How did you get here?

Elis posted a great question the other day: How did you get here?

I've been a spanko for literally as long as I can remember. When I was younger even than Morgan I was fascinated by spanking. Of course I just knew I was the only one ever, so I never told a soul until Nick, and it was nothing short of astonishing that I managed that!

I was literally never on the internet until I was maybe 21, and one day, yup, just like everybody else, I typed the word "spanking" into a search engine. Holy crap! A lot of the stuff I found was pretty scary, but the sheer volume of what was there overwhelmed and delighted me. There were others like me! Sadly, it wasn't long until our second hand, ten-year-old computer bit the dust, and there was no such thing as money for a new one.

It wasn't for a few of years that we finally got another hand-me-down machine and got back online. I waited till I was alone (years into our marriage I still couldn't say "spanking" without the lights out and Nick half asleep), and typed that magical word back into a search engine. I found a lot of stuff, but I remember thinking that, "yeah, this is spanking stuff, but somehow it's just not exactly my cup of tea."

By this point in our marriage, Nick and I had begun to chafe against each other. It was nothing so serious as to ever bring "not making it" into the picture, but we'd definitely been happier. The two biggest issues were the facts that I was a horrible housekeeper (I know, I know, but back then I didn't even try), and he just didn't get or want to cater to my spanking needs. There was definite resentment on both parts, and it became a whole "Why should I spank/clean if she/he won't clean/spank?"

On New Year's Eve, after 5 1/2 years of marriage, we had the mother of all fights. Somewhere in all the yelling and screaming I flung out that maybe he should just spank me for it if he was so upset about the house. It was like someone suddenly cut the lights. We both stopped yelling and looked at each other as though we'd heard the stove speak. Who'd ever heard of such a thing? I mean, really?

But I started exploring. I first found Southern California Spanked Wives and Brat's Place for Spanking on MSN, and from there I found SpankSpot and Bethany's Woodshed. What really grabbed me though was Vickie Blue. All of a sudden every question, desire, and unvoiced need I had about spanking came into focus with the words "Domestic Discipline."

This was what I wanted and needed! Our marriage had started to bind in ways that weren't good, and I felt with overwhelming certainty that I was looking at the way home.

I spent days researching, hunting and printing, gathering a huge binder full of articles. One night I finally got up enough courage to dump it in Nick's lap with a "Here'ssomestuffIfoundonlineyoumight-wannareadit&maybethinkaboutitIgottago!" I fled, and thankfully, he read. It wasn't easy at first (or truly even now), but it did get easier with time.

I started blogging after Patty started hers. I enjoyed the forums where I read, but I never really felt comfortable posting, mostly because Nick would never read, and he was the one I really wanted to communicate with most of all. Blogging seemed the perfect low pressure way to present my thoughts and needs. What I didn't expect were all the wonderful friends I've made here. This has become a place where I feel loved and appreciated, able to share and laugh and be a crazy uber-spanko who puts up pictures of provocative socks with full confidence that someone here will find them just as kinky as me.