I. Need. A. Spanking.

I've been pretty good lately, done lots of cooking and even some cleaning. You might say I've been more ANGELbrat than angelBRAT. But I really need a spanking.

I got one a few days ago, and I really needed it, but now I'm feeling kind of drifty and directionless and sad and even kind of weepy. I'm having tendencies to read way too much into random situations (friend A didn't say she liked her baby's birthday gift - she must have hated it; friend B hasn't called me in a while, I think she's tired of me; friend C didn't return that last email - I think that's her way of saying she doesn't want to be friends after all; my husband fell asleep watching TV tonight - he no longer wants my body!) As you can see, my sensible self is out hiding from my self esteem, which has gone totally crazy and is threatening to hold everybody hostage. And the house is in pretty good shape, but there are still tons of things I could be improving, and I'm finding zero motivation.

So I need a spanking. A really long one, hopefully with the big leather paddle, because when he uses it, it hurts a lot and leaves me incredibly sore, but it generally stays at a level that I can process throughout a very long session without doing any damage. And in case my dear, patient husband happens to be reading here, I'll just say right now, should you be so kind as to take me up on this, I won't make it easy. I can go ahead and tell you that not only will I not cooperate, but I'll even try to talk you out of it. Not, of course, because this is my plan, but because after five years of DD, I can see into the future, and future Tracy is going to be all scared and "what was I thinking?". Right now, while you're snoring peacefully away beside me, this seems like a good plan, or if not a good plan, at least a necessary one. But next time we're alone, I know I will be regretting the heck out of it.

Still, I need it bad.