Undone

I feel undone. I feel heavy and useless and unable to express myself in any productive way at all. I feel at this moment in time that absolutely everything I touch or talk about turns to shit, and I can not fix this. I feel like I've lost the ability to do the one thing I've always been able to do, and that is to write my thoughts and feelings out and make them come to life. I know my needs. I know my heart. But I can not seem to properly share them with anyone who I should be able to.

Thank you!!!

I want to say a huge public thank you to Intricate Pieces who spent approximately 800 hours trying to get it through my head how to insert the code for the cool scrolling text at the bottom of the browser. Thanks, sweetie!

Out

Yesterday I told my best girlfriend about This. And by This, I mean DD and the fact that we practice it. Did she run screaming for the hills? Did she call the police? Did she try to have me committed? Nope! She was every bit the friend I should've known she would be. She didn't judge or doubt me. She asked the questions she had and she listened to my answers. And she said that while the spanking probably doesn't have a place in her marriage as discipline, finding out more about this has connected some dots for her in her marriage.

So I asked her if she was going to read here. She said that she probably would, and I started to get really nervous. What if she decided I was a freak after all (I mean really, should anyone like spanking this much? The answer of course is yes, but do I think rationally? No, of course not.)? What if she thought bad things about Nick? What if she hates the whole blog? So, I came home and tried to look at the blog with the eyes of a pretty vanilla newcomer (that happens to like me). And you know what I found?

This is a pretty darn good blog! Okay, I'm not trying to brag, but I realized that I've put my heart into this, and I'm proud of it. There's nothing here that's not really me. And the things I've written about Nick are honest and filled with love, and anyone who knows me at all will be able to see the genuineness there. And I really hope she likes it, but I'm not worried about it anymore. Because even if she doesn't, that doesn't mean she doesn't like me, and it doesn't diminish what I've created here.

Sooo, if you're reading here, R, I hope you like it, and thank you for being such a great, honest, open friend.

Cure for the common hormonal fueled bitchy mood

I'm sitting on a very achy bottom right now. Sunday night I got the hardest spanking I've had in a very long time (and the one I got a couple of weeks ago was pretty freakin' hard). The impetus behind it was a combination of attitude and laziness. The fortunate secondary result of the spanking was the fact that I was able to break through some festering PMS moodiness.

It was Morgan's bedtime, and Nick ordered me downstairs. When I got down to the den he was waiting with the horrible fish paddle.

He had me lay on the couch. I wish he'd just put me over his knee, because I'm afraid I didn't do very well staying in place. He started out spanking hard and spanked harder as he went along. I have no idea how many I got, but I was crying some serious tears not too far into it.

When it was over, he held me, stroking my back and kissing me. I cried a lot longer than usual, all the hormonal weepiness just sweeping me away. As always, the spanking and the tears left me both exhausted and renewed, and I slept soundly that night.

Tonight a friend babysat Morgan so we could have some time together. We went shopping for Morgan's birthday (next Monday) and just spent some time laughing and talking about our day and just generally reconnecting. He's so very good to me.

Gratuitous Chick Post...

Okay, I've discovered all these cool graphics, and I thought I'd share them for all my fellow spanko blogger chicks.

layout for myspace

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

myspace layout

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

Happy Easter...

Don't forget...

I have a problem...

I know I need help, but I just can't stop myself from buying evil hair brushes just because they're a great deal! I got this one today for $2.99.

Kinky Bear

I told you I'm not spoiled!

I snagged this from Journey to the Darkside.

If You Get More Than 40, You're Spoiled

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
(2 ) a television in your bedroom
( ) an iPod
( ) a photo printer
( ) your own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(3) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
( ) DVD player in bedroom
( ) at least a hundred DVD's
(4) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
(5) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
(6) a working dishwasher
(7) an icemaker
(8) a working washer and dryer
(9) more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
(10 ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
( ) large exercise equipment at home
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(11 ) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
(12) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
(13 ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
( ) wealthy family members
(14) two or more family cars
(15) a walk-in closet or pantry
(16 ) a yard ( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
( ) good credit
(17) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(18) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(19 ) a stock portfolio
( ) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(20) private medical insurance
( ) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
(21) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
( ) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
(22) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
(23) been on a cruise
( ) traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
(24) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
( ) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
( ) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
(25) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

We got a new leather paddle!

We got a great new paddle from South Coast Pleasure! You can check out my review here. The one I picked out has hearts on it, and you can bet Nick put his heart into it! WEG

A Very Cute New Blog

Go check out Cheeky Angel at Cheeky Angel's Heaven!

Mighty Sassy - who, me?

Look at the cute flip flops and bag Nick bought me at the Disney Store this weekend. And they were even on clearance!

I couldn't help myself...

For Dummies Book Cover Generator

Ebay auction...

Hurry up and bid, guys. You too can get your angel a genuine Jokari paddle!

Jokari Auction

Grabbed from SpankoGirl

What type of spanking do you crave?

You are craving a punishment spanking!

Punishment is meant to make you feel real fear and remorse. It will be hard and painful, and the implements used will be ones that you fear.

It is punishment you crave? Bare your bottom and go wait in the corner. You need to know that what you will get will make you a truly sorry young woman/man.
Move it!
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Awesome blog...

I've absolutely fallen in love with a new blog (well, new to me). This chick is hilarious! And the stories are funny and sweet and remind me that blogging is a fun activity, not a life and death one. Go over and read Pieces. You won't regret it.

Stolen from Bonnie

Where is Your Ideal Fantasy Spanking Location?

The beach is your ideal fantasy spanking location. The whistle of the wind and the roar of the waves delightfully conceal whatever sounds of pleasure you might utter.
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Check me out!

Nick, Morgan, and I were supposed to go camping tonight, but considering tornadoes have moved into the area, we opted against weathering the night in a storm. Sigh...we've been trying to go since the beginning of last summer. One of these days we'll get there...

But for the good news - go check out my official writer's page on South Coast Pleasure! It's a little sparse on content right now; I've got one more product on hand to refine my review of, and I'll be getting it in shortly. For the last couple of days we've been battling a pretty debilitating computer virus, but that's under control now, so I'm back in business. A big thank you to Amy of South Coast for giving me a shot at this!

I knew it!

Pretty kinky! Grats! You're 77% kinky!

You kinkscore is pretty high. Most likely you're up for trying anything at least once, which show open-mindedness. You're probably a great lay, so just keep doing that thing you do!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 78% on kinkpoints

Link: The Kinkyness Test written by nilnisicruce on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

500,000!!!

My hit counter hit half a million today! Yipee! Thank you very much to everyone who's contributed, especially those who stop by on a regular basis. Love you guys!

This is us...

A lot of us got rather a shock today on someone else's blog. I've said my say there, and I won't rehash it here, but it has spurred me to say something. This blog is NONFICTION. Here's the thing: if I'm uncomfortable putting some aspect of my life on the blog, I don't fictionalize it. I just don't post it. The only fiction here are the couple of clearly labeled stories way back in the archives. Oh, and our daughter's real name is not Morgan. We're really married and have been for nearly 8 years. I really do occasionally review products for South Coast Pleasures (thank you, Amy). We really do live in the South (although what state is privileged information).

For further info: I'm on the voluptuous side (okay, a bit zaftig), I love camping and reading, I'm 28 years old, I'm 5'10" with blue eyes and brown hair, and I'm a Christian who goes to church regularly. And I really get all the spankings I post about here!

Nick's 26 (almost 27), brown hair and blue eyes, loves cars and fishing, is also a Christian who attends church regularly, and was just barely 19 when he married me in a very small church - the same one my dad helped build and where my parents got married.

None of this really matters except that there were a lot of people left reeling and distrustful by certain disclosures today, and I want to assure you all that if I want to make something up, I'm going to label it as such. The kindness people have shown me through this blog and through email deserves respect and honesty, and I want my readers to trust that they can get that here.

Frighteningly perceptive

Remember the whole Target/spatula fiasco? Well, we went to Wal-Mart last night and Morgan said something about Nick embarrassing me in Target, which of course got him started again. So all the way through the store he’s whacking me on the butt every chance he gets. Anyway, he was off looking at something and I had Morgan with me getting laundry detergent, and she says, “Do you like it, Mommy?”

“Do I like what?”

“Do you like it when Daddy pops your butt?”

Have you ever had a four year old make you blush?

I told Nick, and he said, “Well, do you?”

Um…….sometimes.

Just a reminder...

Just a reminder guys - MSN will not be supporting adult groups after March 31, 2006. If you are a member of one or more log in and check out the instructions for movingyour memberships over to WorldGroups.com.

Sodding Jokari...

Well I've been well and truly spanked. Last night Nick told me he was going to spank me before bed. The problem was that it got later and later, and I had to be at work early this morning. After some pleading on my part, he agreed to let me put it off until today, on the condition, "We're going to do it when you get home, and I do mean as soon as you get home." Last night that was a relief, but today I got to get more nervous with every passing hour, then actually drive myself home to my doom. By the time I got into the garage my stomach hurt, so when I got inside and realized that he was in the shower I could feel myself start to breathe again. All I needed was just that few minutes to get control of myself. I got on the computer and checked my email while he finished in the shower and got dressed.

Once he was dressed he took down Jokari and told me to follow him downstairs. Morgan was asleep on our bed, which was a relief to me, because I'm always afraid she'll knock on the door at an inopportune time, or, worse yet, hear something she wouldn't understand.

Downstairs in the den I found him sitting on the couch, Jokari in hand. He had me pull down my pants and bend over his knee. Once I was bending over, he pulled down my panties. It had been a while since I'd had a hard spanking, but this one was horrible. He spanked me so hard I was crying almost from the first swat, which is pretty much unheard of for me. He paddled me long and hard until I was sobbing too hard to struggle anymore. Finally he put down the paddle and told me to come up so that he could hold me.

He held me while I cried against his chest, my bottom on fire against the couch cushions. "There's my sweet girl," he murmured, rubbing my back and planting gentle kisses on my forehead. I told him how sorry I was for the attitude I've shown for the last few weeks, and he told me how sorry he was that he had to spank me.

When things were settled, I playfully mentioned that he hadn't even used his new spatula. He teasingly ordered me to go get it, but relented pretty quickly at the look of horror on my face. Tomorrow when my bottom doesn't ache so badly we're going to do some playing with it.

Afterwards we made love, and I feel renewed.

Random Fluff

Ok, because of time issues, the spanking has been put off for a couple of days. In the mean time...

What's Your Sexual M.O.? Find out @ She's Crafty