Well here's a novelty - 4 posts in one month! So, not a whole lot going on here this week, which is actually a nice change. :)
Daisy's 3rd birthday is next Friday, so I've been sewing and crafting for that. Money is short right now, but fortunately she's too young to not still be impressed with handmade things. :) We did buy her a baby doll, this one to be exact:
I've been busy making her accessories to go with it, including a diaper bag, changing pad, bib, burp cloth, wipes case (complete with wipes cut from an old pillow case), extra diaper (just one so far, but I want to make more), and baby ring sling. None of it's really professional grade, but I think she'll like it all.
We also have her another doll. I almost hate to tell the story behind this one, but here goes. Several weeks ago there was this random dog that had the run of the neighborhood. Nobody knows where he came from, but he was pretty much a nuisance (and I'm not a person who minds dogs running loose just so long as they're well behaved). One day I happened to go outside and there was this dog in our yard with a naked Our Generation doll in his mouth. It's hard to be sure without the clothes, but I think it was this one. Anyway, I grabbed the doll and shooed him away, thinking I was rescuing it for some poor little neighbor girl.
The thing is, I've not been able to find who it belongs to. Morgan is friends with about all the girls in our subdivision, and none of them have claimed it. So it seems to be looking for a home. It was pretty much undamaged, just a barely split seam under the right arm, and no teeth marks at all, so I think he must have not had it for long when I found him. I ran it through the washing machine, then managed to get the hair straightened out using some of the girls' detangler (although pulling her in and out of the hall closet to show everybody but Daisy what I've done with her has been hell on the hair). Then I went to work on some clothes.
I had some sweet pink paisley corduroy that I'd been hoarding saving for something special, so I made Daisy and the doll matching skirts. I added some decorative stitching in black around the hem on each. Then I found black t-shirts on clearance for $2.50 at Wal-Mart. I grabbed 3 - one for Daisy, one for the doll, and an extra (because you can never have too many plain t-shirts for a little girl). I was quite proud of myself, because I managed to follow this pattern, and make a little black shirt for the doll to match Daisy's, even managing to reuse the trim on the neckline and sleeves (I promise the sleeves are even, but one was bunched up in the picture).
Then I followed this tutorial using one of a pair of Dollar Tree knee socks and made her an adorable pair of argyle tights. Now if only I could find some matching ones for Daisy! Wal-Mart has just come out with a new line of 18" dolls, and the accessories are really inexpensive, so for $1.99 I was able to finish the outfit off with a pair of black mary janes.
(Please ignore my messy craft area)
I also made them both matching headbands in two different styles. One is a big ruffled flower on an elastic band, and the other is a pink and black woven headband. A few months ago I found blank plastic headbands to fit 18" dolls for $4.49/dozen here, and I'm really tickled with how they came out.
Anyway, that's the totally redneck story of what I'm affectionately calling "The Yard Doll", but I really do think she'll love it. Morgan has about 7 of these dolls, including two real live American Girl dolls (one from her Aunt Kate and one that she saved up for), and Daisy is always wanting to play with them. She has a cheap one of her own that I got on clearance at Wal-Mart a while back, but when one falls in my lap for free I can hardly turn it down.
Potty training is going abominably. Morgan was almost three when she potty trained, but she wasn't this close! The sad part is, I think she was ready last winter, but we wanted to wait till after Jack was born and she was used to having a new baby in the house before we tried. Then we knew we were going to Georgia at the end of July, and we didn't want to put a newly trained toddler through a nine hour car trip, so we waited again. At least I can take comfort in knowing that her cousin Maddox is 4 months older than her and still not 100% on it himself.
We keep expecting to get a call from Nick's sister Kelly any time now. Her due date is next Thursday. Her birthday is actually Saturday, so we're kind of thinking it might happen then, if only because it seems to run in the family. Her dad was born the day after his mom's birthday, and Morgan was born on Nick's birthday. For that matter, Daisy was due the day after my birthday, but she came a couple of weeks early.
Anyway, that's the randomness that's happening here. Hope you guys are having a great Autumn!
By the time we got home that Sunday night, I was feeling pretty sick. Like the type of miserable sick where you feel like someone is constantly poking you with a stick and just won't let you rest. Within a couple of days the kids were sick too. Yep, all three of them. Jack had actually woken up with crusty eyes Sunday morning, but he seemed to feel fine, so I just made plans to take him to the doctor when we got back.
By the next morning (Monday) it had developed into a full blown cold, and I took him in to the doctor. They said it was a little bit of conjunctivitis and a cold, and prescribed him eyedrops. By Tuesday night he was running a high fever (105.5). I called the nurse on call, and she told me to bring him in the next day. When we got to the pediatrician's office they put a pulse-oxygen monitor on him and were concerned enough with his oxygen levels to give him 2 separate breathing treatments there in the office before sending us to the children's hospital for xrays. I had both girls with me (Daisy had developed a cold and an ear infection by this time). My mom came and picked up the girls, and I headed to the hospital with Jack. Nick met us there.
Bless his heart, Jack was so miserably sick, still running a fever and throwing up every time they tried to give him Advil. Finally they xrayed him and came back saying they thought it could possibly be pneumonia. They started him on antibiotics and admitted him. I sent Nick home once we got settled because he was supposed to work the next day. Meanwhile at my parents' house, Daisy had gotten very, very sick herself, fever, coughing, vomiting, the whole nine yards.
By the morning Jack was feeling so much better. Nick called in to work and came by. The respiratory specialist came by early and told us that it was apparently something viral and not pneumonia, because the antibiotics had almost cleared up the area on the xray that they thought was pneumonia, and that he would probably be able to go home before lunch time. This turned out to be wishful thinking, only because it was close to 5PM by the time we could get a doctor to show up and release him.
My parents brought the girls home and we spent the night resting. We had a follow up appointment for Jack the next day, and I called and got an appointment for Daisy too. It turned out that she had conjunctivitis too, as well as a bad cold, so they prescribed eye drops for her too. By then my cold had mostly gone away except for the fact that my right ear was completely blocked. Nick insisted I go see someone, so I went to a walk-in clinic, and it turned out I had an ear infection. $135 later I walked out with a prescription for antibiotics and a freshly irrigated right ear (a thoroughly unpleasant experience).
By the time I went to pick the kids up (Mom had watched them while I went to the clinic), Morgan was complaining of ear pain. It was too late to get her in to see the pediatrician that day, so when Nick got home he took her down to the same walk-in clinic where she was diagnosed with, yep, an ear infection. Fortunately Nick managed to avoid getting sick, thanks I'm sure to the tons of prayers we were all sending up. Unfortunately my parents both got sick the next week, my mom with pneumonia, which was pretty rough on her.
Morgan started school (middle school!!) on the 14th, so the 13th I spent attending her orientation. I can't believe my baby is in middle school! I spent all that week cleaning house getting all the vacation stuff unpacked (finally) and working on stuff for my sister-in-law Kelly's baby shower I was throwing her with Kate. Kate and her two kids came in on Wednesday (the 22nd). It was really nice to get to see them again so soon after vacation. Usually we see them maybe twice a year if we're lucky.
Now I got an embroidery machine with part of the money Will and Kate gave us for Christmas last year, and it had been sitting unopened in my closet since January due to a lack of time and space to open it up and learn how it worked. But I got all my craft stuff consolidated and my kitchen table nice and clear and decided to get it out and play with it. I actually wanted to use it to embroider my nephew's name on a sweet little tote bag to give to Kelly at the shower. So I open it up and put it all together and realize the foot pedal is missing. Then I realized the front accessory tray was also missing. And all of the bobbins. And the training CD. So I call Wal-Mart up and tell them this embroidery machine I bought as new (NOT as an open box/floor model!) was missing some pieces. So they tell me to bring it down. Then they tell me they can't help me since I bought it more than 90 days ago, even though I had just opened it. This made me furious, not because of the return policy, but because they had clearly accepted it as a return from someone and boxed it back up and stuck it out on the shelf as brand new without even bother to check that the major structural components were in the box!
They suggested I call the Brother Company, but they were no more help. They said that since it had been more than 30 days all they could do was sell me the missing parts and waive the shipping charges. So I took it down to our local Sew N Vac to see if they could find at least a foot pedal for it. They sold me a used one for $25. Unfortunately I still couldn't get the machine to work.
By then I needed to concentrate on the baby shower, so I gave up on the tote bag. The baby shower was on the 25th at our church, and it wasn't super fancy, but it was still very cute. Kelly loved it, and she got a ton of great stuff, and we all got to spend some extra time with Kate and kids, so it was a win all around.
After Kate went back home I turned back to my embroidery machine. I ended up taking it back down to Sew N Vac where the nicest guy ever worked on it for a hour for me, replacing yet another part (this one damaged, not missing) and charging me a grand total of 19.99 plus tax. It now works great, and I just need to buy some stabilizer so I can embroider more stuff!
Life's been mostly pretty calm since then. We went up to the cabin for a fish fry the Saturday before Labor Day. Daisy came down with strep throat that weekend, although she's all better now. Business has picked up some in my etsy shop, which it pretty neat. Kelly's baby is due in 14 days, and Daisy will be 3 in 15 days. Where on earth has the time gone?
Speaking of time, I don't know if you knew this, but it's only 13 1/2 weeks till Christmas. Proceed panicking.
So I know it's been well over a month since I posted, but I have a good excuse! We've had a crazy busy (and just plain crazy!) few weeks!
Before I get into all that, I want to mention that there was a real live spanking in July, the 22nd to be exact. It was completely unexpected but much appreciated since it was a stress buster/get focused spanking rather than a punishment. Nick asked me to join him upstairs where he took off his belt and gave me a good 35 or so licks, just enough to really set my butt on fire. And it's a good thing he did, because I've sure needed that de-stressing in the bank with everything that followed.
Not all of it was bad - in fact most of it was awesome, but it was still a lot to experience.
The day after I got spanked Vacation Bible School started at our church. Nick and I both helped, which was a first for me at this church and for him anywhere, and we had a blast. My mom and I were in charge of the crafts, something I'm always happy to help with. My friend Elizabeth and her husband had been visiting our church a bit, something that really thrilled me, and Elizabeth had signed up to help with the crafts too. Unfortunately she had been dealing with some personal demons for the previous couple of weeks and decided that she just was not in a frame of mind to be of any help. I understood, but it did make things a little hectic! As it turned out, she was able to come and help after all Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, which was nice. I ended up bringing a couple of little girls from our neighborhood all week. It's been really neat to be able to share our church with them, and I'm glad Morgan is so happy to invite them.
On Saturday, the day after VBS, we left for the beach! This was, hands down, the most amazing vacation of our lives! Nick's parents and Kelly and Grant went with us. We drove about halfway there Saturday and stayed in a little Microtel. If you're looking for a nice, clean, inexpensive place to stay overnight, I highly recommend the Microtel chain. We stayed in one once before on our way to Texas one year, and it was just what we needed and no more (which means we also didn't have to pay for extras we wouldn't use!).
The next day we rolled into Sea Island, Georgia, where we checked into The Cottages at The Cloister and stepped into another world. Kate and her husband sold their lake house last year and joined this amazing vacation club. The Cloister at Sea Island is one of the destinations on it, and they took us all there this year instead of having us visit them in Texas. (For the record, I don't know who the people in the picture below are, but they weren't with us).
It's hard for me to even describe how incredible this place was. This is not the sort of world we live in normally, that's for sure! Please don't think this post is bragging, because this was just an amazing gift for us, and definitely not the type of trip we could afford in a million years. I'm going to talk about it a lot here, just because I want to remember it forever, so feel free to skip the rest of the post if you want. ;-)
Sunday: We checked in at the Cloister and were taken to our cottage. It was amazing! This was the room Nick and I shared with Daisy and Jack (ignore the random stuff, we had just unloaded everything).
Morgan and Kit camped out on the couches in the living room.
That night we had dinner out and then just kind of hung out and relaxed.
Monday: Morgan and Kit and Kate (the sister hosting us) went horseback riding with Nick's parents. The rest of us slept in, then everybody but me went to the beach. I took the opportunity to go shopping by myself (well, with Jack) for a bit, hitting up a couple of craft stores and a mall, where I bought Nick a few golf shirts. While I was out Nick called to let me know that there had been a waterspout (small tornado) spotted on the ocean and that I needed to stay put in the store until things were clear, so I enjoyed taking my time in the stores. We had dinner at the cottage that night.
Tuesday: We went to the beach, then Kelly and I went and had mani-pedis, a rare treat indeed for me! That evening we had dinner at a delicious barbecue place. That night we went crabbing on the beach, which mostly consisted of Morgan and Kit chasing every crab they saw and squealing and running when they chased back. :)
Wednesday: I woke up unusually early and decided to grab Morgan for some early morning shelling. We didn't honestly find that many cool shells, but there was about a million horseshoe crabs, both dead and alive, and Morgan was fascinated with them. It was a very sweet time with my oldest girl, something I wish I had more of. That afternoon Nick and Grant went golfing at the historic Cloister Lodge. They had an AMAZING time, and I'm so tickled for them that they got to play there. Will arrived that evening as he'd had to work until then.
Thursday: We went on a fishing trip, which was really neat. I didn't do any fishing myself, because I was taking pictures, but Nick, Daisy, Morgan, and their cousins all caught stuff, including several sharks and sting rays. On our way back through the hotel from the yacht club, would you believe we ran into President Bill Clinton?! It was the craziest thing ever, and it really brought home to me and Nick just what an amazing caliber of resort we were at! It turns out he was there to play golf and plant a tree on the hotel grounds, something numerous Presidents have done in the past. That night Will treated us all to dinner at the Lodge, which was insane! The actual restaurant name was Colt and Alison, and let me just say that Daisy's meal from the children's menu consisted of milk with a grilled cheese sandwich and a fruit cup and it cost roughly $15. Dinner for the 12 of us came to about $1200.00.
Friday: Nick and I got to go spend some time just walking around the grounds of the hotel, which was gorgeous!
There was a kind of luau style luncheon put on by the hotel that day, which was neat. We spent the rest of that afternoon and evening enjoying the pools.
Saturday Kelly and Grant decided to head back home because Grant teaches Sunday School at our church. (I don't know if I mentioned it, but they joined our church in July, which was awesome)! The rest of us headed to Jekyll Island to the Georgia Sea Turtle Center. Daisy and Maddox (Kate's 3 year old son) especially enjoyed it.
Nick and our 3 stopped at a really neat old bookstore on the way back. Unfortunately I didn't really get to explore it because about 4 minutes after we got there Jack peed on Nick's shirt. Nick offered to let me keep looking while he went to the car, but I could tell that he was pretty grossed out, so I paid for our souvenirs and joined him in the car. We went to a nearby beach shop, and I bought him a clean shirt. While I was there I found a little novelty spanking paddle, which I also bought. We've not gotten a chance to use it, but it's not terribly sturdy anyway. That night we went to see a lighthouse, which was neat, but we got caught in a thunderstorm, which cut the visit short.
Sunday: This was our last day, so it was mostly spent packing up. We all had one last lunch together, then said our goodbyes and headed home.
So that's our vacation. I'll end the post here, since it's been terribly long, but I have more to post later!
Did everyone have a nice 4th of July? We did, for the most part. We spent the afternoon/evening at my parents' house having dinner and enjoying their pool with family and a couple of family friends. Sadly there were no fireworks this year. It's been so incredibly hot and dry that our county banned them this summer. Actually, a house on my parents' road burned to the ground this past Sunday, although there were no fireworks involved to my knowledge. It was a really beautiful home, one Nick and I have always admired, and it makes my heart ache for the family that lost so much.
There was some...friction before we went to my parent's house. Morgan had spent the night with my parents, so she was already out there. Now I will be the first to admit that the house has been in kind of rough shape lately. And in fact, Nick had promised to spank me for it a few weeks back, but that never happened. And I've been reaching that stressed-out/no-focus/really-need-an-attitude-adjustment stage. And Nick has been getting more and more irritated with the state of things as well as my attitude. And I truly have been trying to get it back in order, but frankly I've not been very successful, and my attitude about just about everything had really started to spiral.
Anyway, there was an argument, the details of which don't really matter, but the gist of it was that I had not been holding up my end of the bargain with this whole "you go out and work while I stay at home and be a homemaker" deal. And I muttered something along the lines of "You don't exactly keep all your promises yourself."
There was about 5 seconds of silence while I continued to fold laundry, and then I heard his laptop snap shut. The next few minutes are kind of a blur, but before I knew it he had his belt off and was not so nicely insisting I get myself up the stairs. I do remember refusing, on the grounds that Daisy and Jack were home, but really mostly because I was mad. Then he threatened to spank me right there in the living room, which got me moving, because while Jack, at 6 months is too young to care and Daisy was off playing somewhere, I certainly didn't want her to come in and find mommy getting her bottom blistered. Even then, though, I was pretty defiant, and I got a couple of good licks on the way up the stairs in response to the constants stream of back talk that was coming from my mouth.
Once upstairs he bent me over the bed and really laid into me. By this time I was crying, but mostly because I was pissed at him, although I didn't really have a good reason to be, other than maybe because he really hadn't followed through on the previously promised spanking, and now I was getting it, but not on my terms. There was a lot of me getting out of position and telling him to stop and to leave me alone, but he stayed firm with it and kept spanking hard. And at one point in the middle of it he said, "I don't like having to do this, because I love you," and I shot back, "No, it's because you don't care." And that caught his attention. There was more spanking, and when it was over he left me there to get myself composed, but later he told me that he he really does care. When he told me that, we were about to leave for my family's house, so I asked him if we could please talk about it later.
That night when we went to bed I brought it up again. He apologized for being so mad when he spanked me, and I told him that he didn't need to apologize, that I'd needed it, and that was part of the problem. He asked what I meant, and I explained that, having told me that he wanted to continue with DD, when he promised a spanking and then didn't follow through, it really did feel a lot like him not caring. And I told him that when I get to the point where I really need the reset button pushed, my hands are kind of tied if he won't deal with me when I need it. When I'm still in the reasonable stage, I refuse to purposely make him mad just to get him to discipline me. And because I certainly don't enjoy punishment spankings, it's easy enough for me to not push the issue in the moment, even if I know I need it. But if he just keeps blowing it off, eventually I get to the point where I'm rebellious and disrespectful, not to force a spanking, but just because my attitude has devolved to that point. Frankly, at that point, I want a fight, not a spanking, but a fight is not going to solve anything.
Anyway, I told him that I was sorry he'd had to spank me, but that I was glad he had followed through, and I think it really hit him just how the lack of follow through before had affected me.
So that was our Independence Day. How was yours?
...I married my best friend. I love you, Nick. Thank you so much for sharing the last 14 years with me. Here's to many, many more. ♥
Hello, everyone. First of all, I've had to turn the CAPTCHA back on for the comments. Blogger's spam filter is great, so the spammy comments don't come through on here, but I get around 10 a day in my email, and it's driving me nuts.
So things have been going great around here. Nick had a wonderful time as a worker at church camp, and there was one saved. It's just made my heart full to see how much my wonderful husband has grown in the Lord over the past few months. He even led devotions for his cabin one night, something that was way out of his comfort zone, and I'm so proud of him!
Morgan didn't have as great of a time, but I think it was mostly because she went from Washington into camp without even a stop at home in between, and she was exhausted. I'm hoping she enjoys it more next year.
Okay, I know I'm always talking about how much God provides for us and blesses us. And this is true. But I want to talk for a minute about what happens when I stop trusting and get out of His will. A couple of pay periods ago, we were short. Really short. So I asked Nick if he thought we should pay our tithe (something we make a real effort at doing every pay period), and he told me no. Now to be perfectly honest, I felt like this was a mistake, but I knew all I needed to worry about was being obedient to my husband. So I prayed that God would honor my obedience and protect our bank account. And for a number of days that's just what He did. There were transactions that should have cleared days earlier, but they held out there for no natural reason, and our balance stayed in the positive.
Then one day I went out of my way to call one of my friends and gossip about a mutual acquaintance. It was unkind and uncalled for, and I knew as I was making the call that I was doing something I shouldn't. But I did it anyway. And just like that I stepped out of God's will and out from under His umbrella of protection. That night all those transactions that were hanging out there cleared the account and overdrew it. And even worse, it turned out that our account, which for 10 years has offered 5 waived overdraft fees per year, had been changed without our knowledge to only waive one overdraft fee. So not only did the account overdraft, but we got hit with some stiff fees as well.
Our bank agreed to waive a couple of them, but we still had to pay $70, and we had to go get a cash advance to cover the overdraft, something we've not had to do in a very long time.
Now you would think we would learn our lesson. Unfortunately, the next paycheck was just as short, and we made the same foolish decision to hold back our tithe. Once again, we went overdrawn, this time the very day before the next payday, which was this past Friday
Finally, we came to our senses, and when we went to church a couple of days ago we had our tithe check ready. And I'm not going to lie, it was still hard. Nick's check was better than usual, but we were still short on bills (in no small part because of the overdraft and check advance fees we'd had to pay). But I couldn't wait till that collection plate came around this time. I didn't know where the money for the rest of the bills was coming from, but I knew that we were doing what we were supposed to finally, and we could count on God's provision.
I told Nick that I was going to need more money no later than Tuesday (today) to pay the phone, internet, and electric, and asked him to pray about it. Last night a guy came by and bought Nick's Fairlane (he put it up for sale a while ago), cash in hand. I had to smile as I paid those bills today. God is always right on time!
Now, a couple of things I want to be clear on: God doesn't need my money. He wants my obedience and my trust. And I don't believe that God is punishing us when we don't pay our tithe, but I do believe that when we choose to disobey we remove ourselves from His hand of protection. I'm not telling anyone here what to believe on the matter of tithing - I'm only sharing my experiences. And these are experiences that we've had a number of times over the years.
On another subject, our Father's Day was wonderful! There are a number of June birthdays in my husband's family, including his dad's and his grandmother's, and for years we've had a June birthday party up at his grandparent's cabin on the lake, the one where we spent our honeymoon. It turned out that the only day most of the family was able to get together for it was on Sunday, so after church we all went up for a cookout/birthday/Father's Day celebration.
This was the first time Nick's grandmother has gotten to hold Jack as she's been sick every time we've seen her since he was born. She was in great grandmother heaven cuddling his sweet little body, and he rarely left her arms. For gifts Nick made cornhole board sets for his grandparents and his dad, and I made the corn bags to go along with them. Nick's dad had made sets for the church to take to camp, and Nick had done the artwork on them. They were a huge hit at camp (they even had a Final Four style tournament), and they were just as big a hit as birthday/Father's Day gifts.
I took Jack and Daisy to the doctor last week. Daisy just hadn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks, nothing we could pinpoint, but noticeable enough to set my mommy senses tingling. It turns out she has mono. This shocked me to say the least (she's not exactly running around kissing boys at two), but her doctor said that about half of all kids in the States catch it before they reach school age; it just goes undiagnosed a lot of the time. Fortunately she seems to be on the tail end of it and has already perked up a lot.
Jack was just due for a checkup and a couple of shots. He's a bouncing 11lb 12oz now, and he's 23 1/2 inches long. That's 8lb 1oz and 6 1/4 inches since birth! For the record, Daisy is now 3' 1" and weighs 32 lb. :-)
There's been a new girl move in next door, and she and Morgan are already fast friends. She even came to church with us Sunday. It made me happy that she moved in, because the family that just moved out had 3 kids, and Morgan and Daisy both played with them.
Morgan and I got pink streaks put in our hair, and I'm kind of in love with them.
Let's see, what else? In a little over a month we leave for the beach with Nick's family! It will be great to see his sister and her kids and husband. They are the ones who live in Texas. We usually go there for our vacation, but they sold their lake house right after our visit last year, so this year they booked everyone accommodations on Sea Island. We've never been, but it looks like it's going to be gorgeous, and Nick is dying to get out on the golf courses.
Just before we leave for the beach will be VBS at church. My friend Elizabeth and I are helping out a lot with the crafts, and I can't wait! A couple of weeks after we get back from the beach Kate and I are throwing a baby shower for Kelly.
Oh, and I'm supposed to be getting spanked, although there's not really been an opportunity to take care of it. I'm afraid I kind of let the house get to "red alert level", and although I've gotten it a bit back more under control, Nick says that there are still going to be consequences.
Anyway, I think that's all that's been happening around here. Hope you guys are well!
Holy crap! How did almost a month go by? Life here has been trundling along as usual. Jack is still doing great. He's somewhere around 11 pounds now, probably a bit over. I take him for his next checkup next Tuesday, so they'll weigh him then. I'm still able to squeeze him in most of his newborn clothes, but I won't be able to for much longer.
Our dishwasher finally came. I got my dad to come over and install it while Nick was at work, and it works just great. It's wonderful to not have to do them by hand anymore!
There have been a couple of spankings promised, although none delivered since the one I posted about last month.
Memorial Day Kelly and Grant hosted the whole family for a cookout and pool party. This is the first year Daisy has really been old enough to enjoy a swimming pool, and she's absolutely enthralled. I think I mentioned that Kelly is expecting a baby in October (the day before Daisy's birthday actually), and they found out it's a boy, so Jack will have a little boy cousin his age to pal around with growing up! :)
Morgan went on her Safety Patrol trip to Washington DC this past weekend and had a good time for the most part. Unfortunately the other 5th grade girls in her room were all apparently obsessed with sex, and she was really uncomfortable with a lot of their conversation, as well as some of the games the other girls played (mostly things like french kissing inanimate objects, etc, harmless stuff really, but still inappropriate). This has Nick and I both disturbed, although I do feel like it's a good thing that she feels comfortable coming to us and telling us it upset her. I've tried to keep the lines of communication open to her for any questions she has about puberty, sex, etc. I know that realistically, if she has questions, she'll get the answers somewhere, and I would rather it be from me than from classmates with questionable morals, or heaven forbid certain sites online. I just don't remember being nearly so obsessed with things like that as a fifth grader, but times have apparently changed.
My dad wants me to contact the school board, but honestly, all that will accomplish is making her a target. The school year is over, so the school board can't really address the issue anyway, especially since all of these girls have now left elementary and will be going to the middle school next year. I talked with Morgan about it, and gave her some ideas of responses she can use if she's ever in that situation again, and told her how proud of her I am for knowing what kinds of conversations/games are not appropriate for her age, and for standing her ground even though the other girls gave her a hard time about it.
This week she's at church camp, and this year Nick went along as a counselor. It really surprised me when he volunteered, because he's just not the type of guy to feel comfortable in that kind of job, but he's been having a blast. Morgan didn't get back from DC until yesterday evening, so I had to take her up to camp myself, and then I took Daisy and Jack back tonight to join them for the evening meal and service.
Money has been incredibly tight the last few weeks (sadly I'm going to miss girl's night out for the first time this Thursday), but God has been providing the things we need, even if we haven't had room for extras.
I did get to do something really neat a few weeks ago. A while back I was at my friend Denise's house and noticed a painting in her kitchen. I asked if she had done it; it turned out that she had, at one of those group painting classes where a teacher walks you through each step. I mentioned that I had always wished I could paint and would love to try a class like that some time myself. A couple of weeks later she surprised me with tickets, and we had a great girls night out, just the two of us! Usually everybody in the class paints the same thing, but she took me on a painter's choice night where you could choose from any scene offered that month. She let me pick for both of us, and I chose these adorable owls to hang in the girls' room. Not exactly sophisticated subject matter, but I know my limits, and it was perfect for its intended home. I really, really want to go back and do it with Nick. He's the artist in the family, and he'd totally kick my butt at it, but I know we'd both have a blast.
Anyway, that's what's been happening around here. How are things with you guys?
I screwed up last week. Thursday was my monthly girls' night out dinner. Nick had told me that day that he wanted me to work on the dishes (ugh! More about the dishwasher later) and the laundry. I did work on both, but I didn't finish either before I had to leave for dinner, and I didn't get home until late. My friend A and I had made previous plans for me to go over to her house the next day for some sewing and crafting.
So early Friday morning I headed over to her house, with plans to be home before Nick and have dinner ready. I was making her a set of cute fabric envelopes to use with Dave Ramsey's Envelope System. Like most of my sewing projects, it took longer than expected, and when 2:30 rolled around and it was time to get Morgan from school, I was still working on them. I left Jack and Daisy with A and went to pick Morgan up, swung by the house to take the pork chops out of the freezer to thaw, and then headed back to A's.
Once there I called Nick to let him know where I was and what I was doing, telling him that I planned to hang out there till he got off work. He said that was fine, and I told him the pork chops were thawing and that if he didn't mind starting them if he made it home before me that would be great.
Now Nick gets off work at 5:00, so he was expecting me home by about 5:30. Unfortunately it was 8:30 by the time I left A's house. Plus Morgan was supposed to spend the night with my mom and dad, so she needed to get her overnight things and be taken to their house. I didn't want to stop and get her things and just take off again without starting dinner if Nick hadn't already done it, so my plan was to get it in the oven and run her out there while it was baking.
When I got home Nick seemed pretty irritated with me, but it took me a few minutes to realize I was in serious trouble. I got started on the pork chops (which were still in the fridge) right away and told Morgan to get her things together. After a few minutes Nick hollered and asked her if she was ready. She was still gathering her things, and I told him I was going to take her as soon as I had dinner in the oven. He more or less ignored me, so I went back to cooking.
When Morgan came back to the living room with her things, he told her to go get in the car.
"Honey, I'll take her - " I started.
"No, you'll get your butt in the kitchen and do the dishes like I told you to do yesterday!"
Um, okay. All of a sudden it became clear that he was more upset than I had realized. He left with Morgan, and I started doing dishes in between making the pasta salad, garlic bread, and tea. At one point I realized we were out of ice, and since we are currently without an ice maker, I called and asked him if he would pick up a bag on the way home. He agreed, but I could tell by his voice that he was seriously pissed at me.
By the time he got home I had his dinner waiting on the table. I paused in doing the dishes and pointed it out to him as he emptied the ice into the freezer. He acknowledged me, but he didn't really say anything, and then I guess he went upstairs, although I didn't notice at the time. I went back to washing dishes and in just a minute I heard him say, "Let's go. Come on."
I turned around and he was at the foot of the stairs headed up. The end cap and porcelain knob had come off the cold water handle and were in my hand, and I remember very deliberately screwing them back on taking a deep breath. I followed him up the stairs, and when I got to the bedroom he was standing at the foot of the bed and the Cane-IAC Jr paddle was laid out on the bed.
I climbed onto the bed and sat quietly while he lectured me. He told me that he was pretty upset with me. He told me that he didn't mind me spending time at A's house, but that he expected me to take care of my responsibilities first. He pointed out that I'd come home over 3 hours late, and that I'd not finished my chores from the day before and had instead spent all day playing. As it turned out he had started to fix dinner, but the pan he needed for the pork chops was still dirty from the last time we'd used it. He told me that I had asked for this job and that I wasn't showing it any respect. He also said that there was the matter of a $24 key chain to deal with as well.
He was absolutely right about everything, and I wasn't going to insult him by feeding him a bunch of excuses, so I just apologized. He picked up the paddle and motioned for me to bend over. I turned over onto my stomach and braced myself, but the first swat took my breath away. It had been over 9 month since I'd been paddled, and despite my best intentions I couldn't stay put. I flipped over after the first 15 or so, and that didn't win me any brownie points. He made me turn over again and began spanking me even harder. By the time he was finished my bottom was on fire and I was a very contrite girl indeed. He stopped somewhere shy of 50 licks, but every one of them was a scorcher, and it didn't help matters that when I bent over I ended up facing the mirror and could see them coming.
When the spanking was over he put away the paddle and told me I could join him downstairs when I felt ready. I just lay there for a few minutes thinking about what had just happened and taking in the fact that he's really and truly back on board with this and I'm not going to be able to get away with things like I have been. I've had a sore bottom for two days, although it's been better today than yesterday.
About the dishwasher - it was supposed to be here May 1. On April 30 Best Buy called to tell me they would deliver it between 8 and 10 the next morning. Jack had a doctor's appointment at 10:15 (he weighs 10lb and 6oz now!), so I asked my parents if they would come and be here for the delivery if they didn't bring it before I had to leave.
I got back home at 11:30 and the dishwasher still had not arrived. I got on the phone with Best Buy, and the girl said, "Um, it says they need to reschedule for some reason, but let me...hmmm. Let me call the driver and call you back."
Okay.
After about an hour she called back and sheepishly explained that due to some sort of glitch in the system the dishwasher had not actually been shipped to them and would have to be reordered. She offered to either cancel the order entirely for us if we wanted, or to refund $100 of the price if we still wanted to order. Well, we need the dishwasher, so I told her to reorder, but now it won't be here till May 17th. Grrr!
The irony is that when we bought our current dishwasher 6 years ago from Best Buy, the same thing happened. We went to pick it up and waited 45 minutes in the store while they tried to locate it. Finally they came out and told us that due to a system glitch the order hadn't gone through and it would have to be reordered. That time they only knocked $50 off though, so at least we got a bigger discount this time.
Anyway, maybe it will get here eventually.
When putting this post together I went looking for a picture of our Cane-IAC paddle and realized that all of my implement pictures as well as just about any other spanking related images are gone from my computer. I honestly don't have anything pornographic on here anyway, but any kinky stuff I had I kept in hidden folders just in case Morgan uses the computer, and I guess they didn't get saved when the computer repair place transferred all my data. Oh well. I guess it's time I took an updated inventory anyway, so it's a good excuse to get out my camera.
Have a good night everybody!
Just popping in for a minute. This week has been lovely so far. My friend A has come over twice, and we've spent some time sewing and crafting, always fun for me. She has a baby girl 4 1/2 weeks older than Jack, and she and I were literally in the church nursery together, that's how long we've known each other. She's my oldest and certainly one of my dearest friends, and I've had so much fun spending time with her.
Monday morning Nick told me he wanted the bedroom cleaned that day. He called about 2:00 and asked if I had it done. That was one of the days A came over, so I told him I was hanging out with her at the time being and would get it done.
After she left I still had a couple of hours before he came home, so I got started, but Jack immediately became very fussy and clingy. I was caught up nursing him for a while, so I texted Nick and told him the baby was slowing me down a bit.
"No excuses" he texted back.
"But what if I can't get it done before you get home?"
"I think you know."
As it happens I did get it done before he got home, although I still need to vacuum. So anyway, I didn't get paddled, and in fact he decided to let me off the hook for some disrespect the night before that he had promised to deal with. There's theoretically still the matter of a rather expensive keyring I bought without permission, but he's not mentioned it since Monday night when he told me I was still in trouble for that, so I don't know if he'll actually deal with it or not. If I'm being honest, I don't want the spanking, but I do need to know that he means it, so I probably need it whether I want it or not. I knew when I bought it I was paying too much and that he wouldn't let me get it if he knew, but I really wanted it, so I bought it.
It seems strange to me to have him back actively in charge after so long without any sign of discipline. But it also feels remarkably like coming home, and I'm so grateful to him for making the effort.
Anyway, off to bed. Night all!
Two blog posts in one night? What, what? I know, call me crazy. But earlier I was reading back through my archives, and I came across a bunch of memes I had done. Mostly they made me realize how very good God has been to us! On almost every one that had a "what do you wish for" type question, the answer is something that God has since blessed me with, whether a new camera, a better/bigger car, a new baby (or two), or being a stay at home mom, God had been showering me with blessings for literally years, and it was really neat to see!
But anyway, one post was a list of 100 random facts about (not just) me, and besides bringing back some great memories, it really made me giggle. So I thought I'd do another one.
1. I'm kind of madly in love with Pinterest.
2. I still haven't mailed Nick's sister and her family's Christmas presents to Texas.
3. This is really shameful and embarrassing, but shipping is crazy expensive for it!
4. Jack has the same name as a character on Lost.
5. That character is not Jack.
6. He was also not named after Lost - we just really like the name we chose.
7. I seriously miss Lost.
8. I play Farmville.
9. I wish I could stop, but I can't seem to let it go.
10. I suck at growing things in real life.
11. We're going to Sea Island, Georgia in August.
12. Nick's sister and brother-in-law rented a condo for the whole family there.
13. Nick's dad is obsessed with giving people birthday spankings.
14. This really creeps me out because spanking is not something I want to associate with my father-in-law.
15. One year he literally chased me around a car trying to give me one.
16. Nick had to intervene and it was awkward.
17. We're trying to potty train Daisy.
18. It's not going very well.
19. Morgan is a school safety this semester.
20. This means that she is one of a group of kids that ensures the kids who get picked up by parents get in their cars.
21. It also means she gets to go to Washington D.C. in June.
22. Jack is the only baby I've had who enjoys a pacifier.
23. His pacifiers are personalized with his name on them.
24. They were a gift from my cousin.
25. Nick is going to be a counselor at church camp in June.
26. Morgan will be going too.
27. I'm a little panicked at the thought of being alone all week with a toddler and an infant.
28. I have a pair of Reef flip flops that I wear literally every day, even in my house.
29. They were bought to replace an identical pair I bought for our trip to Hawaii and wore out wearing all through my pregnancy with Daisy.
30. I seem to get pregnant every time I buy a new pair.
31. Hmmmm....
32. I was a little sad to leave my six week postpartum visit just because I love my OB/GYN so much.
33. She's an AWESOME doctor.
34. Nick's sister who's pregnant now, my brother's wife who was pregnant, and the pregnant wife of an old friend of mine all go to her.
35. Nick's other sister used to go to her too when she lived in this state.
36. I made necklaces for me and Daisy to wear on Easter.
37. I made Morgan one like mine for her birthday.
38. My phone is a Samsung Infuse. It's an Android, and I LOOOOVE it.
39. I think Androids are 10,000,000,000,000 times more awesome than iPhones.
40. A few days ago I bought a Lightscoop, and it's awesome!
41. That was not an affiliate link.
42. I hate doing dishes more than I had doing laundry.
43. I need to do both tomorrow.
44. I really should be in bed, but tomorrow is kind of a day off, so I think I'm okay.
45. Right, honey?
46. Jack will be 4 months old on Wednesday.
47. He still wears newborn clothes, but he's outgrown preemies.
48. He still wears newborn/preemie diapers, although we're almost out of them.
49. A couple of weeks ago I got a card from his NICU nurses wishing us well and thanking us for letting them take care of him.
50. They were all awesome, and I'd like to take him by to see them soon.
51. Daisy has started watching a lot of Dora the Explorer.
52. This has led to her playing Swiper the Fox.
53. This means she likes to grab something you don't want to lose, throw it, then shout "You'll NEVER find your shoe/book/hat/remote! Muahahahahaha!"
54. It's pretty hard to be stern when she does this.
55. All three of my babies have blue eyes.
56. Morgan's are the same shade of light blue as Nick's and the same shape and size as mine.
57. Daisy's and Jack's are my shade of dark blue, but they are HUGE. Daisy looks like a Disney princess with hers.
58. Daisy's favorite book is Llama Llama Mad at Mama.
59. I have yet to take the serger and embroidery machine I got for Christmas out of their boxes.
60. This is due to a lack of space rather than a lack of desire.
61. Nick and I are praying that if it is God's will, He will someday allow us to buy the house Nick lived in part of the time we were dating.
62. That house currently belongs to the mother of one of Nick's two best men.
63. It has the most perfect layout for our family I could imagine, not to mention an awesome yard and back deck.
64. The owner lives there alone, and her three kids have tried to talk her into selling and moving to a condo for years.
65. I'm eating Kraft Peppermint Jet Puffed Mallow Bits right now.
66. That's right - straight out of the container.
67. Tonight I set my blog to send Nick copies of all future posts (with his permission).
68. When I walked by the bathroom last night, the vanity counter top was spread with an even layer of toothpaste.
69. This is not something I requested.
70. Daisy was also minty fresh.
71. I was walking past to get Jack's bathtub, so I guess it's good I was already in the bathing children mindset.
72. We got our (hopefully) final doctor's bill. For both of my hospitalizations as well as Jack's NICU stay, we have to pay $300 total.
73. This is much better than the $33,000 pre-insurance.
74. I forgot to make the bed today.
75. I plan to do some sewing tomorrow.
76. I want to make an apron and some change pouches.
78. I made Daisy a skirt last week with the most adorable elephant patterned corduroy.
79. I also made her a matching headband.
80. She wore them both to church Sunday and people wanted to gobble her up!
81. Jack has entered the jabbering while kicking and waving stage.
82. Daisy has developed an alarming habit of dropping random objects into your drink when you aren't looking.
83. The other day Nick got to the bottom of his big plastic cup of tea and found four AA batteries.
84. He seems to be none the worse for the wear.
85. Morgan is sweating us hard for a cell phone.
86. It's not going to happen.
87. Even though she's the only 5th grader on the PLANET without one.
88. Next month her class is going on a field trip to the middle school to tour the classrooms, hallways, lockers, etc.
89. I'm feeling a little verklempt about this.
90. I still haven't finished cleaning out Jack's room.
91. I feel guilty about this.
92. The magnet on my refrigerator says "I need some stress relief", but it should probably be the one that says "I need some motivation."
93. I can hear Daisy down the hall talking to the dog.
94. We put her to bed asleep hours ago.
95. Apparently she woke up.
96. I'm really hoping she goes back to sleep.
97. I'm glad I'm almost finished with this.
98. I can hear Nick snoring.
99. I think it's time to join him.
100. I'm calling it a night.
Hello, everyone. Hope you're all enjoying spring! It's been gorgeous here, although we did have a nasty storm yesterday. Nick has been enjoying some golf lately. He started to really get interested in it last year when he played in a charity tournament for Morgan's old school. He played again this year with Robert, Grant, and a guy from our church, and they had a ton of fun. He and Robert have been hitting the driving range every chance they get.
Looking back, I realize I've left out all kinds of blessings and family events over the last few months. Let's see, back on this post I mentioned that we needed a new roof. With everything that happened with me going in the hospital and then Jack's NICU stay, it kind of got put on the back burner. Finally, toward the end of January when things kind of started to get settled down, we looked into what we needed to do. The main issue was that we really didn't have anything to spend out of pocket, so we were hoping that the roofing company would be willing to do the work for what the insurance paid after our co-pay. Also, we were dealing with the issue of trying to get the payment from an insurance company we no longer used.
God's hand was truly on the process from start to finish. Not only did the insurance company not balk at paying, but the roofing company was happy with the amount, and they put on much nicer shingles than we had before, exactly, in fact, what we would have chosen if money was no object. They had the old roof off and the new one on in about 4 hours on February 20, which just blew our minds.
THEN, about a month after all that awesomeness, we got an unexpected extra check from the insurance company. It turns out that they had decided to send a little extra (like almost $1100.00 extra). We were very surprised, and it came at a very good time, but we didn't want to cheat the roofing company out of anything (or have them come after us if we didn't turn it in to them!). So we prayed about it, and I called them and told them I needed to see if we were paid in full with them because we had gotten another check from the insurance. Now when the adjuster had come out, they had included in the estimate some damage that we didn't have the roofers repair (a small water stain on the living room ceiling as well as repainting in there). The roofing company assured me that we were paid in full, and even sent me a paid in full letter for our files.
Nick's sister Kate and her family came in from Texas the weekend we got the new roof and stayed for 5 days. We had so much fun with them, and we were able to take the kids to the aquarium, as well as to play putt-putt and a very nice dinner (all of which they paid for). That weekend Nick's other sister and her husband also made an announcement - they're expecting their first baby! We're super excited for them, and they're due the day before Daisy's birthday. We found out a couple of weeks ago that they're having a boy, and I can't wait to throw her a baby shower.
We did have some sad news a few months ago. Robert and his wife Faith, who announced their first pregnancy in December, lost the baby just a few weeks after Jack was born. She was just about 8 weeks along, but it was truly heartbreaking. What made it even harder was that the miscarriage happened the weekend she helped throw my baby shower for Jack. She didn't feel well during the shower, so we sent her to go lie down. The day after the next (Monday), she went to the doctor and they were unable to find a heartbeat. This is the brother who is our pastor, and I can truly say that they have shown such an amazing testimony during an incredibly difficult time. I pray that God blesses them with a baby sometime very soon.
Speaking of brothers, my other brother James (the one who's been living in L.A.) moved back in February, and he now lives about 3 minutes away from me! He was living out of state for about a year and 1/2 for his work, and I've missed him so much! It's so good to have him home!
Oh! Another cool thing - for the last 3 months I've been taking part in a monthly girls night out. The first Thursday of the month I go out to eat with a group of other women, most of them also married with children, and I can't even tell you how incredibly much fun this has been. One of the women is a girl I went to school with, ironically enough one that I had a VERY volatile friendship with during high school, with much more fighting that friendliness. All these years later we're great friends, and Nick and the kids and I actually went to a family game night at her and her husband's house last month. We don't have all that many friends who are in the exact stage of life with are in (married with 3 kids, all younger than teenagers), so it was a lot of fun to spend some time with them, and Nick got to meet some of the wives I've been spending girl's night out with.
Easter was lovely as always. I kind of went nuts with matching our clothes, but we all wore black/gray, white, and yellow, and I have to say, we looked pretty great together. We had dinner at Nick's grandparents' house, and Jack was the star of the show. :)
The 21st I had a photo shoot. It was my first since the baby was born, and it was pretty intense. It was at a special care facilty for some pretty severely disabled patients, and they were very challenging to work with. That said, it was a blessing to be chosen for such an opportunity, and I have such respect for the workers who spend their days caring for these very special patients.
The 24th was Nick and Morgan's birthday. My baby girl is eleven years old! We had a small family get together, and it was a lot of fun. I can't believe another year has passed!
And speaking of Nick, I'm so very proud of him! He decided at the new year that he was going to make some healthy lifestyle changes, and he used part of our income tax return to buy bicycles for me and him. I've sadly not had much opportunity to ride mine (um, new baby!), but he's been taking his to work with him and faithfully riding on his lunch breaks. He's also gone on a few ride events, and he's been eating a lot healthier too. He's dropped some noticeable weight, and I'm so impressed with him for sticking with it!
What else? In March Nick and I got to have a real live date night! My in-laws kept Morgan overnight, and my parents kept Jack and Daisy for the evening so that we could have dinner and go see opening night of The Hunger Games. Nick and I absolutely loved the books, and I have to say that they did an awesome job with the movie. We can't wait till the next one comes out, and we already have it planned as a date.
Anything else? Oh yeah - our old, faithful, much used gas grill finally bit the dust earlier this month, right at the beginning of grilling season. I mentioned it on Facebook and my friend Denise commented and said that we could just have hers. I couldn't believe it, because hers was in great shape, but she's single and lives alone and just never uses it, so she passed it along to us! Our dishwasher also had to be replaced. Fortunately we were able to get one reasonably priced, and it should be here on May 1st. Unfortunately I'm revisiting my dishwasherless newlywed days until then, but I think I'll live. :)
Nick has picked up a bit on the discipline side of things, although there's not been any actual spanking. He has, however cracked down on my tendency to stay up all hours of the night, and it just feels really good to feel him there setting some boundaries.
Anyway, I know this has been a long, rambling post. But I kind of had my head stuck in the sand there for a while, and I wanted to get all this down. :)
Yesterday I spent all day mentally working myself up to shutting down the blog. I spent time researching what I needed to do to take down the posts, then time actually taking them all down. By the time Nick was home I was done with that, but I still needed to put up my last post. So I fixed dinner and got everybody fed and got the baby settled in his swing, then finally curled up on the couch to write.
At some point Nick asked me what I was doing. I just wanted to get it done without talking about it anymore, so I told him I was just playing around online.
"You're writing your Dear John Blog letter aren't you?"
Big internal sigh, but I said, "Yes, I'm putting up a final post."
"What's it say?"
"You can read it after I post it if you're curious," I said. I finished up and set the laptop on the ottoman and told him I was going to go take a shower. By this time he was deeply involved with his new Tiger Woods PS3 game. His (and Morgan's) birthday is the 24th, and we had bought the game system and game for his birthday gift.
I headed upstairs and climbed into a hot bath and let myself have the opportunity to shed some private tears and just let it go. I thought I was good to go by the time I got out, but once I got dressed afterwards I lay down on the bed to rest my eyes just for a minute, and the tears started back again. Finally I got my game face on and went downstairs to tuck the girls in.
Once I'd spent a few minutes telling a bedtime story I rejoined Nick in the living room. He was still playing his game, and the laptop was right where I'd left it, so I assumed he hadn't read my post. I picked up my phone and read the comments by PK and kiwigirl. He asked what I was doing, so I told him I was reading a couple of comments.
"I just saw the one," he said. Ah, so he had read it.
"There's another one now." He just kind of shook his head at me, like he thought I was being silly.
"Do you think I did the right thing?"
"I told you last night I didn't think you should take it down."
He did NOT!
"You did NOT!"
"Yes I did."
"You certainly did not. What you told me was that you just weren't going to ever be able to do what I needed without me asking and-"
"I told you that it was a part of you and you should keep it up. It's an outlet for you."
It was at this point that my sanity took itself off to a distant corner of my mind to throw up its hands and scream a bit.
"Honey, it's not been much of an outlet for me for a long time." And you never told me to leave it up! I added silently.
Anyway, at that point it was getting late, so he turned off his game. I handed him the baby to take up while I locked up the house. When I got upstairs I expected him to already be under the covers half asleep, but he was lying sideways across the bed playing with Jack. I lay down beside them and we spent a few minutes playing with our sweet boy and talking about how very blessed we were that God had allowed him to be so healthy and perfect. There are two craft bloggers I follow that were pregnant at the same time as me, although I was due several months before them. Both of their babies came early and only lived for a short time, and my heart just aches for them.
Finally he looked at me and said, "I'm sorry I've not been meeting your needs."
"Honey, I'm the one who's been asking you to be someone you're not, and I'm sorry."
"This is a part of who you are."
"I know that, but I've got no interest in being a burden on you."
"You're not a burden on me."
"What do you think I should do here?"
"I think you should put the blog back up."
Oh.
Okay.
"I promise to try to do better meeting your needs," he said. There was other stuff, but that was the gist of it. Then we put Jack down in the little bedside carrier he sleeps in and we made love. And yes, there was some spanking.
And yes, I feel a little ridiculous. And relieved. And grateful. And in retrospect I do remember him telling me the night before that it was a part of who I am, but I was trying so hard to stay strong and focused on letting go that I never heard him say he thought it would be a mistake to delete it.
So, I guess you guys are stuck with me.
It's the question on everybody's mind.
Snort!
Honestly, I don't know if anybody's even reading this post, but I felt like I should put it up anyway. I've been a faithful follower of numerous bloggers over the years whose blogs have just gone dark, or worse, disappeared altogether without a word of explanation, and I always wondered and worried a bit about them.
It's no secret that DD related posts have been few and far between around here. The fact is, I have an amazing husband. He's kind and generous and funny and faithful. He's given me three beautiful children, and he works very hard so that I can stay home with them. But things have reached a point for me that the lack of DD activity has started to make me lose my joy in the very precious relationship God has blessed me with.
It's been eight years since we first embarked upon the journey of domestic discipline. Nick has never been completely on board with it, although bless his heart he's certainly tried. But in the last 12 months I've been spanked one time, and it's apparent that it's time to be realistic about my expectations. Last night we had an honest and frank conversation about it, and it seems that there's no way to reconcile my needs in this regard with what he's able to do. By that, I mean that I need him to initiate discipline when I need to be disciplined, and he's not a mind reader with a natural instinct to spank. He told me that he's happy to do it if I ask him to, but that defeats the purpose for me, and I refuse to waste one more day expecting him to be someone he's not instead of appreciating the wonderful man he is.
I hesitated to put this up, because I've had countless people email me over the years to tell me they follow me and to ask for my advice on how to introduce DD into their own marriages. I don't want this to discourage anyone out there who's struggling on their own journey. If you can make it work for you, it's certainly worth it, but if you can't, don't let it steal your joy in the marriage you have.
I'm not naive enough to think that taking down 1200+ blog posts is going to turn my desires off like a switch. If only it could be so easy. I know that there will be a mourning period for me, and I think I'm prepared to face it. I can only hope that with time it will ease off. But I felt like I needed to take this definitive step to place some closure on things for me. I love my husband with all my heart, and it's not fair to either of us for me to hang onto something that's only fostering resentment.
I'll be leaving this post here for a number of reasons. For one, I don't want to have this URL taken over by some porn site, something I've seen time and time again when other blogs have closed down. But also, I've met a lot of wonderful people on here over the last 7 years, some of whom I'm now privileged to know in real life, and deleting the blog completely would feel a bit like burning down your old hangout. If there's something in particular you want to see from the past, you can probably find a lot of the older stuff via the Way Back Machine.
I love you all - thank you for all you've meant to me.
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