease recently, and it was wonderful to be able to have time with family on all three days and not have to scramble for money for gas or food to take to the celebrations.

Another blessing was that my parents found a killer deal on an upgraded washer and dryer a few weeks ago, and they passed their old set on to us. Obviously it was used, but definitely an upgrade to our washer and dryer, both of which were close to wearing out entirely. We were hoping to make it to next income tax return time so that we could buy a new set, so this was a real blessing. It's actually made laundry a much more pleasant chore. :)

I did end up getting a spanking after all. He planned to get to it Friday night after the kids were in bed, but he fell asleep on the couch. Then he planned to handle it Saturday night, but we got home late, and when he was ready to do it and go to bed, the girls were still awake (although they were in bed). So he decided that he would set the alarm early and do it before church. He was quite prepared to wake me up and paddle me (a rude awakening indeed), but his alarm also woke the girls up, and they came piling upstairs (saved by the bell!). 

Finally Sunday night the stars aligned and he took me upstairs to meet my fate. Forty or so swats with the Patty paddle from Cane-iac over my jeans might not sound so bad, but 4 months is a long time to go between spankings, and I was definitely on fire from the start. But it was exactly what I needed, and I've rediscovered my motivation for housework since lol. Now if I could just rediscover the same motivation to get to bed on time!

Anniversary Week

How's everyone doing? It's been a busy couple of weeks for us. After camp I had to get 4 photo sessions finished, as well as an Etsy order filled, and several birthday gifts made, some of which I'm still working on.

Mine and Nick's 16th anniversary was on the 26th, which was a Thursday. He had to work that day, and that evening we had a memorial service to attend for a friend from church who lost his battle with cancer earlier that week, so there wasn't really any time to celebrate. But after the memorial service, my mom and dad did take both Morgan and Daisy home with them, so we took Jack and went and had a lovely dinner together.

The next day Nick told me to meet him after work for a surprise. I took the kids shopping at a Burke's Outlet and found a cute outfit to wear on our date for a great price. Then I dropped the kids off at my parents' house and headed out to meet Nick. He surprised me with a yummy dinner of fish tacos and an art class! It was one of those places where you all paint the same thing and follow along with the instructor, and you can bring food and drinks to enjoy while you paint. I did one of these classes a couple of years ago with a girlfriend and had a blast, and I'd mentioned several times how much I wanted to do one with Nick, so this was an awesome surprise! The instructor offered an option to split the painting with your partner so you didn't take two mostly identical paintings home to the same house, so I painted the left side of the scene on my canvas, and Nick painted the right side on his. The painting we did was loosely based on Van Gogh's Starry Night, which I've always loved. We'd love to do this for our anniversary every year if we can. How cool would it be to someday have all those paintings to represent our years together?

Theoretically, there's supposed to be a spanking in the near future, but honestly I think he may have tabled it. He first mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, and I think maybe by this point he's decided not to do it, which is fine with me!

We've got VBS coming up in a few weeks, and I'm in charge of crafts again, which should be fun. And after that we go to Texas! Yay - I can't wait! Anyway, I'm off to bed. Have a great 4th of July!

The past couple of weeks...

So just a quick post to catch up on the couple of weeks. Let's see...Kelly's baby shower was the 9th of this month. I had planned all kinds of things to make for her. Unfortunately for my timeline (but not for our church), we had revival at church the week before, which kind of killed any crafting time I had. The revival was over Friday, but I had some errands to run Saturday and Nick was also working, so I didn't get any real time at the sewing machine until that night after the kids were asleep. One thing Kelly had actually requested was one of these:

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I made one for both Faith and Melanie a few months ago, and they loved them, so I did one for Kelly too. Then I started on some burp cloths. A few months ago my trusty iron that I got for my wedding quit on me. I was going to go buy one, but my mom, frequenter of estate auctions, had several, so she just gave me one of her extras. It had been working great, so when I plugged it up that night I was expecting no trouble. But when I took my fabric to the ironing board several minutes later, it was stone cold. No amount of turning it off and on or cord wiggling or new outlet trying could coax the least bit of heat from it. So I found myself heading to Wal-mart at 1 AM to buy a replacement. I went back and forth and finally decided on one of the least expensive models. When I got back home and opened it, I was most irritated to find that the whole tip of the iron plate was broken off! I couldn't see myself making another trip, so I just used it as it was and decided to return it the next day.

I did the carrier handle cushion, two burp cloths, and three skirts. Nick, who had fallen asleep on the couch, woke up about 4:30, just after I finished the first skirt. I told him my whole iron saga, and he didn't seem terribly upset that I was still up. He headed up to bed, and I told him I would be up shortly. Unfortunately, shortly turned into 6:30. 

The next day at lunch Nick asked me what time I'd come to bed, and he wasn't happy with the answer, especially since we had all ended up oversleeping and missed church that morning. (Not entirely my fault I don't think. It was Daylight Saving Time change weekend, and he overslept too!) But I didn't realize I was in trouble until that evening.

Nick runs the sound booth during our church services, so it's rare for us to get to sit together. Occasionally we will shoot each other short texts (generally not during the preaching). This was the conversation we had:

(Me) So sleepy...

(Him) Maybe if you went to bed at 2 instead of 6:30...

(Me) Possibly

(Him) Probably

(Me) I'm unconvinced.

(Him) Later I'll show you.

(Me) Nah, I'm good.

(Him) Too bad. It's already been earned.

(Me) You're no fun.

He didn't get a chance to do it for a couple of days, but finally Wednesday night at bedtime he had me come up with him. There was some lecturing, and I did plenty of assuring him that I was sorry and that I understood why I have a bedtime and why it doesn't work for the family for me to stay up all night, but there was no real question that I would be getting a spanking. He got a new tactical belt for Christmas, and he decided to try it out. It was the first time I've ever been spanked with a nylon belt, but it was very thick and stiff, and every bit as painful as leather. It was also very loud. I don't know how many licks I got, but enough to make me very glad when it was over. 

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The good news is that Kelly loved all her stuff. I was also able to make her a few of the other things on my list (before bedtime!) and take them to her at church Wednesday. All the pictures of the stuff I gave her at her shower include her in them, so I can't post them here, but I did think to snap a picture of the items I made later: another skirt, two pairs of shoes, a nursing scarf (the gray fabric) and a diaper clutch (to keep a few diapers and a small case of wipes in for quick changes on the go).

Friday I got to go to Melanie's house along with Kelly and one of her friends, and Melanie taught us the basics of crochet. It's something I've wanted to learn for ages, and it was a lot of fun having some girl time. 

On Saturday Morgan had her first soccer game. They lost, but only by one point, and her team is quite good this season. Afterwards we went to McDonald's and let the kids play on the play equipment. Jack and Daisy had a blast, and of course Morgan was too cool to play on it, but was gracious enough to climb up in there to keep an eye on Jack for us. Morgan has been struggling lately with some teen angst issues, and they've been manifesting themselves in some unhealthy ways. She's started doing a bit better, but I would really appreciate your prayers for her (and us as we parent her!). 

Saturday afternoon I did three month pictures for Brandon and Melanie's baby boy J, and it was exhausting! Fortunately my sweet husband fixed dinner for me. :)

Sunday night there was huge drama. Daisy...cut her hair! And I don't mean a little bit. She basically butchered it. Nick flipped out. He was furious! I wasn't thrilled about it either, but well, it's kind of something a lot of three and four year olds do at one time or another. I called Nick's stepmom (who does our hair), and she agreed to come and try to fix it the next day. When she saw it, she was kind of taken aback, but I told her we knew it was going to have to be pretty short, so she waded in. There were spots that were less than an inch long, so she ended up with a pixie cut, almost exactly like Maggie Gyllenhaal here, but a little shorter around the ears:

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Guys, I wish I could post a picture here, because she looks so freaking CUTE! I was resigned to it because it was better than the cut she gave herself - I didn't expect to love it! She has these big huge Disney Princess eyes like Katy Perry, so she still looks very girly, and with her dimples she looks like a mischievous woodland sprite, or a miniature Audrey Hepburn (although Audrey didn't have those dimples)! I'm sure we'll let it grow back out, but for now I'm glad we were forced into a cut we would've never had the nerve to get on our own!

Today Elizabeth came over for a while. She had laundry she needed to do and no money to do it (they use a laundromat), and I needed help unburying my kitchen table (which is going to get me spanked again if it's not done by Friday). So I let her use our washer and dryer, and she helped me clean. 

I've got so much stuff to do in the next few weeks! A list:

Skirts (2) for craft exchange

Shoes for craft exchange

Ring for craft exchange

Pillow Cover for craft exchange

Acorn Pillow for craft exchange

Pack gnome figurine and ribbon for craft exchange

10 xl pom poms for cupcake liners/garland

Make cupcake garland

Make 15 makeup bags

String washers for washer necklaces

Make 15 Rosettes for necklaces

String Rosettes

Make 15 Leather Bow Barrettes

Make brush pouch for nail brushes

Make pillowcase shirt for Morgan

Finish J's pictures

Easter bunnies for Logan, A, and J

Make shirts into short sleeves for Maddox

Leather envelope, Knot Bracelet and leather barrette and bracelet for Kit

Mail Easter stuff for Maddox and Kit

Make Daisy's Easter dress

Mother's Day gifts - stitch markers, dish cloths (crocheted)

Order of three pillow covers for Faith.

Anyway, I'm off to bed so I can get some rest and got some of this stuff done!

Chugging along...

It's been a while since I've posted, but it's just been so busy! We were snowed in, oh forever. Well, not really snowed in, but Morgan was out of school for almost a week straight, she had a friend overnight for several of those days, and it got a bit cabin-feverish. We did get our income tax return in on the 7th, which has been nice. We paid my parents back everything we owed them (for Daisy's dental work last year), took care of a few bills, and were able to get some things we needed. I'm planning to have another crafting slumber party for Morgan's birthday this year, so I got pretty much all the crafty supplies I needed for that. I also got to get an external lighting set up and a nice backdrop, which will be great for my photography! Nick had a few things on his list as well, such as his handgun carry permit, his next ASE testing registration, some new running shoes, and a new backpack. God always, always provides for us, but it's always fun when He provides a little extra. ;)

Monday night I got spanked. He told me Saturday night that it was coming. The plan was for it to happen Sunday night, but school was out for President's Day the next day, and Morgan had a friend spend the night. Nick didn't feel comfortable doing it with company in the house (nor did I), so he let me know he would deal with it the next night.

Monday night after all the kids were asleep he asked me to join him upstairs. I followed him up, then went into the bathroom to pee first. When I came out he had the Cane-iac Jr. with holes paddle in his hand.

The issue at hand was, as it always seems to be, the housework. I know it comes back to this time and time again. I've come to accept that it will probably always be somewhat of an issue for me, and though I really do make an effort, there will always come times when I need to be refocused and re-motivated. That was certainly accomplished with this spanking. I have no idea how many I got (well less than 100 I would think, but beyond that I can't guess). I do know that it was really, really hard to take right from the beginning, and I was no good at all at staying put for it. Finally, after telling me to bend over again 4 or 5 times Nick pulled down my jeans and panties. He told me that if I could stay put I would get 5 more, but if I moved again it would get a lot worse. Those last 5 were especially hard, and I've got a pretty bruised and sore bottom still a couple of days later.

But I feel better for having been spanked. I feel reconnected to my husband, and safe within his boundaries, and I've been getting more accomplished around the house. It's still far from perfect, but I'm working on it.

After the paddling we made love, something that doesn't always happen after a punishment, and he took his time making sure it was good for me too. Since then I've felt lighter and happier and just closer to him. 

Well that's been our last few weeks - how about you guys?

Prayer requests and possible punishments...

Hello, everyone. Not a whole lot to report, mostly just checking in. I'm working on the skirts an old classmate ordered, and I'm trying to clean house and plan Christmas gifts. The house kind of got put on the backburner while I was sewing,  and I thought I was going to get a spanking. It's possible that might still happen, although Nick hadn't decided last time he mentioned it. I'm quite sure I deserve it, but mostly I just wish he'd tell me one way or the other so my brain can move on. 

I've got some serious financial needs this week for several bills, in the next couple of days actually, and I would really appreciate you praying with me for God's timely provision. 

Nick and I do have a date night Saturday night for his company Christmas party, and I'm really looking forward to that! Anyway, that's what's shakin' around our house these days. What's up with you guys?

Renewed

I got spanked a little while ago. I honestly wasn't thinking anything about it when Nick got up to give me my usual good night kiss before heading up to bed, so it caught me off guard when he said "Let's go upstairs for a minute."

I followed him up and went to pee, and when I came out of the bathroom he was sitting on the bed holding the Jokari paddle. There was a lot of conversation and some lecturing too, and I was surprised to hear myself say the words "I just don't want you to give up on me." And there it was, the real reason I felt so unsettled when he didn't punish me the other night. 

"I'm not giving up on you. If I was we wouldn't be having this conversation." And of course, even knowing how I would feel when it was over, I seriously didn't want to be spanked, but what it boiled down to was that I should have done what I was told the first time, and I was going to get a paddling whether I liked it or not.

It felt like it had been forever since I'd gotten a spanking, and he was intent on making his point. There were tears not very far in, and I had to be told to stay put more than once. But of course when it was over and he was holding me and telling me he was sorry he'd had to spank me, and I was telling him I was sorry I'd disobeyed, I felt immensely better, and we ended the night in sweet spirits.

Scattered.

I've been stretching myself a little thin lately. Last month, besides going to the gym and taking Morgan to soccer practice and games, I've had three doctor's visits for the kids, one dentist appointment, a couple of Etsy orders, some mending for a girl at church, birthday gifts to make for Robert, Kelly, and Will, Trick or Treat bags to make for Kit and Maddox, a Halloween wreath to make for Kate (I needed the last three done so early so I could mail them all together with Will's birthday gift to Texas), sewing for Daisy's birthday, mending for Nick (broken zipper on his gym bag), and three photo shoots for the same couple - one engagement, one rehearsal dinner, and one wedding, and we're talking over 2600 shots that needed to be culled, edited, and converted from RAW format. I'm still working my way through those since the rehearsal dinner and wedding were just this last weekend.

This month promises to be just as busy. Friday we have a youth event at church that Nick and I will be helping with, Saturday is Daisy's birthday (fourth!) which entails a small family party and for which I still have a few skirts to sew (her special birthday request), Sunday is our church's homecoming, the 10th is Logan's first birthday and party (have to make him a gift), the 12th I have Faith's maternity shoot, the 13th is Melanie's baby shower (for which I have yet to make a gift), the 16th is James' birthday (gotta make a gift) the 17th is my birthday, although I don't have any plans for it, the 19th is the church picnic, the 26th is Faith's baby shower (and yes, I still need to make her a gift). And of course Halloween is 5 days later, and I'm going to have to come up with 3 costumes somewhere, although Daisy is making it easy for me by insisting on going as a "girl ghost" (white sheet with eye holes and a pink bow on top, and done!).

All of that is to say that I've let some things around here go. Like everything. The house has truly gotten to an atrocious state, and my car was the same. Saturday I had to leave for the wedding earlier than Nick. He was actually running the sound system for the ceremony, but I had to get there early to start photographing the bride getting ready. I took his truck so that he could have the car to drop the kids and car seats off at his parents' house since they were going to bring them to the wedding and watch them so we could work. Many exhausting hours later we switched cars back after the wedding, and I got in mine to find it absolutely spotless. When I got home, the living room was immaculate.

Now obviously I really appreciate Nick doing all of that for me (with Morgan's help). It took a huge load off of me, but it also made me feel really, really guilty. He'd mentioned the car and the house, the living room especially a few times over the last few weeks, and I knew I was dropping the ball. So when all of a sudden something I'm supposed to do gets taken off my plate, I feel like there's bound to be a cost to that, and that maybe there should be. So when I apologized that he'd had to do it himself that night, he informed me that he was going to deal with it later, which in our house means a spanking.

And I was...relieved. Not that I wanted to get spanked, just that I felt like I probably deserved to, and that the universe would be back in balance so to speak once it happened. The truth is, I've not been handling my time wisely, and when I let things get too crazy, I really do need him to come down hard on me. I hate it at the time, but it refocuses me, and it reminds me that there are consequences to my actions. 

Even with the kids in bed at a reasonable hour these days, it's rare for a punishment to happen the same night it's brought up, so I wasn't surprised that he went to bed without handling it that night. But the next day I was fairly sure he was going to do it after the kids were in bed. To my surprise, he went to be without mentioning it again, and by that point I had reached the stage where I genuinely dread and fear what's coming, so I decided that was a positive thing. When I went up a couple of hours later and he snuggled up behind me with sweeter things on his mind I was pleasantly surprised and more than willing. 

"This is a nice surprise," I murmured. "I though I was getting a spanking tonight."

"Mmm..you need one," he answered. But then he wasn't interested in talking anymore, and by the time we were done he had decided to let it go. 

The next morning he told me he wanted me to work on the house and concentrate on the kitchen. But the day was crazy, and I spent it editing pictures, chasing kids, and keeping the living room as clean as he'd had it, and somehow the kitchen didn't get done.

Today he came home early from work, sick to his stomach and battling a headache. I gave him something for the pain and put him to bed, and he slept a good 4 or 5 hours. I worked on the kitchen some, but I also did a lot of child wrangling and picture editing, and it still isn't done. Tonight when he went to bed he told me that he wants me to have it done tomorrow, and I plan to do just that. But I feel like I've gotten away with something I shouldn't have, like I ran over him by not focusing on what he asked me to do, and I don't like it. 

A Friendly Reminder

So how are you guys doing? I'm doing well. Money is tight this week, but God has been blessing us. I should get paid tomorrow for a group of toddler skirts I made for a lady at church, and I have orders for a couple more from people I went to high school with. And my parents stopped by today with a HUGE load of groceries, which was AWESOME. 

Also in the awesome category (well, not so awesome at the time, but in the long run - and yeah, kind of awesome even at the time), I got spanked on Monday night. I wasn't expecting it. Nick went up to take a shower, and I went up with my laptop with the intention of showing him something funny I'd found when he got out. I was lying across the bed on my stomach when he came out, and he smacked my bottom hard with both hands. I squealed, and he pulled me back onto my feet and pulled down my jeans and panties. To be honest, I was expecting things to go in a different direction, so I was a bit surprised when he started spanking me, rather hard, with his hand. And then he started lecturing me on slacking off a little with some of the housework. And he asked me what happens when I do that. And that's where I made my mistake. 

See, during an actual, serious discipline spanking I have a very hard time with articulating just what's happening. During sex, it's a huge turn-on, but during a punishment not so much. It's embarrassing, and it also pushes hard on that little core of rebellion inside of me, and he knows this. When Morgan is defiant with me, I sometimes make her do jumping jacks. Not like a bunch of them, usually something like 10-15, certainly less than the average public school gym teacher demands in P.E. It doesn't hurt her, it doesn't impose a physical strain on her, but it brings home to her that she is the child and I am the parent, and at the end of the day, I'm in charge and she has to do what I say. And she HATES it, but it gets the message across, and it generally brings her back in line pretty quickly.

And it's with the same reasoning that Nick sometimes makes me admit out loud that I've done something wrong and I'm getting spanked for it. And I hate it just as much as Morgan hates those jumping jacks. So when he asked me what happens when I don't do my chores, my answer was a very noncommittal "Mmmm..." A couple more very hard swats and the question repeated prompted me to say "That!" To which he answered, "I can see that you're not taking me seriously. This was supposed to be a friendly reminder, but I can see that's not working."

By that point he was rummaging in the toy chest, and I was starting to panic. He pulled out the Cane-iac Jr. with holes, and I went into full on begging and apology mode. To no avail, though, because he bent me right back over the bed and began to paddle me. I'll admit that it wasn't a very hard paddling, but, and I think most of you know what I mean, slick, hard maple, especially with holes in it is very painful on a bare bottom at any force, just for the stinging alone. 

Before long I couldn't hold still at all, and I asked if I could please lay on the bed. He let me do so, and the paddling continued for a bit. When he asked me again what happens when I don't do my chores I wasted no time at all in answering loudly enough for him to hear, "I get spanked!" He gave me a few more swats, then put down the paddle and held me. 

It wasn't very long before I was eager to show him just how sweet and submissive I could be, and we moved on to the awesome part of the evening, which is best left in my memories. :)

Getting to bed on time.

So first of all, I brought the blog back public. I think it's been long enough for the nonsense to die down enough that it's likely that anyone who finds it via a search is doing so because they have a genuine interest in DD as opposed to a morbid curiosity.

Nick took notice of my increasingly lax attitude about my 2 AM bedtime and came down pretty hard on me Saturday night/Sunday morning. Saturday I was taking the kids to my friend Elizabeth's daughter's 5th birthday party. I made her an I Spy bag (that link is an example only and is in no way affiliated with me or this blog). It took longer than I thought it would, so I ended up working on it till about 3 AM Saturday morning. After I finished, I sat down on the couch to check my email for a minute, and pretty soon it was almost 4:00.

Nick had fallen asleep on the couch hours earlier, and he had to work Saturday, so I woke him up to get in bed, thinking I had a pretty good excuse for being up so late. Turns out he didn't think so. 

Saturday night/Sunday morning we watched TV late, both of us also playing online. I looked up and noticed it was a little after 2:00, so I got up, put in a last load of laundry, and told Nick I was going upstairs to read. A short time later he came up too, and immediately opened up the chest at the end of the bed. When I peeked around the edge of my book, I saw that he had pulled out the Jokari paddle, something that hasn't seen any use in a couple of years. Once upon a time it was his go to paddle for punishments, and it's always been a serious implement, so I gulped a bit when I saw it there on the bed. He lectured me a bit, then made me turn over. He let me keep my jeans and panties up, mostly I think because I was on my period still, and I was grateful for the reprieve. He spanked harder than usual, and longer too, 50 rather slow, hard, measured swats, then 50 just as hard but much faster swats. Then he took another few minutes to reiterate why he was spanking me. He asked me what time it was, and I had to admit that it was 2:37, and that it had indeed been after 2:00 when I'd come up for the night, despite knowing that I was already getting punished for staying up late. He told me that I was getting 37 more. I stayed quite still for the whole thing, so I didn't earn any extra for moving. 

After he spanked me, he got up and took a shower, then came back to cuddle with me a bit. He asked me if I understood why he'd had to do it, and I assured him that I did. The thing is, if I had just woken him up at 2:00 that night and asked him if I could stay up late to finish my project, he would have absolutely said yes. It was only because I was trying the whole "get forgiveness later rather than permission now" thing that I got in trouble. The fact that I've been kind of slacking off about some of the chore lately didn't do me any good either though.

Sex was out because of my period, but I spent some time showing him what a very good girl I could be, and we both went to sleep quite happy.

Please be in prayer for our finances this week. I just straight up don't have the money for the electric bill. But we've certainly been in this position before, and God has always provided, so I know that He will make a way.

Today (or yesterday now) was the first day of VBS at our church, which went well. I always forget what a whirlwind it is to do crafts, and the night flew by. Tonight we did Shrinky Dinks (not an affiliate link) and glass stone magnets for the bigger kids, and caterpillar clothespins for the youngest class. Tomorrow we're going to attempt stamped washer necklaces and painting birdhouses. 

But right now it's 1:57 AM, and I'm going to bed!

Catching up

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day! We didn't really do anything on the day of because Nick had to work (boo!), but on Saturday we joined a good friend of his for a family cookout/camp out by the river. The kids had a blast, and we all really enjoyed ourselves. 

Daisy rocked her new hot pink tankini from Aunt Kate, Morgan made a few new friends, and this guy ran and ran and ran and picked up and threw every ball he came across. We usually get his hair cut every couple of weeks but Nana (Nick's stepmom, who cuts our hair) was on vacation last week, so he missed a cut. I think I'm going to have her start leaving it a little longer on top, because this fuzzy baby head charmed people for miles around, his mama included!

My parents unexpectedly took the girls overnight tonight, so after Nick got off work we went and had dinner using a gift card he got as a tenure gift from work. Money is crazy tight right now, so this was a really neat blessing, and I loved the time with just my guys.

Nick's hands are still not healed, but I got that spanking tonight. It turns out that his left (dominant) hand is not nearly as bad, and his problem is more with his pinch grip than his ability to hold onto something (like a paddle) with his whole hand. Either way, he was plenty able to get his point across.

When he was ready for bed he asked me if I was ready for the spanking, and after minimal hemming and hawing I obeyed and followed him upstairs. He pulled out one of the paddles he made - this one:

He had me bend over the bed, and he gave me 51 over my jeans (because he seems to think "one to grow on" is not just for birthday spankings). He spanked hard, as always, but I managed to stay in place through the whole thing. Then as he was putting the paddle back in the chest he spotted a riding crop and gave me one quick hard lick with it, just because he "hadn't used it in a while."

Afterwards, he apologized for making me wait so long, and I apologized for making him need to do it at all, and we snuggled up till he fell asleep, which is where I'm headed now, because it's bedtime!

Temporarily Handicapped

My friend Elizabeth posted this as her Facebook status and tagged her husband the other day. She's one of my very few friends that I've ever talked to about spanking (although in less than explicit detail), and I knew she was kind of into it. But it amused me to see her put it out there like that.

Around here all the implements are getting a bit dusty, but I've been promised a spanking on the serious side of things, mostly having to do with my seeming inability to follow through and finish some of my chores. I'm great at getting started, but I have a tendency to leave the clean laundry neatly folded on the chair in the living room rather than putting it away, and the kitchen table got stalled about 15 minutes away from being completely clean.

Right now though Nick is experiencing a curious inability to spank. I think I've mentioned that he got a ridiculously nice road bike from Kate and Will for Christmas, and he rides it a lot, especially now that the weather is getting warm. A couple of years ago when Kate and Will sold their lake house, they got rid of the (very nice) mountain bikes they had there by sending them home from Texas with Grant and Kelly. Will's had needed a little bit of repair work done, so they've sat unused in Grant and Kelly's basement. Some of Nick's coworkers are really into mountain biking, so Nick asked Grant if he would bring the bikes to us so Nick could see about repairing them, and maybe borrow one to use to go riding with some of the guys from work. 

Yesterday was their first ride, and Nick had a lot of fun, although he said it was much harder than he expected. Unfortunately he sustained some sort of injury to his hands, likely to do with gripping the handlebars too tightly during the constant jarring, and he's got very little grip strength in them right now. It's bad enough that it takes real effort for him to turn the key to start his truck. 

We've done the research online, and it seems to be a pretty common injury for beginner mountain bikers, with the prescription just being time and rest. So no more biking for a few days, and certainly no spanking. While I'm glad enough to put off a punishment, I'd really appreciate your prayers that he heals quickly. He's fortunately not in any pain, but just the inability to hold a grip could pose a real problem when he goes back to work on Monday. 

Anyway, that's what's going on around these parts. Hope things are going well for you guys!

Birthday Week (and a non-birthday spanking)

We're having a very busy week here. Yesterday was Nick's and Morgan's birthday! Nick turned 34, and Morgan is now a great big 12 years old! Tuesday night Nick's dad and stepmom came over and brought pizza and cake to celebrate since we had church last night. Yesterday afternoon Morgan's best friend Lola and her family took Morgan out for ice cream, and after church Nick took us all out for dinner with part of his birthday money.

Today we went out to Kelly and Grant's house so I could do Logan's 6 month pictures, and Kelly fixed us all dinner. Tomorrow is Morgan's big birthday party! We don't really do "friend" parties much around these parts, but 12 is a big year - almost a teenager! I wanted it to be memorable for her, so she's having her first ever slumber party.

We're actually holding it at our church, because we don't have the room to accommodate a dozen or so preteen girls. Everybody is bringing pillows and sleeping bags, and they'll camp out in the church nursery. We've chosen that room because there is a bathroom, not to mention a flat screen TV with a built in DVD player for the movies. :)

I've got big plans for the night - besides the movie(s), the girls will tie-dye tshirts, make hair bows, make bottle cap pins, and make glass stone magnets, and decorate canvas bags. They'll also each pick out a pearl and wire combination for me to make them a ring. I've made an assortment of boutique bows and zipper pouches for them to also take home as party favors. We'll have pizza, chips, popcorn, and quesadillas for dinner, and pancakes for breakfast. 

The best part is that I don't have very much money in any of it. I bought $6 worth of printed felt for the zipper pouches, and $3 in supplies for the bottle cap pins. My mom is providing the canvas bags, and the rest of the craft supplies I had on hand already. I did buy a $6 box of clips for the hair bows because I didn't have enough to do them all, but most of them will end up being used for bows to put in my Etsy shop. And I'll have to buy a pack of magnets for the glass stone magnet project, but with a Hobby Lobby coupon it will be less than $5. All in all I'll have less than $20 in favors and supplies.

My biggest expense will be the pizza and drinks, but my mom provided all the rest of the food. The guest list has been kind of fluid. I initially told her she could invite 10 girls, but she came up with 13 she couldn't choose between. 6 of those weren't able to make it, so she added 3 more, and we're back at 10. Daisy is incredibly excited about it all, and she can't wait for "Sissy's party". 

Nick will hang out with Jack for the night, and my mom and dad are spending the night at the church with me to help me supervise/cook.

I got spanked Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. I was already in trouble for not doing the chores he told me to do on Friday. But I made it worse by staying up late Monday night. Nick fell asleep on the couch, which is not entirely uncommon. What was uncommon was that he woke up at 4:30 in the morning Tuesday morning to find me sitting on the other couch on the computer. I wasn't exactly trying to disobey him, but I admit that I wasn't trying too hard to obey him either. I guess I just figured that since he hadn't really been making a big deal out of the curfew he maybe didn't feel that strongly about it, and I have to confess that I didn't really think I'd get caught. 

Anyway, he was furious, which caught me a little off guard, but I very quickly realized that I had gotten myself in deeper trouble. At that point he just wanted to go to bed for a couple of hours before work, and he told me he wasn't going to deal with me right then - the implication being that he would certainly be dealing with me later.

Later turned out to be just after midnight Wednesday morning, just into his birthday. I was pretty nervous about this one. I actually came right out and asked him not to spank me, something I never do. With his belt in hand he calmly listed all the reasons he was going to spank me anyway, then proceeded to do just that. 

To be honest, I was relieved when he picked up his belt instead of opening the toy chest to get the new paddle. Not that the belt doesn't hurt, but wood is generally a lot more painful. But this time he really put his back into it. I almost always get spanked bending over or laying on the bed, which puts me right in front of the dresser mirror, and it sure looked like he was swinging as hard as he could. It certainly felt like it. He always spanks hard, but direct disobedience is a hard line for him, and I've never been spanked so hard with a belt. I shudder to think what it would have been like if he'd used the paddle and pulled down my jeans and panties.

After it was over I cried and pouted a bit, then curled up beside him, and he held me for a while. Eventually I asked him why he'd decided not to use the new paddle, and he said "What new paddle?" Apparently he'd missed my last blog post, lucky for me.

Anyway, it's almost my bedtime, and I'm not about to miss it, so I'll say goodnight!

A great deal on a bad idea...

I used to buy spanking toys all the time. I couldn't walk down the kitchen aisle at, well anywhere, without snagging a wooden spoon or a silicone spatula. The Dollar Tree especially was a treasure trove of inexpensive pervertibles, and Walmart's cosmetics and toiletries department seldom failed me. But not these days. A part of it of course is that I don't really have the money for non essentials a great deal of the time, but mostly it's that well, we have just about everything we can think of. I don't have a tawse, or a loopy johnny (and don't want one thank you very much), but we're really pretty much full up with the sort of implements we're likely to use.

But Friday I came across something I couldn't pass up (although I very probably should have, and I'm sure I'll live to regret it soon enough). I had stopped in at our local Goodwill in hopes of finding Nick some decent shorts to wear. The weather has finally turned warm here, and just the other day he went through every pair he owns only to discover that every last one of them is way too big on him now! He's lost about 50 pounds now, and he's definitely seeing a difference.

Anyway, no luck on the shorts that day; but my mom had given Daisy a couple of dollars so that she could shop, so we ended up in the toy section. And that's where I saw this:

If you'll look closely at that last picture you'll notice the 50¢ price tag. Like an idiot I brought this thing home. It's currently upstairs in our toy chest, although I don't anticipate it staying there for long. The same day I bought it I ended up staying out running errands longer than I meant to, and I came home to a very angry husband doing the chores I was told to get finished while he was at work. Robert and Faith were coming over for dinner and a movie, and were due to arrive at any time.

We managed to get the house looking mostly respectable before they arrived, but that night in bed when I apologized for not having things done, Nick told me we would be taking care of it later. I asked and was assured that I'll be getting spanked. I just hope that if the new paddle comes out he'll let me keep my jeans - I'm not sure I'll be able to stay put if he doesn't. Either way I deserve it, and I'm going to do my best to cooperate.

I'll leave you with this sweet picture of Jack watching his daddy mow the yard a couple of weeks ago. :)

Straightened Out

So I'm still working on getting the house in order. But yesterday was payday for Nick, which meant it was bill paying/grocery shopping day for me. And I had to mail out an Etsy order (thanks, D!), and return some library books (he decided not to spank me for the late fees after all, so I didn't want to push my luck). And my mom wanted me to bring the girls out to visit while I ran errands.

Anyway, Nick usually gets home around 6:00, but it was just after 7:00 by the time I got home myself. I was a little apprehensive, because I knew that the house was looking a little rough. It really is like swimming upstream with a one year old and a three year old home all day, but I try to make sure that he comes home to at least a clean living room, a made bed, and a navigable kitchen. Ideally I want to have all the common areas spotless for him, but I've still got some work to do to make that happen on a regular basis. 

When I got Jack out of his car seat he was badly in need of a diaper change. I had just changed him before going in the last store, but he was apparently having some tummy troubles. I brought him in and inwardly groaned - the house looked worse than I remembered. The big chair in the living room was loaded with laundry (clean laundry though), the couch cushions were all over the place, and the kitchen was a disaster. Nick was clearly unhappy.

I changed Jack, who was uncharacteristically fussy, and held him for a bit to get him settled. After a few minutes I gave him to Nick and brought Nick a snack to feed him while I unloaded all the groceries. That took a while, then I put a pizza in the oven for dinner. While the pizza baked I straightened up a bit, then served us both. While we were eating, my mom called to tell me she would be bringing the girls home in a little while. 

We sat and watched TV while we ate, and after we were both done, Nick said, "Let's go upstairs for a few minutes." Now I'm no idiot - I knew exactly what he had in mind.

"The girls will be home really soon," I tried.

"That's why we're going up now," he answered, pointedly turning the deadbolt on the front door. 

Resigned, I got up off the couch and trudged up the stairs behind him.  When I got to the bedroom I headed straight to the bathroom. I always have to pee first. I could hear him rummaging through the chest at the end of the bed. When I came out he was holding a paddle he hasn't used in years. He actually made this one himself many years ago. It's relatively lightweight, but it burns like fire. He lectured me for a bit, then told me to turn around and bend over. I bent over the bed, and he pulled my jeans and panties down over my protests. 

He may have gone easy on me when he spanked me last time, but he didn't make the same mistake this go around. He was fed up this time, and he made sure I knew it. I couldn't hold still, and after getting out of place a few times and getting spanked harder each time, I asked if I could please lie across the bed. I thought I might be able to stay put a little better with my feet off the ground. He agreed, but it didn't do much good, and I was still struggling to stay put. Finally he told me I was getting 10 more just so long as I could hold still for them, but if I moved again he would keep going. I ended up getting 11 more. 

When he was done he put the paddle up and told me that I could join him downstairs when I had composed myself. Then he spent the next 45 minutes helping me fold laundry. Today I did better, although I've still got a lot of work to do. 

After we got the kids to bed last night we spent some sweeter time together. I'm so incredibly blessed with him. ❤

100 Random Facts

I've done a post like a couple of times before, but I had fun with it, so I thought I'd do it again, and see if I can come up with 100 all new ones. I'm not all that interesting myself, so they won't all be about me. :)

1. Jack is addicted to Yo Gabba Gabba.

2. I can't decide if I really like the show or am totally creeped out by it.

3. I think 2 of the characters look like sex toys.

4. And that DJ Lance Rock guy looks like a French tickler.

5. My Macbook came about a week and a half ago and I loooove it.
6. My mom and dad watched Jack and Daisy for me Thursday while Morgan was at school.
7. Because of this, I was able to finish cleaning Jack and Daisy's room.
8. This was a huge relief for me, because if I hadn't finished it by today I was going to get a serious spanking.
9. I love to read, but I hadn't been to the library since 2001.
10. We went and took the kids for their first time yesterday.
11. Nick found out why I hadn't been in so long when he had to pay my outstanding late fees (from 12 years ago!)
12. He was less than happy about it.
13. He's planning to spank me for it, but we've not had kid free time to deal with it as of yet.
14. In the meme I did like this last April I mentioned a house we'd love to be able to someday buy. The owner's son called Nick yesterday and told him it looks like his mom has decided to put it on the market.
15. There are a number of obstacles standing in the way of us buying it.
16. First we would have to sell our house.
17. The house we want is also worth more than ours, so our house payment would increase.
18. Despite all this, I know that if this is the house God has for us, He will make a way.
19. We would really appreciate your prayers that His will be done in this situation, and that we are faithful in praising Him even if His plan doesn't include this house for us.
20. When I got the Macbook from Kate, there were a bunch of pictures on there they didn't realize were still on there, and when I installed Picasa, it pulled them all up.
21. None of them were questionable, but they did include some scans of paperwork from when they bought their house, including the details of Will's monthly income.
22. The figures left me a little lightheaded.
23. I don't feel so bad about the amount of money they spend on us for Christmas anymore!
24. My best friend Ann, who was diagnosed with Friedreich's Ataxia 6 years ago, had to quit her job and apply for disability benefits a little over a week ago. Her doctor also ordered her a wheelchair as her cane is no longer sufficient.
25. I'm heartbroken that it's already reached this point for her, but grateful that she has a supportive husband and will be able to spend this time home with her kids.
26. I'm also, selfishly, glad that she will have time free for us to visit each other.
27. She lives about an hour away, and I've only seen her a couple of times since Jack was born, so I'm really excited that she plans on coming to visit me this week. (Before anyone thinks I'm too awful, I offered to go to her house, but she wanted to come here).
28. I'm planning on taking Jack and Daisy up to church camp with Nick and Morgan this summer and staying all week.
29. When Ann called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was quitting her job, I shared this plan with her.
30. She told me she was possibly planning to come and stay with me all week.
31. I might have screamed like a preteen girl at a One Direction concert at this news.
32. I get excited every time I think about it, and it's going to take some serious getting over for me if it doesn't happen.
33. Ann and I practically lived at each other's houses in our late teens, and we were each other's maid/matron of honor.
34. I've had a number of close girlfriends over the years, but none like her.
35. Daisy has pretty much mastered potty training now.
36. As she turned 3 five months ago, it seemed like we were never going to get there.
37. The one (very important) thing she still needs to conquer is using a regular toilet.
38. Right now she's convinced she'll fall in, even with a child size seat attached, so we're kind of dependent on the "small potty" right now.
39. Jack slept in his own bed all night last night!
40. Unfortunately he took a long Sunday afternoon (into evening) nap with me, so there was no putting him down at his regular bedtime tonight.
41. Daisy was super excited to go to the "lye-berry", especially when she saw that they had a giant stuffed bear in the children's section and two Llama Llama books she'd never seen.
42. Jack was more interested in exploring.

43. At 14 months, he weighs 18 pounds and is officially too tall for 6 month sleepers.
44. I just got him these shoes for Easter at Target, and the cuteness is killing me!

45. Daisy has this toy monkey she named "Mr. Bananners", and I challenge anyone to hear her say his name without smiling.
46. I have a craft show coming up in less than two weeks.
47. I'm hoping that my in-laws will take the two littles for the day again so I can work on adding to my inventory.
48. I've been making lots of wire wrapped glass pearl rings and ribbon hair bows, as well as rings, headbands, brooches, necklaces, and bracelets using leather pieces.
49. If we were to get that house, I would have an actual craft room.
50. I don't let myself think about that too much, because I don't want to get too attached to the idea in case it never happens.
51. I worry a little about how we would transport our giant chest full of paddles, straps, canes, etc. if we move. Last time we moved was 12 years ago, and our collection was considerably smaller.
52. We have a Pack N Play we used with Daisy that we put on Craigslist the other day. It's been packed away in our garage for about a year. It was clean when I put it away, so when a lady wanted to buy it, I encouraged her to open it up and inspect it.
53. I was horrified and embarrassed to find that there had apparently been something spilled on the garage floor that had soaked through the storage bag and badly stained the webbing on the sides.
54. The lady (understandably) passed on it.
55. I'm going to try to clean off whatever is on it with bleach, but that's the last time I assume anything has stayed clean while in storage!
56. A few days ago when I was cleaning Jack and Daisy's room I came across an audio book I got in the free bin at my favorite used bookstore. I nearly tossed it because I've had it for years and I'm never in the car long enough at one time to make listening to it enjoyable.
57. Nick happened to pick it up and pop the first CD in one morning on his way to work.
58. He'd never tried audio books before, but now he's on his 3rd one, and he just checked 4 more out at the library.
59. He said it's made his commute (about 45 minutes there and about an hour back) much better.
60. When my Macbook came the other day, the box also included not only Jack's car seat, but also Daisy's birthday present, which included 3 outfits, a headband, and a swimsuit (her birthday's not till October, but Kate said she already had it, so she just sent it), a toy truck for Jack, and a couple of life jackets that had been at their lake house before they sold it.
61. I'm really grateful they shipped all of that to us, because the box probably weighed 60 pounds.
62. I was super excited to find out that I can check out books from the library using my Kindle.
63. Morgan is currently grounded for her grades.
64. She's really smart, but she's pretty lazy about school.
65. She gets that from her dad. ;)
66. To be fair, she gets her tendency toward a messy room from me.
67. Her dad grew up to be one of the hardest working people I know, so I'm holding out hope for her.
68. I talked to Kate the other day, and she's going through the exact same thing with Kit, which makes me feel a little better.
69. A guy at Nick's job just quit, which means one less person to split the team's earnings with.
70. Nick hated to see the guy go, but he was happy to have what was in effect, a pay raise. We really hope they don't hire anyone to replace him.
71. Randomly enough, Nick's boss hired a masseuse to come in to work and give everyone a 15 minute massage. He had his a couple of weeks ago.
72. I follow a lot of craft bloggers.
73. Recently, a bunch of them started truncating their posts due to site scrapers (people who steal blog content to take advantage of your search engine hits). This means that you only get the first few sentences in your RSS reader, and you have to go to the actual blog to read the rest of the post.
74. I understand where they're coming from (I've been a victim myself in the past), but I really, really hate it.
75. I have several hundred blogs in my RSS reader, and I don't have the time or the desire to click through on every single post, so I've unfollowed most of the blogs that do this.
76. I may have had to add word verification back on, but I promise to continue to give you full access to each post via RSS.
77. I can NOT seem to get in bed on time.
78. Every other Friday Nick, Jack, Daisy, and I attend our church's Senior Saints meeting. This is a ministry geared toward the senior crowd, but about 20% of the people there are under 40. There's a message followed by a meal, and we always enjoy both.
79. Three years ago I could not have imagined my husband volunteering to attend a non-Sunday church service on his day off.
80. For that matter, I could not have imagined me doing it either.
81. God has grown Nick's heart in such an amazing way in the last few years, and I'm overwhelmingly blessed by him as my husband every day.
82. Nick regularly runs the sound booth at church, drives the church van, and helps with youth events. He's also the first to jump up and help clean up after a meal in the life center.
83. I try to make it a point to tell him how much I appreciate all he does, but I wanted to say it here too.
84. After my post the other day mentioning his broken closet door, Nick went to the hardware store and bought a new latch. He fixed it yesterday.
85. This morning we got to church and realized we had forgotten to bring a bottle for Jack. I ran to Target to pick him one up along with some milk and got distracted by the huge wall of hilarious greeting cards they now carry. I couldn't tarry too long, but I spotted quite a few lightly kinky ones, so I bet if you had the time you could find a few spanky ones in there.
86. Two years ago I bought Nick a spanking themed Valentine's card, but I lost my nerve and never gave it to him. It's still in a drawer upstairs. Maybe next year.
87. This is the first year we've watched The Biggest Loser, and we're really into it.
88. I've not, however, watched any of Downton Abbey, although I feel like I should have.
89. I would like for you guys to pray for something (else) for me. We tithe on a regular basis, but it seems like we rarely have anything extra to give to others. My prayer is that God will provide us both means and opportunity, as well as the wisdom and the right heart to help someone in the coming weeks. It may be something small, but it sure would do my heart good!
90. I'm going to give myself a couple of weeks, till I'm past my craft show before I start, but my tentative plan is to cut out tea/sodas on weekdays. I did that just before I got pregnant with Daisy and lost 10 pound in a couple of months without putting any real effort into it.
91. Daisy has a fabulous imagination, and I love watching her play. She has an imaginary friend named "Pretend Layla Friend". A few weeks ago she used her iPad to take a picture of a wall at church. She showed me the shot later and told me it was a picture she had taken of Pretend Layla Friend. The next shot in the gallery was Daisy standing against the same wall with her arm draped convincingly around thin air. This one was a picture of her with Pretend Layla Friend. :)
92. Morgan got her contacts last week, and she's getting better every day at putting them in and taking them out.
93. This is a good thing, because she missed the bus twice last week because it took her so long to get them in.
94. Morgan has started eating healthier and going on walks to get in better shape.
95. This leaves me as the lone couch potato, but I want to change that. As soon as it warms up just a little, I want to start going on walks again.
96. When I was 19 I used to walk 7 miles a day up and down hills.
97. I lost almost 70 pounds doing this.
98. 70 pounds was too much to lose, but at some point I lost my perspective.
99. Looking back on pictures of me then, I think I looked ill. After we got married I gained about 20 pounds and looked much better.
100. I'd like to get back to what I weighed in the first year of our marriage.