Tonight I saw the pictures on Facebook. And they were okay. Decent. Some of them were quite good even. But not one of them was exceptional. There wasn't a single shot that showed great imagination or perspective, and a few of them were even pretty close versions of some I shot in the hospital. My point is, without implying that I'm anywhere close to the best there is (because that's certainly not true), I know I could have done just as good a job if not better.
And that makes me feel a little bit better. But here's what makes me a little more irritated and hurt: I took a peek at the photographer's prices. Her fee for what they had done is $200.00. Now that's not outrageous by any means. That included an hour of shooting and a CD of all the edited shots. That's actually a very reasonable price for on location photography. But this:
Let me say first that I firmly believe that in a family, you help people out just because you love them. Nick does mechanic work for both my family and his frequently at no charge (although my dad generally insists on giving him something). My mother-in-law cuts our hair and does my coloring and waxing at no charge. I act as tech support for her for all things computer. Nick's dad mows our yard when we're on vacation, and he stops by all the time to cut down a tree or fix a fence, or whatever needs fixing. I can't begin to list all the things my mom does for us. All of us have at one time or another hopped in the car late at night to jump start a stranded family member's car or bring them a gallon of gas. And I do photography for any of them, as often as they ask, and certainly at no charge. When I did Kelly's maternity session I drove a considerable distance, during a week when we really didn't have the extra gas money (which is kind of every week lately). I spent a lot of time taking pictures and several hours in editing, at the end of which I handed over my images to her free and clear. They never offered to pay me for any of this, nor did I expect them to. That's just what family does.
But it hurts me a little that they happily handed $200 over to a complete stranger to do the same thing. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but it just seems like at a time when they know funds are pretty continually tight for us, they might consider choosing me to hire if they wanted to pay someone. Nick's dad is kind of bad about doing the same thing. He's had his truck towed to a shop and spent $600 to have them fix it when Nick was offering to not only drive 45 minutes to where he was stranded, but pick up the necessary part and fix it on the spot for just enough to cover the price of the part. It just feels like they would rather spend extra money than see us benefit from it, and I don't understand it. Nick works on $80,000 cars daily, and he's been in the business since he was 18, so it's not like he doesn't have the skill and knowledge to do it. I think it boils down to feeling like we're taken for granted and not respected.
Anyway, all done venting. I promise, no more about it.
Today of course was Halloween. Normally we go to church on Wednesdays, but I stayed home with the kids to take them trick or treating. Morgan went as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, and she looked great! When I got to go to the craft store for my birthday I picked up some blue gingham, and my mom whipped up a quick Dorothy dress. I found some red dress shoes at the thrift store yesterday for $2.99, and a bottle of glitter and some spray adhesive later, we had ruby slippers. :)
Daisy was supposed to be an "angel princess". I had a pair of angel wings I found at a yard sale last summer, and she had a fancy pink dress we got in a bag of clothes from Elizabeth, and a princess crown my mom got for her to wear at her birthday party. I got a 3 pack of princess wands at the Dollar Tree today, and we were all set. But when it came down to it, she insisted on wearing an Old Navy shirt with a pumpkin on it, jeans, and the crown, and going as "a pumpkin princess." Oh well.
Jack was a baby ninja, and I have to say he was the cutest ninja I've ever seen! The ninja costume was another thrift store find back in the summer, and I have to say I was pretty happy with our frugal Halloween! The kids had a blast trick or treating, got tons of candy, and wore themselves out.
Anyway, I'm off to bed. Happy Halloween!
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4 comments:
Hi Angelbrat,
I think you might be overlooking another possibility.
Could be that Kelly/Grant feels a bit guilty about imposing on you, make you use gas money etc.
Maybe they just feel that they cannot do that, because they are afraid to offer you money. Think maybe you would feel a bit insulted if they did?
Same goes for the car repairs.
I know this is very, very difficult, but actually you should make the family aware that you would like to get paid for those services on a at arms length basis, and that you could use the clientele.
I know that sounds like forcing yourself upon them, but when you and Nick are as good as any professional? What wrong could it do?
To make this work, you should be able to step back when needed.
I have a brother who is a photographer something like you, not fully professional, but a very experienced amateur.
When my daughter married he was a bit disappointed that she asked someone else to be the photographer. But she had good reasons and explained them. He was a wedding guest and should not be busy with walking around taking pictures. The other photographer was specialised in weddings and had all kind of props for the shoot, which my brother had not.
He could understand those arguments and happily attended the wedding (taking pictures all the time and telling everybody his pictures were better, but this went very good natured)
Live and let live, I would say.
Sounds like a fun halloween. The littler kids are the cutest aren't they.
As for your father, I think he may have done the repairs elsewhere to save hubby the time and trouble
and didn't think you would take any money from him so it wouldn't have benefited you anyway.
Bas made some good points. If your husband is a mechanic then he should get paid for work he does as a mechanic. It doesn't have to be the full rate - just a rate you can both live with. The same goes for your photography. When coming up with a rate bear in mind the cost of the gas and time to do these "favors" for family,
If you tell them up front, there will be no hard feelings,
Just a suggestion. YOu have such a big heart I hate to see someone taking advantage of it,
I understand what you are dealing with. My husband and I are the family members that get easily taken advantage of and I recently got my feelings hurt.
My brother and his wife recently had a baby and I was asked if I would be interested in sharing the babysitting with her mother once she went back to work. Her mom didnt want to do it full-time so we were looking at 2-3 days a week for each of us which sounded great to me and the extra income would be very helpful. I agreed. Found out after the baby was born and purely by accident that her mom changed her mind and wanted to keep the baby full-time and while I fully understand that Grandmas outrank aunts, I was hurt. They do want me available to be her backup when she has other things to do though. Of course, when these things come up, they dont' want to pay me either. It's not that I expect the money, but like you all, they know it would be helpful to our family.
They did this same thing to me about five years ago after I had kept my nephew full time for two years, they decided to send him to someone else and didnt tell me until I asked.
I just try to be the bigger person and tell myself that it's their choice, but it still hurts.In fact, her mom called the other day and asked about three days this month that she needs someone else to watch her for a few hours. Part of me wants to not be so available but part of me wants to spend time with my baby niece.
Praying you can find some peace in this and that it wont' cause a family rift.
Hugs
April
Thank you for your thoughts, Bas. Unfortunately I don't think that's the case, although it would make me feel better if it was. We could certainly use the money, but I don't actually want them to hire me. I think that if they had gone about it like your daughter did - explaining things beforehand, it would've been different. It mostly just felt like they didn't think I was good enough to take the pictures, even for free, and it kind of made it where I feel like I can't go and do a shoot now, something I was looking forward to doing as a special memory with my new nephew. Ah, well - as you said - live and let live.
Sunnygirl, thank you. The photography is something I very much enjoy doing just because, but I do think it makes sense for Nick to charge for his work. In fact, it might just make them realize that he actually is a professional at this!
April, I totally get what you're saying - I would be hurt too! The least they could have done is show you the respect of keeping you in the loop! Your niece and nephew are both lucky to have you as an aunt, and your brother and his wife are certainly blessed to have you too!
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