Happy Easter!

Happy Easter, everyone! It's just a few hours into this blessed day, and I'm headed up to bed in a few minutes, but I wanted to put up a quick post. I've found that this blog has been such a resource to me as a record of our lives, and I hate going too long without posting. (Not that I don't sometimes go too long, but I just hate when I do).

There was a little excitement earlier this week. Wednesday night at church my mom mentioned that she'd like to keep the kids for me for a few hours the next day so that I could have some time alone for housework or whatever else I needed, and Nick mentioned that he was planning to participate in a ride with a local bicycle shop the next day after work. So Thursday I took the kids up to my parents' house around 2:00. I expected to have them back home around 8:00, so I dropped them off and headed to the Dollar Tree to do some last minute Easter basket shopping. I was on the hunt for some of these sunglasses for Morgan.

These are apparently the sunglasses to have among the 6th grade set, and she's collected about 6 different pairs so far. They're not terribly expensive most places, but when I heard about the Dollar Tree stocking them with their spring stuff I immediately made plans to blow ten bucks on becoming the coolest mom EVER. Unfortunately several trips to different locations only yielded a single lonely pair.

Anyway, besides the point. I had finished my nearly fruitless shopping trip and was almost back home, looking forward to a few hours to spend cleaning house kid free and coming up with a tasty dinner, when my mom called. She said that Daisy was sick, running a fever and saying over and over that she was "so tired", not at all typical for my rambunctious three year old. My dad would be bringing them all home shortly, so with a sigh I headed on home myself.

When they got home she was running a fever, but it kept fluctuating between 100.4 and 102.8. She was also very lethargic. I put in a call to her pediatrician's after hours line and waited for a call back. When the nurse on call rang, I explained that she had a fever and seemed really lethargic, and asked if I needed to go ahead and treat the fever or if I needed to maybe bring her in. She'd fallen asleep by then, so with the nurse on the line I tried to wake her. She would open her eyes, but she wouldn't engage with me, and she kept going back to sleep. I could tell she was sick, but I wasn't really expecting the nurse's emphatic advice to call 911.

Honestly, it didn't seem quite that serious to me, but her reaction certainly ratcheted up my concern, so I called Morgan back home from where she was playing next door so she could watch Jack. I tried to call Nick, then remembered that he was on his bike ride and probably would be out of touch. I called my mom, who was stuck at home with only my dad's old truck, which she's not great at driving. She called my dad and Robert, who were out doing church visitation. I also tried to call my in-laws to come stay with  the kids, but my MIL thought it was Morgan calling and didn't answer because she was busy.

My dad called me in the car and told me he and Robert would meet me at the hospital. Then finally my dad reached Nick who immediately called me. By this time Daisy was awake and talking, although she still felt obviously unwell. When we got to the hospital I met my dad and brother and got her checked in at the ER. Her vitals were all great, and the ER staff seemed a little surprised that I'd brought her in. Anyway, long story a tiny bit shorter, it turned out she has some sort of virus, and they sent us home with instructions to treat it with fluids, rest, and ibuprofen for the next 5-7 days.

Meanwhile, I had told Nick to just go home to the kids (since I had been unable to reach anyone to come watch them). He arrived home to find my mom (who had managed to get the truck running and in gear) sweeping the living room and his dad and stepmom entertaining Jack. They had dropped by on their own and were terribly upset to find out that the call they hadn't answered was me calling for help. Anyway, it all ended well, although our girl is still feeling under the weather.

Today (er, yesterday I guess) Morgan and I went to an Arbonne party at our friend Melanie's house. There were free foot baths and facials, and the consultant turned out to be a girl I went to school with for 11 years but that I hadn't seen in about 18. Melanie also asked me to bring some of my Etsy inventory, and I sold $20 worth, a nice little bonus.

Jack is walking quite well now, and he just gets cuter every day! It's hard to believe he'll be 15 months old on Tuesday. I gave the kids their Easter baskets tonight, and he was so adorable exploring his. Most of what was in all of them was thrift store stuff, but they were all so grateful and thrilled with it all!

Tomorrow (well, today) we will go to church, then to Nick's grandmother's house for Easter dinner. It will be her first without Nick's grandfather, and I think it will be a little sad for all of us. It's a sweet thing to know though, that because our Savior rose that first Easter, we will see him again!

Anyway, I'm off to bed - may you all have a blessed day!

Spanko Survey

This Spanko Survey came from a now defunct blog long ago. I'm a sucker for memes, so here goes!

1. Have you ever gotten spanked?
Well, yes.

2. Do you like to be spanked?
Generally no. I know that sounds like the wrong answer, but most spankings I get are disciplinary in nature, and they wouldn't be very effective if I enjoyed them. I do appreciate them (at least once they're over), but I can't say I enjoy them. Now we occasionally do play, and I very much enjoy getting spanked then.

3. Are you bad?
No, not really. I honestly hate to upset/frustrate/disappoint Nick, so I rarely do something wrong deliberately. Most of my spankings stem from laziness or poor time management. The rare exception is when it's been so long since I've been spanked that my attitude starts to spiral out of control. When I get to that point I get really stressed and snappish and usually end up picking a fight despite knowing better.

4. Are you spanked over your pants, or do you get spanked with your pants and panties down?
This has changed back and forth over the years. There was a time when he always, always, always pulled my pants down, or made me do it myself. Then he went for a long time rarely spanking on my bare bottom. These days it really depends on why I'm getting spanked, but if I'm in any kind of real trouble they generally come down.

5. What is your favorite thing about spanking?
Well, obviously there's a sexual element to it for me, but I guess the best thing for me is how loved and taken care of it makes me feel. And I guess referring to DD in general, I love the security it has given both of us in our roles in our marriage. I'm proud to say that Nick wears his authority and the respect I show him with ease, and that wasn't always the case. When he sees friends of his whose wives treat them like children, it doesn't stir up resentment because he can relate - he feels sympathy for them, but he knows his wife thinks more of him.

6. Do you get spanked hard?
Not as hard as I used to, but for whatever reason I just can't take as much as I used to be able to take. It's still hard enough to get his message across.

7. What position are you in when getting spanked?
Most of the time bending over the side of the bed, but occasionally lying on the bed on my stomach.

8. What do you like to be spanked with?
In my fantasies, usually the Spencer paddle, the Jokari paddle, the Cracker Barrel paddle, the Cane-Iac Jr paddle, or just about anything wooden. In reality they all hurt like hell and deliver a serious punishment. I guess his belt is the implement that is the sexiest in execution, but it can hurt plenty bad too.

9. Who spanks you?
My husband

10. How long does the spanking last?
Once upon a time he didn't get the paddle out for less than 50 swats, and it was usually many, many more. Several times we've topped 1000 in one session. But these days it's rare for me to get more than 50, and 100 is almost unheard of. I think sometimes more would do me good, but I have a hard time staying still for the ones I get.

11. When is the last time you got spanked?
Friday night.

12. Do you spank yourself?
I have on occasion

13. Do you have a spanking fetish?
Um, yes.

14. After your spanking is over, do you still act bratty later on?
Nope. If I get spanked for an attitude issue, it pretty much fixes it right up.

15. How hard do you get spanked?
This seems repetitive, but hard enough for me to learn my lesson.

16. Have you ever gotten your bottom belted?
Yes, but it's not something he uses all that often.

17. Have you ever gotten paddled?
Yes, more than anything else.

18. Have you ever gotten spanked in public?
Not like a real, full blown spanking, although I've gotten plenty of random swats.

19. What do you get spanked with the most?
It's pretty evenly split between several wooden paddles. He goes through stages where he tends to use one more than others, but the last few spankings I've gotten have all been with different paddles.

20. On a scale of 1-10, how much would you say your spankings hurt?
 Most of them are a solid 9, but the last 10 or so swats are always about an 11.

21. Do you feel you deserve it?
I probably deserve it more than I get it.

22. What do you get spanked for?
Usually letting the house get out of control or an attitude issue.

23. How many times have you gotten spanked?
572. No, I'm kidding - I have no idea. A lot though.

24. Have you ever gotten spanked in front of your friends?
I've gotten a swat or two, but nothing serious.

25. Have you ever gotten caned?
A couple of times. We've got several canes, but Nick rarely uses them. I'd actually not mind trying them again.

26. Do you like the pain of a spanking?
Nope!

27. Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon?
Yes

28. Have you ever gotten spanked with a hair brush?
Yes, but more often with a bath brush.

29. Is there something spanking related you'd like to try that you never have?
Once Nick told me that he was pretty lenient on me (which is true), and that I really wouldn't want to see him be really strict. I've always kind of wanted to spend just one day, or maybe a weekend with him doing just that, not letting me get by with anything, disciplining me for every single little thing I do wrong. I wouldn't want to live that way all the time, but I would really like to experience it just once. I've also kind of always been curious about being put in the corner before/after/during the middle of a spanking.

30. Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong?
I have, but it's been a long time.

31. Is spanking a big part of your every day life? It's something I think about a lot, but it's not really a big part of it.

32. Do you get spanked more than once a day?
I have before, but it's not a common occurrence.

33. How often do you get spanked? As often as Nick thinks I need it, which generally translates to about once every 1-2 months. I personally think I earn it more often, but it's not up to me.

34. Is your butt red and sore afterwards?
Yes

35. Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?
No

36. Do you believe in spanking?
That's a weird question. Yes?

37. Have you ever been spanked so hard that you started to cry?
Many times.

38. At what age did you start getting spanked?
I did get spanked (a few times) as a kid, but as an adult, at age 20.

39. Do you think spanking is a good punishment?
It's certainly effective for me.

40. Have you ever gotten spanked for swearing?
No, but I have made a spanking worse by swearing in the middle of it.

41. Do you think spanking is fun?
It can be.

42. What does your spanker say to you before your spanking?
Usually "turn around" or "bend over".

43. Have you ever gotten spanked for getting bad grades?
No

44. Have you ever gotten spanked for no reason at all?
Not really

45. Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?
Once, in the 2nd grade.

46. Do you want a spanking right now?
Not particularly, but I need to go to bed if I don't want one tomorrow.

47. Do you get lectured during a spanking?
Not really during, but Nick usually lectures me before and sometimes after spanking me.

48. Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air?
Yes

49. Have you ever gotten spanked so hard your butt was swollen?
Many times

50. Have you ever watched someone else you know getting spanked?
No. I sadly don't have any RL friends who are into it (although I think seeing someone I know get spanked would probably be uncomfortable for me).

51. Do you hate spankings?
Only when I'm actually getting them. :)

52. Have you ever spanked someone?
Not really, although I've swatted a girlfriend a few times for fun. And I've whacked Nick on the butt with my hand a few times, but I wouldn't dare try to really spank him.

53. How many people spank you?
Just one. :)

54. Have you ever been spanked with more than one implement?
Yes

55. Have you ever gotten spanked for lying?
Yes

Good grief that was long! Anyway, I'm off to bed. Good night!

Straightened Out

So I'm still working on getting the house in order. But yesterday was payday for Nick, which meant it was bill paying/grocery shopping day for me. And I had to mail out an Etsy order (thanks, D!), and return some library books (he decided not to spank me for the late fees after all, so I didn't want to push my luck). And my mom wanted me to bring the girls out to visit while I ran errands.

Anyway, Nick usually gets home around 6:00, but it was just after 7:00 by the time I got home myself. I was a little apprehensive, because I knew that the house was looking a little rough. It really is like swimming upstream with a one year old and a three year old home all day, but I try to make sure that he comes home to at least a clean living room, a made bed, and a navigable kitchen. Ideally I want to have all the common areas spotless for him, but I've still got some work to do to make that happen on a regular basis. 

When I got Jack out of his car seat he was badly in need of a diaper change. I had just changed him before going in the last store, but he was apparently having some tummy troubles. I brought him in and inwardly groaned - the house looked worse than I remembered. The big chair in the living room was loaded with laundry (clean laundry though), the couch cushions were all over the place, and the kitchen was a disaster. Nick was clearly unhappy.

I changed Jack, who was uncharacteristically fussy, and held him for a bit to get him settled. After a few minutes I gave him to Nick and brought Nick a snack to feed him while I unloaded all the groceries. That took a while, then I put a pizza in the oven for dinner. While the pizza baked I straightened up a bit, then served us both. While we were eating, my mom called to tell me she would be bringing the girls home in a little while. 

We sat and watched TV while we ate, and after we were both done, Nick said, "Let's go upstairs for a few minutes." Now I'm no idiot - I knew exactly what he had in mind.

"The girls will be home really soon," I tried.

"That's why we're going up now," he answered, pointedly turning the deadbolt on the front door. 

Resigned, I got up off the couch and trudged up the stairs behind him.  When I got to the bedroom I headed straight to the bathroom. I always have to pee first. I could hear him rummaging through the chest at the end of the bed. When I came out he was holding a paddle he hasn't used in years. He actually made this one himself many years ago. It's relatively lightweight, but it burns like fire. He lectured me for a bit, then told me to turn around and bend over. I bent over the bed, and he pulled my jeans and panties down over my protests. 

He may have gone easy on me when he spanked me last time, but he didn't make the same mistake this go around. He was fed up this time, and he made sure I knew it. I couldn't hold still, and after getting out of place a few times and getting spanked harder each time, I asked if I could please lie across the bed. I thought I might be able to stay put a little better with my feet off the ground. He agreed, but it didn't do much good, and I was still struggling to stay put. Finally he told me I was getting 10 more just so long as I could hold still for them, but if I moved again he would keep going. I ended up getting 11 more. 

When he was done he put the paddle up and told me that I could join him downstairs when I had composed myself. Then he spent the next 45 minutes helping me fold laundry. Today I did better, although I've still got a lot of work to do. 

After we got the kids to bed last night we spent some sweeter time together. I'm so incredibly blessed with him. ❤

The Craft Show

Hey, guys. I'm sorry I've not gotten to respond to comments on the last post until now - it's been a crazy week. The items in the pictures were as follows: 

1. and 2. Satin flowers that were made into either hair clips or brooches, as well as a few headbands.

3. 4. and 7. Leather embellished headbands.

5. Leather rose brooches.

6. Hair bows.

The hair bows (including the skull one) were $4.00 each, and they were my best seller, although I do still have the skull bow. I ended up making a ton more of those, some other hair bows, some little felted wool zipper pouches, some wood name blocks, and these little tin boxes lined with felt and containing a miniature baby, baby bottle, and teddy bear. I also had a few of my pillow covers, although I didn't really have room to display them very well. Here is a heavily cropped picture of my table. FYI, the person in the picture isn't me - it's actually the girl who told me I couldn't bring my rings. I kind of think she put me beside her so she could make sure I wasn't trying to sell them lol.

I worked literally all night - I didn't make it to bed at all. So it was a pretty rough day, but it was a moderate success. I sold some of nearly everything, but taking into account the booth fee and all the materials (not to mention time and effort!), I think I pretty much broke even. The organization hosting is still very new (this was only their second event), so I think it will get bigger and better as they hold more events. I'm not terribly upset - I can list the items I didn't sell in my Etsy shop as soon as I have time, and if it doesn't sell there I'll have a jump on stocking the next show in July (if I participate). 

I've decided for now though to just box up almost all of my crafting stuff until I (hopefully one day) have a craft room. I love doing it all, but I just don't have the room for it right now. My living room is clean (along with my kitchen counters) thanks to Nick, who not only watched the kids and cleaned house while I was gone, but had dinner waiting when I got home. But my kitchen table is quite literally buried under a mountain of ribbon, fabric, various sewing and crafting tools and machines, etc. 

I've been trying hard to bring in a little bit of income, but I've realized that the effort and time I'm putting into that can be much better spent just working to make the house run smoothly and taking care of my husband and kids. That's the job God has given me at this season of my life, and if I concentrate on doing what He wants me to do, He will take care of our income needs.

Anyway, I've got to get to bed. Our brand new TV keeps randomly turning itself off and then back on, so we've got a repairman coming in the morning. 

She's crafty...

The house is a mess, the kitchen table looks like a bomb went off on it, the children have eaten way too many Uncrustables in the last few days, and I've been threatened with a spanking more than once (which frankly would probably do me and Nick both good). It's officially craft show week around here. I've got tons of stuff left to make, and to top it off the head of the organization running the event decided just a few days ago that she won't allow me to sell my wire wrapped rings there because "there are already enough jewelry vendors". Nevermind that none of them are selling anything like these, or that I've got a pretty decent investment in time, materials, and displays for the several dozen I already had made before she made this sudden decision, or that they are a part of my shop, which is what I paid to have a booth for.

Anyway, at this point I'm working hard to fill out my inventory with other items, but I wanted to take a moment to post and share a few pictures of some of the things I am taking.

In other news, Jack is doing just fabulously well in his own bed! The first night he cried for about 15-20 minutes before he went to sleep, the next night it was about 10, then the next night 5. The next couple of nights he cried when I laid him down, but he was quiet by the time I got back to the living room. Now when I put him in his bed he turns right over on his side and snuggles down without a peep!

He's also pushing through his first molar (upper left), and he's started trying to walk. We've seen him toddle between the couch and the love seat at home (about 3 1/2 feet). My mom watched him in the nursery at church tonight, and when I went to get him after the service, she said "Why didn't you tell me he could walk?!"

"Well, he hasn't really been, just a couple of steps," I told her. "Well he walked all the way across the room a few minutes ago!" she said.

Last week Kate and Will randomly sent us a card in the mail. It said that they were at the mall and wondered if we needed anything for the kids, so they just got us a gift card so we could get whatever we needed. Inside was a $150 gift card to The Children's Place! Morgan and Daisy spent the night with my parents that night, so Nick and I took Jack and had dinner then hit the mall!

This is what I got:

It got us Easter outfits for both Jack and Daisy (and Daisy's goes perfect with lace Easter dress my mom already got for Morgan), as well as some much needed church clothes, shoes, and pajamas for Jack. Plus, because we spent $150, we got two free stuffed bunnies, which will go in their Easter baskets. Jack wore the straw fedora to church Sunday and some of the older ladies actually screamed when they saw him lol. 

Oh yeah, and it's my 8 year blogaversary today (er, yesterday technically)! It's also still Ask Me Anything March, so keep those questions coming!

AMA Post Three

This question comes from an anonymous reader:

Where did you meet Nick? Where was your first date?

Nick and I met when he started working at the grocery store where I worked. He was 17 and I was 18, and I really do remember the first time I saw him. He was wearing khaki pants, a white button down, and a tie. I myself was wearing an attractive blue and white striped polyester cashier's smock, but he swears he remembers the moment he first saw me and was instantly intrigued.

The truth is, we didn't start dating for a couple of years. He actually only worked there for a few months, but during that time we grew to be good friends. I have sweet memories of hanging out with him on my break while he played a new Metallica song for me, and we used to rock out every time he worked, listening to music in the computer room where it was my job to cash out the cashiers at the end of their shifts.  

After he moved on to another job, several months went by without me seeing him. Then one night he showed up at the store with a few of his friends. I remember just how he looked, sitting on the tailgate of his blue Chevy Blazer, wearing a plaid shirt, a pair of shorts, and a worn out ETSU cap, and I remember just how delighted I was to see him. I had recently lost some weight, and he told me how good I looked and enveloped me in a big hug.

From that point it seemed like we ended up in the same group a lot. One night a mutual friend invited me along on a group camping trip. It was less an actual camping trip than an all night ramble that took 15 or 20 of us all over the area, from a random field where we all just hung out together to a search for a haunted house to a group swim in the lake. Getting out of the lake, Nick and I huddled together in a towel, and it felt so good to have him wrap his arms around me. Sitting together in a friend's Jeep in the field, he told me he and some friends were planning on going to the mountains to swim in a few hours and asked me if I wanted to come with him. I said yes, and so our group trip turned into our first date. 

By the time we headed to the mountains I had been awake for around 30 hours, so the whole trip had something of a dream like quality to it. It's kind of funny - Kate went with us on that trip, but it was years before I remembered that detail. One thing that I've always remembered seems really insignificant, but it stuck out to me - We were listening to a CD we both liked, and I wanted to listen to a particular song, and he wanted to listen to a different one. At this point in my life I was pretty used to attention from guys, and I was also pretty used to getting my way. He was very polite about it, but he refused to skip the song he wanted to listen to to listen to mine first. I pouted a little bit, but truthfully it impressed me that he wasn't putting up with my crap.

Within a few weeks we were spending hours on the phone, and one night he asked me to officially start dating. Frankly he caught me off guard. It had only been within the last year or so that I had really blossomed and started attracting a lot of attention from guys. Unfortunately a lot of those guys were less interested in my personality and more interested in my newly slender body. Truthfully the confidence that gave me was shallow, and at the core I was still a deeply insecure girl. I automatically distrusted anyone who showed an apparent interest in me for me, unable to really believe that I was worth it if there was no fooling around involved. But I really cared for Nick (and in fact had already started falling in love although I couldn't see it then), so I agreed to start dating.

It was only about a week later, during a hot and heavy makeout session in a friend's basement that I knew I had to break up with him. I was so afraid that the precious thing we had was headed toward something cheap and meaningless, something unworthy of us and that would end up hurting him, and the thought terrified me. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I really thought I was protecting him. 

That was at the end of summer. He was awfully hurt, and he withdrew from me. I missed him terribly, but I tried to move on, and I dated another guy for a little while. As it turned out though, Nick and I just couldn't quit each other. Nick was the first person who had ever kissed me with anything other than pure lust, and those kisses were food for my soul. We found ourselves stealing moments alone when we could, and that Christmas we kissed passionately under the mistletoe while his roommates stared with unabashed glee. It all seems terribly innocent now, but we were both virgins, (and I was determined to remain one until marriage), and the urgency in our embraces was heady and dangerous stuff to me.

By the beginning of the year the tension of the situation had run me ragged. During some of our many hours long phone conversations, I somehow found myself sharing my fascination with the idea of being spanked, and on New Year's Eve he gave me my first grown up spanking. This added another layer of seduction to it for me and left me reeling with how vulnerable I was with the need for him. I wanted him unbearably, but I just couldn't resign myself to the thought that I could be good for him. I believed myself to be too wild (ha!), and I just knew that I would hurt him if we started dating again. January 22, 1998, things came to a head for me. On my lunch break, I stopped to see our closest mutual friend - I'll call him Brad. I told him that I was going to have to pull away from Nick, that I felt like I was leading him along and that he couldn't handle our friendship any more. Brad's response absolutely knocked me flat. He told me straight out that I was the one that couldn't handle the friendship, that Nick knew just what he wanted, and I was the one who was scared. 

When I left his house (by the way, this is the same house I that I mentioned we'd like to buy), I was very irritated with him, but he'd given me a lot to think about. The rest of the night I prayed that God would show me how to let him down easy. What He showed me instead was how very devastated I would be if I never got to be close to Nick again, never got to hold or kiss him again. And I thought about every other guy I'd ever been interested in, and it was abruptly clear to me how very little it would affect me if I never saw any of them again. 

Late that night, Brad came in to buy cigarettes. Bursting with joy at the knowledge that this was really it, I'd finally realized who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I asked him where Nick was. Back in those days we spent almost every night at the Waffle House down the road, and he was there eating. I asked Brad if he could tell him to come down and see me. Brad was clearly hesitant, convinced I was about to break his heart, but he agreed to pass along my message. 

Almost as soon as he left, my manager came out and told me she didn't need me for the last hour of my shift and I could leave, an incredibly rare occurrence. She didn't have to tell me twice, and I bounced out the door and into my car, headed toward Waffle House and my destiny. Brad saw me walk in, and it was with a look of alarm that he watched me take Nick's hand and ask him to join me outside.

Once we were outside I literally pushed Nick up against the wall and demanded "You know what?" "What?" he asked, looking a little alarmed himself. "This not being able to keep our hands off each other stuff is going to have to stop!" "Um, okay, I - " "Because" I interrupted him "I'm not going to be able to control myself around you if we're going to be dating!" At that point my tongue was down his throat, and when I pulled back he looked like someone had just told him he'd won a lottery he didn't know he had a ticket for. When we walked back inside holding hands and grinning like idiots, Brad looked like you could have knocked him over with a feather. 

It only took us another 6 weeks to get engaged, and 5 months and 4 days after that fateful night we walked down the aisle. This June we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.

Anyway, I know that was really long and drawn out and encompassed a little more than just our first date, but it was fun to reminisce. :)

Thanks, Anonymous! I'm still open to questions!

AMA Post Two

This comes from Sally:

If you could have one do-over in your life, what would it be? What is your weirdest talent? What is the worst injury you've ever had? What historical figure would you like to meet the most? :) 

Thanks, Sally! One do-over? Gosh, it's hard to narrow it down lol! My initial thought is to say "not become so spanking crazy when Nick and I were dating and cause it to be an awkward subject for us for literally years." But that's not exactly a "one moment in time" sort of thing. And honestly, I'm not so sure that if I had done that we would have ever gotten where we are today. Sure, I wish I had been less obsessive about it, but I know for sure that to 20 year old Tracy that would have translated into bury-it-deep-and-pretend-you-never-brought-it-up-at-all. I think that the growing pains we went through were necessary to get us here. In reality I'd probably change things like "don't decide health insurance is too expensive your first year of marriage" or "don't park Nick's Suburban in the front yard - some chick high on coke is going to total it with a stolen car and you'll never get reimbursed."

My weirdest talent - hmmm. Well, I don't know that you can call this a talent, but I seem to have an uncanny ability to get products I really like discontinued. Shampoo, body wash, deodorant, lotion, razors, food products - anything I ever fell in love with and vowed to buy forever fell prey to a sadly shortened production time. I do make phenomenally good sweet tea and spaghetti (not in the same pot). And my brain tends to take handy shortcuts when it comes to math.

The worst injury I've ever had would probably be the trauma from childbirth when Morgan was born. Daisy and Jack were out in 8 pushes and 1 push, respectively. But Morgan was born facing the ceiling rather than the floor (or sunny side up as they called it), and her little nose was caught on my pelvic bone. I pushed for 3 hours, at the end of which they decided to go with forceps. She was just beautiful, no more injury than a tiny break in the skin on her forehead. But 45 minutes later the doctor was still stitching up the tears in my poor lower region. I tore as badly as you can without tearing completely through, and Nick to this day won't really discuss what it looked like as it was happening (although my mother will cheerfully tell you it was like I just "exploded" down there). I lived in terror for weeks that I was going to glimpse my injuries in the reflection of the bathtub faucet, but I eventually healed up just fine.

Now, if you're still reading after that, the historical figure I would most like to meet would probably be Peter, one of Jesus' disciples. He was such a fascinating man, and I would love to sit and talk with him about what it was like to walk with Jesus. 

Any one else? More questions?

AMA Question One

This was a comment I received on my last post. Thanks, kiwigirliegirl, and here's your answer!

hi, when did you first start living this lifestyle and how was it introduced?
hugs kiwi xx

We are currently in our 10th year of DD. I've been interested in spanking for literally as long as I can remember. I always thought I was weird for it though, so Nick was the first person I shared it with, and even then it took a boatload of courage. 

Let's just be honest, Nick thought it was a little strange. Neither one of us had a terribly extensive dating history before we got together, and he had frankly never heard of such a thing. Fortunately, he had an older, wiser roommate who was happy to tell him that he apparently had a wild one and he should keep me happy. Unfortunately, that took a little more than he was prepared for. With no real understanding myself of what I really needed/wanted, I latched on hard to his willingness to spank me for fun, and I became a little obsessed with it, so much so that he got kind of weirded out by it and stopped wanting to do it at all. That was just before we got married, and for the next few years spanking was a very sore point between us (no pun intended). It became a matter of real resentment for both of us, me because he didn't seem to want to do it, and him because he felt like I wasn't doing all the things I should as a wife so he didn't want to go out of his way to please me. Five and a half years into our marriage, something changed. I told the story in depth on one of my first few blog posts, so I'm going to copy it here. This is originally from March 14, 2005.

As I mentioned before, Nick and I are a little over a year into our DD journey. We're finally getting to the point (at least I am) where it's not foremost in our minds. 

Domestic Discipline was definitely not his idea. At the time, I didn't realize it was my idea either. I knew that spanking was a definite turn on for me, but I also knew that there was a piece of the puzzle missing. I just had no idea what it was. We've always had a good marriage. But every couple fights, and we seemed to have gotten to the point where we were doing more of it than we felt was normal for us. 

I'll admit, it was largely my fault. Nick doesn't ask a lot of me - a navigable living space, clean underwear and work clothes, basic respect. I was sadly lacking on all three. As far as the respect, it was certainly always there in my heart, but my mouth sometimes shot off a different message. There were factors at play that planted resentment in me and elicited the same response in him, and we both fell into the old "Fine! If you won't meet my needs, I won't meet yours" trap. Part of the problem was spanking itself. Nick was raised that you just don't hit a woman ever. Period. So even though he sometimes spanked me in bed, I could sense his discomfort with it, which made me pull away as well. I felt that spanking was a sexual need he just wasn't willing to meet, so why should I do the laundry if he couldn't do that one thing for me? He felt that if I wasn't going to do my part around the house (and believe me, he's always done his part), then why should he cater to my spanking fantasies? 

Last New Years Eve (Dec 31, 2003), we had a fight about some stupid thing that escalated into a lot of not so stupid things. We both yelled and cursed and said a lot of things that really needed to just finally be voiced. He yelled about how mad he got when I let the house go, and I yelled back that maybe he should just spank me for it instead of walking around fuming about it. That stopped us both for a minute. Who ever heard of a man actually spanking his wife like a naughty child? We certainly hadn't. But when the words came out of my mouth, it was like I suddenly had a clear view of a hidden need inside of myself. Nick warily agreed to give it a try, and I promised to try to not give him a reason to have to. 

I spent the next few days buried online. We'd gotten a computer not long before, after being without one for 3 years or so. I was on a mission. I needed to find out about myself, and one thing the internet taught me was that I wasn't the only spanko out there. I stumbled across http://www.vickiblue.com/ (this link now goes to a spanking fiction online book store, but at the time it went to a site with a database of DD articles. However, many of the articles I researched can now be found here.), and I found a name for what I wanted. I followed links and ran searches and printed off everything I could find about DD. 

A few days later I took Nick an inch thick binder of material. I had highlighted, crossed out, underlined, edited. I'd never put so much into a research paper. I showed him the binder, casually mentioned that there were some things he might find helpful if had a free moment with nothing more pressing to do, then fled. It would be months before I could sit in a lighted room with him and say the word spanking out loud. I'd spent too long thinking my needs were weird, and drawing the same conclusion from his discomfort with it sexually. He read bits and pieces, and tried to get beyond his suspicion that this was all sexual for me. And he decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. In the beginning there were several spankings a week, countless silly rules (made by me), and an overall feeling of contrivance. After all, he'd been married to me for 5 1/2 years. Why all of a sudden did I feel like I needed to be punished like a child? 

Eventually it got easier. I stopped feeling giddy every time I got spanked. He started noticing on his own when I needed discipline. He got better at making a lasting impression when he spanked. And we learned that sometimes a spanking without a "good reason" could reset my heart and ease my stress. Now we don't use a list with a point system like we did in the beginning. We can sit down together and have an honest, two-way discussion about what DD means to our marriage. We don't feel like we're playing a game anymore. Nick finally sees this, as I do, as something that we will keep for the rest of our marriage. 

Not long ago, after a spanking, Nick was looking at the paddle he'd used. It's actually a decorative boat oar, about 18 inches long and impossible to break. There's a fish painted on one side of it, and he commented that in 15 years we'll have probably worn all the paint off of it. I asked him if he thought we'd still be using DD 15 years from now, and he said he definitely did. I felt such safety in those words. DD has made us both better. I can see that Nick is more confident, and truthfully, so am I. I don't feel anymore like he'll get fed up enough to walk away from me. And he doesn't get fed up so much anymore. The house is usually pretty clean, we very rarely fight anymore, and sometimes I get spanked in a very good way. It has been such a journey to get to this point, where DD no longer feels like "something we do", but rather just feels like who we are. 

It's a good feeling.

By the way, that fish paddle I mentioned up there that was impossible to break? He eventually broke it during a spanking, although it did give us many years of faithful service. :)

Any Questions?

So I hear it's "Ask Me Anything March". I've been blogging for almost 8 years now, so I can't imagine there's too much I haven't covered, but if you've got any questions, fire away! I'll do my best to answer. :)

100 Random Facts

I've done a post like a couple of times before, but I had fun with it, so I thought I'd do it again, and see if I can come up with 100 all new ones. I'm not all that interesting myself, so they won't all be about me. :)

1. Jack is addicted to Yo Gabba Gabba.

2. I can't decide if I really like the show or am totally creeped out by it.

3. I think 2 of the characters look like sex toys.

4. And that DJ Lance Rock guy looks like a French tickler.

5. My Macbook came about a week and a half ago and I loooove it.
6. My mom and dad watched Jack and Daisy for me Thursday while Morgan was at school.
7. Because of this, I was able to finish cleaning Jack and Daisy's room.
8. This was a huge relief for me, because if I hadn't finished it by today I was going to get a serious spanking.
9. I love to read, but I hadn't been to the library since 2001.
10. We went and took the kids for their first time yesterday.
11. Nick found out why I hadn't been in so long when he had to pay my outstanding late fees (from 12 years ago!)
12. He was less than happy about it.
13. He's planning to spank me for it, but we've not had kid free time to deal with it as of yet.
14. In the meme I did like this last April I mentioned a house we'd love to be able to someday buy. The owner's son called Nick yesterday and told him it looks like his mom has decided to put it on the market.
15. There are a number of obstacles standing in the way of us buying it.
16. First we would have to sell our house.
17. The house we want is also worth more than ours, so our house payment would increase.
18. Despite all this, I know that if this is the house God has for us, He will make a way.
19. We would really appreciate your prayers that His will be done in this situation, and that we are faithful in praising Him even if His plan doesn't include this house for us.
20. When I got the Macbook from Kate, there were a bunch of pictures on there they didn't realize were still on there, and when I installed Picasa, it pulled them all up.
21. None of them were questionable, but they did include some scans of paperwork from when they bought their house, including the details of Will's monthly income.
22. The figures left me a little lightheaded.
23. I don't feel so bad about the amount of money they spend on us for Christmas anymore!
24. My best friend Ann, who was diagnosed with Friedreich's Ataxia 6 years ago, had to quit her job and apply for disability benefits a little over a week ago. Her doctor also ordered her a wheelchair as her cane is no longer sufficient.
25. I'm heartbroken that it's already reached this point for her, but grateful that she has a supportive husband and will be able to spend this time home with her kids.
26. I'm also, selfishly, glad that she will have time free for us to visit each other.
27. She lives about an hour away, and I've only seen her a couple of times since Jack was born, so I'm really excited that she plans on coming to visit me this week. (Before anyone thinks I'm too awful, I offered to go to her house, but she wanted to come here).
28. I'm planning on taking Jack and Daisy up to church camp with Nick and Morgan this summer and staying all week.
29. When Ann called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was quitting her job, I shared this plan with her.
30. She told me she was possibly planning to come and stay with me all week.
31. I might have screamed like a preteen girl at a One Direction concert at this news.
32. I get excited every time I think about it, and it's going to take some serious getting over for me if it doesn't happen.
33. Ann and I practically lived at each other's houses in our late teens, and we were each other's maid/matron of honor.
34. I've had a number of close girlfriends over the years, but none like her.
35. Daisy has pretty much mastered potty training now.
36. As she turned 3 five months ago, it seemed like we were never going to get there.
37. The one (very important) thing she still needs to conquer is using a regular toilet.
38. Right now she's convinced she'll fall in, even with a child size seat attached, so we're kind of dependent on the "small potty" right now.
39. Jack slept in his own bed all night last night!
40. Unfortunately he took a long Sunday afternoon (into evening) nap with me, so there was no putting him down at his regular bedtime tonight.
41. Daisy was super excited to go to the "lye-berry", especially when she saw that they had a giant stuffed bear in the children's section and two Llama Llama books she'd never seen.
42. Jack was more interested in exploring.

43. At 14 months, he weighs 18 pounds and is officially too tall for 6 month sleepers.
44. I just got him these shoes for Easter at Target, and the cuteness is killing me!

45. Daisy has this toy monkey she named "Mr. Bananners", and I challenge anyone to hear her say his name without smiling.
46. I have a craft show coming up in less than two weeks.
47. I'm hoping that my in-laws will take the two littles for the day again so I can work on adding to my inventory.
48. I've been making lots of wire wrapped glass pearl rings and ribbon hair bows, as well as rings, headbands, brooches, necklaces, and bracelets using leather pieces.
49. If we were to get that house, I would have an actual craft room.
50. I don't let myself think about that too much, because I don't want to get too attached to the idea in case it never happens.
51. I worry a little about how we would transport our giant chest full of paddles, straps, canes, etc. if we move. Last time we moved was 12 years ago, and our collection was considerably smaller.
52. We have a Pack N Play we used with Daisy that we put on Craigslist the other day. It's been packed away in our garage for about a year. It was clean when I put it away, so when a lady wanted to buy it, I encouraged her to open it up and inspect it.
53. I was horrified and embarrassed to find that there had apparently been something spilled on the garage floor that had soaked through the storage bag and badly stained the webbing on the sides.
54. The lady (understandably) passed on it.
55. I'm going to try to clean off whatever is on it with bleach, but that's the last time I assume anything has stayed clean while in storage!
56. A few days ago when I was cleaning Jack and Daisy's room I came across an audio book I got in the free bin at my favorite used bookstore. I nearly tossed it because I've had it for years and I'm never in the car long enough at one time to make listening to it enjoyable.
57. Nick happened to pick it up and pop the first CD in one morning on his way to work.
58. He'd never tried audio books before, but now he's on his 3rd one, and he just checked 4 more out at the library.
59. He said it's made his commute (about 45 minutes there and about an hour back) much better.
60. When my Macbook came the other day, the box also included not only Jack's car seat, but also Daisy's birthday present, which included 3 outfits, a headband, and a swimsuit (her birthday's not till October, but Kate said she already had it, so she just sent it), a toy truck for Jack, and a couple of life jackets that had been at their lake house before they sold it.
61. I'm really grateful they shipped all of that to us, because the box probably weighed 60 pounds.
62. I was super excited to find out that I can check out books from the library using my Kindle.
63. Morgan is currently grounded for her grades.
64. She's really smart, but she's pretty lazy about school.
65. She gets that from her dad. ;)
66. To be fair, she gets her tendency toward a messy room from me.
67. Her dad grew up to be one of the hardest working people I know, so I'm holding out hope for her.
68. I talked to Kate the other day, and she's going through the exact same thing with Kit, which makes me feel a little better.
69. A guy at Nick's job just quit, which means one less person to split the team's earnings with.
70. Nick hated to see the guy go, but he was happy to have what was in effect, a pay raise. We really hope they don't hire anyone to replace him.
71. Randomly enough, Nick's boss hired a masseuse to come in to work and give everyone a 15 minute massage. He had his a couple of weeks ago.
72. I follow a lot of craft bloggers.
73. Recently, a bunch of them started truncating their posts due to site scrapers (people who steal blog content to take advantage of your search engine hits). This means that you only get the first few sentences in your RSS reader, and you have to go to the actual blog to read the rest of the post.
74. I understand where they're coming from (I've been a victim myself in the past), but I really, really hate it.
75. I have several hundred blogs in my RSS reader, and I don't have the time or the desire to click through on every single post, so I've unfollowed most of the blogs that do this.
76. I may have had to add word verification back on, but I promise to continue to give you full access to each post via RSS.
77. I can NOT seem to get in bed on time.
78. Every other Friday Nick, Jack, Daisy, and I attend our church's Senior Saints meeting. This is a ministry geared toward the senior crowd, but about 20% of the people there are under 40. There's a message followed by a meal, and we always enjoy both.
79. Three years ago I could not have imagined my husband volunteering to attend a non-Sunday church service on his day off.
80. For that matter, I could not have imagined me doing it either.
81. God has grown Nick's heart in such an amazing way in the last few years, and I'm overwhelmingly blessed by him as my husband every day.
82. Nick regularly runs the sound booth at church, drives the church van, and helps with youth events. He's also the first to jump up and help clean up after a meal in the life center.
83. I try to make it a point to tell him how much I appreciate all he does, but I wanted to say it here too.
84. After my post the other day mentioning his broken closet door, Nick went to the hardware store and bought a new latch. He fixed it yesterday.
85. This morning we got to church and realized we had forgotten to bring a bottle for Jack. I ran to Target to pick him one up along with some milk and got distracted by the huge wall of hilarious greeting cards they now carry. I couldn't tarry too long, but I spotted quite a few lightly kinky ones, so I bet if you had the time you could find a few spanky ones in there.
86. Two years ago I bought Nick a spanking themed Valentine's card, but I lost my nerve and never gave it to him. It's still in a drawer upstairs. Maybe next year.
87. This is the first year we've watched The Biggest Loser, and we're really into it.
88. I've not, however, watched any of Downton Abbey, although I feel like I should have.
89. I would like for you guys to pray for something (else) for me. We tithe on a regular basis, but it seems like we rarely have anything extra to give to others. My prayer is that God will provide us both means and opportunity, as well as the wisdom and the right heart to help someone in the coming weeks. It may be something small, but it sure would do my heart good!
90. I'm going to give myself a couple of weeks, till I'm past my craft show before I start, but my tentative plan is to cut out tea/sodas on weekdays. I did that just before I got pregnant with Daisy and lost 10 pound in a couple of months without putting any real effort into it.
91. Daisy has a fabulous imagination, and I love watching her play. She has an imaginary friend named "Pretend Layla Friend". A few weeks ago she used her iPad to take a picture of a wall at church. She showed me the shot later and told me it was a picture she had taken of Pretend Layla Friend. The next shot in the gallery was Daisy standing against the same wall with her arm draped convincingly around thin air. This one was a picture of her with Pretend Layla Friend. :)
92. Morgan got her contacts last week, and she's getting better every day at putting them in and taking them out.
93. This is a good thing, because she missed the bus twice last week because it took her so long to get them in.
94. Morgan has started eating healthier and going on walks to get in better shape.
95. This leaves me as the lone couch potato, but I want to change that. As soon as it warms up just a little, I want to start going on walks again.
96. When I was 19 I used to walk 7 miles a day up and down hills.
97. I lost almost 70 pounds doing this.
98. 70 pounds was too much to lose, but at some point I lost my perspective.
99. Looking back on pictures of me then, I think I looked ill. After we got married I gained about 20 pounds and looked much better.
100. I'd like to get back to what I weighed in the first year of our marriage.

Word verification again (Sorry!)

Sorry guys, but I've had to put the word verification back on. I hate it too, but the spam has gotten out of hand. Just to give you an example, I've gotten 38 spam comments in the last 3 days, and an alarming number of those got through Blogger's filter and posted to the blog (I've since removed them). Every one of them had a link included, and while I'm sure you guys are smart enough not to click on them, I refuse to let them sit here on my blog. I hope it doesn't discourage anyone too much from commenting, because I love to hear from you, but I do understand if it does.