Thoughts on closets and convenience

Tuesday evening I got a spanking. I haven't talked about it here because I wasn't sure yet how to talk about it and say what I meant. I screwed up. I didn't mean to, but it happened. After juggling some things around with bills, I went to Walmart on Friday and spent about $240 on groceries and other necessities. We hadn't bought groceries in a while and we were out of almost everything, plus we've had a birthday party planned for this Saturday for Jack. When I got in the car and looked at the bank account I realized that we were actually going to end up about $18 short when the electric bill came out in a few days.

It was snowing pretty hard right then though, so I decided to go ahead and head home. The party is supposed to be dinosaur themed, and I had planned to make stuffed dinosaur tails for the kids as party favors and had purchased two large bags of stuffing for that purpose. So anyway, on Monday I took back the stuffing and deposited the money in the bank to cover what we had out. 

Tuesday when Nick came home we lay down on our bed for a few minutes since Morgan was graciously making dinner for me that night. I pulled up the bank account to make sure my deposit from the previous day had gone in and was shocked to see that we were showing over $200 overdrawn. I said a rather bad word, which got Nick's attention, and he asked me what was wrong. I was frantically scrolling through the transactions and realized with my stomach dropping that a $212 bill payment transaction I thought had already cleared before I went to Walmart in fact didn't clear until Monday night. My deposit covered that transaction, but now there wasn't enough to cover the electric bill, which was showing pending and causing the overdrawn total. The really terrifying thing was that it was just pending and and hadn't actually been paid yet, so not only were we looking at a fee when it processed, but the bank might actually decide to return it, possibly causing our power to be cut off. 

To say Nick was furious is an understatement. As I was desperately searching the transactions to see if it had somehow posted twice (it hadn't), Nick got up, and I heard the lock on our door snap into place. He told me to get up, and it was with a sense of amazement that I realized he was going to spank me. I hadn't been punished in over a year. The whole concept of domestic discipline has been much on my mind lately, perhaps because we reached our 13th anniversary with it on New Year's Eve, but every time I wanted to ask him about it I couldn't find the words or the nerve to do it. I assumed it was a thing of the past, and when I thought of it, it sat there in my heart like a small heavy thing with no way to remove it. 

It wasn't something that actually even occurred to me when I saw the bank balance, but I got to my feet without conscious thought and followed him into the closet. Our closet is very large, really big enough to be a decent small office, and our chest of implements sits under the window at the back of it. When I had thought about where things like this would take place in this house I assumed it would be the closet. It sits above the garage and puts two doors between us and the kids, so it's really the only place to go where they might not hear a spanking being given. He shut the closet door behind us, his belt in hand, folded over twice. He herded me back to the chest and I sat down on it to face him. 

There was a quick brutal lecture about paying more attention and being more careful and taking more responsibility, but I didn't have anything I could say in my defense other than I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, it was an accident. He told me to get up and turn around, then to bend over. I bent over and put my hands on the chest and lasted 10 licks before I couldn't stay still. He made me bend over again, and again I made it through 10. He told me I'd better turn back around and be grateful this was all I was getting, and he gave me 10 more. When it was over he left me there and went back to lie down on the bed. Sniffling and crying a bit, I followed him and crawled into bed with him, and we stayed there until dinner was ready. 

Since then he's not mentioned it. Thankfully, the electric bill was paid, although we were charged an overdraft fee, and the account is still overdrawn. I don't know where we will get the money to cover it. I'm praying about it, and I would appreciate it if you would too. 

I don't know exactly what this means for DD for us. The spanking hurt, a lot. My bottom is still  tender in a couple of spots. But I have carried it in my heart like a secret treasure. He loved me enough to do it. I'm genuinely upset that I screwed up and lost track and put us in this situation, but I am grateful that he chose this as the way to respond to the situation rather than silence and anger. The whole thing from discovery to spanking couldn't have been more than 10 minutes. Having a place to hand to administer the spanking in private even with kids in the house was a new experience for us. In the old house our bedroom had a huge open space in the front wall that overlooked the living room, so a punishment was something that might have to wait days or even weeks until we had the house to ourselves. Looking back, I think that maybe made discipline much more of a burden for him because it was something he had to remember and have on his radar for far longer than he wanted to have to worry about it. And frankly we didn't get all that much time alone - he didn't want to spend what time we did have on spanking. 

I wonder if it might be more convenient for him now, and if so, if it might be something he's more inclined to use in our marriage. I think it would be a good thing for me to be able have stress and attitude dealt with on an as needed basis. I've tried hard to be a better housekeeper here than I was at the old house, and I've done better I think, but there are times still that I need that reminder and refocus. Perhaps it was just too much of an investment before. Or perhaps this won't happen again for another year. Perhaps it won't happen again at all. I don't know. But it meets a deep need in me, and perhaps I can hope.