Last night Morgan spent the night with my mom, which left Nick and I alone for the night. After we dropped her off, I asked him if he wanted to head for Wal-Mart and get some dinner. We needed to pick up some lotion (working in an automotive shop, Nick's skin gets really dry in the winter). But he said, "Why don't we just go home first? I need to take a shower." So home we went, and while Nick took a shower I folded some laundry.
While he was upstairs, his cell phone rang. I didn't answer it, because 9 times out of 10 it's just one if his friends, and I figured he could check it when he came down since he couldn't talk then anyway. If it was my mom, she would just call the house. Then it rang again. And again a few minutes later. Finally he yelled down and asked me if my phone was ringing. I yelled back that it was his phone. He yelled back again.
"Is YOUR phone ringing?"
"NO! My phone is still in the car!"
"Go get your phone!"
So, a little irritated by this point (seriously! It wasn't my phone ringing!) I got up, went out to the garage, and got my phone out of the car - and saw that I had six missed calls. All from home. While I was holding it, it rang again.
"Um, hello?" I answered.
"Is Tracy there?" Nick asked warmly.
"Um, she might be. I can check for you. Would you like for me to give her a message?"
"Yes, tell her I'm wondering if she's ready for our date.
"Um, I think she is."
"Okay, tell her I'll be there in less than five minutes."
Nick came downstairs while I was madly trying to find something more suitable than the fleece sweatshirt I was wearing. He looked very nice, so I grabbed a black sweater and headed for the bathroom, tossing back an apology for my incompetent message service.
Within a few minutes we headed out to the car, where he opened the door for me and got me settled. He climbed in the driver's side, started the car, and said, "So, tell me about yourself."
So for the next few hours we got to know each other all over again. We had dinner at Cracker Barrel, where he bought me a beautiful glass bird paperweight. After dinner he asked if I'd like to see a movie. Knowing that funds were tight, I suggested we check out the dollar theater. (Actually, it's recently become a $4 theater, but each ticket comes with popcorn and a drink now). This particular theater is all the way across town, but he gamely headed that way. Unfortunately when we got there, there wasn't a thing playing I wanted to see. So I suggested we stop at Wal-Mart and get a movie and take it back to "his place."
I picked out Juno, which I'd been wanting to see, we got a few other things we needed, and we headed back to the house.
We decided to get comfortable and watch Juno upstairs in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I got so very comfortable snuggled up to him that...I fell asleep! I know, I know! It's horrible! When I woke up this morning I felt terrible, and I immediately set about making it up to him. I must say, I don't usually give head on the first date, but I suppose you could consider this the second date, so I went at it with enthusiasm.
When he had recovered a bit, he very sternly let me know that I had been very rude to him, having him drive all the way across town and then changing my mind, then having the nerve to fall asleep on him, and he wasn't the type of guy to take that sort of thing. Then he very firmly bent me over the bed, pulled down my panties and showed me just what happened to such rude girls!
He spanked me soundly, then scooted me back up onto the bed to show me that all was forgiven. What a wonderful first date - I'm in love!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Photobucket Meme Redux
I was looking back through old blog posts, and I came across the ones where I did the Photobucket memes. Not to just shamelessly recycle old material, but they were really fun, Photobucket surely has new answers for me, and hey, it's my blog after all, so I'm going to do them again!
1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket.com.
3) Take a picture from the first page of results and post (use the HTML code or else it won’t post).
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Age you will be on your next Birthday.
2. A place you would like to travel.
3. Your Favorite Place( Somewhere you've been).
4. Your Favorite Object.
5. Your Favorite Food.
6. Your Favorite Animal.
7. Your Favorite Color.
8. Your dream job.
9. Your dream car.
10. The Name of your Pet.
11. The 1st name of your current love.
12. Your nickname.
13. A bad habit of yours.
14. Your 1st Job.
15. Your Grandmother's Name.
16. Your Favorite Book.
17. Your Favorite Band.
18. Your Favorite character.
19. Your favorite thing to do.
20. Your favorite implement.
(Yep, it's all over Photobucket. Remember folks, you saw it here first!)
21. Your favorite position.
1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket.com.
3) Take a picture from the first page of results and post (use the HTML code or else it won’t post).
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Age you will be on your next Birthday.
2. A place you would like to travel.
3. Your Favorite Place( Somewhere you've been).
4. Your Favorite Object.
5. Your Favorite Food.
6. Your Favorite Animal.
7. Your Favorite Color.
8. Your dream job.
9. Your dream car.
10. The Name of your Pet.
11. The 1st name of your current love.
12. Your nickname.
13. A bad habit of yours.
14. Your 1st Job.
15. Your Grandmother's Name.
16. Your Favorite Book.
17. Your Favorite Band.
18. Your Favorite character.
19. Your favorite thing to do.
20. Your favorite implement.
(Yep, it's all over Photobucket. Remember folks, you saw it here first!)
21. Your favorite position.
A Sad Occasion and a Selfish Spanko
Tonight I went to a memorial service for the husband of a lady I work with. He was only 39, and now she, at 36, is a widow. Last Friday she came home from work and found him unresponsive. She called an ambulance and they got him to the hospital, where they found that he'd had a stroke. Unfortunately he never came out of it, and he passed on Sunday.
I've known my coworker for nine years now, but I'd only met her husband in passing. The service tonight made me wish I'd known John better. I know that at a funeral, naturally everyone is going to focus on the good qualities of the deceased, but you could really tell that he was just a great guy. His uncle runs a ministry that focuses on helping the homeless, and, John was very involved with it, despite numerous health problems that made just taking care of himself difficult and eventually led to a tragically early death.
My heart breaks for his wife tonight, and it makes me even more grateful for Nick.
On another topic, I'm due for a spanking sometime in the possibly near future. It's for a financial issue, although not an overspending issue. Here's what frustrates me: when I've done something wrong, Nick is pretty good about dealing with it (eventually). And that's a good thing. But when I need a spanking for something else (stress relief, etc) I don't really feel like I can count on it happening.
The much promised birthday spanking, for instance - never happened. And what I wanted from the birthday spanking was less a playful experience than a slate cleaning experience. And the night before New Year's Eve, I mentioned to him that the next day would be our 5 year DD anniversary and asked him if he would give me a sort of here's-what-I-want-you-to-focus-on-for-the-future/start-the-year-fresh spanking. The next day nothing was said about it, so finally, as we waited for midnight to roll around, I asked him about it. He looked surprised and told me he didn't remember the conversation. Okay, we were in bed when I asked him, so I could see that I had probably misjudged the sleepiness factor when I asked him, so no big deal. But then he said, "Okay, how about this - tomorrow it's happening, no matter what, come hell or high water." Except it didn't. Not the day after that, either. Or any day since then.
I guess what kills me is that I don't know how to fix this. I know and can accept that one of my biggest needs is for the occasional serious (non-punishment) spanking. It's obviously important that the punishment ones happen too, but those I try to avoid, not only because they really, really hurt, but also because the fact that I'm getting one means that I've somehow screwed up and put stress on our lives. So I'm not about to do something to earn one just because I'm feeling the need to be spanked.
I've never been the type of person who was comfortable with that kind of manipulative bratting. It's selfish and thoughtless, and it completely undermines all the good that DD can do in a marriage. However that leaves me stranded when it comes to just getting the reset button pushed. It's hard enough for me to ask without feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall, regardless of how promising and attentive he may seem at the time.
We've done the whole maintenance thing, and while that had its time and place, we both feel like we've grown beyond that, and that at this point it would just feel forced and fake (as it began to feel toward the end of the time we practiced it).
But of course this whole part of this post leaves me feeling incredibly guilty, because what Nick does for me in doing DD at all is so much more than he signed on for when we got married, and I truly am grateful for all that he does. He's very good at disciplinary spankings, and not the just actual spanking part of it. He's good at the lecturing, at taking me to the point where I need to go, at knowing that it's not something that can be handled in the time it takes to beat my behind, but rather involves giving me time to process the experience, cry myself out, and come back out of my cocoon.
And yet, selfish as it makes me feel, sometimes I need another level.
I've known my coworker for nine years now, but I'd only met her husband in passing. The service tonight made me wish I'd known John better. I know that at a funeral, naturally everyone is going to focus on the good qualities of the deceased, but you could really tell that he was just a great guy. His uncle runs a ministry that focuses on helping the homeless, and, John was very involved with it, despite numerous health problems that made just taking care of himself difficult and eventually led to a tragically early death.
My heart breaks for his wife tonight, and it makes me even more grateful for Nick.
On another topic, I'm due for a spanking sometime in the possibly near future. It's for a financial issue, although not an overspending issue. Here's what frustrates me: when I've done something wrong, Nick is pretty good about dealing with it (eventually). And that's a good thing. But when I need a spanking for something else (stress relief, etc) I don't really feel like I can count on it happening.
The much promised birthday spanking, for instance - never happened. And what I wanted from the birthday spanking was less a playful experience than a slate cleaning experience. And the night before New Year's Eve, I mentioned to him that the next day would be our 5 year DD anniversary and asked him if he would give me a sort of here's-what-I-want-you-to-focus-on-for-the-future/start-the-year-fresh spanking. The next day nothing was said about it, so finally, as we waited for midnight to roll around, I asked him about it. He looked surprised and told me he didn't remember the conversation. Okay, we were in bed when I asked him, so I could see that I had probably misjudged the sleepiness factor when I asked him, so no big deal. But then he said, "Okay, how about this - tomorrow it's happening, no matter what, come hell or high water." Except it didn't. Not the day after that, either. Or any day since then.
I guess what kills me is that I don't know how to fix this. I know and can accept that one of my biggest needs is for the occasional serious (non-punishment) spanking. It's obviously important that the punishment ones happen too, but those I try to avoid, not only because they really, really hurt, but also because the fact that I'm getting one means that I've somehow screwed up and put stress on our lives. So I'm not about to do something to earn one just because I'm feeling the need to be spanked.
I've never been the type of person who was comfortable with that kind of manipulative bratting. It's selfish and thoughtless, and it completely undermines all the good that DD can do in a marriage. However that leaves me stranded when it comes to just getting the reset button pushed. It's hard enough for me to ask without feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall, regardless of how promising and attentive he may seem at the time.
We've done the whole maintenance thing, and while that had its time and place, we both feel like we've grown beyond that, and that at this point it would just feel forced and fake (as it began to feel toward the end of the time we practiced it).
But of course this whole part of this post leaves me feeling incredibly guilty, because what Nick does for me in doing DD at all is so much more than he signed on for when we got married, and I truly am grateful for all that he does. He's very good at disciplinary spankings, and not the just actual spanking part of it. He's good at the lecturing, at taking me to the point where I need to go, at knowing that it's not something that can be handled in the time it takes to beat my behind, but rather involves giving me time to process the experience, cry myself out, and come back out of my cocoon.
And yet, selfish as it makes me feel, sometimes I need another level.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I did this meme last January, and I thought it would be interesting to do it again this year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Went to Houston, won a trip to Hawaii (although we've not gone yet).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I honestly can't remember last year's resolutions, but we've decided to make some financial changes this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. Unfortunately she also got divorced. We also found out that Nick's sister is pregnant. Sadly, still not me, although at this point that would be something of a financial disaster.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather
5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A SLR digital camera
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 3, the day my papaw passed away, and June 26, our 10th anniversary.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't know how much of an achievement you'd consider it, but I did win that trip to Hawaii.
9. What was your biggest failure? Probably that we could have handled our money better.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not unless you count strep throat
11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably my car - it's been a great investment so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Morgan has really gotten it together with school. She had some issues in October with not really wanting to get her work done, but she's improved 110%.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple we've known for years and years and actually introduced. They both just gave up on their marriage and decided to get divorced rather than putting any effort into fixing things.
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Houston.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything Hannah Montana. If I never hear Hannah Montana again it will be too soon, but since Morgan sings the stuff in her sleep, I'm probably not that lucky.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, although we really should be richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Photography
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating out.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my husband and daughter, every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Lost
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah
24. What was the best book you read? I couldn't even begin to narrow that down.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Itunes will let you redownload your purchases if your hard drive crashes!
26. What did you want and get? A better car.
27. What did you want and not get? A Nikon D90
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fireproof
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31, and I hung out with Nick, went shopping, went to see the movie Fireproof, and stopped to visit with some friends.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More money? Definitely more money, and a baby, or at least having one on the way.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.
32. What kept you sane? Nick beating my butt when I got too stressed, although I probably could have used more of that.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Mmmmm....Josh Holloway, although Harrison Ford wasn't bad either.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? No politics here, please.
35. Who did you miss? My friend L
36. Who was the best new person you met? I can't really think of anyone new I met in real life that made a big impression, but I met lots of great people on here!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is not fair - sometimes the people who make the worst decisions can still end up swimming in money.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Went to Houston, won a trip to Hawaii (although we've not gone yet).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I honestly can't remember last year's resolutions, but we've decided to make some financial changes this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. Unfortunately she also got divorced. We also found out that Nick's sister is pregnant. Sadly, still not me, although at this point that would be something of a financial disaster.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather
5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A SLR digital camera
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 3, the day my papaw passed away, and June 26, our 10th anniversary.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't know how much of an achievement you'd consider it, but I did win that trip to Hawaii.
9. What was your biggest failure? Probably that we could have handled our money better.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not unless you count strep throat
11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably my car - it's been a great investment so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Morgan has really gotten it together with school. She had some issues in October with not really wanting to get her work done, but she's improved 110%.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple we've known for years and years and actually introduced. They both just gave up on their marriage and decided to get divorced rather than putting any effort into fixing things.
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Houston.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything Hannah Montana. If I never hear Hannah Montana again it will be too soon, but since Morgan sings the stuff in her sleep, I'm probably not that lucky.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, although we really should be richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Photography
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating out.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my husband and daughter, every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Lost
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah
24. What was the best book you read? I couldn't even begin to narrow that down.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Itunes will let you redownload your purchases if your hard drive crashes!
26. What did you want and get? A better car.
27. What did you want and not get? A Nikon D90
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fireproof
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31, and I hung out with Nick, went shopping, went to see the movie Fireproof, and stopped to visit with some friends.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More money? Definitely more money, and a baby, or at least having one on the way.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.
32. What kept you sane? Nick beating my butt when I got too stressed, although I probably could have used more of that.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Mmmmm....Josh Holloway, although Harrison Ford wasn't bad either.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? No politics here, please.
35. Who did you miss? My friend L
36. Who was the best new person you met? I can't really think of anyone new I met in real life that made a big impression, but I met lots of great people on here!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is not fair - sometimes the people who make the worst decisions can still end up swimming in money.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A Pass
Happy New Year, everyone!
Nick gave me a pass on the spanking for the car. By the time we had time for it, he said it just seemed kind of silly, but that if it happened again it would be bad. I was kind of shocked, because I never get out of one, but I was very relieved. And we had a very, very, very good night in bed.
Nick was actually curious what had gotten into me, and after giving it some thought, what I came up with was this: when I'm in for a serious paddling, I'm nervous and scared and full of adrenaline. But there's also always a very strong undercurrent of arousal because, well, I am a spanko, and it's very, very sexy to know that he is willing to take care of me that way, whether I want it at the time or not. So when you take that potent mix and suck out the fear, you have a very, very horny girl left. I was very ready for him, and it didn't take long at all to take me over the edge.
So I guess I've had my last spanking of 2008 after all.
Speaking of spankings, this is our 5 year DD anniversary. Five years ago was my very first discipline spanking. There have been so many ups and downs, but the journey has been worth it, and I am so very grateful to have a husband who's been willing to make it with me. I love you, Baby!
Nick gave me a pass on the spanking for the car. By the time we had time for it, he said it just seemed kind of silly, but that if it happened again it would be bad. I was kind of shocked, because I never get out of one, but I was very relieved. And we had a very, very, very good night in bed.
Nick was actually curious what had gotten into me, and after giving it some thought, what I came up with was this: when I'm in for a serious paddling, I'm nervous and scared and full of adrenaline. But there's also always a very strong undercurrent of arousal because, well, I am a spanko, and it's very, very sexy to know that he is willing to take care of me that way, whether I want it at the time or not. So when you take that potent mix and suck out the fear, you have a very, very horny girl left. I was very ready for him, and it didn't take long at all to take me over the edge.
So I guess I've had my last spanking of 2008 after all.
Speaking of spankings, this is our 5 year DD anniversary. Five years ago was my very first discipline spanking. There have been so many ups and downs, but the journey has been worth it, and I am so very grateful to have a husband who's been willing to make it with me. I love you, Baby!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Fun at the after Christmas sales...
Nick, Morgan, and I went to a couple of after Christmas sales today, and I got some really cute things for super cheap! Target had these two stockings for $2.99 each (first picture is side A and second picture is side B of each):
Wal-mart had these cosmetic bags. I actually already had the Naughty one and finally got around to taking a picture of it. The Angel bag I got tonight for $1.50.
And this is the Naughty ornament I got at last year's after Christmas sale at Wal-Mart.
I love clearance sales!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Another lovely Christmas.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was great, very peaceful and full of wonderful time with family. I got a couple of gift cards from family, several books, a "pampering basket" from my mom (filled with hot cocoa, cappuccino, lotion, candles, etc), a Willow Tree figurine (this one) for my collection, my own household tool kit (put together by my mom), some new towels, a beautiful ring (also from my parents), a necklace and pair of earrings from Nick's parents, some hair stuff (also from Nick's parents - his step mom is a hairstylist who keeps me in haircuts/colors I would never be able to afford otherwise), and a handmade and personalized snuggie from my gift exchange at work. Nick's sister Kate and her husband sent us a really nice luggage set from Texas, and we're going to have to get to shopping for something for them! We honestly hadn't gotten them anything, just because they weren't going to be in for Christmas and we assumed we wouldn't be exchanging. We did get her daughter Kit something and gave it to her when she came in to see her dad (Kate's first husband), but we never dreamed Kate and Will would ship something up for us.
Here are my "naughty" ornaments from my stocking:
I did get in a bit of trouble yesterday which, due to yesterday's and today's family commitments hasn't yet been dealt with. It drives Nick crazy when my car is messy, so I try to keep it neat. Unfortunately the back seat area had gotten pretty cluttered with Morgan's stuff, and I really hadn't been keeping on top of it lately. When Nick went to load up our gifts at his parents' house he got an eyeful of the back seat and let me know in no uncertain terms that there would be consequences, mainly because this is something I've been warned about before. So I guess 2008 has one more spanking in store for me.
Anyway, I hope you guys had a great holiday!
Here are my "naughty" ornaments from my stocking:
I did get in a bit of trouble yesterday which, due to yesterday's and today's family commitments hasn't yet been dealt with. It drives Nick crazy when my car is messy, so I try to keep it neat. Unfortunately the back seat area had gotten pretty cluttered with Morgan's stuff, and I really hadn't been keeping on top of it lately. When Nick went to load up our gifts at his parents' house he got an eyeful of the back seat and let me know in no uncertain terms that there would be consequences, mainly because this is something I've been warned about before. So I guess 2008 has one more spanking in store for me.
Anyway, I hope you guys had a great holiday!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, everyone! I can't believe it's Christmas Eve! I love Christmas, and I'm so excited! We celebrated with my dad's family on Friday, and my mom's family on Saturday, and Morgan got a few really cool toys. We decided to just buy for the kids out there this year, and I think everybody was really happy with that decision. Tonight will be spent with Nick's dad's family, where we drew names. Tomorrow morning Morgan will open gifts at home, then we'll go to Nick's family's house. We will have Christmas at my parents' house on Friday because that's the earliest time we could get everyone together!
Nick and I always exchange alone a few days early, so we did that last night. He got me a pair of jeans I wanted, 2 beautiful coats (I picked them out and they were on super clearance, so I got both), Patricia Cornwell's latest book, an awesome purse, and a big box of Ferrero candy. I got him a shirt, a pair of jeans, some swim trucks (I know, but they're for Hawaii here in a couple of months), 5 ties (he really needed some, and they were on sale!), a poker card protector, and a watch.
I've found some really cute ornaments this year - two different ones that are just the word "Naughty", and one of Little Miss Naughty. I put up a picture of the green sparkly one a few posts ago, and I'll put up pictures of the other two after Christmas (they went straight into my stocking). I also have a couple of pink ones I got at Wal-Mart last year, and I'm thinking that I would love to eventually have enough to decorate a small "Naughty Tree." Imagine the gifts you could put under that! And today I ran across a generator that provided an idea for the perfect lights:
Christmas Light Generator
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Inevitably...
I'm well spanked this morning. Last night went pretty much as planned. We dropped Morgan off with my parents and headed out to Subway to get something to eat. I sat down with our food while he was getting our drinks, and he said, "Do you want to just take it home and eat?" Then he chuckled a bit at the look on my face, and home we went. We had our sandwiches while watching TV, and after a couple of times of asking me if I was ready to get it over with, he finally just stood up and said, "Let's go." I've never climbed the stairs so slowly, but inevitably we made it to the top. Keeping in mind all the work I had done on the house that day, he let me keep my jeans on, but they weren't much protection.
I told him that we'd truly reached full circle on things. When we started DD, there's no denying that there was a part of me that actually looked forward to being punished, just because it meant that he was trying to take things seriously. These days the serious spankings are definitely less frequent, but they are also something that I try to avoid. And that, after all, is where I always hoped we'd eventually be.
He used the Patty's Paddle from Cane-IAC, the first time it's come out for a punishment. And it hurt!!!
I managed to stay still, but I was noisy enough that at one point he pulled out our Brat Paddle from Leather Thorn and told me to bite down on it. 
I got a couple hundred swats, although any kind of accurate count was impossible for me. I was definitely in tears before it was done.
When it was over, he spent some time rubbing my bottom and holding me, and eventually he tugged my jeans down for further inspection. Once I had calmed down a bit, the rubbing turned into a bit more, and the Brat Paddle came into use for some rather nice play. He eventually put the Brat Paddle down and went back to rubbing, which of course led to further exploring and a rather explosive orgasm. The punishment part was awful, truly something I'd rather not repeat, but the evening had a very nice ending after all.
When it was over, he spent some time rubbing my bottom and holding me, and eventually he tugged my jeans down for further inspection. Once I had calmed down a bit, the rubbing turned into a bit more, and the Brat Paddle came into use for some rather nice play. He eventually put the Brat Paddle down and went back to rubbing, which of course led to further exploring and a rather explosive orgasm. The punishment part was awful, truly something I'd rather not repeat, but the evening had a very nice ending after all.
I told him that we'd truly reached full circle on things. When we started DD, there's no denying that there was a part of me that actually looked forward to being punished, just because it meant that he was trying to take things seriously. These days the serious spankings are definitely less frequent, but they are also something that I try to avoid. And that, after all, is where I always hoped we'd eventually be.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Antsy
So I'll be getting that serious spanking tonight. We've been trying to get to it for over a week now, and one thing after another has come up. Last night he told me that come hell or high water it would be happening tonight. Fortuitously (?) my mom called a little while ago and offered to babysit this evening so we could go Christmas shopping together without Morgan. Our shopping is all done, but I knew it wouldn't go in my favor if I passed up such a tailor-made opportunity for the necessary alone time, so I agreed.
And now I'm starting to get the sick to my stomach feeling of dread that hits me when I know that a disciplinary spanking is an absolutely-going-to-happen-done-deal. I don't want a spanking. I've tried to talk him out of it, begging him to go with something like grounding me from the computer, all the way up to the verge of getting grounded on top of a spanking. Fortunately I had the sense to heed the warning in his voice and let it go before that happened. But barring an act of God, I will be getting thoroughly paddled tonight.
I'm on vacation this week, so I'm spending the day trying to tackle laundry and the kitchen in hopes that progress in those areas will temper his hand, but after days of trying to talk my way out of this I'm under no illusion that I'll get out of the spanking at this point. Anyway, I'm off to do housework!
And now I'm starting to get the sick to my stomach feeling of dread that hits me when I know that a disciplinary spanking is an absolutely-going-to-happen-done-deal. I don't want a spanking. I've tried to talk him out of it, begging him to go with something like grounding me from the computer, all the way up to the verge of getting grounded on top of a spanking. Fortunately I had the sense to heed the warning in his voice and let it go before that happened. But barring an act of God, I will be getting thoroughly paddled tonight.
I'm on vacation this week, so I'm spending the day trying to tackle laundry and the kitchen in hopes that progress in those areas will temper his hand, but after days of trying to talk my way out of this I'm under no illusion that I'll get out of the spanking at this point. Anyway, I'm off to do housework!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A lovely night
Hi, everyone. Thank you for your patience here - I'm steadily on the mend. So much so that I got a spanking last night! Not the one I've been promised - that one will be a serious one, and I'm having absolutely no luck in getting him to change his mind about it, though not for lack of trying. But I did get an absolutely delicious fun spanking, part of a yummy night in bed in which he absolutely outdid himself! I won't go into all the details, but my lack of attention to certain very personal grooming (we're talking shaving, not bathing!) down there was very sternly brought up and addressed by his hand on my bare bottom.
The other spanking has much to do with the shameful turn the house has taken (before I got sick) and will undoubtedly feature an implement made of sturdier material. That one I'm not so much looking forward to, but as he said, I've done this to myself.
In other news, I found this paddle (front and back view) online, and I'm reluctantly intrigued - and what a great price!
Hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas!
The other spanking has much to do with the shameful turn the house has taken (before I got sick) and will undoubtedly feature an implement made of sturdier material. That one I'm not so much looking forward to, but as he said, I've done this to myself.
In other news, I found this paddle (front and back view) online, and I'm reluctantly intrigued - and what a great price!
Hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
We interupt this program...
Sorry for the blog silence, everyone. Nick and I are both sick and have been for a week or so. I was promised a spanking the day before I got sick, but that's been put on hold until we're both back to full health. Hope everyone's having a wonderful holiday season!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Brace yourselves...
Okay, you may want to sit down for this (those of you who are able), but you'll never guess what happened - I got a spanking! Yep, it's true. I know, it's not even been two months yet, right? I couldn't believe it myself! It wasn't a serious spanking, so it wasn't terribly long or hard, and it was a very nice addition to some yummy sex. I must say, my bottom is out of practice! His hand had me squirming and twisting. I'm still feeling the need for some stronger boundaries, perhaps even something serious to get me going on cleaning our bedroom, but it was great to take the edge off. So if you hear the wild and crazy rumor, it's true!
Christmas meme
I found this Christmas meme over at Hermione's.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags.
2. Real tree or artificial? Green artificial.
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually Thanksgiving or the day after, but I seem to be slacking this year.
4. When do you take the tree down? Usually January 1st or 2nd
5. Do you like eggnog? Just a taste
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A 100 piece accessory set for my Barbie dolls.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My dad.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Morgan
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a small one piece one, but I'd love to someday have a Willow Tree set.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Theoretically by mail, but I'm awful about getting them together and mailed in time.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My mom once put a tape dispenser in my stocking. There were other, better things in there too, so I'm not sure what she was thinking on the tape dispenser.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation, although I love A Christmas Story too.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Once upon a time I started in August, but the last few years it's been more of a panicked trying to carve a few dollars free from the last few paychecks before Christmas.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, but only of it would be perfect for someone else and I hadn't used it.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I don't really have a favorite.
16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? White on the tree, colored outside.
17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home, unless you count the family we visit in a 20 mile radius.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? If you give me a minute.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Our Christmas tree is done in a lodge theme to match out house, so we actually have a little fishing hat that goes on top.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Our Christmas usually gets spread out over a week or so between all the different family places we have to go. Nick and I usually exchange ours about a week before Christmas, and Morgan opens gifts on Christmas morning.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? A lodge/fishing theme.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I'm not too picky
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A spanking for each of the twelve days of Christmas. (Hermione's answer, but it sounds great to me!)
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Probably PK, Eva, or Grace.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? gift bags.
2. Real tree or artificial? Green artificial.
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually Thanksgiving or the day after, but I seem to be slacking this year.
4. When do you take the tree down? Usually January 1st or 2nd
5. Do you like eggnog? Just a taste
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A 100 piece accessory set for my Barbie dolls.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My dad.
8. Easiest person to buy for? Morgan
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes, a small one piece one, but I'd love to someday have a Willow Tree set.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Theoretically by mail, but I'm awful about getting them together and mailed in time.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My mom once put a tape dispenser in my stocking. There were other, better things in there too, so I'm not sure what she was thinking on the tape dispenser.
12. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation, although I love A Christmas Story too.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Once upon a time I started in August, but the last few years it's been more of a panicked trying to carve a few dollars free from the last few paychecks before Christmas.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes, but only of it would be perfect for someone else and I hadn't used it.
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? I don't really have a favorite.
16. Lights on the tree; colored or white? White on the tree, colored outside.
17. Favorite Christmas song? O Holy Night
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home, unless you count the family we visit in a 20 mile radius.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? If you give me a minute.
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Our Christmas tree is done in a lodge theme to match out house, so we actually have a little fishing hat that goes on top.
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Our Christmas usually gets spread out over a week or so between all the different family places we have to go. Nick and I usually exchange ours about a week before Christmas, and Morgan opens gifts on Christmas morning.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? A lodge/fishing theme.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? I'm not too picky
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A spanking for each of the twelve days of Christmas. (Hermione's answer, but it sounds great to me!)
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Probably PK, Eva, or Grace.
Friday, November 28, 2008
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Ours was lovely. My mom made the ham and turkey, and my sister-in-law and I handled the rest. But I'm afraid my biggest contribution didn't turn out quite the way I had planned.
I got this great recipe for crock pot mac & cheese from a girl I work with. This stuff is amazing, and very simple, although definitely not quick to make. The recipe calls for a can of evaporated milk. So Wednesday night, in a hurry and among the madness of our local grocery store the night before the biggest meal of the year, I picked up the ingredients. With one exception - instead of evaporated milk, I grabbed sweetened condensed milk.
So I got up early yesterday morning and put everything together. Three hours later, I opened the crock pot to taste my creation and found that it was decidedly...sweet. Not bad, necessarily, just not what you expect from mac & cheese. Of course by this point it was too late to start over, so we took it to my mom's as it was. It wasn't exactly a hit, but quite a bit of it got eaten. Oh well, live and learn.
I'm off today, although sadly not shopping. Money's tight right now, as it always seems to be around Christmas. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, although it saddens me that it brings so much stress these days. I know that the economy has hit everyone hard, and I really wish everyone would just agree to buy gifts for the kids and not worry about the adults. I did try to suggest that, but both Nick's family and mine insist on buying for us too, and it just seems ungrateful not to reciprocate. I managed to get Nick's dad to agree to a $10 per person/$20 per couple limit, but from the gifts they're talking about, this isn't being honored.
I got this great recipe for crock pot mac & cheese from a girl I work with. This stuff is amazing, and very simple, although definitely not quick to make. The recipe calls for a can of evaporated milk. So Wednesday night, in a hurry and among the madness of our local grocery store the night before the biggest meal of the year, I picked up the ingredients. With one exception - instead of evaporated milk, I grabbed sweetened condensed milk.
So I got up early yesterday morning and put everything together. Three hours later, I opened the crock pot to taste my creation and found that it was decidedly...sweet. Not bad, necessarily, just not what you expect from mac & cheese. Of course by this point it was too late to start over, so we took it to my mom's as it was. It wasn't exactly a hit, but quite a bit of it got eaten. Oh well, live and learn.
I'm off today, although sadly not shopping. Money's tight right now, as it always seems to be around Christmas. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, although it saddens me that it brings so much stress these days. I know that the economy has hit everyone hard, and I really wish everyone would just agree to buy gifts for the kids and not worry about the adults. I did try to suggest that, but both Nick's family and mine insist on buying for us too, and it just seems ungrateful not to reciprocate. I managed to get Nick's dad to agree to a $10 per person/$20 per couple limit, but from the gifts they're talking about, this isn't being honored.That's not to say that our families are materialistic - they're not. They just love us and want to show that with Christmas gifts. I just wish I could make them understand that we would feel just as loved if we could just spend the day together and focus on the real reason for the day.
So anyway, enough of the bah-humbug stuff. There are some really fun things in stores right now at very cheap prices. Wal-Mart has this shirt for about $5.00.
They also have a really cute cosmetic bag for $3.00 with the word Naughty on it, as well as one that says Angel. Unfortunately I couldn't find pictures of those.
Target has these items:
($10.00)
($3.00)
and 
($1.00)
Now, for that mac & cheese recipe!
CROCK POT MAC AND CHEESE
8 oz box macaroni (boil first for about 5 min)
4 cups shredded sharp cheddar (save one cup for top)
2 eggs
13 oz. can EVAPORATED (NOT condensed sweetened!!!) milk
1 1/2 cups milk
2 teaspoons butter
Mix 3 cups of cheese with all other ingredients in crock pot. Top with extra cup of cheese. Cook on high for 3 hours. DO NOT OPEN CROCK POT before 3 hours is up. After cooking, stir and serve.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Life
So how's everyone been doing lately? I know it looks like I've completely dropped out of bloggerland, but I'm still here, I promise. A couple of weeks ago my hard drive on my laptop completely crashed, and I lost a lot of good stuff. Fortunately most or all of my family pictures were saved in my gmail history, and most of my spanko stuff is on here. Unfortunately we lost a tremendous amount of music. We had over 5,000 songs in our iTunes, most of which are gone now. Most of those were songs we had loaded from CD's (ours and other's), so it's not like we had that much money in it, but still, we had probably $400 worth of actual purchases on there. What really sucks it that until about a week before this happened we had the whole library stored on Nick's iPod just as a backup until we could copy it all to the external hard drive I got not long ago. Then Nick got tired of scrolling through hundreds of artists, and he took off all but about 190 songs. A positive note is that iTunes let us redownload part of our purchases for free. Songs that had been changed or deleted from the store since we bought them couldn't be restored, so we didn't get everything back, but we were able to restore 250 items.
Anyway, I've just now got my laptop back up and running, so that's part of why I haven't been posting as much. As for the rest of it, well, I just haven't had much to post about. There's been no spanking whatsoever, not even the much advertised birthday spanking. And I've not really given him any reason, other than the fact that I've been stressed over any number of things and could just use my reset button pushed, but lately it's just seemed like it would feel awkward and forced. So I haven't asked. And I haven't expected him to offer, because that would require a response from me, and I know that the one I would give would be to blow it off, because I am in that place where I cannot ask.
So for now I'm spending my time restoring my laptop to it's old familiar self and working on getting our house clean. Nick and I in fact have spent the last week doing some heavy cleaning, finally fixing the hundred little things that always need fixing in a home but always seem to get pushed to the side. I've spent hours going through Morgan's old clothes and toys and getting rid of things outgrown. The house actually looks great right now with the exception of our bedroom and the still large (but much smaller than it was) pile of laundry.
I hope you guys have all been well. I'm still reading blogs and enjoying peeking at other people's day to day living. Have a great week!
Anyway, I've just now got my laptop back up and running, so that's part of why I haven't been posting as much. As for the rest of it, well, I just haven't had much to post about. There's been no spanking whatsoever, not even the much advertised birthday spanking. And I've not really given him any reason, other than the fact that I've been stressed over any number of things and could just use my reset button pushed, but lately it's just seemed like it would feel awkward and forced. So I haven't asked. And I haven't expected him to offer, because that would require a response from me, and I know that the one I would give would be to blow it off, because I am in that place where I cannot ask.
So for now I'm spending my time restoring my laptop to it's old familiar self and working on getting our house clean. Nick and I in fact have spent the last week doing some heavy cleaning, finally fixing the hundred little things that always need fixing in a home but always seem to get pushed to the side. I've spent hours going through Morgan's old clothes and toys and getting rid of things outgrown. The house actually looks great right now with the exception of our bedroom and the still large (but much smaller than it was) pile of laundry.
I hope you guys have all been well. I'm still reading blogs and enjoying peeking at other people's day to day living. Have a great week!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Hehe...this is kind of fun...
I'm kind of liking this whole mobile posting thing! Look at me - sitting here at work posting to my spanking blog - spanking, spanking, spanking! Whew! Um, okay, I'm blushing a little. But anyway, you lurkers pop out and say hi!
Come out, come out and play! It's Love Our Lurkers Day!
Hey, guys! It's Love Our Lurkers Day! I'm actually at work, so I'm trying out mobile blogging for the first time. This will be short and sweet - come out and say hi! I'd love to meet you!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Tag! You're It!
Okay, so I haven't posted about the birthday spanking yet. That's because, well, it hasn't happened yet. Immediately following my birthday Nick didn't feel well for a couple of days, and there just hasn't been much opportunity since then. And so, I'm just going to put up this meme I was tagged for by Thomas:
The Rules-* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog. * Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. Today I got a new pink BlackJack II phone, which means I can surf blogs from work!
2. I loooove Photoshop!
3. I ordered my first book off of Amazon the other night.
4. Our house is way overexposed to Hannah Montana.
5. Nick and I first kissed in a heavily stacked game of spin the bottle.
6. I need to be spanked, and not just for my birthday.
7. One year for Christmas I made everybody hats on a Knifty Knitter.
And now I tag:
Grace
PK
Eva
PaulH666
Kallisto
Adam's Angel
and
Hermione
The Rules-* Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog. * Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.* Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.* Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. Today I got a new pink BlackJack II phone, which means I can surf blogs from work!
2. I loooove Photoshop!
3. I ordered my first book off of Amazon the other night.
4. Our house is way overexposed to Hannah Montana.
5. Nick and I first kissed in a heavily stacked game of spin the bottle.
6. I need to be spanked, and not just for my birthday.
7. One year for Christmas I made everybody hats on a Knifty Knitter.
And now I tag:
Grace
PK
Eva
PaulH666
Kallisto
Adam's Angel
and
Hermione
Friday, October 17, 2008
Happy Birthday to me!
I had a wonderful birthday today! Nick took the day off to be with me. Morgan was in school, then my mom took her home with her for a while, and then a friend of ours watched her for a few hours so we could have the whole day together. I slept late, then we went to a local crafts fair where Nick bought me a couple of little knick-knacks. We had lunch together, then went to see the movie Fireproof. This was just an awesome movie, and I highly recommend it. After the movie we stopped to see a couple of our friends that we hadn't seen in a while. Unfortunately they are right on the edge of divorce right now, but it was good to be able to talk to them both and hopefully offer some encouragement. Nick also got me two purses for my birthday, both of which I love! (Yes, the first one is a picture I took in the store - I know how to leave hints!)
My parents got me a beautiful diamond ring, and Nick's grandparents got me a Willow Tree ornament. I collect Willow Tree figurines, so I loved it.
Morgan said the funniest thing today. Okay, I just write the school a check for her lunch money every few weeks, and when she runs out I replenish it. Well, we've had to curtail her spending, because she has a tendency to buy more than she needs, and if we don't watch her, she'll run through her balance in about half the time she should. And of course we don't care at all for her to buy what she needs - we just don't want her buying stuff just to be buying it. Well, today they had chocolate milk buy one get one free. So after school she got two cartons, but after a few minutes she brought one back up to the window. Very solemnly she told the lunch lady that today was her mom's birthday and she wasn't supposed to spend extra money, so she was just going to take the free one. LOL!
Anyway, it was a lovely birthday. Unfortunately Nick's stomach started bothering him toward the end if the evening, so he didn't get to give me my birthday spanking, but it's on the schedule for tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Wal-Mart...
...was having a huge clearance sale on school supplies - look what I got for 50¢ each! And uh, I've been politely informed that if one more ruler finds it's way into the house from this point forward I will seriously regret it - but aren't they pretty?!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
A New View
So here's how my thoughts have been running for the last month or so:
Back when I got spanked (and spanked, and spanked, and...) for the car fiasco, there was a moment, just a moment, when Nick got pretty exasperated with the whole thing. Now when I say "the whole thing", I don't mean me being an idiot and driving the clutch out of my car. I mean the whole DD thing. And when I say "pretty exasperated", I don't mean that he said so much as one word along the lines of this being silly, or played out, or any of that. It was just a tone of voice, just a fleeting expression when I asked if we would be continuing our little lesson on listening that night. "Yes, honey - I haven't forgotten."
But I know my husband pretty well, and that one nuance ripped the veil of sincerity off the whole punishment for me. So I decided, all by my lonesome, that once I was through this, I was going to just let the whole of DD die a quiet death. For oh, the entire time he's been spanking me, I've been partly or completely convinced that if I never brought it up again, neither would he. I didn't want anything about our marriage to be a sham, and I just wasn't going to force it on us any more.
And I've been through the whole I'll-make-the-sacrifice-and-give-this-up-because-it's-just-not-him bit. But that's the thing. I always felt it as a sacrifice. And this time was different. This time I had almost brought myself around to where I could live at peace with it. It became a vision of not just an easier life for him, but an easier, less dramatic life for me as well. I decided that I could live quite well without the emotional roller coaster of wondering every time it came up if I was being too much for him. I realized I could save money by not bringing home one more implement or pervertable that might not ever get used. I began to completely avoid the kitchen and school supplies aisles at Wal-Mart.
I kept quiet on the blog to give things time to settle down, to ease the whole possibility out of his mind, because every time I blog about spanking, it's like a big neon sign for him that says "HEY! YOUR WIFE LIKES SPANKING! GET ON THAT, WILL YA?!"
And I was doing pretty well. The pull was easing off. I wasn't automatically diving off into fantasyland every time I saw his belt threaded through the belt loops of his jeans. I quit looking for that certain meaningful Look in his eyes whenever he asked me if I would do some laundry. And I had gotten very good at checking any sneaky remaining impulses by quietly reminding myself that "things are different now - you're done with this."
Oh, I didn't plan to give up being a spanko, as if that's even a possibility. I was going to keep my blog, keep posting little spanko stuff I found, once the new normal had a strong enough grip to keep him from feeling obligated by it. I was going to keep putting myself to sleep with memories of spankings past and fantasies of spankings never realized. And there was always going to be the occasional spanking in bed, which I would definitely appreciate, but certainly never ask for.
I was playing an old familiar game of let's-see-how-long-he-goes-without-bringing-it-up, but this time it was with an eye toward reaching some magic date of DD eradication rather than a childish tally of how many days I could stuff down my needs. And for me this quiet goal was hovering around my birthday. If I could only make it to the 17th and past the implied expectation of a birthday spanking, I would be mostly there. And if I could carry it two more days, I could silently celebrate two full months since my last punishment. I had done my mourning and made peace with my new perfectly normal life.
Then on Sunday night, right before bed, he stretched and yawned and said, "We have something we're going to take care of tomorrow night." Well, crap. Now what was this all about? What it was all about was the laundry that had been sitting in the den clean and folded (by him) for a month or so. Granted, part of it had been put up and I had also added new clean clothes to the pile, but I had told him I would put it all away. But seriously, now, just when I was getting comfortable with my new viewpoint? So I very casually said, "Okay. I'm going to go on up to bed." Just like he hadn't totally undermined a month of reconditioning of my little spanko brain. And I went to bed wondering how in the heck I was going to get past this wrinkle... and fuming because as I climbed under the covers my stomach was flipping and the rest of my body was rebelling by reacting in those familiar and apparently not so decimated ways.
By Monday afternoon I had convinced myself that if I played it low key enough, he might very well just forget. It wouldn't have been the first time, and it would be even easier to let it slip by the next evening. So I very deliberately made no reference to his announcement of the night before. In fact, I didn't even put up the laundry, so afraid was I that it would trigger his memory and his sense of duty.
It was getting late, and I was feeling pretty confident when he turned to me and said, "We have something to take care of." And though my brain was racing furiously, I couldn't come up with a thing to say, so much so that when he brought out the Cane-IAC Jr with holes, I just sat in my chair looking thoughtful.
"Trying to figure out some way to talk me out of this?" he asked. "No," I answered slowly, coming up hard on the realization that I was going to have to let him in on my new viewpoint after all. Immediately following that bit of enlightenment was the sudden sure knowlege that however sincere I was, it was all going to sound pretty suspect in the face of a hard paddling. But I tried. I stumbled around and muttered something along the lines of, "Well, it's just - see, I've been thinking - I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was time that we just let this go. I mean, not the laundry, the whole thing. You've given me, well, it's been almost five years, and I kind of thought we were done with this."
"Who told you that?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Well, it's, I mean, this is kind of silly."
"What this is, is you standing up and getting a spanking. Now come on."
"Seriously, Nick, I'm not trying to get out of this, I just don't - "
"Now."
So I got up, and realized all of a sudden that whatever my grand notions, Nick's place as head of the house had taken on a whole new reality for me. He really was mad about the laundry. This wasn't something he was doing in response to any sort of cue from me. He actually meant this.
And then I realized, uh, there was actually going to be a spanking. It turns out that the only thing about me that had truly embraced life without discipline was my bottom. 6o swats turned into 80 turned into somewhere just over 100 because my poor, out-of-practice backside wouldn't stay put. And I was crying in the first 25 swats, tears that lasted and increased through the spanking and the 15 minutes afterwards when I had to stare at the laundry and think about why I'd been punished.
When it was all over, I tried to explain to him that I had meant what I said, that if he wanted to just go back to life without DD, I wouldn't be mad at him. And I tried to explain what started it all for me, that little moment back a month and a half ago and how I didn't want it if it wasn't going to be real. What he told me was that he doesn't want to play games, but that there are times (like with the laundry) when he really does see a spanking as the best option. He doesn't see everything as a punishment issue that I do, but he's happy with having the option to spank me if I need it, and "the dog isn't going back in its cage."
"But I just don't want this to be something you do just for me."
"It's not," he assured me. "It's something I do for me too. Things work better for us this way, and we're not going to stop doing it. It's not your choice, and this is how it's going to be from now on."
The rest of the night was lovely, no more tears, although there were certainly some loud cries of passion. Today I'm still sore and pretty bruised too, but I feel like this has finally become really genuine for me and for us. Oh, and I put that laundry up yesterday!
Back when I got spanked (and spanked, and spanked, and...) for the car fiasco, there was a moment, just a moment, when Nick got pretty exasperated with the whole thing. Now when I say "the whole thing", I don't mean me being an idiot and driving the clutch out of my car. I mean the whole DD thing. And when I say "pretty exasperated", I don't mean that he said so much as one word along the lines of this being silly, or played out, or any of that. It was just a tone of voice, just a fleeting expression when I asked if we would be continuing our little lesson on listening that night. "Yes, honey - I haven't forgotten."
But I know my husband pretty well, and that one nuance ripped the veil of sincerity off the whole punishment for me. So I decided, all by my lonesome, that once I was through this, I was going to just let the whole of DD die a quiet death. For oh, the entire time he's been spanking me, I've been partly or completely convinced that if I never brought it up again, neither would he. I didn't want anything about our marriage to be a sham, and I just wasn't going to force it on us any more.
And I've been through the whole I'll-make-the-sacrifice-and-give-this-up-because-it's-just-not-him bit. But that's the thing. I always felt it as a sacrifice. And this time was different. This time I had almost brought myself around to where I could live at peace with it. It became a vision of not just an easier life for him, but an easier, less dramatic life for me as well. I decided that I could live quite well without the emotional roller coaster of wondering every time it came up if I was being too much for him. I realized I could save money by not bringing home one more implement or pervertable that might not ever get used. I began to completely avoid the kitchen and school supplies aisles at Wal-Mart.
I kept quiet on the blog to give things time to settle down, to ease the whole possibility out of his mind, because every time I blog about spanking, it's like a big neon sign for him that says "HEY! YOUR WIFE LIKES SPANKING! GET ON THAT, WILL YA?!"
And I was doing pretty well. The pull was easing off. I wasn't automatically diving off into fantasyland every time I saw his belt threaded through the belt loops of his jeans. I quit looking for that certain meaningful Look in his eyes whenever he asked me if I would do some laundry. And I had gotten very good at checking any sneaky remaining impulses by quietly reminding myself that "things are different now - you're done with this."
Oh, I didn't plan to give up being a spanko, as if that's even a possibility. I was going to keep my blog, keep posting little spanko stuff I found, once the new normal had a strong enough grip to keep him from feeling obligated by it. I was going to keep putting myself to sleep with memories of spankings past and fantasies of spankings never realized. And there was always going to be the occasional spanking in bed, which I would definitely appreciate, but certainly never ask for.
I was playing an old familiar game of let's-see-how-long-he-goes-without-bringing-it-up, but this time it was with an eye toward reaching some magic date of DD eradication rather than a childish tally of how many days I could stuff down my needs. And for me this quiet goal was hovering around my birthday. If I could only make it to the 17th and past the implied expectation of a birthday spanking, I would be mostly there. And if I could carry it two more days, I could silently celebrate two full months since my last punishment. I had done my mourning and made peace with my new perfectly normal life.
Then on Sunday night, right before bed, he stretched and yawned and said, "We have something we're going to take care of tomorrow night." Well, crap. Now what was this all about? What it was all about was the laundry that had been sitting in the den clean and folded (by him) for a month or so. Granted, part of it had been put up and I had also added new clean clothes to the pile, but I had told him I would put it all away. But seriously, now, just when I was getting comfortable with my new viewpoint? So I very casually said, "Okay. I'm going to go on up to bed." Just like he hadn't totally undermined a month of reconditioning of my little spanko brain. And I went to bed wondering how in the heck I was going to get past this wrinkle... and fuming because as I climbed under the covers my stomach was flipping and the rest of my body was rebelling by reacting in those familiar and apparently not so decimated ways.
By Monday afternoon I had convinced myself that if I played it low key enough, he might very well just forget. It wouldn't have been the first time, and it would be even easier to let it slip by the next evening. So I very deliberately made no reference to his announcement of the night before. In fact, I didn't even put up the laundry, so afraid was I that it would trigger his memory and his sense of duty.
It was getting late, and I was feeling pretty confident when he turned to me and said, "We have something to take care of." And though my brain was racing furiously, I couldn't come up with a thing to say, so much so that when he brought out the Cane-IAC Jr with holes, I just sat in my chair looking thoughtful.
"Trying to figure out some way to talk me out of this?" he asked. "No," I answered slowly, coming up hard on the realization that I was going to have to let him in on my new viewpoint after all. Immediately following that bit of enlightenment was the sudden sure knowlege that however sincere I was, it was all going to sound pretty suspect in the face of a hard paddling. But I tried. I stumbled around and muttered something along the lines of, "Well, it's just - see, I've been thinking - I mean, I kind of thought maybe it was time that we just let this go. I mean, not the laundry, the whole thing. You've given me, well, it's been almost five years, and I kind of thought we were done with this."
"Who told you that?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.
"Well, it's, I mean, this is kind of silly."
"What this is, is you standing up and getting a spanking. Now come on."
"Seriously, Nick, I'm not trying to get out of this, I just don't - "
"Now."
So I got up, and realized all of a sudden that whatever my grand notions, Nick's place as head of the house had taken on a whole new reality for me. He really was mad about the laundry. This wasn't something he was doing in response to any sort of cue from me. He actually meant this.
And then I realized, uh, there was actually going to be a spanking. It turns out that the only thing about me that had truly embraced life without discipline was my bottom. 6o swats turned into 80 turned into somewhere just over 100 because my poor, out-of-practice backside wouldn't stay put. And I was crying in the first 25 swats, tears that lasted and increased through the spanking and the 15 minutes afterwards when I had to stare at the laundry and think about why I'd been punished.
When it was all over, I tried to explain to him that I had meant what I said, that if he wanted to just go back to life without DD, I wouldn't be mad at him. And I tried to explain what started it all for me, that little moment back a month and a half ago and how I didn't want it if it wasn't going to be real. What he told me was that he doesn't want to play games, but that there are times (like with the laundry) when he really does see a spanking as the best option. He doesn't see everything as a punishment issue that I do, but he's happy with having the option to spank me if I need it, and "the dog isn't going back in its cage."
"But I just don't want this to be something you do just for me."
"It's not," he assured me. "It's something I do for me too. Things work better for us this way, and we're not going to stop doing it. It's not your choice, and this is how it's going to be from now on."
The rest of the night was lovely, no more tears, although there were certainly some loud cries of passion. Today I'm still sore and pretty bruised too, but I feel like this has finally become really genuine for me and for us. Oh, and I put that laundry up yesterday!
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Still alive...
Hey, guys. Not much going on here lately, so I've not posted much. Life is going okay, kind of tight financially, but otherwise pretty smooth sailing. The new-to-me car is doing great, work is going okay, Morgan's doing well in school. I have one more week to work till my next vacation. We won't be doing much, but I'm looking forward to the time off. Nick is thinking he may put in for his vacation pay but still work most of the week to help us get caught up on things, but maybe we'll get a day or two alone in there.
Can you believe it's only 11 1/2 weeks till Christmas? I don't even want to think about it! Once upon a time I started my shopping in August, but that's tough to do these days. One positive note is that I have the week of Christmas off this year, so I'll have time to put together some homemade food gifts. Last year I had to work all week and I made hard candy for a lot of our non-immediate family gifts - about killed myself! I think this year I'll do jar recipes. We got one of these one year and loved it! And I just so happen to have a whole collection of jar recipe books that Morgan's school sold for a fundraiser a couple of years ago. There's something for every taste, from soups to cookies, so I know I can cover a lot of people with these. And no watching a boiling pot of candy!
Anyway, that's life for us these days. How are things with you guys?
Can you believe it's only 11 1/2 weeks till Christmas? I don't even want to think about it! Once upon a time I started my shopping in August, but that's tough to do these days. One positive note is that I have the week of Christmas off this year, so I'll have time to put together some homemade food gifts. Last year I had to work all week and I made hard candy for a lot of our non-immediate family gifts - about killed myself! I think this year I'll do jar recipes. We got one of these one year and loved it! And I just so happen to have a whole collection of jar recipe books that Morgan's school sold for a fundraiser a couple of years ago. There's something for every taste, from soups to cookies, so I know I can cover a lot of people with these. And no watching a boiling pot of candy!
Anyway, that's life for us these days. How are things with you guys?
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