Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Night of 1000 Swats
I got that spanking last night. And yes, it was somewhere around 1000 swats. Nick got out the AngelBrat Paddle, and after much coaxing, he finally gentled me into position. Of course I wouldn't have gotten such consideration had I actually been in trouble, but this was a spanking given at my request, to diffuse some stress and help me get my head on straight.
The whole spanking was hard, and it was definitely the longest one I've ever had. But he spaced it out, giving me mostly sets of 50 with a half minute's breathing room between them. It took till almost the end for the tears to come, and they were a welcome release when they did.
As predicted, I tried hard to talk him out of it, although unlike with a punishment spanking, it wasn't from fear. I just suddenly felt stupid because it wasn't FOR anything. I had been rather good, and suddenly it seemed very silly to be asking him to do this. Fortunately reason (his) prevailed, and I'm feeling much better, and very, very sore today. Thank you, Sugar!
The whole spanking was hard, and it was definitely the longest one I've ever had. But he spaced it out, giving me mostly sets of 50 with a half minute's breathing room between them. It took till almost the end for the tears to come, and they were a welcome release when they did.
As predicted, I tried hard to talk him out of it, although unlike with a punishment spanking, it wasn't from fear. I just suddenly felt stupid because it wasn't FOR anything. I had been rather good, and suddenly it seemed very silly to be asking him to do this. Fortunately reason (his) prevailed, and I'm feeling much better, and very, very sore today. Thank you, Sugar!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I. Need. A. Spanking.
I've been pretty good lately, done lots of cooking and even some cleaning. You might say I've been more ANGELbrat than angelBRAT. But I really need a spanking.
I got one a few days ago, and I really needed it, but now I'm feeling kind of drifty and directionless and sad and even kind of weepy. I'm having tendencies to read way too much into random situations (friend A didn't say she liked her baby's birthday gift - she must have hated it; friend B hasn't called me in a while, I think she's tired of me; friend C didn't return that last email - I think that's her way of saying she doesn't want to be friends after all; my husband fell asleep watching TV tonight - he no longer wants my body!) As you can see, my sensible self is out hiding from my self esteem, which has gone totally crazy and is threatening to hold everybody hostage. And the house is in pretty good shape, but there are still tons of things I could be improving, and I'm finding zero motivation.
So I need a spanking. A really long one, hopefully with the big leather paddle, because when he uses it, it hurts a lot and leaves me incredibly sore, but it generally stays at a level that I can process throughout a very long session without doing any damage. And in case my dear, patient husband happens to be reading here, I'll just say right now, should you be so kind as to take me up on this, I won't make it easy. I can go ahead and tell you that not only will I not cooperate, but I'll even try to talk you out of it. Not, of course, because this is my plan, but because after five years of DD, I can see into the future, and future Tracy is going to be all scared and "what was I thinking?". Right now, while you're snoring peacefully away beside me, this seems like a good plan, or if not a good plan, at least a necessary one. But next time we're alone, I know I will be regretting the heck out of it.
Still, I need it bad.
I got one a few days ago, and I really needed it, but now I'm feeling kind of drifty and directionless and sad and even kind of weepy. I'm having tendencies to read way too much into random situations (friend A didn't say she liked her baby's birthday gift - she must have hated it; friend B hasn't called me in a while, I think she's tired of me; friend C didn't return that last email - I think that's her way of saying she doesn't want to be friends after all; my husband fell asleep watching TV tonight - he no longer wants my body!) As you can see, my sensible self is out hiding from my self esteem, which has gone totally crazy and is threatening to hold everybody hostage. And the house is in pretty good shape, but there are still tons of things I could be improving, and I'm finding zero motivation.
So I need a spanking. A really long one, hopefully with the big leather paddle, because when he uses it, it hurts a lot and leaves me incredibly sore, but it generally stays at a level that I can process throughout a very long session without doing any damage. And in case my dear, patient husband happens to be reading here, I'll just say right now, should you be so kind as to take me up on this, I won't make it easy. I can go ahead and tell you that not only will I not cooperate, but I'll even try to talk you out of it. Not, of course, because this is my plan, but because after five years of DD, I can see into the future, and future Tracy is going to be all scared and "what was I thinking?". Right now, while you're snoring peacefully away beside me, this seems like a good plan, or if not a good plan, at least a necessary one. But next time we're alone, I know I will be regretting the heck out of it.
Still, I need it bad.
Friday, January 23, 2009
A hobby
I've been interested in origami for years. I think there are some really beautiful creations out there, although most of the models I fold are just plain fun. A few months ago when we went to Texas I bought a book and some paper and got a little more serious about the hobby. Lately I've been playing at work. Nope, that's not what they pay me for - I throw it in for free! Recently I've become obsessed with tiny clothing, and I'm kind of tickled with how my efforts have turned out!
A spanking and another silly meme.
I'm totally redoing an old post again! But I got a spanking a couple of nights ago, so there - this post isn't completely devoid of new stuff! It wasn't a terribly long spanking, and because I got to pick the implement it was with the small leather paddle. Still it wasn't a fun one, but it was just what I needed. Nick could see the Insecurity Train firing up, and he took the needed steps to derail it. Yay, Nick! Anyway, more fun with Photobucket memes:
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box3. Copy the html and paste for the answer.
1. What is your name?
2. What is your relationship status?
3. What is your favorite color?
4.Who is your celebrity crush?
5. What will you be doing tomorrow?
while he's at work
6. What is your favorite Disney princess?
7. What would you splurge on if you won the lottery?
8. What was the last thing you bought?
9. Where is your dream vacation?
10. What cell phone do you have?
11. What do you want to be when you grow up?
12. What do you love most in life?
13. One word to describe yourself?
14. What drives you crazy?
15. What is your favorite food?
16. Least?
17. Something you're really good at?
18. Random picture:
1. Go to www.photobucket.com (don't sign in)2. Type in your answer to the question in the "search" box3. Copy the html and paste for the answer.
1. What is your name?
2. What is your relationship status?
3. What is your favorite color?
4.Who is your celebrity crush?
5. What will you be doing tomorrow?
while he's at work
6. What is your favorite Disney princess?
7. What would you splurge on if you won the lottery?
8. What was the last thing you bought?
9. Where is your dream vacation?
10. What cell phone do you have?
11. What do you want to be when you grow up?
12. What do you love most in life?
13. One word to describe yourself?
14. What drives you crazy?
15. What is your favorite food?
16. Least?
17. Something you're really good at?
18. Random picture:
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The babysitter has been arranged, the swimsuits have been purchased, the plane tickets and hotel room booked, and it's only.......
MySpace Countdown Clocks
MySpace Countdown Clocks
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Meme
I found this meme over at Lessa's, and since I'm sitting up waiting on Nick to come home from a poker tournament, I thought I'd give it a whirl!
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I can't say that I gave it much thought - I was hurrying to brush my teeth so that I could get back to Nick!
2. How much cash do you have on you? $2.30
3. Whats a word that rhymes with 'Door'? More
4. Favourite planet? Earth
5. Who is the 4Th person on the missed call list on your cell phone? Probably Home.
6. What is you favourite ring tone on your phone? All the Same by Sick Puppies.
7. What kind of top are you wearing? right now, 2 t-shirts and a sweatshirt - it's cold!
8. Do you label yourself? sometimes
9. Name the brand of shoe's you are currently wearing? New Balance.
10. Bright or dark room? Bright, unless I'm trying to sleep!
11. What do you think about the person who took this meme before you? She uses beautiful imagery on her blog.
12. What does your watch look like? Brushed silver Fossil with a square blue face.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sadly I was sleeping.
14. What did your last text message say? Still playin poker, actually doin pretty good.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Gosh, we used to have them here when I was a kid, but I haven't seen one in years.
16. What's a word you say a lot (not yes or no)? sir.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Morgan.
18. What was the last furry thing you touched? Pancho, our chihuahua.
19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days? None.
20. Favourite age you have been so far? Maybe 30, but I've not been 31 all that long, so we'll see how it goes.
21. Your worst enemy? laundry
22. What was the last thing you said to someone? I love you.
23. If you had to choose between a million bucks and the ability to fly, what would you choose? I'd go for flying. I'm pretty sure I could qualify for some high paying jobs if I could fly.
24. The last song you listened to? I don't actually remember. Something on the radio in the car I'm sure.
25. Whats your favourite number? 7
26. Where did you live in 1987? with my parents since I turned 10 that year!
27. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Really the only vending machines I ever use are at work, so I tell my boss's secretary.
28. If you had to get a tattoo, what and where? I have one, but my next one will probably be a butterfly on the back of my neck.
29. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French.
30. Are you touchy feely? With people I love I am.
31. Name three things that you have on you at all times? my ear rings and several rings.
32. When was the last time you WROTE a letter to someone and mailed it? Probably about three months ago at work.
33. Can you change the oil on a car? Nope - I married a mechanic!
34. How far back do you know about your ancestry? a couple of hundred years.
35. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in and then start the water? Get in, but I always take a bath and shave first, so I'm already in when I start the shower.
36. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences adverts? Noooo...
37. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yes.
38. Have you ever been forced to share the shower with one of your siblings? No, that would be creepy, although I was not quite four when my brother was born, so my mom would bath us together when I was really little.
39. How old do you look? People tell me about 27.
40. How old do you act? Less than 27 most of the time.
41. What was the last song you sang? I don't remember.
42. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? open if it's a quick kiss, closed if it's a long sexy one.
43. What is the sexist thing about Condoleeza Rice? Her poise.
44. Who's the sexiest famous woman alive? Angelina Jolie
45. Who's the sexiest famous man alive? Sean Connery.
46. Does every family have a crazy uncle? mine has a crazy aunt.
47. Does playing the guitar make a man/woman more attractive? Definitely.
48. Have you ever had sex in a tent or sleeping bag? Yep, in fact, there's a good chance Morgan was conceived in a tent.
49. What about in a boat? Hmmm...no. Many times in and at the lake, but never actually in a boat.
50. Should guys wear pink? Not according to Nick.
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I can't say that I gave it much thought - I was hurrying to brush my teeth so that I could get back to Nick!
2. How much cash do you have on you? $2.30
3. Whats a word that rhymes with 'Door'? More
4. Favourite planet? Earth
5. Who is the 4Th person on the missed call list on your cell phone? Probably Home.
6. What is you favourite ring tone on your phone? All the Same by Sick Puppies.
7. What kind of top are you wearing? right now, 2 t-shirts and a sweatshirt - it's cold!
8. Do you label yourself? sometimes
9. Name the brand of shoe's you are currently wearing? New Balance.
10. Bright or dark room? Bright, unless I'm trying to sleep!
11. What do you think about the person who took this meme before you? She uses beautiful imagery on her blog.
12. What does your watch look like? Brushed silver Fossil with a square blue face.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sadly I was sleeping.
14. What did your last text message say? Still playin poker, actually doin pretty good.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Gosh, we used to have them here when I was a kid, but I haven't seen one in years.
16. What's a word you say a lot (not yes or no)? sir.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Morgan.
18. What was the last furry thing you touched? Pancho, our chihuahua.
19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days? None.
20. Favourite age you have been so far? Maybe 30, but I've not been 31 all that long, so we'll see how it goes.
21. Your worst enemy? laundry
22. What was the last thing you said to someone? I love you.
23. If you had to choose between a million bucks and the ability to fly, what would you choose? I'd go for flying. I'm pretty sure I could qualify for some high paying jobs if I could fly.
24. The last song you listened to? I don't actually remember. Something on the radio in the car I'm sure.
25. Whats your favourite number? 7
26. Where did you live in 1987? with my parents since I turned 10 that year!
27. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Really the only vending machines I ever use are at work, so I tell my boss's secretary.
28. If you had to get a tattoo, what and where? I have one, but my next one will probably be a butterfly on the back of my neck.
29. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? French.
30. Are you touchy feely? With people I love I am.
31. Name three things that you have on you at all times? my ear rings and several rings.
32. When was the last time you WROTE a letter to someone and mailed it? Probably about three months ago at work.
33. Can you change the oil on a car? Nope - I married a mechanic!
34. How far back do you know about your ancestry? a couple of hundred years.
35. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in and then start the water? Get in, but I always take a bath and shave first, so I'm already in when I start the shower.
36. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences adverts? Noooo...
37. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yes.
38. Have you ever been forced to share the shower with one of your siblings? No, that would be creepy, although I was not quite four when my brother was born, so my mom would bath us together when I was really little.
39. How old do you look? People tell me about 27.
40. How old do you act? Less than 27 most of the time.
41. What was the last song you sang? I don't remember.
42. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed? open if it's a quick kiss, closed if it's a long sexy one.
43. What is the sexist thing about Condoleeza Rice? Her poise.
44. Who's the sexiest famous woman alive? Angelina Jolie
45. Who's the sexiest famous man alive? Sean Connery.
46. Does every family have a crazy uncle? mine has a crazy aunt.
47. Does playing the guitar make a man/woman more attractive? Definitely.
48. Have you ever had sex in a tent or sleeping bag? Yep, in fact, there's a good chance Morgan was conceived in a tent.
49. What about in a boat? Hmmm...no. Many times in and at the lake, but never actually in a boat.
50. Should guys wear pink? Not according to Nick.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
So tell me about yourself...
Last night Morgan spent the night with my mom, which left Nick and I alone for the night. After we dropped her off, I asked him if he wanted to head for Wal-Mart and get some dinner. We needed to pick up some lotion (working in an automotive shop, Nick's skin gets really dry in the winter). But he said, "Why don't we just go home first? I need to take a shower." So home we went, and while Nick took a shower I folded some laundry.
While he was upstairs, his cell phone rang. I didn't answer it, because 9 times out of 10 it's just one if his friends, and I figured he could check it when he came down since he couldn't talk then anyway. If it was my mom, she would just call the house. Then it rang again. And again a few minutes later. Finally he yelled down and asked me if my phone was ringing. I yelled back that it was his phone. He yelled back again.
"Is YOUR phone ringing?"
"NO! My phone is still in the car!"
"Go get your phone!"
So, a little irritated by this point (seriously! It wasn't my phone ringing!) I got up, went out to the garage, and got my phone out of the car - and saw that I had six missed calls. All from home. While I was holding it, it rang again.
"Um, hello?" I answered.
"Is Tracy there?" Nick asked warmly.
"Um, she might be. I can check for you. Would you like for me to give her a message?"
"Yes, tell her I'm wondering if she's ready for our date.
"Um, I think she is."
"Okay, tell her I'll be there in less than five minutes."
Nick came downstairs while I was madly trying to find something more suitable than the fleece sweatshirt I was wearing. He looked very nice, so I grabbed a black sweater and headed for the bathroom, tossing back an apology for my incompetent message service.
Within a few minutes we headed out to the car, where he opened the door for me and got me settled. He climbed in the driver's side, started the car, and said, "So, tell me about yourself."
So for the next few hours we got to know each other all over again. We had dinner at Cracker Barrel, where he bought me a beautiful glass bird paperweight. After dinner he asked if I'd like to see a movie. Knowing that funds were tight, I suggested we check out the dollar theater. (Actually, it's recently become a $4 theater, but each ticket comes with popcorn and a drink now). This particular theater is all the way across town, but he gamely headed that way. Unfortunately when we got there, there wasn't a thing playing I wanted to see. So I suggested we stop at Wal-Mart and get a movie and take it back to "his place."
I picked out Juno, which I'd been wanting to see, we got a few other things we needed, and we headed back to the house.
We decided to get comfortable and watch Juno upstairs in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I got so very comfortable snuggled up to him that...I fell asleep! I know, I know! It's horrible! When I woke up this morning I felt terrible, and I immediately set about making it up to him. I must say, I don't usually give head on the first date, but I suppose you could consider this the second date, so I went at it with enthusiasm.
When he had recovered a bit, he very sternly let me know that I had been very rude to him, having him drive all the way across town and then changing my mind, then having the nerve to fall asleep on him, and he wasn't the type of guy to take that sort of thing. Then he very firmly bent me over the bed, pulled down my panties and showed me just what happened to such rude girls!
He spanked me soundly, then scooted me back up onto the bed to show me that all was forgiven. What a wonderful first date - I'm in love!
While he was upstairs, his cell phone rang. I didn't answer it, because 9 times out of 10 it's just one if his friends, and I figured he could check it when he came down since he couldn't talk then anyway. If it was my mom, she would just call the house. Then it rang again. And again a few minutes later. Finally he yelled down and asked me if my phone was ringing. I yelled back that it was his phone. He yelled back again.
"Is YOUR phone ringing?"
"NO! My phone is still in the car!"
"Go get your phone!"
So, a little irritated by this point (seriously! It wasn't my phone ringing!) I got up, went out to the garage, and got my phone out of the car - and saw that I had six missed calls. All from home. While I was holding it, it rang again.
"Um, hello?" I answered.
"Is Tracy there?" Nick asked warmly.
"Um, she might be. I can check for you. Would you like for me to give her a message?"
"Yes, tell her I'm wondering if she's ready for our date.
"Um, I think she is."
"Okay, tell her I'll be there in less than five minutes."
Nick came downstairs while I was madly trying to find something more suitable than the fleece sweatshirt I was wearing. He looked very nice, so I grabbed a black sweater and headed for the bathroom, tossing back an apology for my incompetent message service.
Within a few minutes we headed out to the car, where he opened the door for me and got me settled. He climbed in the driver's side, started the car, and said, "So, tell me about yourself."
So for the next few hours we got to know each other all over again. We had dinner at Cracker Barrel, where he bought me a beautiful glass bird paperweight. After dinner he asked if I'd like to see a movie. Knowing that funds were tight, I suggested we check out the dollar theater. (Actually, it's recently become a $4 theater, but each ticket comes with popcorn and a drink now). This particular theater is all the way across town, but he gamely headed that way. Unfortunately when we got there, there wasn't a thing playing I wanted to see. So I suggested we stop at Wal-Mart and get a movie and take it back to "his place."
I picked out Juno, which I'd been wanting to see, we got a few other things we needed, and we headed back to the house.
We decided to get comfortable and watch Juno upstairs in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I got so very comfortable snuggled up to him that...I fell asleep! I know, I know! It's horrible! When I woke up this morning I felt terrible, and I immediately set about making it up to him. I must say, I don't usually give head on the first date, but I suppose you could consider this the second date, so I went at it with enthusiasm.
When he had recovered a bit, he very sternly let me know that I had been very rude to him, having him drive all the way across town and then changing my mind, then having the nerve to fall asleep on him, and he wasn't the type of guy to take that sort of thing. Then he very firmly bent me over the bed, pulled down my panties and showed me just what happened to such rude girls!
He spanked me soundly, then scooted me back up onto the bed to show me that all was forgiven. What a wonderful first date - I'm in love!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Photobucket Meme Redux
I was looking back through old blog posts, and I came across the ones where I did the Photobucket memes. Not to just shamelessly recycle old material, but they were really fun, Photobucket surely has new answers for me, and hey, it's my blog after all, so I'm going to do them again!
1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket.com.
3) Take a picture from the first page of results and post (use the HTML code or else it won’t post).
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Age you will be on your next Birthday.
2. A place you would like to travel.
3. Your Favorite Place( Somewhere you've been).
4. Your Favorite Object.
5. Your Favorite Food.
6. Your Favorite Animal.
7. Your Favorite Color.
8. Your dream job.
9. Your dream car.
10. The Name of your Pet.
11. The 1st name of your current love.
12. Your nickname.
13. A bad habit of yours.
14. Your 1st Job.
15. Your Grandmother's Name.
16. Your Favorite Book.
17. Your Favorite Band.
18. Your Favorite character.
19. Your favorite thing to do.
20. Your favorite implement.
(Yep, it's all over Photobucket. Remember folks, you saw it here first!)
21. Your favorite position.
1) Answer the questions below.
2) Take each answer and type it into Photobucket.com.
3) Take a picture from the first page of results and post (use the HTML code or else it won’t post).
4) You can't copy the persons answers who posted this before you!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1. The Age you will be on your next Birthday.
2. A place you would like to travel.
3. Your Favorite Place( Somewhere you've been).
4. Your Favorite Object.
5. Your Favorite Food.
6. Your Favorite Animal.
7. Your Favorite Color.
8. Your dream job.
9. Your dream car.
10. The Name of your Pet.
11. The 1st name of your current love.
12. Your nickname.
13. A bad habit of yours.
14. Your 1st Job.
15. Your Grandmother's Name.
16. Your Favorite Book.
17. Your Favorite Band.
18. Your Favorite character.
19. Your favorite thing to do.
20. Your favorite implement.
(Yep, it's all over Photobucket. Remember folks, you saw it here first!)
21. Your favorite position.
A Sad Occasion and a Selfish Spanko
Tonight I went to a memorial service for the husband of a lady I work with. He was only 39, and now she, at 36, is a widow. Last Friday she came home from work and found him unresponsive. She called an ambulance and they got him to the hospital, where they found that he'd had a stroke. Unfortunately he never came out of it, and he passed on Sunday.
I've known my coworker for nine years now, but I'd only met her husband in passing. The service tonight made me wish I'd known John better. I know that at a funeral, naturally everyone is going to focus on the good qualities of the deceased, but you could really tell that he was just a great guy. His uncle runs a ministry that focuses on helping the homeless, and, John was very involved with it, despite numerous health problems that made just taking care of himself difficult and eventually led to a tragically early death.
My heart breaks for his wife tonight, and it makes me even more grateful for Nick.
On another topic, I'm due for a spanking sometime in the possibly near future. It's for a financial issue, although not an overspending issue. Here's what frustrates me: when I've done something wrong, Nick is pretty good about dealing with it (eventually). And that's a good thing. But when I need a spanking for something else (stress relief, etc) I don't really feel like I can count on it happening.
The much promised birthday spanking, for instance - never happened. And what I wanted from the birthday spanking was less a playful experience than a slate cleaning experience. And the night before New Year's Eve, I mentioned to him that the next day would be our 5 year DD anniversary and asked him if he would give me a sort of here's-what-I-want-you-to-focus-on-for-the-future/start-the-year-fresh spanking. The next day nothing was said about it, so finally, as we waited for midnight to roll around, I asked him about it. He looked surprised and told me he didn't remember the conversation. Okay, we were in bed when I asked him, so I could see that I had probably misjudged the sleepiness factor when I asked him, so no big deal. But then he said, "Okay, how about this - tomorrow it's happening, no matter what, come hell or high water." Except it didn't. Not the day after that, either. Or any day since then.
I guess what kills me is that I don't know how to fix this. I know and can accept that one of my biggest needs is for the occasional serious (non-punishment) spanking. It's obviously important that the punishment ones happen too, but those I try to avoid, not only because they really, really hurt, but also because the fact that I'm getting one means that I've somehow screwed up and put stress on our lives. So I'm not about to do something to earn one just because I'm feeling the need to be spanked.
I've never been the type of person who was comfortable with that kind of manipulative bratting. It's selfish and thoughtless, and it completely undermines all the good that DD can do in a marriage. However that leaves me stranded when it comes to just getting the reset button pushed. It's hard enough for me to ask without feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall, regardless of how promising and attentive he may seem at the time.
We've done the whole maintenance thing, and while that had its time and place, we both feel like we've grown beyond that, and that at this point it would just feel forced and fake (as it began to feel toward the end of the time we practiced it).
But of course this whole part of this post leaves me feeling incredibly guilty, because what Nick does for me in doing DD at all is so much more than he signed on for when we got married, and I truly am grateful for all that he does. He's very good at disciplinary spankings, and not the just actual spanking part of it. He's good at the lecturing, at taking me to the point where I need to go, at knowing that it's not something that can be handled in the time it takes to beat my behind, but rather involves giving me time to process the experience, cry myself out, and come back out of my cocoon.
And yet, selfish as it makes me feel, sometimes I need another level.
I've known my coworker for nine years now, but I'd only met her husband in passing. The service tonight made me wish I'd known John better. I know that at a funeral, naturally everyone is going to focus on the good qualities of the deceased, but you could really tell that he was just a great guy. His uncle runs a ministry that focuses on helping the homeless, and, John was very involved with it, despite numerous health problems that made just taking care of himself difficult and eventually led to a tragically early death.
My heart breaks for his wife tonight, and it makes me even more grateful for Nick.
On another topic, I'm due for a spanking sometime in the possibly near future. It's for a financial issue, although not an overspending issue. Here's what frustrates me: when I've done something wrong, Nick is pretty good about dealing with it (eventually). And that's a good thing. But when I need a spanking for something else (stress relief, etc) I don't really feel like I can count on it happening.
The much promised birthday spanking, for instance - never happened. And what I wanted from the birthday spanking was less a playful experience than a slate cleaning experience. And the night before New Year's Eve, I mentioned to him that the next day would be our 5 year DD anniversary and asked him if he would give me a sort of here's-what-I-want-you-to-focus-on-for-the-future/start-the-year-fresh spanking. The next day nothing was said about it, so finally, as we waited for midnight to roll around, I asked him about it. He looked surprised and told me he didn't remember the conversation. Okay, we were in bed when I asked him, so I could see that I had probably misjudged the sleepiness factor when I asked him, so no big deal. But then he said, "Okay, how about this - tomorrow it's happening, no matter what, come hell or high water." Except it didn't. Not the day after that, either. Or any day since then.
I guess what kills me is that I don't know how to fix this. I know and can accept that one of my biggest needs is for the occasional serious (non-punishment) spanking. It's obviously important that the punishment ones happen too, but those I try to avoid, not only because they really, really hurt, but also because the fact that I'm getting one means that I've somehow screwed up and put stress on our lives. So I'm not about to do something to earn one just because I'm feeling the need to be spanked.
I've never been the type of person who was comfortable with that kind of manipulative bratting. It's selfish and thoughtless, and it completely undermines all the good that DD can do in a marriage. However that leaves me stranded when it comes to just getting the reset button pushed. It's hard enough for me to ask without feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall, regardless of how promising and attentive he may seem at the time.
We've done the whole maintenance thing, and while that had its time and place, we both feel like we've grown beyond that, and that at this point it would just feel forced and fake (as it began to feel toward the end of the time we practiced it).
But of course this whole part of this post leaves me feeling incredibly guilty, because what Nick does for me in doing DD at all is so much more than he signed on for when we got married, and I truly am grateful for all that he does. He's very good at disciplinary spankings, and not the just actual spanking part of it. He's good at the lecturing, at taking me to the point where I need to go, at knowing that it's not something that can be handled in the time it takes to beat my behind, but rather involves giving me time to process the experience, cry myself out, and come back out of my cocoon.
And yet, selfish as it makes me feel, sometimes I need another level.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I did this meme last January, and I thought it would be interesting to do it again this year.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Went to Houston, won a trip to Hawaii (although we've not gone yet).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I honestly can't remember last year's resolutions, but we've decided to make some financial changes this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. Unfortunately she also got divorced. We also found out that Nick's sister is pregnant. Sadly, still not me, although at this point that would be something of a financial disaster.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather
5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A SLR digital camera
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 3, the day my papaw passed away, and June 26, our 10th anniversary.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't know how much of an achievement you'd consider it, but I did win that trip to Hawaii.
9. What was your biggest failure? Probably that we could have handled our money better.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not unless you count strep throat
11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably my car - it's been a great investment so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Morgan has really gotten it together with school. She had some issues in October with not really wanting to get her work done, but she's improved 110%.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple we've known for years and years and actually introduced. They both just gave up on their marriage and decided to get divorced rather than putting any effort into fixing things.
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Houston.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything Hannah Montana. If I never hear Hannah Montana again it will be too soon, but since Morgan sings the stuff in her sleep, I'm probably not that lucky.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, although we really should be richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Photography
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating out.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my husband and daughter, every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Lost
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah
24. What was the best book you read? I couldn't even begin to narrow that down.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Itunes will let you redownload your purchases if your hard drive crashes!
26. What did you want and get? A better car.
27. What did you want and not get? A Nikon D90
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fireproof
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31, and I hung out with Nick, went shopping, went to see the movie Fireproof, and stopped to visit with some friends.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More money? Definitely more money, and a baby, or at least having one on the way.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.
32. What kept you sane? Nick beating my butt when I got too stressed, although I probably could have used more of that.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Mmmmm....Josh Holloway, although Harrison Ford wasn't bad either.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? No politics here, please.
35. Who did you miss? My friend L
36. Who was the best new person you met? I can't really think of anyone new I met in real life that made a big impression, but I met lots of great people on here!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is not fair - sometimes the people who make the worst decisions can still end up swimming in money.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one.
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Went to Houston, won a trip to Hawaii (although we've not gone yet).
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I honestly can't remember last year's resolutions, but we've decided to make some financial changes this year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes. Unfortunately she also got divorced. We also found out that Nick's sister is pregnant. Sadly, still not me, although at this point that would be something of a financial disaster.
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather
5. What countries did you visit? Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A SLR digital camera
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 3, the day my papaw passed away, and June 26, our 10th anniversary.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I don't know how much of an achievement you'd consider it, but I did win that trip to Hawaii.
9. What was your biggest failure? Probably that we could have handled our money better.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Not unless you count strep throat
11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably my car - it's been a great investment so far.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Morgan has really gotten it together with school. She had some issues in October with not really wanting to get her work done, but she's improved 110%.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple we've known for years and years and actually introduced. They both just gave up on their marriage and decided to get divorced rather than putting any effort into fixing things.
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Our trip to Houston.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything Hannah Montana. If I never hear Hannah Montana again it will be too soon, but since Morgan sings the stuff in her sleep, I'm probably not that lucky.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Probably happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same c) richer or poorer? Probably about the same, although we really should be richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Photography
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating out.
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family, eating, opening gifts.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008? Yes, with my husband and daughter, every day.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Lost
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah
24. What was the best book you read? I couldn't even begin to narrow that down.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? That Itunes will let you redownload your purchases if your hard drive crashes!
26. What did you want and get? A better car.
27. What did you want and not get? A Nikon D90
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Fireproof
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 31, and I hung out with Nick, went shopping, went to see the movie Fireproof, and stopped to visit with some friends.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?More money? Definitely more money, and a baby, or at least having one on the way.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Same old jeans and cute shirts I'm afraid.
32. What kept you sane? Nick beating my butt when I got too stressed, although I probably could have used more of that.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Mmmmm....Josh Holloway, although Harrison Ford wasn't bad either.
34. What political issue stirred you the most? No politics here, please.
35. Who did you miss? My friend L
36. Who was the best new person you met? I can't really think of anyone new I met in real life that made a big impression, but I met lots of great people on here!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. Life is not fair - sometimes the people who make the worst decisions can still end up swimming in money.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. I can't really think of a good answer for this one.
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