Unrest

I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight. We're here in Texas, and the vacation is going pretty well. We're enjoying time with Nick's sisters (his other sister is visiting too), as well as our niece and new nephew. The house is amazing, truly gorgeous, and the setting is picture perfect.

So what has me so out of sorts? Just pregnancy hormones I'm sure. I admit that I'm dealing with a little bit of ugly jealously here. For what they spent on their TV for the game room here we could pay off a huge chunk of our bills and I could stay home with the baby. Or for what they spent on their front door. Or their patio furniture. Or their nursery furniture, or the artwork on the walls. And I know that all of these feelings are childish and ugly and beneath me, and that my life is so much more blessed than hers in so many ways (for instance, I don't have to fight a piece of crap ex-husband over custody issues). So I'll get over it. I just needed to vent here.

The other thing that has me kind of down is the whole DD situation, or rather the lack thereof. I realized that today marks 6 months since the last time he cared enough to punish me for something. Saturday will be 5 months since he spanked me for anything at all. So what is so upsetting all of a sudden? Well, the trip here was a long, hard one. We left at 10 PM EST on Friday and finally arrived at 5:30 AM CST Sunday. Except for about 8 hours at a hotel Saturday morning, all of that was in the car with very little sleep for anyone but Morgan.

When we got here we all crashed into bed. Unfortunately, Morgan popped right back up 3 hours later begging me to swim. I was absolutely wrung out, no patience left, and after 45 minutes of telling her "Not yet!" every five minutes, I got out of bed and stalked to the bathroom to take a shower. The last straw for me though was when I tried to get clean underwear out of my suitcase and the zipper got stuck. I was literally in tears when Nick woke up and told me to get in the shower and he'd get it. I told him no. Several times.

Eventually I gave up and did go get in the shower. But I can count on one hand the number of times in our whole marriage when I've told him no when he's told me to do something, even before we began DD. It's just not something I do. So when I got out of the shower I apologized to Morgan for being so impatient, then privately to Nick for losing my temper with the suitcase and telling him no. And he told me to go to bed while he watched Morgan and we would deal with it later.

So I went to bed thinking "Is he serious? He's really going to call me on this and not let it go?" And it was SO what I needed. Now we were here alone with Morgan the whole day, because Nick's sister and her husband had to leave as soon as we arrived. Nick's other sister was flying in to a city three hours away, as was Nick's niece, who was spending Father's Day with her dad, and they both had to be picked up and brought here to the lake house. So I thought surely we would have time to address the issue. Morgan even cooperated by falling asleep pretty early. But...nothing. Not even a mention. Tonight I asked him if he was still mad at me for getting so upset over the suitcase and he didn't even remember what I was talking about. So I guess it just goes away after all. And I'm not too terribly surprised. I just have to work through it each time it happens. Anyway, it's 2:30 in the morning here, so I'm going to try to go back to bed.