Just what I needed

Last night I had reached my breaking point stress-wise. I hadn’t had a break from the kids for what seemed like days, and they were both just dancing on my last nerve. Morgan’s first soccer game was yesterday, the teams were not well-matched, and she was turning out to be a very sore loser. Daisy was into absolutely everything (as 17 month old babies tend to be), and Nick had been working for 6 days and spending some of his evenings on side work at his friend’s house.

Basically all of this had left me with a pretty horrible attitude myself, and I found myself snapping at everyone. When Nick asked me if I had done any laundry like he asked, I retorted that I hadn’t done a thing all day except take care of the kids, but that I’d be happy to get to it when I was done with what I was doing.

A few minutes later I went out to the garage to pull the clean clothes out of the dryer.Within a few seconds the door opened behind me, and I found myself being pushed forward over the washing machine. Nick had grabbed a paddle on the way out and proceeded to spank me hard enough to break it across my bottom. Once it broke he continued to use the half he had left until he felt like he had my attention. Granted, it wasn’t a very heavy duty paddle, but it was sturdy enough to leave my bottom throbbing, even used over my jeans.

After he finished spanking me he turned me around and told me in no uncertain terms that he was absolutely done with my attitude. At that point all I could do was just hug him and thank him for bringing me back from the edge. He held me for a few minutes, and it was just exactly what I needed. It’s almost crazy how quickly and consistently a spanking will solve an attitude problem for me, and it was such a perfect thing for him to do right then.

Gosh, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I looked at the blog and realized it has been almost a month since I’ve posted! It seems like I just never have any time!

I did actually get a spanking Saturday night – the first one in nearly four months. I’d finally broken down and told him I needed it a while before it happened. It wasn’t the longest or hardest I’ve had by any means, but four months really gives a girl’s butt time to get tender! He told me to pick an implement, and I managed to convince him to use his hand since it had been so long. That lasted until his hand started hurting. After that he switched to the snake paddle I reviewed a few months back.

Yesterday we had a short conversation about the length of time it had been since there had been any sort of discipline. I have to admit that I had gotten to the point where I was feeling both neglected and very angry about it. He told me that he felt like I should be happy that he was ever doing it at all since it’s not something he enjoys and that part of it was letting it happen when he decided it needed to happen. I kind of call BS on that though. If he doesn’t want to do it at all, then the whole reason he’s doing it is for me. And if he’s doing it for me, but he’s not doing it at anywhere near a level where it will be beneficial to me then what’s the point of doing it at all?

I tried to explain it this way: Imagine there are two people, one of whom is madly in love with the other one. Person A wants a committed relationship, but Person B says that he doesn’t want to commit, but is willing to have a few romantic weekends here and there, just so long as he doesn’t have to go too much out of his way and they don’t have to ever talk about their “relationship”. In that situation, it would be kinder for Person B to just end the romantic relationship completely so that Person A can come to terms with the loss and move on.

It’s not that I want him to just pull the plug on DD completely, but it’s incredibly hard to have the need and believe there’s some small chance it will be met, but spend the vast majority of my time with it unmet. I just need to have some attention paid to it more than a few times a year. Sometimes I think it would be better to just cut ties with DD completely so that I can mourn it properly.

BUT, with my undying optimism apparently firmly in place, I’ve ordered something that I hope will help. A few days ago I got a $10 coupon from Zazzle.com. LOVE that company! It’s where I ordered these. Anyway, it’s super easy to create your own designs, so I ordered these magnets, to put up on the fridge when the need gets especially strong. All of them are subtle enough that I can explain them away if Morgan asks about them, yet specific enough to tell him just what I need.

Hopefully he’ll be on board with it, but I guess we’ll see.

In other news – we got our income tax return back!! Aaaaand…it was awesome! We got back enough to catch up on all of our bills, pay a few of them ahead, and buy some stuff we really wanted! The big ticket item we got was a new living room set! Squeeee! We’ve never in our whole marriage had a brand-new-never-been-owned-by-anyone-but-us piece of furniture. Well, we did buy a new crib and rocker when Morgan was born, but nothing for us. Anyway, it looks almost exactly like this:

Unfortunately we won’t get it all for about another 3 weeks, but that will give us time to paint first. We also got to finally pay off Nick’s Fairlane (this was actually from him selling his bike a few weeks ago), and he’s going to be able to get a transmission for it (which is the main thing it needs). I got to get one of these:

It’s a Sizzix BigKick Die Cutter, and it has made making hair bows super fast and easy. Oh yeah – I’ve been making and selling hair bows and glass magnets along with a few other crafty things, and I will eventually move all of it into an etsy shop. And along the lines of crafty things, I got to finally order:

 

I am SO excited about it! Anyway, that’s been our lovely last month. How has yours been?