Scattered.

I've been stretching myself a little thin lately. Last month, besides going to the gym and taking Morgan to soccer practice and games, I've had three doctor's visits for the kids, one dentist appointment, a couple of Etsy orders, some mending for a girl at church, birthday gifts to make for Robert, Kelly, and Will, Trick or Treat bags to make for Kit and Maddox, a Halloween wreath to make for Kate (I needed the last three done so early so I could mail them all together with Will's birthday gift to Texas), sewing for Daisy's birthday, mending for Nick (broken zipper on his gym bag), and three photo shoots for the same couple - one engagement, one rehearsal dinner, and one wedding, and we're talking over 2600 shots that needed to be culled, edited, and converted from RAW format. I'm still working my way through those since the rehearsal dinner and wedding were just this last weekend.

This month promises to be just as busy. Friday we have a youth event at church that Nick and I will be helping with, Saturday is Daisy's birthday (fourth!) which entails a small family party and for which I still have a few skirts to sew (her special birthday request), Sunday is our church's homecoming, the 10th is Logan's first birthday and party (have to make him a gift), the 12th I have Faith's maternity shoot, the 13th is Melanie's baby shower (for which I have yet to make a gift), the 16th is James' birthday (gotta make a gift) the 17th is my birthday, although I don't have any plans for it, the 19th is the church picnic, the 26th is Faith's baby shower (and yes, I still need to make her a gift). And of course Halloween is 5 days later, and I'm going to have to come up with 3 costumes somewhere, although Daisy is making it easy for me by insisting on going as a "girl ghost" (white sheet with eye holes and a pink bow on top, and done!).

All of that is to say that I've let some things around here go. Like everything. The house has truly gotten to an atrocious state, and my car was the same. Saturday I had to leave for the wedding earlier than Nick. He was actually running the sound system for the ceremony, but I had to get there early to start photographing the bride getting ready. I took his truck so that he could have the car to drop the kids and car seats off at his parents' house since they were going to bring them to the wedding and watch them so we could work. Many exhausting hours later we switched cars back after the wedding, and I got in mine to find it absolutely spotless. When I got home, the living room was immaculate.

Now obviously I really appreciate Nick doing all of that for me (with Morgan's help). It took a huge load off of me, but it also made me feel really, really guilty. He'd mentioned the car and the house, the living room especially a few times over the last few weeks, and I knew I was dropping the ball. So when all of a sudden something I'm supposed to do gets taken off my plate, I feel like there's bound to be a cost to that, and that maybe there should be. So when I apologized that he'd had to do it himself that night, he informed me that he was going to deal with it later, which in our house means a spanking.

And I was...relieved. Not that I wanted to get spanked, just that I felt like I probably deserved to, and that the universe would be back in balance so to speak once it happened. The truth is, I've not been handling my time wisely, and when I let things get too crazy, I really do need him to come down hard on me. I hate it at the time, but it refocuses me, and it reminds me that there are consequences to my actions. 

Even with the kids in bed at a reasonable hour these days, it's rare for a punishment to happen the same night it's brought up, so I wasn't surprised that he went to bed without handling it that night. But the next day I was fairly sure he was going to do it after the kids were in bed. To my surprise, he went to be without mentioning it again, and by that point I had reached the stage where I genuinely dread and fear what's coming, so I decided that was a positive thing. When I went up a couple of hours later and he snuggled up behind me with sweeter things on his mind I was pleasantly surprised and more than willing. 

"This is a nice surprise," I murmured. "I though I was getting a spanking tonight."

"Mmm..you need one," he answered. But then he wasn't interested in talking anymore, and by the time we were done he had decided to let it go. 

The next morning he told me he wanted me to work on the house and concentrate on the kitchen. But the day was crazy, and I spent it editing pictures, chasing kids, and keeping the living room as clean as he'd had it, and somehow the kitchen didn't get done.

Today he came home early from work, sick to his stomach and battling a headache. I gave him something for the pain and put him to bed, and he slept a good 4 or 5 hours. I worked on the kitchen some, but I also did a lot of child wrangling and picture editing, and it still isn't done. Tonight when he went to bed he told me that he wants me to have it done tomorrow, and I plan to do just that. But I feel like I've gotten away with something I shouldn't have, like I ran over him by not focusing on what he asked me to do, and I don't like it.