Old Wounds and New

The past two days have been draining. Last night was the receiving of family and friends for my mamaw. It was really a blessing to see the number of people who came to see her. Her's was the only viewing, and it was hard to find a parking place at the funeral home. The line into the chapel was nearly out the front door.

Sadly, there was some unnecessary stress too. First, some background:

My mamaw was my dad's mother. What happened had nothing to do with her. Okay, about twenty years ago, my mom's dad had an affair. Well, he had several, but this one was the worst, because of the woman it was with. Let's call her Jezebel. Jezebel is my mom's age, twenty years younger than my grandfather. My Nanny was a precious person, sweet and forgiving, and unwilling to harbor a grudge against anyone. Which makes what this woman did that much worse. Through the affair (which ended when my grandfather found out what Jezebel was doing), she would call my Nanny and taunt her. An example: my Nanny got a call in the middle of the night when she was alone. It was Jezebel. "Hey, Penny, guess where Jack is." Then she held the phone up so that my Nanny could hear her husband snoring beside this bitch.

Fast forward twenty years. My mamaw needed constant in home care. My family found and hired a very nice lady. Then my mamaw began to improve, and the lady moved on to another job. When mamaw began to decline again, they asked the lady to come back, but she was already committed to her new job. However, she did have a friend who'd worked in a nursing home, and she recommended that the family hire her. They hired the friend...who turned out to be Jezebel. My dad's sisters (who did the hiring) didn't know the history, and when my mom found out what was going on, she told them. However, by this time my mamaw was pretty attached to Jezebel, and she was doing a good job of caring for her, so things were left as standing.

My grandfather visited my mamaw in the hospital once, and Jezebel flirted with him the whole time. My mom, ever longsuffering, let it go, even though it hurt to watch this hateful bitch act like she had every right to flaunt their history. She made no secret of the fact that she and my grandfather had a past, although her remarks would seem innocent enough if you didn't know the story. It was like she was deliberately flinging it in my mom's face.

Last night at the receiving, Nick and I walked in and sat down, then looked over. There was my grandfather, sitting with Jezebel, flirting like the old fool that he is, and she was lapping it up. My mom finally walked up to him, leaned down and whispered in his ear that he needed to GET UP. Jezebel got the sourest look on her face, and my grandfather, looking like a scolded child, got up and left completely. My mom sat down by Jezebel, apologized for any awkwardness, and generally treated the bitch much better than she deserved.

Jezebel spent the next hour flitting around the room, whispering and giggling to various people about what my mom had done. Finally, I walked up to her and said, "You were very good to my mamaw, and I appreciate that. But I loved both of my grandmothers very much, and I love my mom even more. I know that you think she's a pious meddler, but she has the courage of her convictions, and I'd appreciate it if you would show some respect to her and to our family."

She got this stunned "Who do you think you are" look on her face and said, "What do you mean, SHOW RESPECT? I haven't done anything disrespectful. I love your mom!"

I answered, "I've watched you walk around all night and talk to everyone about her when she's been nothing but kind to you, and I don't appreciate it."
"YOU'RE WRONG! I've not said anything bad about her!"

"If I'm wrong, I apologize, but that's what I've heard from you, and I wouldn't be a good daughter if I didn't say what I think."

Immediately, she ran to the back of the room and demanded of my poor mother if she'd done anything disrespectful to her. (Besides sleep with her dad and rub it in her mom's face, I thought). My mom, of course, said, "No, of course not!"

"Then you need to tell your daughter that, because she seems to think I have!"

My mom had no idea of the venom this woman had been spreading, and she looked at me in shock and begged me to apologize. I politely refused, stating that I'd meant everything that I said. Jezebel began yelling again, and I said, "This is a funeral home. We are not going to have this conversation here."

Jezebel stalked off, and I explained to my mom why I'd confronted her. Honestly, if it was just what happened when I was a kid, I wouldn't have felt like it was the time or the place (or even my place) to speak to her, but I CANNOT stand for people to talk about my mother behind her back. It's true, she drives me crazy all the time, but she's my mom, and no one else gets to talk about her. My mom apologized to me for asking me to apologize to Jezebel. Both Nick and I (and Morgan) and my parents left very soon after.

Everyone was going to my mamaw's house to eat, and I really didn't feel up to it, but I wasn't going to leave my mom alone with her, so we went too. We pulled in right behind my parents. My mom went in, and my dad stayed behind to walk me in. He told me that I'd said what needed to be said and that I had nothing to apologize for. He and Nick both told me that they were proud of me. But walking into that house was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. You could cut the tension with a knife. My dad decided after a minute to get my mom out of there before she arrived, and Nick and I left too. She pulled up just as we were leaving. Today I found out that several other people left when she came in.

I expected some of that awkwardness to remain at the funeral today, but fortunately, it never came up. It was however, just as exhausting as yesterday was. I honestly didn't expect to be as broken up as I was. I really thought I'd dealt with my emotions over the past couple of weeks, but it was just wrenching to see my aunts and my parents just collapse in grief. I'm just glad that it's over.