Spanking a Spanko

Paul666 said... It seems to me that when one actually enjoys being spanked, there isn't much incentive to do anything about cleaning up or doing what are considered your chores.What Nick ought to do is not give you a spanking when you don't clean up and give you a spanking when the place is spick and span.How can a spanking, no matter how severe it is, be any incentive to do anything when you enjoy the whole experience.

The above is a comment I got earlier. Paul - I'm not picking on you. It's a good question, and one that deserves an answer, if for no other reason than to speak to the vanilla S/Os out there.

Yes, it would seem that spanking a spanko wouldn't be much of a punishment. And if it were a "Ooooh, you've been a naughty girl, haven't you? I'm going to spank your naughty little bottom" sort of spanking, that would be correct. But when I get punished, there is no catering to my fantasies and hot button words/phrases. There's no warm up, no foreplay, and no gentleness. But most of all, the entire atmosphere of the event is incondusive to sexiness. There is lecturing, which always gets my head started into the right place. There is sternness steeped in disappointment (which makes me want to cry, not cum). And there is a long, painful, hard to take spanking that I just want to escape from when it's happening.

During play, I can take far more than I could ever endure without hysteria during a punishment. When I'm aroused, a spanking that may leave me sore and bruised for days doesn't even register as pain. I'm flying on endorphins, and sometimes Nick has to make the decision to stop things because he can see (where I cannot) that anything further would be damaging.

Here's a crazy secret about me: I'm not a pain slut. I actually hate pain. During sex, pain does not exist for me, because my body weaves the sensations through my arousal and turns then into pleasure. During a punishment, the last thing I am feeling is turned on. I've hurt, angered, or disappointed the man I love, or I've been unkind to the wife he loves. That doesn't inspire good feelings in me. I'm feeling sorrowful, or vunerable, or less often, angry - either at him through rebellion or at myself through disgust. And when I'm unhappy, pain can be huge to me.

That said, the biggest part of the punishment for me isn't the pain. It's the rift I've created between us, and the spanking is much more a method to repair that than it is to "teach me a lesson." I'm a grown woman. I'm not an uncontrollable child who can't help screwing up. The spankings are not to terrorize me into behaving. They're to emphasize the fact that, yes, I did something harmful to me/him/us, and now we're going to address it, put it behind us, and move on. They're a way to close the door on it.

As to the thought that it would be better to withhold a spanking as punishment - it just doesn't fly with me for several reasons. The first reason is that he does this because he loves me. If he denied it, it would feel too much like he was denying me his commitment. It's on par with the silent treatment for me - something we just don't do. Yes, there have been alternative punishments in the past, and they've worked - because they've been paired with a spanking. It would be much easier for him to say, "Okay, the house is a mess - no computer for a week" than to take the time and energy to spank me. But that feels to me like being brushed off - like he has no involvement in working through the issue with me. Beyond that, spanking is very intimate (although not always sexual) to me. There's a tremendous comfort in knowing that he has the physical ability to assert his will, and the emotional maturity not to abuse that.

After I'm spanked, I feel renewed and close to him again, and that, after all, is one of the main points in doing this at all. It heals me, and therefore us. We usually make love after a punishment, but it's not a result of either of us being aroused by what just happened. It's a mutual desire to demonstrate each to the other that the page is clean. He's done the hard part of loving me. Now he wants to do the easy part. Myself, I crave to be as close to him as physically possible, to show with my body how much I appreciate what he's done for my heart. And to be perfectly honest - when the tears have dried and the raging fire on my butt has cooled to a warm glow, other parts of me start to warm too.

But after all of that - it's not important why a spanking is an effective punishment for me. It just is. It works for us, and that's all that matters.