Return to Halcyon...

Well I got that spanking tonight. It turned out to be a lot shorter than I expected, but much, much harder, so I guess the end result was the same. It's been a little while since we've used the AngelBrat paddle, and as always when I've had some distance, I'd forgotten just what a punch it packed. I don't know how many I got, mostly because I spent almost the whole time squirming around like I was on fire (which my butt happened to be). But by then end, I had surrendered to the tears, and I held steady for the last 30 or so. That was a few hours ago, and now I'm peaceful and sleepy and more than a little horny.

Lucky Me!

I have the honor of being the very first blog reviewed on the brand new Veronica Lane Reviews Sex Blogs. Thank you for a very kind post, Veronica! We look forward to reading about all the fabulous bloggers out there!

Happy Birthday to the two most important people in my life!

Today was Nick's and Morgan's birthday. Morgan turned 5, and Nick turned 27. Morgan (big girl that she is) got mostly clothes from us (and loved them all - such a little fashionista!). We also got her a TV/VCR/DVD player combo for her room in fond hopes that she'll actually sleep there and let is have our bed back. WEG. We didn't do a whole lot of toys this year (she has enough!), but she was very happy with all of her gifts, especially her new "big girl" sunglasses, and Tinker Bell purse.

I got Nick a silver bracelet he's been looking for, a gas grill to finally replace the one that went kaput 3 years ago, new Adidas, and Burberry cologne (yummy!). My amazing husband ended up buying me two shirts, a skirt, perfume, sunglasses, and a silver bracelet of my own!


He's so very good to me!! Happy birthday Sweetie!!!

Bored

I'm going nuts here. Nick's at a bachelor's party for his old roommate, which he left for pretty much as soon as he got home from work, so I've been basically hanging out doing nothing very interesting today. I worked on the house for a bit, have been playing online off and on all day, and am now back while Morgan's playing in the bath (attached bath, maybe 15 ft. away, door open - I know what that kid can get into as soon as you turn your head.).

I should have an article up soon on South Coast Pleasure on my writer's page. Amy asked me a week or so ago to write one up on what I love about spanking, which was a fun one to do. (I've been dying to use that smiley lol). I sent it in this morning. Hope y'all enjoy!

One good thing is that I got to catch up on a few blogs. This little tidbit from Sar cracked me up:

"(The rabbi ate a LOT of the honey baked ham. Tsk and double tsk.) Cowboy said I should have had something else for the man to eat - like a roast or turkey. I asked the rabbi in advance what he wanted and he told me he'd have whatever we were having. I repeated this to the squid who rolled his eyes and said the man was just being polite. Polite? Polite would have been if he asked for the recipe. Tsk. "

And I totally wasn't tagged for this, but I stole it from Bonnie anyway, because it looked like fun:

Twenty years ago, I...

Was in the third grade
Became a Christian

Ten years ago, I...

Was a very bad girl...

Five years ago, I...

Gave birth
Lived in a trailer
Didn't really get spanked.

Three years ago, I...
Wasn't nearly as happy as I am now.

One year ago, I...

Started this blog
Celebrated our 1 year DD anniversary
Celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary
Got promoted at work

So far this year, I...
Had my one year blogging anniversary.
Started 3 other (private) blogs.
Learned a little about HTML.
Am seriously considering a new church.
Trusted someone new.
Have gotten spanked almost enough for this point in the year.
Became a writer/reviewer for South Coast Pleasure.
Am even more in love with my husband.

Yesterday, I...

Had a stupid argument
Cried about it.
Put gas in my car
Refilled my birth control

Today, I...

Ate some spaghetti.
Loaded the dishwasher twice.
Played online.
Took the dirty laundry downstairs.
Had to chase down our dog twice when Morgan accidentally let her out.
Read part of a Glamour.

Tomorrow, I...

Plan to go to church.
Really hope I get a nice long spanking.
Will hopefully get to go shopping for Morgan's birthday.
Will hopefully be DONE with my period so I can GET LAID!

In the next year I...

Want to take a big vacation
Want to be a better, more obedient wife.
Want to pay off some bills.
Want to advance at work.

Anyway, I've puttered around here enough, I suppose. Have a great night!

Hehehe...for my car guy...

Logo Maker

So I could've handled that better...

Today (well, yesterday now) was crappy, as you can probably tell from the Undone post. Here's what happened. My friend that I shared this with came here to read. And she had some questions. And, following my wishes, she asked them. Now R is the type of person whose thoughts just pour out through email, blogging, etc in exactly the order and completeness that they pop into her mind. Nothing wrong with that at all, especially if you're familiar with it (as I am). But sometimes those thoughts come out more bluntly than intended, and, already in a fragile, stressed out state of mind, I reacted badly to some honest questions and comments. And to be fair, she did ask me beforehand if I was up to hearing about what she thought of the blog, since I'd spent the previous 15 minutes spewing out some extremely stressed out PMS fueled emails about life in general. I'm the one who said I wanted to talk about it.

The two big things I reacted so badly to were a concern she put forth about this spanking, the length and intensity of it, and a completely innocent and legitimately separate (but maybe a little poorly timed) question about whether or not we spank Morgan. Now she wasn't trying to imply that any spanking she got would be in the same stratosphere as what I get, but I was a little too willing to take things the wrong way. (For the record, we do, on pretty rare occasions, spank Morgan, but it's a last resort and maybe half a dozen or so swats with the hand over her jeans - meant (successfully) to have more of an emotional impact than a physical one. And I get spanked waaaay more frequently than she does.)

Anyway, I got really defensive really quick, which she read as shutting her down. And sooo, her reaction was to tell me that she didn't want to discuss any part of this with me any more, maybe not ever. Which really hurt, because as anyone here knows, I took a big chance letting her in on this part of us. And with the box now opened, even if we were to never speak of it again, I feel like it would always be there in the back of her mind. Probably 95% of our conversations revolve around our marriages, and now that she knows, I'd feel dishonest and fake with the kind of careful editing I always did before this was in the open.

So, she may or may not come back here (I hope she will), but in case she does, I want to try to address some of the concerns she had. First of all, the big bad 500 swat spanking and other similar incidents:

I think when she first heard that Nick spanks me for more than just sex, she had the idea that it was a sort of "jerk the girl up and bust her 10 or 12 swats for a bad attitude" type spanking. And there's plenty of that too. But I don't always post about them here. Five minutes later the sting is completely gone, and something that short is really just about getting my attention.

Most of the spankings I get (and post about here) run from 100 to 200 swats. Why? Because that's about what it takes to get me to let go of stress, attitude, self loathing, whatever necessitated the spanking in the first place. Do they hurt? Well, yeah - we are talking about spanking here. But they're not brutal, or tortuous, or unmanageable. Nick knows me, my body, and just how much pain it takes to actually register as pain very well, and he has no need or desire to take me beyond where I need to go. The aforementioned "500 swat" spanking was much more about resetting my heart and head than it was about any kind of punishment. And here's something that wasn't in the post but is true almost every time: when it was over, I wanted more. I craved it. I wasn't broken and diminished. I was restored, floating and safe, and very glad that he'd done it.

Maybe the tears bothered her. Tears for me aren't usually so much about the pain as they are about the surrender, which is vital for me. I need to let go of all the crap that's floating through my head, and being able to cry is what lets me do that. And usually once the tears start, things that I didn't even realize I needed to deal with get played out and put away. I can't even describe how light I feel for days after a really hard spanking. It's not about me thinking I'm a bad person who needs to be punished hard and broken. Spanking is just the way that I best deal with stress and the resulting attitude issues. I remember our basketball coach in highschool talking about his ritual for when he was really stressed. He had a big stick that he would just whack the crap out of a tree with, over and over until he'd worked out whatever aggression he had. Me - I liked to have my butt whacked until I'm de-stressed.

Another question she had was about the issue of sex and discipline. I addressed this once before on the blog here, but I want to look specifically at what she asked me. Nick and I usually make love after a serious spanking (and pretty much always after a fun spanking - what else is it supposed to lead too? WEG). Her thought was that by having sex right after it seemed like it was canceling out any discipline in the spanking. A lot of people feel that way and refuse to make love the same night there's been a punishment, feeling that it's best to keep the two completely separate. I understand the concept. It just doesn't apply to us. By the time the spanking is over, whatever issue brought us to that point has been settled. If it hasn't, well, I ask for more (hey - read the archives. It's happened!). And so, when Nick's done what I need him to, we both feel the need to reconnect physically. And if we were settling an attitude issue, it just might be the first purely sweet connection we've had for a few days.

To be perfectly honest, I can get both sex and spanking pretty much whenever I want without there having to be fractious feelings involved. I don't need to brat to get punished, and I just don't go there. I made that mistake a time or two when we first started, and it's just not worth the resentment it breeds. Head games suck.

As far as a punishment making me horny, I'll admit, I'm a total spanko. The thought of my husband in stern, taking care of business, busting my butt mode is HOT! But the spanking definitely hurts when it's happening, mainly because of whatever unpleasantness got me in that position. I'm sorry to be there and I regret whatever I did (or didn't do as the case may be) to get me there. I really do try to avoid the serious ones - usually by the time he tells me to bend over I'm almost sick to my stomach. I hate that I've done something to disappoint him. But once those feelings are dealt with and put away, sure, there's a lot of sexiness there. And um, why not? He is my husband, and if this works for us, then who cares if we don't wait a prescribed time before making love?

Anyway, this has really made me think a lot. I really hope she looks around here some more, if only to have a clear picture of why this makes me happy. And I hope she will ask me any other questions she has. But even if she doesn't, I'd love to hear from some of my readers on this, whether it's a question about DD in general or our relationship in particular. If you'll ask me either in email or in comments, I'll answer here in a post.

I want...

This...


And some of this...


And a lot of this...


Mmmm...destress me, Sugar...

Undone

I feel undone. I feel heavy and useless and unable to express myself in any productive way at all. I feel at this moment in time that absolutely everything I touch or talk about turns to shit, and I can not fix this. I feel like I've lost the ability to do the one thing I've always been able to do, and that is to write my thoughts and feelings out and make them come to life. I know my needs. I know my heart. But I can not seem to properly share them with anyone who I should be able to.

Thank you!!!

I want to say a huge public thank you to Intricate Pieces who spent approximately 800 hours trying to get it through my head how to insert the code for the cool scrolling text at the bottom of the browser. Thanks, sweetie!

Out

Yesterday I told my best girlfriend about This. And by This, I mean DD and the fact that we practice it. Did she run screaming for the hills? Did she call the police? Did she try to have me committed? Nope! She was every bit the friend I should've known she would be. She didn't judge or doubt me. She asked the questions she had and she listened to my answers. And she said that while the spanking probably doesn't have a place in her marriage as discipline, finding out more about this has connected some dots for her in her marriage.

So I asked her if she was going to read here. She said that she probably would, and I started to get really nervous. What if she decided I was a freak after all (I mean really, should anyone like spanking this much? The answer of course is yes, but do I think rationally? No, of course not.)? What if she thought bad things about Nick? What if she hates the whole blog? So, I came home and tried to look at the blog with the eyes of a pretty vanilla newcomer (that happens to like me). And you know what I found?

This is a pretty darn good blog! Okay, I'm not trying to brag, but I realized that I've put my heart into this, and I'm proud of it. There's nothing here that's not really me. And the things I've written about Nick are honest and filled with love, and anyone who knows me at all will be able to see the genuineness there. And I really hope she likes it, but I'm not worried about it anymore. Because even if she doesn't, that doesn't mean she doesn't like me, and it doesn't diminish what I've created here.

Sooo, if you're reading here, R, I hope you like it, and thank you for being such a great, honest, open friend.

Cure for the common hormonal fueled bitchy mood

I'm sitting on a very achy bottom right now. Sunday night I got the hardest spanking I've had in a very long time (and the one I got a couple of weeks ago was pretty freakin' hard). The impetus behind it was a combination of attitude and laziness. The fortunate secondary result of the spanking was the fact that I was able to break through some festering PMS moodiness.

It was Morgan's bedtime, and Nick ordered me downstairs. When I got down to the den he was waiting with the horrible fish paddle.

He had me lay on the couch. I wish he'd just put me over his knee, because I'm afraid I didn't do very well staying in place. He started out spanking hard and spanked harder as he went along. I have no idea how many I got, but I was crying some serious tears not too far into it.

When it was over, he held me, stroking my back and kissing me. I cried a lot longer than usual, all the hormonal weepiness just sweeping me away. As always, the spanking and the tears left me both exhausted and renewed, and I slept soundly that night.

Tonight a friend babysat Morgan so we could have some time together. We went shopping for Morgan's birthday (next Monday) and just spent some time laughing and talking about our day and just generally reconnecting. He's so very good to me.

Gratuitous Chick Post...

Okay, I've discovered all these cool graphics, and I thought I'd share them for all my fellow spanko blogger chicks.

layout for myspace

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

myspace layout

MySpace Layouts

MySpace Layouts

Happy Easter...

Don't forget...

I have a problem...

I know I need help, but I just can't stop myself from buying evil hair brushes just because they're a great deal! I got this one today for $2.99.

Kinky Bear

I told you I'm not spoiled!

I snagged this from Journey to the Darkside.

If You Get More Than 40, You're Spoiled

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
(2 ) a television in your bedroom
( ) an iPod
( ) a photo printer
( ) your own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(3) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
( ) DVD player in bedroom
( ) at least a hundred DVD's
(4) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
(5) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
(6) a working dishwasher
(7) an icemaker
(8) a working washer and dryer
(9) more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
(10 ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
( ) large exercise equipment at home
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
(11 ) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
(12) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
(13 ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
( ) wealthy family members
(14) two or more family cars
(15) a walk-in closet or pantry
(16 ) a yard ( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
( ) good credit
(17) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(18) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
(19 ) a stock portfolio
( ) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(20) private medical insurance
( ) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
(21) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
( ) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
(22) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way

Have you:
(23) been on a cruise
( ) traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
(24) been to the Caribbean
( ) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
( ) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
( ) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
(25) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

We got a new leather paddle!

We got a great new paddle from South Coast Pleasure! You can check out my review here. The one I picked out has hearts on it, and you can bet Nick put his heart into it! WEG

A Very Cute New Blog

Go check out Cheeky Angel at Cheeky Angel's Heaven!

Mighty Sassy - who, me?

Look at the cute flip flops and bag Nick bought me at the Disney Store this weekend. And they were even on clearance!

I couldn't help myself...

For Dummies Book Cover Generator

Ebay auction...

Hurry up and bid, guys. You too can get your angel a genuine Jokari paddle!

Jokari Auction

Grabbed from SpankoGirl

What type of spanking do you crave?

You are craving a punishment spanking!

Punishment is meant to make you feel real fear and remorse. It will be hard and painful, and the implements used will be ones that you fear.

It is punishment you crave? Bare your bottom and go wait in the corner. You need to know that what you will get will make you a truly sorry young woman/man.
Move it!
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Awesome blog...

I've absolutely fallen in love with a new blog (well, new to me). This chick is hilarious! And the stories are funny and sweet and remind me that blogging is a fun activity, not a life and death one. Go over and read Pieces. You won't regret it.

Stolen from Bonnie

Where is Your Ideal Fantasy Spanking Location?

The beach is your ideal fantasy spanking location. The whistle of the wind and the roar of the waves delightfully conceal whatever sounds of pleasure you might utter.
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Check me out!

Nick, Morgan, and I were supposed to go camping tonight, but considering tornadoes have moved into the area, we opted against weathering the night in a storm. Sigh...we've been trying to go since the beginning of last summer. One of these days we'll get there...

But for the good news - go check out my official writer's page on South Coast Pleasure! It's a little sparse on content right now; I've got one more product on hand to refine my review of, and I'll be getting it in shortly. For the last couple of days we've been battling a pretty debilitating computer virus, but that's under control now, so I'm back in business. A big thank you to Amy of South Coast for giving me a shot at this!