Monday, August 31, 2009

The latest...

I went to the doctor today for another ultrasound - the baby's 4 lb, 13 oz! She'd doing great, everything looks good. Yesterday my sister-in-law and mother-in-law threw me a baby shower, which was tons of fun! We got enough diapers and wipes to get us through the first 3 or 4 weeks, as well as some blankets and clothes. The best gift we got was a Boppy pillow. A Boppy is a must have for nursing mothers especially, and I used Morgan's so much that it split in the middle! It was a very sweet shower, and it made me feel very special. Nick took the day off work today to get some stuff done on the house. He rented a carpet cleaner and cleaned the floor in both girls' rooms, and also started putting the crib together. It turned out that we were missing a couple of pieces to it (it was originally Morgan's). So he went online to order replacement parts and found that the crib had been recalled - due to the very pieces we were missing! Fortunately the company was providing repair parts at no charge, so they should be here in a few weeks, hopefully before the baby arrives!

It made me realize though how lucky we were that Morgan didn't use her crib very much at all. She slept with us, for a number of reasons, but the biggest was logistics. When she was born we lived in a little single-wide mobile home we rented from my Papaw. The bedrooms were at opposite ends, and we were terrified that we wouldn't hear her if she needed us. We bought our house when she was 6 months old, but here our bedroom is upstairs and hers (now the baby's) is downstairs, with all of the outside doors in between us. I wasn't comfortable leaving her all alone downstairs, so she continued to sleep with us. However, this one will definitely not be in our bed on a regular basis. She'll be in a bassinet in the room with us for the first few weeks, but after that she will go downstairs to her crib. With Morgan in the next room and a house alarm (which we didn't have 8 years ago), she'll be just fine.

I'm currently still unspanked for my mess in the car, although that may change tonight. Nick actually wanted to deal with it Friday as Morgan spent the night with my parents, but we spent the evening in more intimate pursuits, and he agreed to postpone it until the next night. Unfortunately that didn't happen either. I lay down with Morgan to tell her bedtime stories and fell asleep. Nick fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up till 5 AM, at which time he woke me and gently steered me up to bed. Last night we just couldn't get Morgan to bed at a decent hour for some reason. Well, we got her to bed, she was just wide awake till after midnight. Anyway, she's asleep now (in our bed incidentally since the carpet in her room is freshly shampooed and drying right now), so it may happen tonight. I'm feeling nervous about it, but it feels good that he's willing to go there again.

Hope you all have a great week!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Cute Find

I found this cute magnet set at Michael's for $1.00 the other day. I'm having warm fuzzy images of Nick leaving commands on the refrigerator for me.
In other news, Nick has promised to spank me sometime this week for a little situation where my car got to the point that it might have been difficult to get into the back seat. And the shirts I bought without asking probably didn't help any. But the shirts were on sale, and the car is all cleaned out now, so hopefully it won't be too bad. I've also got another doctor's visit coming up on Monday, so it would be better if I didn't have any marks by then. Anyway, it feels really good to have him taking charge and holding me accountable again.
In baby news, here's this week's email:

Week 33 of Pregnancy
Your baby's immune system gets a boost, while her sleepless mommy could use a boost of energy. With midnight bathroom runs, leg cramps, heartburn, and your basketball-sized belly, it's no wonder sleep is elusive.
Third-trimester insomnia
strikes about three-quarters of pregnant women (who may also be coping with a mind that races all night long). But your body needs rest, so do your best to get comfy. Grab a pile of pillows, wedge them where you need to, and look on the bright side: Pregnancy insomnia is great training for those sleepless nights to come! Your baby is still gaining weight (about half a pound a week), and she could grow up to another full inch this week. With that much baby inside your uterus, your amniotic fluid level has maxed out, which explains why some of her pokes and kicks feel pretty sharp these days. (There's less fluid to cushion the blows.) Antibodies are being passed from you to your little one as she continues to develop her own fetal immune system, which will come in handy once she's outside the womb and fending off all sorts of germs.

Also, here's what he walls look like in the baby's room. Nick made the stencils himself and did almost all the dots himself. Didn't he do a great job?!

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Thank You and a Meme

I want to say thank you to Paul for his sweet baby gift, and to Pretty Girl for dropping in to comment at the baby shower. And of course thank you to Bethie for hosting.

I found this meme over at Bonnie's:


Would you rather be spanked outside in a cold woodshed or inside by a cozy fire? The idea of a woodshed is very erotic to me, but I hate to be spanked on a cold bottom!

Would you rather be spanked in public or in private? Public is a nice fantasy, but in reality I'd much rather be in private where he can really do a good job.

Would you rather fantasize about spanking or actually be spanked? I don't much like it when it's happening, but when I fantasize it's usually just reliving real spankings that actually happened.

Would you rather be spanked for your humiliation or for your spanker's pleasure? I'd rather that be up to him.

Would you rather be spanked by hand or by hairbrush? Hmmm...that's a tough one.

Would you rather be spanked by belt or by cane? Definitely the belt.

Would you rather be spanked by paddle or riding crop? Paddle

Would you rather be restrained or unrestrained during your spanking? I'd rather he hold me down.

Would you rather be spanked until you cried or until you are aroused? For me it's more effective to be spanked until I cry, although it's very arousing to know that he's willing to take me there.

Would you rather have just a red bottom or welts/bruises? It depends on the situation.

Would you rather be spanked for the naughty things you have done or just because you enjoy the experience? It's important to me that it be for a reason.

Would you rather be spanked with panties up or panties down? That depends on whether you ask me when I'm actually getting spanked. ;)

Would you rather be spanked somewhat clothed or entirely naked? Somewhat clothed.

Would you rather your spanking be strictly disciplinarian or sexually attractive in nature? Disciplinarian meets a much deeper need in me.

Would you rather be spanked by a male or by a female? Male, and one particular male at that.

Would you rather be cuddled or scolded after your spanking? Scolded, then cuddled.

Would you rather be spanked OTK or bent over a table/chair? A table or chair is easier for me to hold still on.

Would you rather your spanker have physical contact with you? Yes, absolutely!

Would you prefer to be spanked in the woods with a tree branch, bent over the hood of a car, or in a school with a ruler bent over the desk of your teacher/principal? The hood of a car was a pretty common position for us for a while, but the teacher/principal is a long time fantasy for me.

Would you rather be a brat to your spanker to deserve a spanking or simply ask your spanker for a spanking because you know you needed it? I don't brat, but I usually have to ask.

Have you received a spanking in the past week? No

Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? Emotional release.

Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? Secret.

Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? I'd rather it be a lifestyle choice.

Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? I'm grateful for the vanilla I've got who's willing to indulge me.

Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? One particular someone who knows me really, really well.

Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? Probably the latter with a healthy dose of the former.

Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? I'd rather be talked to.

Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? One at a time, please.

Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? I'd rather willingly submit.

Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? I have a safeword, but we've never used it.

Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss? Nick IS my spanking history.

Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at one time? Just one.

Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months? Once a day.

Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experience as a spankee? Deeply in tune, of course.

Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker? I need both.

Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment? Send me to the corner, although this is something we've never done.

Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles? My husband, of course.

Would you rather spanking be a part of love making or not a part of love making? Mostly not.

Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked? I'd much rather him be in control.

Would you rather be humiliated or respected during your spanking? Respected.

Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake? We don't really experiment with the BDSM side of things.

Would you rather be filmed during a spanking to share your exhibitionist naughtiness or are you too modest to show your bum to the world? Nope, I'm pretty private.

Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt? It depends upon the spanking.

Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking? I've been both, and I don't know that either is preferable over the other.

Would you rather be spanked exclusively in your own bedroom or anyplace else other than your own bedroom? Mostly the bedroom.

Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or other places could be interesting too? I would prefer that he stick to spanking my bottom.

Would you rather a spanking be a surprise or be something you have to look forward to? Something I have to look forward to.

Would you rather spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? A response to real events.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A Huge Thank You to Bethie!


"Message from Bethie: Welcome, everyone to Angelbrat/Tracy's shower! Come on in, join in the fun, and say "Hi" to the mom-to-be. She's glowing isn't she?
And don't eat the cake; it's made of diapers!"

My dear friend Bethie contacted me a few weeks ago and asked if she could throw me an online baby shower - what a sweet idea! I can't thank her enough for her thoughtfulness, and I really appreciate all the warm love and support so many in the blogging community have shown me over the last few months! If you would like to donate something small to help Nick and I out with the expenses we're facing, Bethie has designed a gift button which is at the at the top of the sidebar to the right. But even if you just want to pop in to say hi, I'm thrilled to have you help me celebrate! Thank you so much for stopping by, and be sure to tell Bethie what a wonderful friend she is! Thank you, sweetie!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Guess what...

Big drum roll..........................I got a spanking! Yep, it's true. Obviously we've both been dealing with some stress, and I've not been handling it very well. If you read my rant a couple of posts ago (and the understandably hurt comment Nick left), you know that I've been seriously feeling the lack of discipline lately. Unfortunately I couldn't seem to find a way to resolve that constructively. Yesterday I sent Nick a rather long text apologizing not just for the post, but for failing to recognize his attempts to take care of me. I asked him to please push the reset button for me and deal with both my stress level and the bitchy attitude I've had the last few weeks. Much to my chagrin and relief, he did just that last night. When we went to bed he pulled out the Hawaii paddle.

Even though I asked for it and knew how much I needed it, it was still hard for me to get into position. But Nick was having none of my hesitation, so I carefully bent over a stack of pillows. It was weird having to maneuver around my seven months pregnant belly, but the pillows did the trick. I have to say, absence makes the bottom grow tender. After seven months, this spanking HURT. ALOT. And I know that it wasn't even close to the hardest I've ever had, but it had me in tears pretty quickly. I think I got somewhere around 200, enough to leave me quite pink and a little bruised today. I don't think there's any chance that I'll still be marked by my next doctor's visit (next Wednesday), but even if I am I don't expect her to do anything I have to take my pants off for. And heck, even if she does, I'm a consenting adult!


I've felt so much more at peace today. I owe my husband a huge thank you - and maybe a nice blow job.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It could definitely be worse...

Well, I know I've not sounded very grateful today. The truth is that I have much to be thankful for, including my husband. I'm dealing with some tremendous stresses these days, and I'm not always handling it well. Beyond the physical drain of pregnancy, there's also the stresses of the gestational diabetes, the hypertension, the doctor's bills, money issues, work issues (found out yesterday that a much loved co-worker with 38 years with the company was unceremoniously downsized. Due to this, her team went to my supervisor and some of my team, me included, are getting parceled out to other teams - NOT happy about this!). We're also having to get flood insurance to go through with our mortgage modification, and to do that we have to get a $400 elevation certificate done. My doctor's appointments are getting more frequent, and my available sick time is almost gone with 9 1/2 weeks left till my due date. Added to all that, there was a SNAKE in our kitchen Sunday! I do NOT like snakes.

BUT, despite all that, my life is very blessed. The diabetes seems to be doing well with diet control, and the hypertension is mild. God is providing as we have to have it on the money issues. While I'm not happy to be moved away from my current supervisor, the one I'm getting is not the worst one I could have. It looks like they may let me use some holiday time when my sick time is depleted. And the snake is now quite gone. Nick was very much my hero in that situation. He likes snakes just about as much as I do, but he didn't even hesitate - with a pair of grill tongs and a steak knife he very bravely dispatched our uninvited house guest, and he didn't even laugh at me for running screaming from the house.

My husband has worked very hard lately, not just at his job, but here at home too, painting the baby's room, picking up side work to help pay the bills, and generally making sure I have help with the house. I very much appreciate him, and I try hard not to make too many other demands. Most of the time he's been very sweet to me, and I'm very blessed to have him. Sometimes, I guess, I just need to bitch a little.

Curiously...

...I feel better. Just needed to get it out, I guess.

Another week down

Hey, everyone. I went to the doctor yesterday and the baby's 3 pounds and 10 ounces. Everything looks good, although she wants me to come back weekly until she's satisfied with my blood sugar readings. They've been decent for the most part so far, so I would appreciate your prayers that that continues.

I've been really struggling lately, although it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what the issue is. I just feel really faded, completely wrung out physically and emotionally. I tried to talk to Nick yesterday about our relationship and the things I need from it, but he shut the conversation down pretty quickly. This is frustrating for me, because I know that he's not a person who enjoys talking about "his feelings", but it makes me feel like I also can't talk about mine. And that just leaves me really tired, like it's not worth the effort to try to express my needs because they just don't matter.

All of that probably sounds really awful about him, and I don't mean to be unfair, because he's going through a lot of adjustments too. It just seems like once upon a time I could talk to him about this stuff, and now he just doesn't have the time or the energy to devote to it. The impression I get is that he's only got so much patience and commitment to give, and right now it's all being used up by the baby situation and all the changes that is bringing. It feels like that wall of security I used to feel from him is  giving way, and I'm terrified that if I keep pushing I'll push right through it.

Once upon a time I could count on him to do what I needed him to do when I felt stressed like this. Is it unfair of me to still want that? The fact that we're having this baby is not any more my doing than it is his, but I feel like the fact that I'm glad she's coming means that he blames me for everything that's changing and I have to give up everything he was doing before. And I know what everybody says: "COMMUNICATE! TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!" Simple, right? Except that's clearly not a viable option here. I've tried to talk to him. It always ends up with me talking to myself, sounding more and more desperate and clingy, which of course makes him less and less able to hear what I'm saying, and the whole thing becomes just a waste of energy and emotions.

Every time I open my mouth to have a discussion about anything more serious than dinner it's a toss up as to whether I'm actually going to jump in and try to have the talk about money or our relationship or our plans for my job or whatever. Half the time I see the whole coming conversation unfolding in my head and I just opt out of it. The whole DD thing, for instance - on almost every occasion in the last 6 months when I've tried to tell him I'm feeling the need he's shot back "Look, you want me to do this, then you need to accept that it's going to happen when I think it needs to happen, not when you think it does. You say you want me to be in charge, but you really want to run this your way!" Okay, sure, valid point, right? Except that the whole reason for doing it at all is because it's something I need. He doesn't (didn't) do it because it was something that helped him. If he doesn't to want to do it in any way that is nurturing to me, then why bother at all?

It's not like I'm just unhappy with an occasional decision of his; it's that it never, ever comes up at all unless I try to bring it up. And I'm not talking about just him coming down on me - there's very little need for that. I'm talking about him just being there when I'm not handling my time very well, or more frequently, when I'm becoming overstressed. Anyway, that was exactly what I was saying to him yesterday when he said "How did we get started talking about this again," making it abundantly clear of course that he was not going to have the conversation. Anyway, I'm just venting here. He rarely reads the blog anymore, so I'd be a little shocked if he even started the post, let alone made it this far. I know that we will eventually get past this. Once the baby comes and I can get past the pregnancy complications and we get into a routine and get settled financially then this will all resolve itself one way or another. I just need a place to yell right now.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Quick baby update

Hey, guys. I'm pretty exhausted today, so this is just going to be a quick baby update post. Tomorow I go to our local diabetes center for classes on my gestational diabetes. Please say a prayer that things go well. Thank you for all of your comments on the last few posts.

Week 30 of Pregnancy
Your baby's brain is getting smarter by the minute, but for Mom, the only thing that smarts right now may be heartburn pain. These days you may feel as if you've got a flamethrower in your chest.
Heartburn is one of the most common (and annoying) pregnancy ailments and here's why: The same pregnancy hormones that cause your body's pelvic muscles to relax so you can deliver your baby also relax the ring of muscle that separates the esophagus from the stomach. The upshot? Food and digestive juices can head upstream from your tummy into your chest and throat — hence, the infernal inferno. Your expanding uterus, now exerting pressure on your stomach, only fuels the fire. And speaking of your belly, its increasing size is a definite clue that your baby is getting bigger every day, weighing in at over three pounds now. Also growing daily is his brain, which is actually starting to look like the real thing with those characteristic grooves and wrinkles. And now that your little genius can regulate his own body temperature and turn up the heat, he'll start shedding lanugo, the downy body hair that's been keeping him warm up until now.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

A new laptop!


I got a new laptop! I'm soooo excited, because my beloved Gateway has been on its last leg for a while now. My hard drive crashed back in October and we lost everything on it. Best Buy was unfortunately unable to recover anything at all, and we were unable to find my restore disk. Because there was absolutely nothing at all on the new hard drive, we had to load everything from scratch. One of Nick's computer savvy friends kindly got us set back up, but all that he had to put on as an operating system was Windows XP Pro, a system I love, except it was registered to him. So for the last 9 months I've had to deal with Windows Counterfeit Software notices, extremely frustrating since we have my actual original authorized disk somewhere. Added to that, Morgan broke the hinge on one side when she accidentally opened the lid too far, and the charger has been threatening to stop working for some time.

We've not gotten it fixed for a couple of reasons - first of all we just didn't have the money, and second, I've had it for about three years now, and it's obsolete enough that it would cost as much to fix it as to get a new, better computer. With the baby coming, we knew we wouldn't have much more of an opportunity to repair or replace it. So with some great deals at Best Buy right now, Nick decided it was time to shop. We ended up coming home with an Asus for about $300 less than we paid for my Gateway, and a lot more bells and whistles. Besides having a much bigger hard drive, it's got a ton more memory and battery life, as well as a built in webcam. It's soooo much faster, and the graphics are amazingly crisp.

In other news, I've unfortunately developed gestational diabetes. My mom had it with my youngest brother, so I wasn't entirely surprised, but it's still a complication I'd definitely rather do without. I'm 29 weeks pregnant today, so I've only got about 11 weeks to go (hopefully a little less). I can deal with it - I'd just rather not have to. We started painting the baby's room today, and my mom and mother-in-law will be having a baby shower for me on August 30. I can't believe how close it's all getting! I hope you guys have a great week!