Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Thinking..
So I've been reading back over the history of my blog, and I started thinking. I know, dangerous stuff, right? But anyway, I was reading this post. And I started thinking about Nick saying how much DD was for both of us, not just me, and how I had no business deciding on my own that we weren't doing it anymore. And I started wondering, is that what I'm doing now? But I'm not trying to tell him we can't do DD. In my mind and heart I still consider him head of the household, and if he decided right now to punish me for something, I'd willingly submit to it. But I'm trying to give him room to adjust to the things in our life that are coming whether we're ready for them or not. And the only way I know how to do that is to try to relieve him of whatever pressure from me that I can. I guess my brain just can't settle down and accept that things are okay. I just worry that if I verbalize my need for discipline, I'm being weird and too much work, and if I don't verbalize it and just push it to the back, I'm making a decision for both us without asking for his input. But if I ask for his input, he's going to feel obligated, and that's the very last thing I want. Ugghh! I wish I could just turn it off completely.
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6 comments:
Hi There,
Congratulations on the coming new life. I am very excited for you and yours. This is a Good Thing.
I have followed your feelings over spanking or not being spanked. And I would only offer this, your husband knows about this desire, no need of yours. He has not forgotten and I would not assume because spankings are not happening that they are never going to happen again.
Try for a second to consider how much longer his to do list is today than say, four months ago. And those are just the things you can think of, he probably has things on his list he hasn't mentioned to you.
Also, you are preggers. He may not want to swat you out of concern for you and the bambino. Your feelings of spanking longing may be exacerbated a tiny bit by hormones.
You may have to do without spankings for a while. Not because he has given up on them -- but because this is a big transition and lots of balls are in the air for your family. You may need to wait for some of them to come down. Cosider it a different type of diet, instead of going without chocolate, you are going without spankings.
He knows, they will be back, after a while.
P
I think PrettyGirl makes some good points but I feel so much the same way you are feeling. For those of us who have longed for this for so long - to have it so close our fingers brushed it - well it hurts to think it might be escaping us.
Some part of me wants to go on and on to my Nick about this. But the last thing I want is to feel like he is thinking 'spank PK' as just one more chore he has to add to his list.
Maybe you could send an email just asking his feelings. Tell him you aren't talking about needing a spanking right this second but that you would like to know if it is still something that is part of your lives and that you hope it is.
I hope everything works our well.
Hugs,
PK
Sooooo complicated!! I feel for you!!
=(
Tracy, this is a time of transition, not easy for either of you.
Your partnership is firmly founded,
things will work out.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
I, too, have quietly followed your unfolding saga. PrettyGirl put it as nicely as possible. I'm inclined to think you've become a bit too obsessed with DD. The blogging. Your rather sizable collection of implements. Now mind you, I surf on a regular basis. OK daily. So that's my outlet, and I'll be the first to admit it's on my mind a bit too much. It's been quite a while since there were any spankings in my household.
But it just so happens that my spouse has been extremely busy lately. Lots of other important things going on in our household.
So, one blue moon... maybe there will be a bit of time for play. But that's what it is.
Play.
DD goes way beyond that. I think it's time to realize that maybe it's not the healthiest way of life.
To put in another way, everything in moderation.
Wow. Sounds like I struck a nerve. Perhaps that means we're getting somewhere.
Obviously, I'm not part of the DD community. And far be it from me to say what's right and what's wrong. Allow me to restate my last, unfortunately, painful comment: "...maybe it's not the healthiest way of life." Maybe. It's like you deleted the maybe part and went straight to me passing judgement on you, which was not my intention.
What I hoped to communicate was much simpler.
Ask yourself this:
1. Does this make me happy?
2. Does this make my partner happy?
If your partner isn't happy with the situation, which sounds like is the case, then my suggestion is that you spend some time thinking about why DD appeals to you. I mean really get inside it.
So you got me thinking. For inspiration, I turned to one of two reasonable references I have in the house, The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, by Brenda Love. Already, I can hear you saying that DD isn't about sex. But bear with me for a moment.
Page 87, from Dominance/Submission (I cite this passage, because there is no entry under DD): "Dominance and submission both seem to fall into a human's need for security. Clans of primates or groups of animals usually have a dominant figure who regulates the behavior of others. Nature seems to have designed the brain of most species to produce a pleasure response to either type of behavior if engaged in by parties who trust and care for each other. Submission may be induced primarily by accompanying forms of stimulus such as loss, restriction or humiliation. Laboratory tests on mice revealed that in a fight endorphins (pleasure response) are released in the injured mouse only at the point of submission. Thus submission, rather than pain, was the critical factor in creating a euphoric response...
The submissive controls the intensity and direction of the game. People often select roles because it provides a change from the ordinary. People who have inhibitions or guilt associated with sexual experimentation find that this seems to relieve them of personal responsibility for their actions. Total sexual submission is used by some as a way to express love. A person who lets a partner put a dog collar on them feels they are expressing love in a way that words never will. This is perhaps why submissives can sometimes appear to go to extremes."
So, what do you think?
Sorry if my comments upset you.
I just wanted to go a dialogue going.
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